The Purple Green Girl, A Dragon and How It All Ends

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Happy July 24th LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

When I was a wee lass, I used to love the Disney animated film "Sleeping Beauty."  Not because I was a fan of spindles or sleeping chicks or royal guys with necrophiliac tendencies ... no I loved that crazy, batty, horned evil fairy chick with the great wardrobe, golden staff and raven ... Maleficent.

She was unapologetic in her fury.  She could turn herself into a dragon.  She had awesome makeup.  And all that purple and green ... Truly, what's not to love?  She was worlds more interesting than that sleeping blond with a spinning wheel fetish.

But as all fairy tales seem to do, the dorky Prince "saves" the day when he kills Maleficent in her dragon form.

I watched it a million times ... and I always rooted for the dragon.  Blah blah blah true love's kiss and all that, I wanted the evil fairy to win.

So when I heard Angelina Jolie was starring in the movie titled "Maleficent" (NOT Sleeping Beauty), I cheered because who else can make prosthetic cheekbones look amazing but Ms. Jolie-Pitt herself?  Sadly the movie went all "Hollywood" and gave the film "a message" and a "happy ending" (and not the kind from massage parlors).  I really just wanted to see Angelina Jolie rage and turn into a dragon.

But no such luck from Hollywood.

Stay tuned for a future LilyOnTheLam.com post when I wax on more about Angelina Jolie, but for now I turn our story to another time ...

When I was 24 years old, I was driving home from work at about 40 miles per hour when a car turned right in front of me.  You know how they say your life flashes in front of your eyes when you're about to die (or think you are about to die)?  Well for me, as I plowed my car into this (obviously crazy) woman's car; I had a serene sense of calm.  

I thought "Ohhh, so this is how it ends."  As one might when you finally figure out the final twist in an interesting movie.  

I take a lot of comfort in that perceived final moment.

Obviously I did not die - I was bruised and banged up, but still living!  

However I like what happened in what I thought might be the last moment on earth.

I wasn't scared.  I wasn't hopeless.  I wasn't remorseful or filled with regret.  

It was just as if I turned the final page in a great beach read ... "Ahhh, so that's how it ended!"  

I cannot fully articulate how peaceful this moment makes me.  I hope that when death does come for me that I will once again have this same reaction.  No fear.  No anger.  No remorse.  Just a gentle bit of surprise and an ah-ha moment!

I like to see psychics every now and again.  It's my way of wasting money ... I don't smoke.  I don't drink a lot.  I don't buy $1000 purses.  But every now and again I see a psychic for giggles.  

Almost every one says I am an old soul who has bounced around from lifetime to lifetime.  I don't know if that's true or not, but my reaction as I struck the other vehicle with massive force makes me think that maybe this hasn't been my first time in the cosmos.

"Ohhhhh, so this is how it ends."

When I die, I don't think I'll be in a dragon form with a Prince's sword in my chest ... but maybe in the next life.  Who knows?  But until I figure out "how it ends,"  I like to think of myself as that green horned girl in the black and purple cape ... and sometimes even as the dragon herself.

  
Happy July 24th, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

An Open Letter to Cardamom Monroe ... A Winter Park, Florida Love Story, Part One

HAPPY FRIDAY LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

There is nothing so delightful than the appearance of the weekend.  I have a half-day today at work which is basically the adult equivalent of an elementary school snow day.  AND I AM JUST AS EXCITED!  It's important to embrace the simple things and little pleasures in this life.  My evening plans are TOP SECRET - as in it's something that could be construed as embarrassing and dorky.  

Which by the way might as well be on my business cards "LilyOnTheLam - Embarrassing and Dorky since 1437."  (I'm OLD, people - get used to it!  Get over it!  Get under it!  Fetch me some Botox and a Witch Doctor!)

But enough about my dorkiness, this post has a greater purpose.  This post is an open letter to one singular sensation, the amazing mysticalness known as Mr. Cardamom Monroe.  Not your ordinary spice or herb ... 

What is cardamom anyway?  I put it in baked goods and my 2nd place winning bourbon coconut curry braised organic grass fed beef short ribs (more about that another time!)  

