The Law of Attraction and Savory Turkish Pastry

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Happy Independence Day - July 4th!  I was recently in New York City which is like Heaven for a foodie like me.  Ever since I spent an amazing week and a half in Turkey several years ago, I have been a devoted fan to all foods Turkish.  Living in Tampa Bay, I don't have a wide choice of Turkish restaurants.  Gengiz Khan Turkish Grill and Restaurant works in a pinch, but if I am really jonesing for Turkish food I have to drive to Orlando to go to my favorite "local" Turkish restaurant, Bosphorous Turkish Cuisine (my favorite is the one in Orlando but the Winter Park location is nice too).

While in New York, one of my favorite Turkish restaurants is ABA Restaurant.  It is unassuming, chill and relaxed with tasty food.  But one of my favorite things to do would be to get a cheese gozleme from "Mmmm... Enfes" Turkish bakery.

Gozleme is like a very thin Turkish flatbread or doughy crepe that is rolled up on itself with toppings and grilled.  I love a simple cheese and herb filled gozleme.  It is filling and satisfying.

A couple months ago I was on my way to Budapest for work with a layover at JFK airport.  Since I now associate NYC with Turkish food, when I heard I was stopping at JFK I instantly said to myself "I wish I had time to go into the city to buy a gozleme."  

As it turned out, my flight into JFK was delayed and I had to run to my gate to make sure I didn't miss my connecting flight.  But guess what was across from my gate?  A Turkish bakery in JFK selling GOZLEME!  Seriously?  Is this a dream?  Is this a mirage?  Did my stomach magically conjure up a Turkish bakery stand?  When did my belly learn how to do something else other than retain large amounts of abdominal fat?

I realized that it did not make sense to question the miracle.  I needed to ENJOY the miracle.  I ordered two gozleme to go and then jumped back in the line to board the plane.  As my plane headed to Paris (and then a connecting flight to Budapest), I was connecting my mouth to a hot, savory and rich gozleme.  My magical belly was very happy.

So last week I was back in New York City and my stomach was craving Turkish food again.  I decided to run out to Mmmm... Enfes bakery for ... you guessed it ... gozleme.  I went online to Google the address when I saw a note that the Turkish bakery was "permanently closed." 

I let out a wail so loud - a repeat of the tragic sorrow I felt when I learned that the Australian chain of savory and sweet mini pies called "Pie Face" had closed all of their NYC stores.  WHY? WHY? WHY?  Oh the tremendous sadness of it all!

I was disgruntled, but I was also hungry.  I decided to walk down to Herald Square and look for lunch alternatives.  I also needed to do some clothes shopping as my haphazard packing for the NYC trip led me to pack all the wrong clothes for the unseasonable cool late June 2015 weather. 

I went to Macy's Herald Square and grumpily dove through floor after floor of clothing.  I actually found some great deals, but I'm like an angry toddler when I am hungry.  I was pissy and unruly.

After having an internal hissy fit, I gathered my bags from three different stores and set out to finally find some lunch.  My frown turned upside down when I realized that Urban Space NYC was holding their annual "Broadway Bites" event - where local restaurants have booths to sell their amazing food.  (I am a sucker for Red Hook Lobster Pound's booth!) 

My stomach grew sad as I realized that last June 2014 I had been at this very spot, enjoying a cheese gozleme and tart cherry juice from the Mmmm... Enfes Turkish Bakery booth at "Broadway Bites."  Then I looked up ... and guess what I saw?

THE MMMM.... ENFES TURKISH BAKERY BOOTH!  I guess their storefront is closed but the booth for this one month foodie event still lives on!

I ran over and ordered a cheese gozleme with conviction and vigor!

 I was so excited to get my cheese gozleme that I did not take a fancy, pretty picture of it - and as such my poor gozleme looks like the creature from Alien - but let me assure you, it tasted WONDERFUL.

I will be honest, I would rather my magical belly be able to pick billion dollar lottery winning numbers than make Turkish bakery stands appear out of thin air.  But since I can't choose my magic, I am just going to be grateful that at least twice in my life I have really wanted gozleme and then they magically appeared.  I'll take whatever "Law of Attraction" benefits I can conjure up.  

So on this Independence Day, I am repurposing it as Gratitude Day.  I am grateful for my health, happiness, family, friends and my magic belly!  I wish you all the best of everything in your lives!  Thank you for reading!

Now Here's The Problem ... My Big Gay Theatre Weekend in New York City

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I just returned from a theater weekend in New York City which also coincided with Gay Pride weekend.  So you might say it was a gay theater weekend!  I was very happy to hear of the SCOTUS decision on marriage equality - emphasis on the word "equality."  I don't know how one can justify a legal system where not all citizens are given equal rights and protections under the law.  So score one for equality for the LGBTQ community.  

I joked that for the start of my theater weekend that I spent "Gay Pride Weekend with a Front Row Seat with a Queen!"  I indeed was in the front row for the spectacular Dame Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth in "The Audience."   

Since I am woefully ignorant of British Prime Minister History other than Churchill and Thatcher, I was very excited that in my Playbill was a card with the background information on all the Prime Ministers under Queen Elizabeth.  In case there is a test later, I will be prepared!  (Prepared to get a D+.)

I highly recommend the play "The Audience."  There was actually one moment where I had a tear in my eye - but I am also overly emotional at times too. 

