Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers: My name is Lily and I am a procrastinator. Hi Lily. (At least that's what the voices in my head are saying.) I love to travel. I love to shop. I love to eat. I love to take pictures. I sometimes love to write. This combination means I have giant file folders filled with pictures from my various adventures that have yet to find their way into a blog post. I tell myself "yes, yes, I'll blog about that eventually." And then years go by. I did a great job of blogging about my February 2013 British Virgin Islands trip - for the first half of the trip … and here it is April 2014 and I still haven't blogged about the second half of the trip. And frankly probably never will. Sigh. I like to write restaurant reviews for my blog, but there again the procrastination causes unintended effects. In July 2012, I went to this charming bistro (and walked through a heroin addict's delight neighborhood to get to the other side of town to visit it) in Vancouver, British Columbia. It was called Au Petit Chauvignol. I had this incredible short rib poutine and the most decadent salted caramel cookie ice cream sandwich. I could not wait to blog about this lovely restaurant. But procrastination set in - and then the restaurant closed. Blogging about a closed restaurant that had really good food seems unfair … so of course I never did.
Short Rib Poutine at the now closed Au Petit Chauvignol
This also happened when Ms. Nic and I had dinner at Domani Bistro Lounge in Seminole Heights, Florida. We had a lovely dinner. I took pictures of everything with the hopes of blogging about it soon. Then procrastination set in and two weeks later the restaurant burned down. Whoops! I'm not saying that had I written my restaurant review in time that the restaurant would not have burned down, but hey you never know! I'd like to say experiences like these have been the kick start for me to throw aside my procrastination and start writing all the blog posts I have been meaning to write for years. I'd like to say that … but who are we kidding? I'll try my best and we'll see where it goes. Until then, here are pictures from July 2012 in Kitsilano, Vancouver, British Columbia. I was walking to Jethro's Fine Grub - an 8 table restaurant on Dunbar Street that I had seen on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives (Guy Fieri annoys me but I love diner food). I, of course, never wrote about my breakfast there - because I am a PROCRASTINATOR! But maybe some day for that as well. (It was really tasty!) As I went for a gorgeous walk in "Kits" (Kitsilano), I saw posters decorating a construction site and I just had to take some pictures. Here they are for your viewing pleasure …
Happy Easter (or Happy Sunday) LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers! This my 350th blog post! When I started this blog on December 18, 2010, I would have bet money that 3 1/2 years later I would NOT be still writing in it. I have been the reigning Queen of Lazy and Procrastination for 4236 years now; so to be at "Blog Post Number 350" I am just floored! Perhaps my cats have been ghost-writing some of the entries. A small renegade contingent of you have been reading from the very start. Aren't you bored, yet? Whoops I mean- thank you so much for reading! One thing that hasn't changed in 350 blog posts is that my cats still give me the stink-eye when I break out into a spontaneous dance number. When will they learn to appreciate high art? Between dance numbers, you would think I would have run out of subjects to write about by now … but evidently I still keep blathering on and on and on! Thank you for coming along for the ride! Have a chocolate bunny and some marshmallow peeps in honor of this glorious day! Now let's get back to business ... I wrote this blog post in advance, in case I happened to be passed out in a bag of jelly beans by Easter Sunday. The week before Easter is always treacherous for me as stores start marking down prices on their Easter candy to get it off the shelves. "Fifty percent off? Well I'd be a fool not to buy 300 packs of Reese's peanut butter cup eggs and 900 bags of jelly beans … oh and don't forget the MARSHMALLOW PEEPS!" Then later I am found in the gutter, covered in crinkly green Easter basket grass with headless chocolate bunnies all around me. Oh the shame, the mighty shame! I basically have to barricade myself indoors and think about celery to keep me from running off and filling my entire car with Easter-themed sugar. In honor of Easter and Sunday brunches in general (I love breakfast food almost as much as I love sugar), today's post is about a dish I had in Vancouver, British Columbia. My job is a global role, so on a daily basis I am talking to people from all over the world. However I take particular delight in chatting with my Toronto colleagues - especially about the antics of their Mayor. I have spent the majority of my life living in states that border Canada. During three years living in Buffalo, New York, I basically ran to Canada any chance I could get. But one thing I had never eaten in Canada on my many, many, many trips there was poutine. For those of you unfamiliar, poutine is a dish that originated in Quebec. It is a base of French fries, covered in brown gravy and topped with cheese curds. I'm pretty sure whomever created this dish was insane or had a major case of the munchies. I like Fries. I like gravy. I like cheese curds. But all together? Come on Canada, sober up! I had poutine once in the States and was like "what the heck is the appeal? This just looks like a pile of nasty covered in gravy." (Now let me say that there are MANY plenty of "train wreck on a plate" dishes that I do enjoy.) So when I traveled to Vancouver, British Columbia for the first time, I decided I was going to sample some hopefully "authentic" poutine and see what all the fuss was about. On my trip, I had regular poutine, a short rib poutine and then a "breakfast poutine." My favorite was the breakfast poutine - which technically is not a poutine at all (and probably why I liked it so much.) I was staying at the Vancouver Four Seasons - a lovely, centrally located hotel. The restaurant in the hotel is Yew Seafood- a smart, chic eatery with good customer service. On their breakfast menu, they had the "breakfast poutine" and I knew I had to try it.