OK according to Wikipedia, cardamom is the third most expensive spice by weight.  Mr. Cardamom Monroe would now interject that I should not mention his weight on my blog ... and "Third most expensive?  Try THE most expensive!"  Mr. Cardamom Monroe has an attitude!

I don't know if anyone informed the people of Orlando, Florida but Mr. Cardamom Monroe is planning an onslaught of the city.  As in, he's moving there.  I have a lot of stalkers ... because ... well, because I am me.  I don't appreciate any of their stalker-ocity, but I am flattered that Mr. Cardamom Monroe felt the need to relocate across the country to be in the same state I am in.  But he's playing somewhat hard to get - moving to Orlando versus setting up camp outside my front door.  He thinks he's being sly, but I see right through him.

Mr. Cardamom Monroe is checking out the real estate scene.  Evidently he plans on stalking me for the long haul if he's looking to actually purchase a home.  Anything that helps fund the Florida economy is good with me!

There are several places I like to visit when I am in Orlando, so I gave a horror movie gasp when Mr. Cardamom Monroe told me that he heard Winter Park was "old and staid."  He might as well have stabbed me in the HEART.  Bolt the windows and doors because I am about to have a melt down!  

I love, love, love Winter Park!  There should be a booth with my name on it at The Ravenous Pig American Gastropub for the number of times that THIS piggy was ravenously eating there!  

Seriously if you're near Winter Park and want an insanely good meal, get your piggy feet down to The Ravenous Pig.  You and your stomach will NOT regret it.

As an apology to my beloved city of Winter Park, Florida for Mr. Cardamom Monroe's scandalous commentary; Ms. Wrigleyville and I decided to spend part of July 4th weekend on a mini road trip to eat, drink and shop our way from Winter Park to Winter Garden, Florida.  Had we also stopped in Winter Haven, we would have had a Winter Trifecta!

OK to be fair, we actually already had our road trip planned but I like to be dramatic.

(Side Note:  Ms. Wrigleyville and I love, love, love The Tasting Room at The Chef's Table at the Edgewater Hotel in downtown historic Winter Garden.  This restaurant is TO DIE FOR - and I will blog about it some time down the road.  You must, must go.  Take my word for it.  I'm serious, people!)

I consider myself to be an informed foodie ... and I act like a "Know It All," a little too often for some people's tastes.  (Suck it, Haters!)  So not to sound too condescending, BUT I get a lot of joy when friends introduce me to a new favorite place because usually I am the one giving the recommendations.  

It's nice to actually be the enjoyer versus the planner all the time.  Not that I don't enjoy the experience if I plan it and not that I don't love planning it; but sadly I have found there are a lot of selfish users and takers in this world so when I find a good person I am extra extra grateful.  

As I was saying to Ms. Wisconsin the other day, I don't expect 50-50 all the time in my friendships but it can't be 100% Me and 0% the other person -- and sadly I was remarking to Ms. Wisconsin that several people in my life have no clue why I don't want to continue giving 100% while they give 0%.  (Catch the clue bus, clue train or clue airplane, people!)  

I decided some time ago to give low effort people the exact same amount of effort that they are giving me.  ZERO.  I am only putting energy into relationships with people who are also putting energy into it.  Life is too short to be a giver amongst a sea of takers.       

Ms. Wrigleyville, with her foodie encyclopedic knowledge, recommended we do breakfast at The Briarpatch in the Historic District of Winter Park.  Since I drove us from Tampa Bay to Winter Park, Ms. Wrigleyville offered to buy me breakfast.  I am pretty sure she was regretting that decision when I played "Sally" from "When Harry Met Sally" when I placed my high maintenance breakfast order.

But here's the thing ... I ordered a partially off the menu item (sorta) - a combination even the Chef himself didn't know could be great (to paraphrase the Billy Crystal line from the movie)-- and IT WAS AMAZING!  I was tickled with happiness!  Perfection on a plate, people!  