The next night I was supposed to see Vanessa Hudgens star in the musical "Gigi."  I'm not a Vanessa Hudgens fan and I have never seen any of the "High School Musical" franchise, but I haven't seen the musical "Gigi" in decades and that is why I bought my ticket.  Sadly the reviews were not good and the show closed early.  I received a refund and I believe it was God telling me a better show was in my future.

And God was correct because in my eyes, a much better opportunity did come along!

For the record, one of my many ridiculous obsessions is the reality competition show "RuPaul's Drag Race."  Ever since a childhood friend introduced me to the glamazon once known as "Starbooty" many decades ago, I have been in love with all things RuPaul Charles.  However my real obsession didn't kick in until I forcibly invited myself to accompany a fellow #RPDR fan to a live show at Ritz Ybor for RuPaul's Battle of the Seasons.  In this show, I was able to see several "RuPaul Drag Race" contestants up close and personal.  

To add more fuel to the fire of my obsession: I have been trying to exercise more since I have an overwhelming love of all things sugar, fat and starch.  

(And as I type this, my youngest cat - Rufus T. "Chibby" Chibs is giving me a shady side eye with a "Um yeah, that's an understatement, Tubby!" sneer.  WHY ARE CATS SO MEAN?  And yes, I am eating instant mac and cheese processed food stuffs as I type this - but what does that have to do with anything?)  

OK back to the topic ... due to my love of all things terrible for me, I started working out more.  As part of my increased exercise program, I have been trying to walk 5 - 13 miles a day.  

Newsflash:  Walking this much is incredibly boring for me.  I do see some lovely water views and floral arrangements, but I could do without the overly friendly senior citizens who want to stop and chat me up with their life story.  I will say that since I started wearing my "RuPaul Drag Race Season 6 Winner" Bianca Del Rio's "NOT TODAY SATAN" t-shirt, a lot less seniors want to chat me up.  But I have a feeling they are making the sign of the cross as they walk past me.  To entertain myself I have been listening to RuPaul's Podcast while I walk, which has made me even more OBSESSIVE about all things RuPaul and all things RuPaul Drag Race.  Yes, I know I have ISSUES.

Of all the drag queens on RuPaul Drag Race, one of my absolute favorites is Jinkx Monsoon - season five winner.  Well when Gigi the Musical fell through, I discovered that my beloved Jinkx was putting on a sequel to his/her previous show "The Vaudevillians."  This one was called "The Vaudevillians: Bringing Up Baby" with Jinkx Monson as a pregnant Kitty Witless and Major Scales as her husband.

What's more comical than a funny musical drag queen?  A funny, musical, PREGNANT drag queen.  I ordered a VIP ticket faster than you can say "more mac and cheese please!"

The show - at the Laurie Beeckman Theatre- was beyond fantastic.  Any show where you get to see a drag queen give birth on top of a piano while you're eating peppered shrimp with a side of risotto balls is a GOOD SHOW in my book!

Now I will admit that I may have possibly mentioned on social media that I love Jinkx Monsoon so much I want to skin her and wear her as a coat ... but when my "in person meet and greet" occurred, I was a BABBLING IDIOT!  I gave up drinking for a year (actually 13 months, but who is keeping track?) so I cannot even blame a cocktail for acting so bizarre.  I gave Jinkx my STALKER EYES and both Jinkx and his real life self Jerick Hofer, gave me a look of fear in return. But God bless that talented drag queen, he wrapped an arm around me (have you ever been pressed up against the bosom of a pregnant drag queen?) and posed for several pictures.  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU Jinkx Monsoon!  (Season Four- RuPaul Drag Race Contestant Latrice Royale, you're next on my bucket list!)

Latrice Royale

Last, but NOT least, for my big gay theatre weekend in NYC was my SIXTH (yes, SIXTH) time seeing my favorite musical of ALL TIME -- "Hedwig and the Angry Inch."  This time starring Glee's Darren Criss.  Ms. Toledo and I had first seen Darren Criss in "How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying."  He was good in that show but he really brought it home in Hedwig.  

Because I was also in the front row for Hedwig, I had some very up close and personal moments with Darren Criss as he dropped to the stage and did the worm - as he faced me - a mere 2 inches from my face.  I also received a high five from him.  Another patron was "motorboated" by Darren Criss in his role as Hedwig.  Her name was Brie and Darren Criss referred to her as a stinky cheese and left her with a chestful of glittery eye makeup.  

My absolute favorite Hedwig is still the creator and originator - John Cameron Mitchell.  

I have seen 4 of the 5 Hedwigs - sorry Dexter's Michael C. Hall - I missed ya!

On July 22 2015, Taye Diggs takes over the role from Darren Criss.  Another one of my favorite RuPaul Drag Race contestants Alaska Thunderf*ck 5000 will also be doing a show in the city around the same time.  I'd like to see both shows but I am a bit burnt out on NYC weekends.  This has been the summer of travel for work and for fun and frankly it's nice to stay home once in awhile!  

But the one thing that NEVER lets me down whenever I travel to New York City is the BIZARRE overheard conversations.  I was staying at The Cassa Hotel and Residences - which was fabulous.  I highly recommend!  The staff was so friendly.  The room clean and modern.  The location could NOT be beat.  Win-win-win!  And it's near The Sofitel Hotel, so my deep desire to always eat French-style meals was satisfied by the Restaurant Gaby there.  Plus Alex Guarnaschelli (or however you spell it)'s restaurant BUTTER is in The Cassa (midtown location).  Any restaurant named Butter is good by me!  (My inner Paula Deen is SO HAPPY!)

