Happy Monday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!
Being non-Caucasian in an almost all Caucasian elementary school was not the most fun experience in the world. I was thoroughly bullied. I had an arch-nemesis who basically thought he was put on Earth to make my life miserable. I was like six years old, for God's sake! No one should have an arch-nemesis when they are six! I'm not Batman!
One day at the bus stop, the arch-nemesis was thoroughly ridiculing me as usual. The daughter of a lovely woman who babysat for me, was also at the bus stop. We'll call her "Lady J" for short. She was a grade ahead of me. I was young for my grade, since I had skipped kindergarten and had a summer birthday. I was mentally ill-equipped to deal with mental torture.
Treat others as you would wish to be treated was definitely not working with this elementary school rageaholic bully!
Lady J has no recollection of this day and is highly skeptical that she would have done the following, but it happened, trust me!
After witnessing the arch-nemesis relentlessly bully me, Lady J leaned over and whispered in my ear a piece of true information about the bully. She told me that if I said this information out loud, the bully would shut up.
I was disbelieving, this bully was like the Terminator. But I gathered up all the courage I could muster in my little tubby six year old body and spat out the information Lady J had given me in the most snide, condescending voice I could muster.
"Oh yeah? Well at least I am not __________."
Bullseye.
The bully's face contorted and he started to cry. He stopped teasing me (for the moment). I had about 15 minutes of peace. (By end of the school day, he was back at it even worse.)
I was IN AWE. For one very brief moment, I had silenced my tormentor. And honestly, I wasn't trying to hurt him. I just wanted him to leave me alone. A very brief victory.
You may wonder why I have such a crystal clear recollection of this event from 6783 years ago. It's because it was one of the rare few moments where I had the upper hand against a bully. It lasted a millisecond, but when you live in a war zone you cherish any moment of peace.
I was spit on, beat up, had mud thrown at me, ridiculed, threatened - and basically had my life made miserable until I reached the 8th grade. Then for whatever reason, the bullying started to dissipate. By the 10th grade, it had pretty much stopped altogether.
I look at kids today and I thank God I grew up before the age of social media. The amount of harassment kids can heap on each other - texting, sexting, Facebook, Reddit, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram -- so many public venues to spread venom 24/7. It's like bullies hired a global advertising firm. Could you imagine if everywhere you looked there was a negative message about you? Sure reality TV stars may feel this way, but THEY CHOOSE to appear on TV. They get paid, they have endorsements. What average American teenager is getting their own hair product or salsa line in return for being called stupid, ugly, fat, too skinny, etc., etc.?
I know it's easy to dismiss children's issues as "oh that's just kids being kids." But in all honesty, I have to say I have never felt the extreme levels of pain, stress, torture, torment and harassment in any other stage of my life that I experienced as a child. I was little - how the heck would I have developed any life skills or esteem skills to ward off psychological warfare? My only coping mechanism was self-destruction.
If I were thrown back in that situation today, I would be suicidal or frankly probably dead. If a child reaches out to you; please listen, understand and try to help. They are fighting a tough fight on a daily basis.
I know the campaign "It Gets Better" may seem trite for kids to hear, but it really does get better. I remember plotting elaborate revenge fantasies when I was young. It was the only way I could channel my rage and frustration. But for me personally, as I grew older, thoughts of revenge faded away because I was too busy living my life. A very good life.
Living well really is the best revenge.
I still keep in touch with Lady J, although not as frequent as I would like. She lives in the Pacific Northwest in a cute home with a gorgeous back deck where she grows blueberries and other plants. She and her boyfriend have two pugs that they dress up in hoodies. Pugs in Hoodies are basically the most perfect thing on Earth. Lady J's neighbor has chickens and gives them fresh eggs. A very idyllic life indeed.
When I deactivated my Facebook account, Lady J created a Twitter account to keep track of me. (You never know when I am going to become a spree serial killer. It's important to stay tuned.) However she told me that she was not going to tell me which one of my millions (OK hundreds) of followers she was. Her Twitter handle would have no personal identifying information. Oh the Lady likes to be mysterious!
My first thought was "What? If I don't know which one of my Twitter followers is Lady J, I'm going to have to be nice to everyone! I don't want to be nice to everyone!" This was going to put a serious crimp in my curmudgeon-ness! How can I be a cranky old broad if I have to be nice to people? Ugh, the horror!
Imagine having to treat each of my Twitter followers like they might actually be a friend! What a revolting thought! (KIDDING! Seriously!)
Since I am not a 13 year old bitchy mean girl, I usually do not start my day trying to make the lives of strangers on social media miserable. But I am snarky and sarcastic - which definitely can be misread/misunderstood, especially on a 140 character medium like Twitter. Luckily, so far (knock on wood), I have never been in the most ridiculous of battles: "a Twitter war." I do try to be nice most of the time.
Treating all users of Twitter (or other social media) like they might be a beloved old childhood friend behind the computer screen is probably not a bad way to approach people.
Although some people will always feel the need to fight or stir up drama. Maybe they are trying to fill a hole in themselves. Maybe they are just sadists. Who knows?
One thing that I do know for sure, Lady J has been teaching me life lessons across decades. Which is a true gift.