I need to buy Ms. Wrigleyville something because I am sure my high maintenance order cost a pretty penny!  (By the way, what tastes better than an amazing breakfast?  A FREE amazing breakfast!  Thank you, Ms. Wrigleyville!)

The Briarpatch restaurant is beyond awesome.  Which is what I think of Winter Park, in general.  (Are you listening, Mr. Cardamom Monroe?)  They have a glass case with multi-layer cakes bigger than elementary school children.  Check out this photographic evidence ...

Is the cake less caloric if it's dyed patriotic colors for July 4th?

The Briarpatch is very popular, so Ms. Wrigleyville and I got in line and stared at the dessert case.  I was trying to figure out how I could fit this entire case into the backseat of my convertible.  However I am not a logistical genius, so my "figurin' out" was basically me just standing there slack-jawed, whispering "caaaaaaaaake" in hushed, awed tones between drool drips.

The restaurant is lovely.  I read some online customer reviews saying that the service is bad.  I have to disagree.  Our server and the servers for all the tables around us were giving great customer service.  Maybe I'm just the type of person who gets good service wherever she goes (NOT!),  but my experience with The Briarpatch was excellent.  Our server even offered to send us out with to-go cups of iced tea!  So sorry online reviewers, I have to disagree with you - our server was top notch!

Ms. Wrigleyville and I noticed that one of the specials of the day was a nectarine waffle.  I have never had a nectarine waffle.  Both Ms. Wrigleyville and I were intrigued.  Everything on the menu sounded delectable.  

By the time we were seated, I was so hungry I could have eaten off of other people's plates.  I had not eaten all morning, then add a road trip on top of it ... I needed some sustenance STAT!

Ms. Wrigleyville ordered an omelet ... look at this delicious thing.  If I remember correctly, this is the white cheddar, bacon and mushroom omelet with breakfast potatoes and whole wheat toast.  

My order required our server to use two pieces of paper to write down all the instructions!  OK maybe not, but it sure felt like it.  The Briarpatch has a variety of eggs Benedict on their menu.  Yet the one that caught my eye was a corned beef hash eggs Benedict.  HELLO!  

I had a corned beef sandwich as big as a smart car the last time I was in Murray Hill, NYC (Sarge's Deli - one of my favorites).  I also had the most amazing corned beef reuben while watching the World Cup at local Irish Pub MacDinton's in South Tampa.  I don't even like reuben sandwiches and yet this one was so good I could scream like a soccer (ahem football) hooligan!  MacDinton's Pub is also a place where I have been known to give a fake name to overly friendly gentlemen and talk with a ridiculously exaggerated accent that I refer to as "Swiss-British."    

My step-father has informed me that while there is Swiss-German, there is no such dialect as Swiss-British.  This does not deter me one teeny bit.  Regardless of the veracity of my pub persona, the MacDinton's bouncers think I am hysterical (or crazy) because they know I am really Minnesotan.  Or Swiss-Minnesotan, as it were.  Or Minne-Swiss.  Or Swiss Miss.  Or Swiss Crazy.  Swiss Swiss.

Is it possible to have a corned beef deficiency in addition to an assumed nationality?  I have been pro, pro, pro corned beef lately and yet here I was in Winter Park, Florida contemplating MORE corned beef.  When is enough, enough?  Will there be public service announcements discussing how to properly conduct a corned beef intervention?  If there will be, I hope none of my friends and family watch!

The corned beef hash eggs Benedict at The Briarpatch restaurant is served on an English muffin with a side of regular grits.  That might be fine for the Harry's of the world (back to "When Harry Met Sally" references here), but when it comes to ordering breakfast I am Meg Ryan's Sally, all the way.  

That's the ONLY way I resemble Meg Ryan ... OK no I take that back, the personality of her character in the movie "Addicted To Love" is 100% me from age 17 to ... how old am I, now?  From age 17 to age 934.)  

If you've never seen this guilty pleasure "somewhat chick flick" called "Addicted to Love," you MUST MUST MUST see it.  NOW!  GO!  