Side Note:  Butter Midtown just opened a really gorgeous outdoor "secret garden."  Check it out and have their lobster roll while you're out there soaking up the sun!

Anyway, I was walking from The Cassa to Gaby Restaurant to start my day with an infusion of decaf cappuccino, French bread, ham and brie.

My perfect breakfast!

As I was walking, I heard two gentlemen talking as they walked past me.

Guy One (who I assume was commiserating about a recent woman he dated) said: "I mean, she has nice tits and all ... it's just the third one that is the problem."

Guy Two diplomatically frowned with an appearance of empathy and just shook his head in response.

New York City, you never fail to disappoint me with those eye-popping overheard conversations!  Thank you for another great theater weekend - and a happy belated Pride weekend to all my readers!

Austria vs. Croatia: The Chocolate Banana Candy Bar Battle Continues

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

In true LilyOnTheLam style, I have been on the lam to various parts of the world recently - and have been quite amiss at blogging about it.  Although I have been journaling, so the thought is that eventually (emphasis on eventually) I will be able to share my adventures in various humorous blog posts ... or at least that's the hope!

I was in Houston, visiting the Museum of Funeral History (Yes, that is a real place!) and dining at a restaurant called the BRC Gastropub (BRC stands for "Big Red Cock" naturally!)  

I was in New York City, partaking in my THIRD viewing of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" on Broadway - but this time starring Andrew Rannells instead of Neil Patrick Harris.  

And now I have left America behind and meandered my way over to Budapest.  Because why not? 

Since my body still has not adjusted to the time zone change (it is 4:43 a.m. Budapest time as I write this), I thought I'd give you a sneak peak into some of my Budapest product finds.  So yes, I am declaring "New Product Wednesday" on a Monday (US Time), Tuesday (Budapest Time)!  How's that for screwing up one's calendar?

My last blog post was on a Croatian chocolate banana candy bar I discovered at a relatively new Polish deli in Largo, Florida.  Although I salute having a Polish deli in Largo, Florida; I found the banana chocolate Croatian candy bar to be lacking.  (Extremely lacking!)  Do Croatians make good candy?  If they do, I hope it is better than what I tried.  (Read my Croatian candy bar post here.)

I was in a mini mart near my hotel in Budapest, stocking up on bottled water and random snacks when I spotted this candy bar ...

THE BIG BANANA.  How can anyone say "no" to a candy bar named THE BIG BANANA?  I certainly am not made of steel or diamonds or any other ridiculously hard, impervious material that would make me turn a blind eye to THE BIG BANANA.  

Bam, it went straight into my shopping basket.  I rationalized/justified that since the last LilyOnTheLam post had been about a Croatian chocolate banana candy bar; this was fate telling me I had at least one more chocolate banana candy bar themed blog post in me!  

Side note:  I'd rather fate give me some winning mega millions lottery numbers than throw another chocolate banana European candy bar in my path ... just throwing that message out there, universe.  I hope you're listening, fate!

Just like when I found a candy bar in a Polish deli, I first assumed the candy bar was Polish (wrong: Croatian).  I thought this candy bar from a Hungarian mini mart was Hungarian.  Wrong.  Austrian.  

On a side note, I have been starting to think random thoughts in German.  Which is bizarre because I don't speak German.  This morning I looked at a table filled with pitchers of various juices and thought "I wonder what kind of saft is in this pitcher?"  Saft is the German word for juice.  

Then after I ate, I thought "that was a pretty good fruhstuck (breakfast)" (which by the way, I can't figure out how to add the umlaut, dots over the U's, so just imagine they are there).  I have no clue why I am starting to think in German words in Hungary, other than some sort of misplaced nod to the prior Austro-Hungarian empire?  Perhaps I spoke Deutsch in a past life?  Or perhaps I am having some sort of seizure/stroke?  Anything is possible!

Or maybe eating an Austrian candy bar has somehow imparted the Austrian national language of German into my head?  Hmm ... it's a puzzle, I tell you!

But enough about my linguistical weirdness and on to a review of the aforementioned schokoriegel (candy bar).  The "Big Banana" is everything I had wanted the Croatian Chocolate Banana candy bar to be.  It had a soft, creamy center with a rich, non-artificial tasting banana flavor and a rich, smooth chocolate coating.  It was actually a little too sweet, but it tasted very natural unlike the whipped air chemical taste of the Croatian treat.

Because I am a big nerd, I actually had this epiphany moment as I ate "The Big Banana" and thought "Austrians have perfected what the Croatians were attempting!"  Which is probably a compliment to Austria and an insult to Croatia ... and I am probably being diplomatically insensitive ... sorry Croatia!

So if you have to choose one chocolate banana candy bar and your choices are between a Croatian candy bar and an Austrian candy bar; sorry Croatia I am going to have to advocate that my readers go with THE BIG BANANA - which I can only assume is the National Chocolate Banana Candy Bar of Austria.  And if it's not, it should be.  Nice work, Austria!

Stay tuned to LilyOnTheLam for more adventures, product reviews and language brain seizures ...  Thanks for reading!      

An Open Letter to Cardamom Monroe ... A Winter Park, Florida Love Story, Part One

HAPPY FRIDAY LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

There is nothing so delightful than the appearance of the weekend.  I have a half-day today at work which is basically the adult equivalent of an elementary school snow day.  AND I AM JUST AS EXCITED!  It's important to embrace the simple things and little pleasures in this life.  My evening plans are TOP SECRET - as in it's something that could be construed as embarrassing and dorky.  