O' Canada and Your Breakfast Poutine!
Instead of French fries, the base of the breakfast poutine was sweet potato tater tots. (I love a good Tater Tot. Search for "tater tot" on this blog and get ready to be frightened when you see how many of my posts are dedicated to the beloved tot!)
Hello Sweet Potato Tater Tots!
Sliced free range chicken sausage, back bacon (I'm just going to call it ham), cherry tomatoes, goat cheese, poached eggs and Hollandaise sauce topped the "mock poutine." This breakfast food lover declared it: "100% Amazingly Delicious!" It had the sweetness of the sweet potato tater tots with the saltiness of the sausage, back bacon and goat cheese. It had the richness of the Hollandaise sauce and poached eggs with the acidity of the tart cherry tomatoes. And it was all served up in a cute little iron skillet. The portion size was super huge. I ate and ate and ate and only finished half. I needed a "Poutine Buddy" to finish off this breakfast! Is there a "Woman Seeking Poutine Buddy" section on Craigslist? The breakfast poutine all around was very good. The goat cheese was nice, but this dish would have been just as good without it. Although I suppose it would not be a "mock poutine" without some cheese on top. Sadly, the breakfast menu for Yew Seafood Restaurant no longer contains the breakfast poutine. Perhaps Canadians are not as fond as I am of this "breakfast bastardization" of their national appetizer. However this breakfast-loving American thinks it is pretty darn tasty! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! One of these days I am going to recreate this dish at home for my own brunch event. It is a relatively easy dish to throw together, but has a "slaved away in the kitchen all day" taste. Plus it would give me an excuse to buy some baby iron skillets … I LOVE BUYING KITCHEN STUFF! So Canadians, I'm still not 100% sold on poutine but I am 200% in love with breakfast poutine. Baby steps to international diplomacy and peace … through breakfast foods! P.S. Here are some pictures of Yew Restaurant - if you're in Vancouver, check it out!
I love any place that draws in my cappuccino foam and serves a biscotti on the side
Before I launch into the sage wisdom and advice of today's blog post, I would like to tell you that the inspiration for this post was brought to you by Vancouver, British Columbia's own Save On Meats Diner.
For it was there, at the adorably cute diner with a jaw-droppingly hot, muscular man working the front counter (O Canada!) -- that I drank several of these lovely concoctions - a Caesar garnished with a savory, saucy pepperoni. These were the beverages that set me out upon my journey of self-discovery.
I was in Canada for two reasons: (1) To increase the pitiful Canadian readership of LilyOnTheLam.Com - seventh place in country readership? Tsk Tsk Canada, you should be ashamed! (Read more about it here, here and here. Yes, I wrote three blog posts about my planned invasion of Canada- don't judge!) And (2), I was in Vancouver to celebrate the anniversary of my birth ... no, I wasn't born in Canada but when you live in a hot, humid climate (hello Florida), it's nice to visit the cooler Pacific Northwest.
This was a pretty significant birthday. (One doesn't turn 912 every day ... did I mention I am a vampire? A very old vampire, at that.) I've been having a lot of "What's It All About, Alfie?" moments. And if you have no clue what that means, please watch the 1966 Michael Caine movie "Alfie" and not the Jude Law 2004 remake. (If you must watch the Jude Law remake, then mute the sound and just say "Isn't he pretty?" over and over until the movie ends.)
To add to my emotional questions, I recently was promoted to a "stepping stone" role. One of those "suck it up, work extremely hard and you'll move on to even bigger things, kid!" roles. The carrot that is supposed to make the donkey jump up like Michael Jordan.