It is a somewhat black comedy/somewhat romantic comedy.  It stars Meg Ryan, Matthew Broderick, Kelly Preston and Tcheky Karyo.  It is directed by the underrated Griffin Dunne.  It's $3.99 to rent on iTunes and $6.99 to purchase.  The movie is ridiculous and snarky.  It's lovely and it's sad and yet it's hopeful too ... and there's a Milky Way Man, a kissing monkey and a frothily light French tunes soundtrack.  So really, do I need to say more?

OK two more points about "Addicted to Love" because really I just can't stop!  The movie has a speech about what is love with an example of Meg Ryan's character's father that you will never forget.  It also has a line "How much to put lipstick on the monkey?"  Which really is a question I think most of us have been asking ourselves for most of our lives.  Or is that just me? 

Back to breakfast at The Briarpatch ...

There was a goat cheese rosemary biscuit on the specials menu at The Briarpatch that caught my eye.  Here's the thing ... I like goat cheese.  I like rosemary.  And as "The First Lady of Lynchburg" can attest when I blew out her ear drums shrieking when I saw a restaurant in Virginia called Biscuitville, I LIKE BISCUITS.  

There is definitely a trapped Southerner somewhere within my Minnesotan body.  And she's probably trapped under a pile of biscuits and pimento cheese that I have eaten.  Oh well, at least she's not starving!

I asked our very friendly server if instead of the English Muffin, could I order a goat cheese rosemary biscuit and have the Chef use that instead?  

I could tell from the server's face that I was the only Sally/Meg Ryan who had ever requested such a combination.  She looked distressed and uncertain.  I gave her a pep talk - we're in this together!  You can do it!  Now go get 'em!  

And then before she could run off, I also quickly asked if I could get cheese grits instead of regular grits.  That also cost extra (sorry Ms. Wrigleyville!), like 72 cents extra I think ... or maybe it was $1.72 or $2.72 or $272 ... I am a big spender when someone else is paying!  I am surprised I didn't ask for a 10 pound lobster as a garnish!  

My high-falootin' ways and server pep talk worked because our wonderful server was able to convince the Chef to make my "Sally High Maintenance Order" ...

The Corned Beef Hash Eggs Benedict - high maintenance order served on a
goat cheese rosemary biscuit with a side of heart-stopping cheese grits.

This was probably the best corned beef hash I have ever eaten.  It was made with big chunks of real corned beef, seasoned to a heavenly taste.  It melted in my mouth with just a hint of brine.  This was no dog food looking hash that I normally see in diners across the country.  This was gourmet and fantastic.  The potatoes were crispy, not greasy.  Everything was perfectly seasoned and in harmony.  

My high-maintenance order of placing all this wonderfulness on the goat cheese-rosemary biscuit was worth the fuss.  I don't know how a biscuit can be creamy and flaky at the same time ... but it was.  It was like buttery custard in a firm, flaky, moist biscuit.  The rosemary was strong and fresh, but not overpowering.  There was a slight hint of tangy goat cheese but again not overpowering.  A very well-balanced flavored biscuit.  

The poached eggs were perfectly cooked.  The Hollandaise sauce was rich and creamy without being overly heavy.  And the cheese grits ... smooth as silk with a rich, cheesy body.  It was like eating a cheesy creamy bowl of teenage dreams.  (Insert Katy Perry-esque knock-off song here.)

This was easily one of the best breakfasts I have had all year ... probably in several years even!  Thank you, Briarpatch!  Thank you, Winter Park!  (Are you listening, Mr. Cardamom Monroe?)

Then my breakfast went off the rails.  

You see Ms. Wrigleyville pulled out a machete ... and a gun ... and a slingshot ... and screamed "You are splitting the nectarine waffle with me, so we can try it!"  I am pretty sure she also pistol-whipped me and that her barking orders had a 1940's era German accent.  It's all a blur now, but I am pretty sure that is an accurate re-telling.  

I fell to the ground sobbing "Nooooooooooo!"  Hostage negotiators were brought in.  People fainted in the streets.  I recited a Samuel L. Jackson speech for no reason. 

And after fourteen hours of tense stand-off, I agreed to split the nectarine waffle with Ms. Wrigleyville.  I have 17 cats at home to support, I can't be killed in Winter Park.