Which by the way might as well be on my business cards "LilyOnTheLam - Embarrassing and Dorky since 1437."  (I'm OLD, people - get used to it!  Get over it!  Get under it!  Fetch me some Botox and a Witch Doctor!)

But enough about my dorkiness, this post has a greater purpose.  This post is an open letter to one singular sensation, the amazing mysticalness known as Mr. Cardamom Monroe.  Not your ordinary spice or herb ... 

What is cardamom anyway?  I put it in baked goods and my 2nd place winning bourbon coconut curry braised organic grass fed beef short ribs (more about that another time!)  

OK according to Wikipedia, cardamom is the third most expensive spice by weight.  Mr. Cardamom Monroe would now interject that I should not mention his weight on my blog ... and "Third most expensive?  Try THE most expensive!"  Mr. Cardamom Monroe has an attitude!

I don't know if anyone informed the people of Orlando, Florida but Mr. Cardamom Monroe is planning an onslaught of the city.  As in, he's moving there.  I have a lot of stalkers ... because ... well, because I am me.  I don't appreciate any of their stalker-ocity, but I am flattered that Mr. Cardamom Monroe felt the need to relocate across the country to be in the same state I am in.  But he's playing somewhat hard to get - moving to Orlando versus setting up camp outside my front door.  He thinks he's being sly, but I see right through him.

Mr. Cardamom Monroe is checking out the real estate scene.  Evidently he plans on stalking me for the long haul if he's looking to actually purchase a home.  Anything that helps fund the Florida economy is good with me!

There are several places I like to visit when I am in Orlando, so I gave a horror movie gasp when Mr. Cardamom Monroe told me that he heard Winter Park was "old and staid."  He might as well have stabbed me in the HEART.  Bolt the windows and doors because I am about to have a melt down!  

I love, love, love Winter Park!  There should be a booth with my name on it at The Ravenous Pig American Gastropub for the number of times that THIS piggy was ravenously eating there!  

Seriously if you're near Winter Park and want an insanely good meal, get your piggy feet down to The Ravenous Pig.  You and your stomach will NOT regret it.

As an apology to my beloved city of Winter Park, Florida for Mr. Cardamom Monroe's scandalous commentary; Ms. Wrigleyville and I decided to spend part of July 4th weekend on a mini road trip to eat, drink and shop our way from Winter Park to Winter Garden, Florida.  Had we also stopped in Winter Haven, we would have had a Winter Trifecta!

OK to be fair, we actually already had our road trip planned but I like to be dramatic.

(Side Note:  Ms. Wrigleyville and I love, love, love The Tasting Room at The Chef's Table at the Edgewater Hotel in downtown historic Winter Garden.  This restaurant is TO DIE FOR - and I will blog about it some time down the road.  You must, must go.  Take my word for it.  I'm serious, people!)

I consider myself to be an informed foodie ... and I act like a "Know It All," a little too often for some people's tastes.  (Suck it, Haters!)  So not to sound too condescending, BUT I get a lot of joy when friends introduce me to a new favorite place because usually I am the one giving the recommendations.  

It's nice to actually be the enjoyer versus the planner all the time.  Not that I don't enjoy the experience if I plan it and not that I don't love planning it; but sadly I have found there are a lot of selfish users and takers in this world so when I find a good person I am extra extra grateful.  

As I was saying to Ms. Wisconsin the other day, I don't expect 50-50 all the time in my friendships but it can't be 100% Me and 0% the other person -- and sadly I was remarking to Ms. Wisconsin that several people in my life have no clue why I don't want to continue giving 100% while they give 0%.  (Catch the clue bus, clue train or clue airplane, people!)  

I decided some time ago to give low effort people the exact same amount of effort that they are giving me.  ZERO.  I am only putting energy into relationships with people who are also putting energy into it.  Life is too short to be a giver amongst a sea of takers.       

Ms. Wrigleyville, with her foodie encyclopedic knowledge, recommended we do breakfast at The Briarpatch in the Historic District of Winter Park.  Since I drove us from Tampa Bay to Winter Park, Ms. Wrigleyville offered to buy me breakfast.  I am pretty sure she was regretting that decision when I played "Sally" from "When Harry Met Sally" when I placed my high maintenance breakfast order.

But here's the thing ... I ordered a partially off the menu item (sorta) - a combination even the Chef himself didn't know could be great (to paraphrase the Billy Crystal line from the movie)-- and IT WAS AMAZING!  I was tickled with happiness!  Perfection on a plate, people!  

I need to buy Ms. Wrigleyville something because I am sure my high maintenance order cost a pretty penny!  (By the way, what tastes better than an amazing breakfast?  A FREE amazing breakfast!  Thank you, Ms. Wrigleyville!)

The Briarpatch restaurant is beyond awesome.  Which is what I think of Winter Park, in general.  (Are you listening, Mr. Cardamom Monroe?)  They have a glass case with multi-layer cakes bigger than elementary school children.  Check out this photographic evidence ...

Is the cake less caloric if it's dyed patriotic colors for July 4th?

The Briarpatch is very popular, so Ms. Wrigleyville and I got in line and stared at the dessert case.  I was trying to figure out how I could fit this entire case into the backseat of my convertible.  However I am not a logistical genius, so my "figurin' out" was basically me just standing there slack-jawed, whispering "caaaaaaaaake" in hushed, awed tones between drool drips.