It's like "Hey Kid, if you work hard - one day, all of Sector 7G will be yours!" Since the stepping stone isn't the stone to step on to get to being a rock star or Oprah Winfrey, it's been hard for me to generate the requisite enthusiasm that this very good opportunity should create. I guess the best way to describe how I am feeling with regard to the "stepping stone" is that it is like fishing with the wrong bait. Here I am, swimming in the pond, and a hook with a lamb chop is dropped in the water. I don't eat lamb, therefore it doesn't interest me. So I just watch this lamb chop being dragged around in front of me while I stare at it. Instead of being an incentive to make me work harder, it becomes a disincentive.
"Ohhhh, you want me to bite into this? But what then? You pull me out by my mouth and throw me in a boat? Um OK, but what then? You club me, skin me, filet me, fry me and eat me? Um OK, but what then? I go through your digestive tract and then am defecated out of you? Um OK, but what then? I am washed into the sewers to disintegrate into the water? But I am in water now, seems like an awful lot of work and pain to become a disintegrating piece of poop."
Now don't get me wrong ... I am extremely flattered that I was chosen for this stepping stone position. There was stiff competition and it is an honor and a testament to my previous hard work. And in this economy any money-making job that covers your expenses seems to be a good one. I would rather be a shining star at my workplace with a heavy workload than be a nameless, faceless grunt with a lighter workload who no one knows about or cares about and then inevitably is the first one cut in a lay-off. But still I feel like the fish staring at a lamb chop on a hook thinking to myself: "Really? I'm supposed to want this? And want this enough to impale myself on a hook? Seriously?"
I can talk your ear off about all the things I don't want to do - in career, life, love ... but it's more difficult to efficiently encapsulate what I do want in all of these areas in words.
It makes me think of one of my favorite books, "Fight Club" by Chuck Palahniuk. I am in love with most of the dialogue in this novel. It is painfully poignant poetry for the post-boomer generations. In Chapter Five, the Doorman says several statements that burn through my brain and my soul ...
"A lot of young people try to impress the world and buy too many things ... A lot of young people don't know what they really want ... Young people, they think they want the whole world ... If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't."
If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't. Those words are like the closed captioning on my own blaring nightmare. The overwhelming fear that I will bury myself in all that I don't want because I have no clue what I do want. Ack, the horror! Wake me from this nightmare!
Amidst all this so far aimless soul searching, I am also redecorating my living room. After I had already made the decision to redecorate, I saw a numerologist (don't judge!) and she said I am at the end of a Nine Year Cycle and need to get new furniture. I saw this as some sort of cosmic approval of my already prepared plan. Hopefully the cosmos will also pay my credit card bill after I buy all this new furniture.
I am not really sure of what I want in the living room ... which has led me to endless stores and online hunting. The other day, I went to Iron Pelican Antiques in St. Petersburg, Florida. I ended up buying three pieces of furniture -- because I just knew what I wanted when I saw it. So here I am trying to reconcile between "If you don't know what you want, you'll end up with a lot that you don't" and "I'll know it when I see it." Or maybe that just applies to furniture?
The retail therapy did give me a temporary reprieve from my "What's It All About, Alfie?" musings. And ohhhh the furniture (which will be delivered Wednesday) is ohhhhhh so pretty and I got such a good deal compared to many other overpriced Tampa Bay antique stores.
But I digress ... back to Vancouver and my multitude of Caesar cocktails with the delicious savory pepperoni garnish. There I was - drinking my yummy cocktails and giving sly side glances to the hot waiter working the diner's counter ... oh and also trying to contemplate my future.
My brain was spinning ... as I have often said in my life - "I wish I had a crystal ball and just some reassurance that everything will work out OK." Which frankly is a funny thing for me to muse about, because I have (knock on wood) had the divine fortune to always land on my feet in any situation. My friend Nicky G once told me he never has to worry about me - I'm a cat - no matter what the circumstance, I make it out on my feet OK. And not to sound egotistical, but he's right. I've always managed to make lemonade out of lemons ... I may squirt myself in the eye one hundred times, but in the end all is good. I may be wearing a bedazzled pirate eye patch because of it, but I still manage to rock it hard. Sometimes you have to just sit back, keep doing what you're doing, stop worrying and trust that this is the right course destiny/fate/ God/Buddha wants you to be on. (And NO, I am NOT going to include a clip of Carrie Underwood singing "Jesus Take The Wheel" - I really am NOT. I'm serious!)
I toddled out of the booth at Save On Meats Diner ... yes toddled ... I didn't realize that the numerous cocktails had any effect on me until I stood up and tried to walk straight and sober-like. Ambulatory fail! I was walking back to my hotel, so the only real danger for me was the fear of tripping over drunken feet and planting myself face first into the British Columbian cement. I tried to look smooth and collected, but probably just looked sweaty and drunk.