     
Now the waffle was good ... BUT ... if The Briarpatch had named this waffle "Pecan Waffle with Nectarine garnish and syrup" I would have proclaimed this crisp, butter, malty, taste bud charmer the best waffle ever.  

However I was expecting a nectarine waffle and therefore was a tiny bit disappointed.  This waffle was chock full of pecans inside and out and topped with perfectly ripe nectarine slices with a not-too-sweet syrup.  But I had been expecting fruit inside the waffle giving me a strong nectarine punch of flavor.  Instead it was nutty, buttery, crispy with a velvet center.  An amazing waffle, just one in need of renaming.  #FoodieProblems  (The name didn't stop me from eating part of it though!  Yummy deliciousness!)

If you go to Orlando, you must do two things :

(1)  Go to Winter Park's historic district and have breakfast at The Briarpatch.

and 

(2)  Find Mr. Cardamom Monroe and tell him Winter Park rocks!

If you are nowhere near Orlando, make yourself a waffle and watch "When Harry Met Sally" and "Addicted to Love."  Either way, you'll have a great experience!

As always, thanks for reading!

(July 13, 2014) P.S.  Interested in hearing more about the movie "Addicted to Love"?  Check out this blog post from one of my readers here.

Each and Every Time ...

Happy Thursday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

The weekend is so close!  I have been burning the candle at both ends and not making getting enough sleep a top priority.  As such I have spent most of the week as a cranky zombie.  And I have no one to blame other than myself!  Oh and the Powerball Lottery commission for not giving me money so I can just play all day and not have a job ... but um mostly it is my fault that I am sleep-deprived.

One of my favorite movies is "The Shawshank Redemption."  I am pretty sure I have seen this movie more times than I have been to church ... which is probably a really terrible statement on my level of Catholicism.  Or a really big statement about how obsessed I am about this film.  Glass half-empty or half-full?

So when a friend posted a link to this IFC.Com "15 Things You May Not Have Known About The Shawshank Redemption," I had this reaction:

OK OK even though there may be some skeptics, I can actually read - but I just love that clip of Aubrey Anderson-Emmons who plays "Lily" on "Modern Family."  And no, I don't love watching her because her character shares the same name as moi - that's just an added benefit.  

I also am appreciative that Aubrey Anderson-Emmons and her mother actress/comedian Amy Anderson retweeted my blog post link about the need for people with Caucasian and Asian heritage to sign up to be eligible donors on the bone marrow registry.  (Haven't read it?  Read my post here!  Now!)  Amy Anderson, like me, is originally from Minnesota.  Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, like me, is part Caucasian, part Asian.  Given these similarities, is it too much to ask to have a guest star role on "Modern Family"?  I think not!

Anyway enough about my love for the TV show "Modern Family" and back to my love for the movie "The Shawshank Redemption"!  I was intrigued to see if I, super fan, knew all fifteen things on the "15 Things You May Not Have Known About The Shawshank Redemption" article.  Turns out I knew several, but there were still some surprises.  It makes me want to watch The Shawshank Redemption all over again!

My favorite part is the Morgan Freeman speech about "hope" at the end of the movie.  It gets me each and every time.  My heart catches in my throat and I am sad and cheerful and spent and reinvigorated.  How does a movie generate the same emotional response in me when I have seen it so many times?  I could basically say all the lines in this movie word for word.  I have no clue why it still gets to me each and every time, but it does.  I think it may be perhaps that no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the odds and no matter what the painful experiences life may bring; that in the end hope is a good thing.    

I am not a big fan of spoilers in case any of you have not seen the movie, so I won't attach a clip of the final scene with the "hope" speech ... Instead, I include this clip which is actually two scenes spliced together.

Speaking of rewatching old favorites, I have been "tasked" with watching the movie "Purple Rain" as "homework" (I'll explain more another time) ... another great film.  It reminds me of my youth in Minneapolis.  It's been raining a lot in Tampa ... usual summer season.  Can't think of a better time to stay inside and watch an old movie.

Happy Thursday, everyone!