The restaurant is lovely.  I read some online customer reviews saying that the service is bad.  I have to disagree.  Our server and the servers for all the tables around us were giving great customer service.  Maybe I'm just the type of person who gets good service wherever she goes (NOT!),  but my experience with The Briarpatch was excellent.  Our server even offered to send us out with to-go cups of iced tea!  So sorry online reviewers, I have to disagree with you - our server was top notch!

Ms. Wrigleyville and I noticed that one of the specials of the day was a nectarine waffle.  I have never had a nectarine waffle.  Both Ms. Wrigleyville and I were intrigued.  Everything on the menu sounded delectable.  

By the time we were seated, I was so hungry I could have eaten off of other people's plates.  I had not eaten all morning, then add a road trip on top of it ... I needed some sustenance STAT!

Ms. Wrigleyville ordered an omelet ... look at this delicious thing.  If I remember correctly, this is the white cheddar, bacon and mushroom omelet with breakfast potatoes and whole wheat toast.  

My order required our server to use two pieces of paper to write down all the instructions!  OK maybe not, but it sure felt like it.  The Briarpatch has a variety of eggs Benedict on their menu.  Yet the one that caught my eye was a corned beef hash eggs Benedict.  HELLO!  

I had a corned beef sandwich as big as a smart car the last time I was in Murray Hill, NYC (Sarge's Deli - one of my favorites).  I also had the most amazing corned beef reuben while watching the World Cup at local Irish Pub MacDinton's in South Tampa.  I don't even like reuben sandwiches and yet this one was so good I could scream like a soccer (ahem football) hooligan!  MacDinton's Pub is also a place where I have been known to give a fake name to overly friendly gentlemen and talk with a ridiculously exaggerated accent that I refer to as "Swiss-British."    

My step-father has informed me that while there is Swiss-German, there is no such dialect as Swiss-British.  This does not deter me one teeny bit.  Regardless of the veracity of my pub persona, the MacDinton's bouncers think I am hysterical (or crazy) because they know I am really Minnesotan.  Or Swiss-Minnesotan, as it were.  Or Minne-Swiss.  Or Swiss Miss.  Or Swiss Crazy.  Swiss Swiss.

Is it possible to have a corned beef deficiency in addition to an assumed nationality?  I have been pro, pro, pro corned beef lately and yet here I was in Winter Park, Florida contemplating MORE corned beef.  When is enough, enough?  Will there be public service announcements discussing how to properly conduct a corned beef intervention?  If there will be, I hope none of my friends and family watch!

The corned beef hash eggs Benedict at The Briarpatch restaurant is served on an English muffin with a side of regular grits.  That might be fine for the Harry's of the world (back to "When Harry Met Sally" references here), but when it comes to ordering breakfast I am Meg Ryan's Sally, all the way.  

That's the ONLY way I resemble Meg Ryan ... OK no I take that back, the personality of her character in the movie "Addicted To Love" is 100% me from age 17 to ... how old am I, now?  From age 17 to age 934.)  

If you've never seen this guilty pleasure "somewhat chick flick" called "Addicted to Love," you MUST MUST MUST see it.  NOW!  GO!  

It is a somewhat black comedy/somewhat romantic comedy.  It stars Meg Ryan, Matthew Broderick, Kelly Preston and Tcheky Karyo.  It is directed by the underrated Griffin Dunne.  It's $3.99 to rent on iTunes and $6.99 to purchase.  The movie is ridiculous and snarky.  It's lovely and it's sad and yet it's hopeful too ... and there's a Milky Way Man, a kissing monkey and a frothily light French tunes soundtrack.  So really, do I need to say more?

OK two more points about "Addicted to Love" because really I just can't stop!  The movie has a speech about what is love with an example of Meg Ryan's character's father that you will never forget.  It also has a line "How much to put lipstick on the monkey?"  Which really is a question I think most of us have been asking ourselves for most of our lives.  Or is that just me? 

Back to breakfast at The Briarpatch ...

There was a goat cheese rosemary biscuit on the specials menu at The Briarpatch that caught my eye.  Here's the thing ... I like goat cheese.  I like rosemary.  And as "The First Lady of Lynchburg" can attest when I blew out her ear drums shrieking when I saw a restaurant in Virginia called Biscuitville, I LIKE BISCUITS.  

There is definitely a trapped Southerner somewhere within my Minnesotan body.  And she's probably trapped under a pile of biscuits and pimento cheese that I have eaten.  Oh well, at least she's not starving!

I asked our very friendly server if instead of the English Muffin, could I order a goat cheese rosemary biscuit and have the Chef use that instead?  

I could tell from the server's face that I was the only Sally/Meg Ryan who had ever requested such a combination.  She looked distressed and uncertain.  I gave her a pep talk - we're in this together!  You can do it!  Now go get 'em!  

And then before she could run off, I also quickly asked if I could get cheese grits instead of regular grits.  That also cost extra (sorry Ms. Wrigleyville!), like 72 cents extra I think ... or maybe it was $1.72 or $2.72 or $272 ... I am a big spender when someone else is paying!  I am surprised I didn't ask for a 10 pound lobster as a garnish!  

My high-falootin' ways and server pep talk worked because our wonderful server was able to convince the Chef to make my "Sally High Maintenance Order" ...

The Corned Beef Hash Eggs Benedict - high maintenance order served on a
goat cheese rosemary biscuit with a side of heart-stopping cheese grits.