I walked past a mall and decided to go in. Shopping while intoxicated always sounds like a good idea ... at the time. There was an Asian dollar store in the mall. What's an Asian dollar store? A dollar store with Asian products. Like the fantastic Muji.us but with super inexpensive items! It reminded me of several I had seen in Japan. Being half-Chinese, I loves me some cheap Asian merchandise and I gleefully wandered in to the store.
Friends, loved ones, strangers -- If you follow any advice that I give on LilyOnTheLam.com, please follow this -- Don't get drunk and then go to an Asian dollar store.Especially when you have a lot of cash and credit cards on you!
People, the whole foundation of LilyOnTheLam.Com can be summed up in this quote by Catherine Aird: "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
"Horrible warning, party of one ... name of Lily ... now being seated ..."
I was so cocky with my "I'll know it when I see it" mentality ... that I forgot a very important caveat -- if you're intoxicated (or distracted or not in your right mind), you may not really want what you think you want at the time. (Can I hear an "Amen Sister" from every drunk man who took home a Coyote Ugly chick from a bar?) So with this very important caveat, I was right back at square one with the adage: "If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't."
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I submit to you Exhibits 1, 2 and 3 ... items purchased from the Asian dollar store in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada on the intoxicated night in question by the now sheepish-looking defendant ...
Exhibit One
Exhibit Two
Exhibit Three
Perhaps Chuck Palahniuk should have written: "If you don't know what you want, you'll end up with a sponge in the shape of a banana where you can detach the individual banana pieces and use them if for some unknown reason you need a really small sponge."
Or: "If you don't know what you want and you're drunk, you're going to buy a lot of tremendously cute bath products that you don't need and will feel like a dumbass when you realize you're not four years old and yet now have a collection of bath toys."
Or: "What's It All About, Lily? Maybe stop drunk shopping at the Asian Dollar Store and let your brain cells and wallet take a breather ... maybe then enlightenment will come to you, sister!"
Please expect to find one of the above scenarios in Mr. Palahniuk's upcoming novel, "Chick Fight Club." I will be starring in the movie and actor Brad Pitt will play my doppelgänger, because he is basically the idealized version of me anyway. (Insert snotty laughter here.)
I wish I had a happy ending to this blog post ... something akin to "so I pulled my head out of my ass and realized that I was in control of my life and that I need not ask what it is all about because I make my own destiny, dammit!" But this isn't a Sandra Bullock movie. And if it was, there would be a montage of me clothes shopping and kissing puppies ... because that's what the movie audiences want-- nay, expect-- from me. And by God as my witness, I will deliver! As soon as I become a top movie actress, that is. Also, I don't know exactly where this gets worked in but in my idealized world, I would be doing tea with Oprah Winfrey at my favorite tea room in all the world -- Podunk in New York City. (Read about it here.) And Oprah would say to me as she was pouring me a 2nd cup of Oolong tea that "It's all about living your best life." I would look her in the eye and say "Oprah honey, I am so glad you realize that having tea WITH ME is what makes your life, the best life ever." We would laugh, but secretly Oprah would know and I would know that I was deathly serious. I'd pass Oprah one of Podunk's amazing cupcakes and smile.
However, instead of a happy ending, an Oprah moment or a film career, I am still here - just little old me - pondering my life and my plans to redecorate my living room. There's not even a cupcake in sight. While I don't have an ending to this particular story, I do have a lesson to take away from it. That lesson being that I have ascertained that I definitely do not want my emotional life nor my living room to be filled with cases of sponges shaped like bananas ... so I better keep in tune with my soul instead of just trying to blindly fill the spaces up with cute things that have little substance.
("Cute things that have little substance" can also describe most of the men I dated in my early 20's. Just a side note!)
Maybe I'll never truly figure out "What's It All About?", but I have a feeling I'll be a "Better Me" for going through the exercise of asking myself the right questions versus drowning myself in cocktails. No matter how savory or delectably garnished they might be.
Perhaps through the process of asking myself these questions, I will be able to sort out some of my emotional baggage -- keeping the small, light-hearted carry-on stuff and leaving the steamer trunks of regret for the emotional Salvation Army to pick up and haul away.
Until I figure it all out, I have learned to at least keep away from Asian Dollar Stores after I have been drinking ... and if that lesson is "As Good As It Gets" - it's still a pretty good lesson for not only me, but the world.