Being non-Caucasian in an almost all Caucasian elementary school was not the most fun experience in the world. I was thoroughly bullied. I had an arch-nemesis who basically thought he was put on Earth to make my life miserable. I was like six years old, for God's sake! No one should have an arch-nemesis when they are six! I'm not Batman!
One day at the bus stop, the arch-nemesis was thoroughly ridiculing me as usual. The daughter of a lovely woman who babysat for me, was also at the bus stop. We'll call her "Lady J" for short. She was a grade ahead of me. I was young for my grade, since I had skipped kindergarten and had a summer birthday. I was mentally ill-equipped to deal with mental torture.
Treat others as you would wish to be treated was definitely not working with this elementary school rageaholic bully!
Lady J has no recollection of this day and is highly skeptical that she would have done the following, but it happened, trust me!
After witnessing the arch-nemesis relentlessly bully me, Lady J leaned over and whispered in my ear a piece of true information about the bully. She told me that if I said this information out loud, the bully would shut up.
I was disbelieving, this bully was like the Terminator. But I gathered up all the courage I could muster in my little tubby six year old body and spat out the information Lady J had given me in the most snide, condescending voice I could muster.
"Oh yeah? Well at least I am not __________."
Bullseye.
The bully's face contorted and he started to cry. He stopped teasing me (for the moment). I had about 15 minutes of peace. (By end of the school day, he was back at it even worse.)
I was IN AWE. For one very brief moment, I had silenced my tormentor. And honestly, I wasn't trying to hurt him. I just wanted him to leave me alone. A very brief victory.
You may wonder why I have such a crystal clear recollection of this event from 6783 years ago. It's because it was one of the rare few moments where I had the upper hand against a bully. It lasted a millisecond, but when you live in a war zone you cherish any moment of peace.
I was spit on, beat up, had mud thrown at me, ridiculed, threatened - and basically had my life made miserable until I reached the 8th grade. Then for whatever reason, the bullying started to dissipate. By the 10th grade, it had pretty much stopped altogether.
I look at kids today and I thank God I grew up before the age of social media. The amount of harassment kids can heap on each other - texting, sexting, Facebook, Reddit, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram -- so many public venues to spread venom 24/7. It's like bullies hired a global advertising firm. Could you imagine if everywhere you looked there was a negative message about you? Sure reality TV stars may feel this way, but THEY CHOOSE to appear on TV. They get paid, they have endorsements. What average American teenager is getting their own hair product or salsa line in return for being called stupid, ugly, fat, too skinny, etc., etc.?
I know it's easy to dismiss children's issues as "oh that's just kids being kids." But in all honesty, I have to say I have never felt the extreme levels of pain, stress, torture, torment and harassment in any other stage of my life that I experienced as a child. I was little - how the heck would I have developed any life skills or esteem skills to ward off psychological warfare? My only coping mechanism was self-destruction.
If I were thrown back in that situation today, I would be suicidal or frankly probably dead. If a child reaches out to you; please listen, understand and try to help. They are fighting a tough fight on a daily basis.
I know the campaign "It Gets Better" may seem trite for kids to hear, but it really does get better. I remember plotting elaborate revenge fantasies when I was young. It was the only way I could channel my rage and frustration. But for me personally, as I grew older, thoughts of revenge faded away because I was too busy living my life. A very good life.
Living well really is the best revenge.
I still keep in touch with Lady J, although not as frequent as I would like. She lives in the Pacific Northwest in a cute home with a gorgeous back deck where she grows blueberries and other plants. She and her boyfriend have two pugs that they dress up in hoodies. Pugs in Hoodies are basically the most perfect thing on Earth. Lady J's neighbor has chickens and gives them fresh eggs. A very idyllic life indeed.
When I deactivated my Facebook account, Lady J created a Twitter account to keep track of me. (You never know when I am going to become a spree serial killer. It's important to stay tuned.) However she told me that she was not going to tell me which one of my millions (OK hundreds) of followers she was. Her Twitter handle would have no personal identifying information. Oh the Lady likes to be mysterious!
My first thought was "What? If I don't know which one of my Twitter followers is Lady J, I'm going to have to be nice to everyone! I don't want to be nice to everyone!" This was going to put a serious crimp in my curmudgeon-ness! How can I be a cranky old broad if I have to be nice to people? Ugh, the horror!
Imagine having to treat each of my Twitter followers like they might actually be a friend! What a revolting thought! (KIDDING! Seriously!)
Since I am not a 13 year old bitchy mean girl, I usually do not start my day trying to make the lives of strangers on social media miserable. But I am snarky and sarcastic - which definitely can be misread/misunderstood, especially on a 140 character medium like Twitter. Luckily, so far (knock on wood), I have never been in the most ridiculous of battles: "a Twitter war." I do try to be nice most of the time.
Treating all users of Twitter (or other social media) like they might be a beloved old childhood friend behind the computer screen is probably not a bad way to approach people.
Although some people will always feel the need to fight or stir up drama. Maybe they are trying to fill a hole in themselves. Maybe they are just sadists. Who knows?
One thing that I do know for sure, Lady J has been teaching me life lessons across decades. Which is a true gift.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Lily On The Lam wants to hear from you ... Seriously, she does ...