This was probably the best corned beef hash I have ever eaten.  It was made with big chunks of real corned beef, seasoned to a heavenly taste.  It melted in my mouth with just a hint of brine.  This was no dog food looking hash that I normally see in diners across the country.  This was gourmet and fantastic.  The potatoes were crispy, not greasy.  Everything was perfectly seasoned and in harmony.  

My high-maintenance order of placing all this wonderfulness on the goat cheese-rosemary biscuit was worth the fuss.  I don't know how a biscuit can be creamy and flaky at the same time ... but it was.  It was like buttery custard in a firm, flaky, moist biscuit.  The rosemary was strong and fresh, but not overpowering.  There was a slight hint of tangy goat cheese but again not overpowering.  A very well-balanced flavored biscuit.  

The poached eggs were perfectly cooked.  The Hollandaise sauce was rich and creamy without being overly heavy.  And the cheese grits ... smooth as silk with a rich, cheesy body.  It was like eating a cheesy creamy bowl of teenage dreams.  (Insert Katy Perry-esque knock-off song here.)

This was easily one of the best breakfasts I have had all year ... probably in several years even!  Thank you, Briarpatch!  Thank you, Winter Park!  (Are you listening, Mr. Cardamom Monroe?)

Then my breakfast went off the rails.  

You see Ms. Wrigleyville pulled out a machete ... and a gun ... and a slingshot ... and screamed "You are splitting the nectarine waffle with me, so we can try it!"  I am pretty sure she also pistol-whipped me and that her barking orders had a 1940's era German accent.  It's all a blur now, but I am pretty sure that is an accurate re-telling.  

I fell to the ground sobbing "Nooooooooooo!"  Hostage negotiators were brought in.  People fainted in the streets.  I recited a Samuel L. Jackson speech for no reason. 

And after fourteen hours of tense stand-off, I agreed to split the nectarine waffle with Ms. Wrigleyville.  I have 17 cats at home to support, I can't be killed in Winter Park.

     
Now the waffle was good ... BUT ... if The Briarpatch had named this waffle "Pecan Waffle with Nectarine garnish and syrup" I would have proclaimed this crisp, butter, malty, taste bud charmer the best waffle ever.  

However I was expecting a nectarine waffle and therefore was a tiny bit disappointed.  This waffle was chock full of pecans inside and out and topped with perfectly ripe nectarine slices with a not-too-sweet syrup.  But I had been expecting fruit inside the waffle giving me a strong nectarine punch of flavor.  Instead it was nutty, buttery, crispy with a velvet center.  An amazing waffle, just one in need of renaming.  #FoodieProblems  (The name didn't stop me from eating part of it though!  Yummy deliciousness!)

If you go to Orlando, you must do two things :

(1)  Go to Winter Park's historic district and have breakfast at The Briarpatch.

and 

(2)  Find Mr. Cardamom Monroe and tell him Winter Park rocks!

If you are nowhere near Orlando, make yourself a waffle and watch "When Harry Met Sally" and "Addicted to Love."  Either way, you'll have a great experience!

As always, thanks for reading!

(July 13, 2014) P.S.  Interested in hearing more about the movie "Addicted to Love"?  Check out this blog post from one of my readers here.

All The Way ... To NYC

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

My promotion to a new job is in FULL MANIC SWING!  My last job was a global role, but I had a smaller team so even though some of my days started at 5 a.m. or 6 a.m. with conference calls - it was by my own choosing and never more than twice a week.  

Now I log on at 5 a.m. and I already have fifty emails waiting for me.  (Thanks a lot, Asia Pacific team!)  Instead of having a "Farmer Lil' gets a head start on the day.  I am SO productive!" feeling.  I start out feeling cranky and already behind in my work.  I've been working crazy hours and trying to stay positive and focused.

Thank Baby Jesus for VACATIONS.  

I was supposed to have a five day weekend in NYC,  but that was BEFORE the new job.  Instead of three vacation days, I decided to work 1.5 days from the hotel and take only 1.5 days off.  Sadly a "half vacation" day turned out to be 6 hours of work, took the afternoon off and then 4 more hours of work in the evening.  But I made the best of my limited time!

Priceline hooked me up with an awesome hotel that I will write about at another date.  Luckily their WiFi is fast, so I can work super-fast.  I churned through meeting after meeting - no breakfast, no lunch, just crankiness!  But finally, finally, FINALLY ... it was time for me to go.  I had a Broadway Matinee to see!

I have been a Bryan Cranston fan since his days of playing a self-absorbed dentist on "Seinfeld."  When I heard he was playing President Lyndon Baines Johnson, a.k.a. "LBJ" on Broadway in the play "All The Way," I knew I had to go!

Side Note:  One of my friends said "Wait, weren't you just in NYC?  Didn't you just see a bunch of Broadway shows?"  Um, yes.  But that was end of April/early May.  This is June.  See the difference? 

I bought my ticket before "All The Way" won the Tony Award for "Best Play" and Bryan Cranston won "Best Performance By An Actor in A Leading Role in a Play."  But hearing that the show won awards made me even more excited!

In short, the show was beyond excellent.  I see why it won "Best Play" - the dialogue, intensity and pacing was riveting.  I was engrossed in every single second of this show.  I highly recommend it.  

