I Am Not An Urban Drug Lord, Part 2!

Happy April Fool's Day, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I believe that what goes around, comes around - so probably not a good idea for me to trick anyone today!

After spending two days at the world record-breaking 200 Food Truck Rally (which I think was actually 172 food trucks, but can't blame the name of the event for rounding up), I was really scared to hop on the bathroom scale this morning.  My mantra at the rally was "Taste Everything, Finish Nothing!"  (Which I will be repeating many times when I post the pictures from Day 2 of the rally where we visited NINE food trucks!)  The only food I ate completely was the Bison burger egg roll from Ninja Noms but I pointed out in true "rationalization girl mode" that I didn't finish all of the side salad that came with it.  Bwahahhaha.

But still when the stuff you are "tasting" is deep fried strawberry shortcake, oreos, rice krispy treats, curly fries, ribbon fries, tater tots … and the best chicken & waffle cupcake ever (Yeah, you heard me right on that one) - it's hard to believe I'd be leaving there light as a feather.  

One of my friends is very sensitive to "naughty foods" - she'll break out in lumpy cysts, have stomach issues, etc.  Her reaction to hearing what food we tried was the same as if we had spent the weekend committing mass genocide.  The head shaking still has not stopped!

I mean seriously - the level of horrific response was if she had asked what we did this weekend and we responded with "Clubbed a bunch of babies and puppies!  Yay blood!"  

Take it down a notch, sister - it was just some festival food!  Ha ha!  

Regardless of the horrific response (one stranger on Twitter said "Paula Deen" in response to my tweeted food truck pictures - ack!  Be nice!) my food truck buddy and I had a great time - and our mantra is that our stomachs were part of history (in breaking the world record.)

I was just hoping my stomach wouldn't break the world record for most amount of calories consumed in a weekend and/or most amount of weight gained in a weekend!

I slowly climbed on to the scale like a Human Sacrifice about to jump in the volcano.  

I knew this wasn't going to be pretty.

In my defense, I drank a lot of water both days of the rally plus yesterday, did my aforementioned "taste don't eat it all" method, worked out and I also ate ridiculously light yesterday.

My eyes were closed so tight I had to take a deep breath and will them to open and read the red digital readout.

I'm really really really hoping this is not an April Fool's joke … because I am lighter than I was before I went to the two day 200 Food Truck Rally. 

I reweighed myself three more times.  

Unless my scale (which is maybe 2 months old) is broken, I am lighter!  Yay!  (Please please please don't be an April Fool's joke!)

I couldn't post my Day 2 of the 200 Food Truck Rally pictures Sunday night b/c of "The Walking Dead" season finale.  Couldn't do it last night b/c of an evening meeting and the "How I Met Your Mother" series finale.  Another meeting tonight … A play Wednesday … sigh, eventually I will get around to posting, folks.  Hang in there!

Until then ...  I'll tell you about "Part 2" in my "I am not an urban drug lord" tale.  If you read my March 26, 2014 post "I Am Not An Urban Drug Lord", you may recall that a Jamaican man's heavy accent led people to believe I was the Pablo Escobar of Tampa (pronouncing shrimp as "shrooms")!  If you did not read the post, check it out - otherwise the rest of this is going to be confusing! 

Well, I went to a lab to get some blood drawn for routine tests.  My clinic no longer draws blood at its location for "people with my insurance."  I have pretty good insurance, so I wrinkle my nose at the sneering comment!  I am sure it is just my insurance company cutting costs- blah!  

I walked in to the lab and the waiting room held a sorry sight of humanity.  There were three lines - urine drug test, paternity blood tests and "other."  I had been fasting for 12 hours and had had no caffeine.  I stared at the first sign - urine/drug tests - nope not me.  But I stood between the paternity test line and the "other" line for a few seconds longer than an intelligent human being should.  

Not really sure why I did not understand automatically which line I should stand in!  Somehow entering the lab door had robbed me of all high-functioning brain cells.

I finally moved over to the "other" line.  I guess I am no one's baby daddy!

After being stuck roughly with a needle and leaving my precious blood behind, I walked back to my car.  My stomach wanted me to break the fast as soon as possible!  I thought about stopping by Cephas' aloe shake stand.  I had eaten way too many naughty foods this past weekend and an aloe shake would be a good idea to try to counteract the damage!  

But then I looked down at my arm - a cotton ball with surgical tape covering where blood was taken.  I thought I should remove the cotton.  If Cephas saw evidence of fresh blood being drawn I'd hear a 30 minute rant on doctors, the medical industry, the pharmaceutical industry, etc.  My fingers reached over to peel off the tape to remove the "evidence" and then I stopped.

I thought about the last time I was at Cephas' aloe shake stand (Cephas' Hot Shop in Ybor City).  Cephas was loudly lecturing me to stop eating shrimp because of potential mercury and other contamination, but the patrons and myself thought Cephas was telling me to stop doing shrooms!  With his heavy accent, Cephas needs to enunciate the word SHRIMP.  The other patrons looked at me like I was a dirty, dirty, dirty drug addict!      

So now arriving at Cephas with a fresh track mark (from the blood draw, nothing else people!) on my short-sleeved arms was not exactly sending the "I am not an urban drug lord!" message.  I don't want to go from being seen as Shroom Queen to Heroin Heroine!

(Side note:  I suddenly have a vision of the 1991 movie "Rush" starring Jason Patric and Jennifer Jason-Leigh, where Jason Patric grabs an iron and tries to burn away evidence of track marks on his arms.  For the record, Lily will not be burning or ironing anything.  I am wrinkled physically, emotionally, spiritually and clothing-wise.  No irons are going to fix me!  I may have to watch Rush again - it has Gregg Allman in it for heaven's sake!  I think that pretty much makes it a MUST SEE.  Heh heh.)    

I decided I'd wait to go to Cephas' aloe shake stand when I was wearing long sleeves!  People will think whatever they want of you regardless of what you do, but still I don't need to be parading a bloody track mark in the crook of my arm to add to the "scandal."  

Oh the lengths one will go to avoid being seen as something one is not!  

(Maybe I should follow the advice in this link that advocates "30 Things You Should Stop Doing To Yourself."  Number 20 is Stop Wasting Time Explaining Yourself To Others.)

Now excuse me while I run off to continue my Happy Dance around the bathroom scale!

Happy 1st day of April, Readers!