I was anxious to see "Heisenberg" himself, Bryan Cranston, up close and personal.  I was in the third row and when he gave a speech on power, he looked right at me.  But after about two seconds, I completely forgot I was watching Bryan Cranston.  He so completely became LBJ that I forgot about the actor himself, the Seinfeld dentist, the Malcolm in the Middle dad and the Breaking Bad Meth Maker.  I was transported to 1963, amidst Martin Luther King Jr., Hubert Humphrey, J. Edgar Hoover, George Wallace and many others.

Bryan Cranston was nothing less than 1000% stellar as LBJ.  He ping-ponged between the emotions of an American President carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.  If you have the opportunity, you should see the play.  He had tears in his eyes several times during the show.  He would rant, then tell jokes, then cry, then howl.  And the audience was inhaling every moment intensely. 

I must admit I am more well-versed on the Kennedy years vs. LBJ's time in office.  I basically knew that he was the driver for the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, but also has the legacy of the escalation into the actions that would turn into the Viet Nam war.  And of course the ushering in of "The Great Society" programs to push the American people out of poverty.  He made so many changes at a pivotal time.

Spoiler alert for anyone who doesn't know US History - when LBJ was elected, confetti and streamers fell down upon the audience in the theater.  I swear I had a bucket of foil confetti strips all over me.  I grabbed a handful off my chest and shoved them in my purse so I could take the following picture ... This was just a fraction of the confetti that was on me!

Bravo Playbill for honoring LBGTQ Pride with the colors in the Playbill logo

I had no doubts that Bryan Cranston would be wonderful in the show.  What I didn't expect was how good the other actors were.  Brandon J. Dirden played Martin Luther King Jr.  I had never heard of Mr. Dirden before, but it will be a crime if movies/TV and other Broadway shows don't grab him as fast as he can.  He played the role true and whole.  It would have been easy to do a shallow imitation of Martin Luther King Jr., but Mr. Dirden breathed life into the man as a regular human as well as a civil rights leader.

Peter Jay Fernandez was wonderful as Roy Wilkins.  Ron Campbell infused George Wallace with a tenacity and pluck.  I didn't know when I watched him on stage that Mr. Campbell was in my favorite movie musical "Hedwig and the Angry Inch."  Small world!

The role of J. Edgar Hoover is normally played by TV actor Michael McKean.  However in the performance I saw, the understudy Tony Carlin was in the role.  Tony Carlin is no slouch - he's been in various movies and TV shows.  He played Hoover without being campy or overly evil - it was "just enough."  

Actor Eric Lenox Abrams infused every scene with intensity and bottled rage that was endemic of trying to push for Civil Rights against a hostile South and a stubborn Congress.  His voice was booming with the pain of generations.  William Jackson Harper also gave heart as well as anger, lighting up every scene he appeared in. 

I am going to pretend I didn't secretly squeal "OH MY GOD, IT'S THE DAD FROM 90210" when I saw James Eckhouse on stage.  I doubt the 90 year old man in the seersucker suit sitting in front of me was sharing my same recognition moment!

I also didn't know that 84 year old Minnesota native and mesmerizing actor John McMartin was in the show.  Every scene he was in was a treat for the audience.  I was so glad to see him in person. 

Another welcome surprise was seeing Ethan Phillips.  I swear he has not aged in 40 years.  I remember seeing him on reruns of the old show "Benson" and "Star Trek: Voyager."  He played four roles in the play.  Even when he was in a small role, he did it well.

Last but not least, Robert Petkoff as Hubert Humphrey was the heart of the play.  Imploring LBJ for change but having to swallow his pride and his thoughts.  It's a twisted dance trying to get any legislation through, but the Civil Rights Act?  I still don't know how the bill passed when parts of the country were actively lynching and declaring themselves above Federal law. 

The tragedies of the murders of American civil rights' workers, James Earl Chaney, Andrew Goodman, and Michael "Mickey" Schwerner were a heart-breaking backdrop for parts of the play.  They were barely in their 20's and yet so dedicated toward civil rights and education in the South.  I can't imagine risking my life at such a young age for others.  I was still in college, partying, sleeping and oh yeah occasionally studying.  

"All The Way" had me thinking long after the show had ended.  Which I think is a sign of a truly good play.  I can't shake its grasp.  An excellent show.  

Gorgeous Oatmeal and Remembering Why Friends Rock

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

How are you?  I've missed writing to you.  Where have you been?  Where have I been?  Watching a lot of HBO's Season Three of Game of Thrones and the even better sassy Jonathan Van Ness starring in FunnyOrDie.com's Gay of Thrones.  If you love sassy gay hairdressers, Game of Thrones and laughing your arse off - you need to watch "Gay of Thrones" but only AFTER you have seen Season Three of Game of Thrones - because there are some spoiler alerts!  

(I seriously have watched the 9 episodes of "Gay of Thrones" ten times ... I have a problem because I loves me some straight up Winterfell Realness!)

And find out which actor used a "stunt tushie" in Game of Thrones on episode 3 of "Gay of Thrones."  

(Here's a spoiler hint - he's singer Lily Allen's brother.  I am all about anyone and everyone with the name Lily!)

And I am IN LOVE with Jonathan Van Ness' head wrap in the Episode Six Recap ... so fabulous!

Time to get back to the business of me writing and you reading and unicorns roaming the land.  Deal?  Deal!

I know you come to LilyOnTheLam.com to find out the real meaning of life and the whole "What's It All About, Alfie?"-ism of it all ... And today is your lucky day because this blog post is all about the true meaning of Friendship.  Not the true meaning of Christmas because people it's June, OK?  

(Side Note:  Read more about my thoughts on "What's It All About, Alfie? in my blog post titled "Why It's Not A Good Idea to Get Drunk and Then Go To The Asian Dollar Store."  You know you want to read it!)

In life, friends are important - they support and encourage and yet call you on your sh*t if your head is getting out of whack.  And maybe they'll even share their popcorn with you at the movies.  But on Monday I was reminded why it's worth having friends in this world.  

(Side Note:  However sometimes friends are not always the most responsive as when I went into all crazy hysterics about being stalked by a local prosecutor who wanted to date me and Nicky G's first response was "Is he cute?"  Biatch please, the guy has a gun!  Nicky G, you're on notice!) 

Anywho ... Monday I got a big reminder of why friends are important and why I try to (most of the time) be a nice, loyal friend.  

You may remember Miss LM from my previous blog post The Importance of Friends and a Tasty Belgian Wafel.  Awhile ago, Miss LM was the victim of a car crushing hit and run about 10 minutes from my home.  Being from Minnesota and growing up in Wisconsin, I did what any good Midwesterner should do.  While Miss LM waited by the side of the road for Florida Highway Patrol officers who never came, I drove over and brought her some cheese.

Yes, cheese.  Nothing says "I am glad you're not dead, but I am sorry your vehicle got accordian-smooshed" like a deli plate of multiple varieties of sliced cheese.  Didn't your Mother teach you that?  

But seriously, I did bring her cheese.  Because sometimes you just don't know how to say "I am so sorry this happened to you."  So you give some cheese and hope the person knows you care.

Now contrary to popular belief and rumors written in lipstick in various Tampa Bay area bars, I don't just run around giving cheese to everyone.  You have to be a quality person to get some cheese from LilyOnTheLam.  And I have found time and time again, that if you pick the right people to give cheese to - you will be rewarded.  Hopefully with more cheese and some crackers and a bottle of wine, but sometimes the gift is even greater than that.

Monday was a perfect demonstration of that principle in action.  Miss LM had found out that an actor we both like will be starring in my favorite musical OF ALL TIME on Broadway Spring 2014 and she sent me a link to the news article.

This was like a 20 pound brick of manchego, sitting on a 50 pound brick of Jalapeno Jack, sitting on a 1000 pound brick of aged white cheddar with a vat of Big Woods Blue cheese and Purple Haze cheese next to it.

This is why you make and keep friends - so that one day they will be your publicity crew making sure that you are fully aware of all social events that will be the highlight of your life.  

If you have not clicked the news story link and if you are not a frequent LilyOnTheLam.com reader, I'll give you a heads up.  My favorite musical and movie musical of all time is John Cameron Mitchell's Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  It reigns high above all other plays, television shows and movies about wannabe rockstars who cut off their penis to escape Communist-run East Germany searching for their other half to make them whole.  I can quote all the dialogue, sing all the songs and I may just have a big old blonde wig in a box ready to be pulled out for spontaneous living room concerts of the Hedwig song "Wig In A Box." 

(Side Note:  Read more about my obsessive love for Hedwig and the Angry Inch in three, yes three blog posts: (1) Panic! Shazam! I'm Going To Guam!  (2) Midnight Radio: How I Found My Doppelganger Via Twitter.  and (3) Wicked Little Town:  Please Don't Think I Am Creepy But ...

And read this beyond awesome clip reel article on Buzzfeed about the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch - regardless if you're gay or straight, you need to read this article.  It is fabulous and distills the Hedwig philosophy perfectly.

And if you live in Tampa Bay, get your tickets to Jobsite Theater's Fall 2013 production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch.)

I have been avoiding going to the grocery store while I try to eat up things in the freezer and the cupboard, so my dinner Monday night was Quaker Oats Real Medleys Apple Walnut Oatmeal.  (Don't judge me!)  When I received news from Miss LM that we have to go to NYC Spring 2014 to see the Great Neil Patrick Harris star in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway, I looked down at my bowl of oatmeal and said "You are the most gorgeous bowl of oatmeal EVER" and then started singing Hedwig and the Angry Inch's song "Sugar Daddy."

In short, I was happier than a cat in a sink about the upcoming Broadway show news!

Chibby singing selected tunes from Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Of course Miss LM is going to rue the day she told me that Hedwig was coming to Broadway, as I fully intend on spending the next 6-9 months peppering her with Hedwig and the Angry Inch trivia, making her learn all the songs and possibly making her get the famous Hedwig tattoo.  I met a guy at a Jay Brannan concert in Orlando who had the Hedwig tattoo and I wanted to clutch him to my bosom and embrace him as a long lost brother!  But that would have been slightly weird.  Just slightly.

(See this cool video of a gentleman getting the Hedwig tattoo to the Hedwig song "Origin of Love."  God, I love YouTube.com!)

So you see Ladies and Gentlemen - this is why it is important to be good to people and occasionally give them cheese because one day they just might give you news that causes you to leap for joy and rate the attractiveness of oatmeal.

Neil Patrick Harris in Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Broadway is going to be spectacular.  But what's even more terrific is awesome friends.

And cheese.  

And gorgeous oatmeal.  

See you Spring 2014 in NYC, Neil Patrick Harris - you bring the Wig in a Box and we will bring the love!  

"Don't you know me, Kansas City?  I'm the new Berlin Wall - TRY AND TEAR ME DOWN!"