Use Your Powers Wisely: The Curse of the Monkey's Paw

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

In keeping with my current theme of blogging from coffee and tea houses in the Tampa Bay area, I am at Kaleisia Tea Lounge on East Fletcher Avenue.  

The atmosphere is very Japanese modern.  They even have a Japanese shoji screened area where you sit on cushions on the floor, without shoes.  A little bit of Japan in Tampa Bay!  

Their "large size" tea is called the Teatanic - which makes me hum Celine Dion songs as I slurp lychee flavored boba out of a ginormous mason jar.

In the picture above is a Thai iced tea, medium sweetness (because I am sweet enough!) with "lychee poppin' boba" and Kaleisia's wild tuna pasta salad.  The pasta salad is CRAZY good.  Very light tasting but with a fresh herby punch of flavor.  The menu at Kaleisia has many yummy sounding items, some vegan and some gluten-free.  Check it out here.  

But I'm not here to talk about tea, I am here to talk about THE CURSE OF THE MONKEY'S PAW!

(Insert sinister music here!)  

Years ago, I watched an episode of "The Simpsons" where Homer buys a Monkey's Paw and is granted three wishes.

But like anything that comes too easy in life, there are challenges too.  Each wish that Homer makes does not turn out to be a blessing.  So finally he decides to just wish for a turkey sandwich - not a possessed evil zombie turkey, just a regular turkey sandwich.  

And when he eats it, he at first enjoys it but then realizes it's a little dry.  Once again, even his simple wish does not come true.  The Monkey's Paw couldn't even deliver a good turkey sandwich.

Well somewhere in my hoarder's condo, I must have a Monkey's Paw laying around because my wishes are coming true -- but not in the way I would want them to.  I keep screaming out "Be more specific in your wishes!"

For example, I went out with a 6'4" guy - but either I'm growing or he's shrinking because I swear he wasn't taller than 6'2".  So I said to myself "Hmmm, maybe I need to find a 6'5" guy."  

THE NEXT DAY - I met a 6'5" guy!  The Universe delivered!  But here's the Monkey's Paw in action because the guy was crazy!  (He of the "You  Need to Tighten the Lid on Your Box of Crazy" LilyOnTheLam blog post.)

I chastised myself "You should have specified - 6'5" guy who is NOT crazy when you made your wish to the universe!"  Come on, get it together sister!

So then later in the week, I started work at 6 a.m. and had some tough conference calls.  I had a one hour break in my schedule and I decided to go out for breakfast to clear my head.  Ever since I had the amazingly delicious basil pesto pressed Cuban bread sandwich at DI Coffee Bar (check it out here), I have been craving Cuban toast and Cuban cheese toast.  

(Side note:  Lily's favorite place for Cuban cheese toast in Tampa Bay?  La Teresita Cafeteria - which is open 24 hours a day on the weekends so I can get Tostada con queso any time I want it!)

I asked the universe to please, please, please make sure that the local diner had Cuban toast on their menu.  I hadn't been to this diner in years - it's in walking distance from my home but I always forget it's there.  Which is odd because I love all places that serve breakfast.  I hold them in high esteem, close to my heart!  

I opened the diner's menu and I saw ... wheat, white and rye as their bread selections.  Sigh.  Even English Muffins!  But no Cuban toast.

But then I looked at the side dish menu AND THERE IT WAS!  CUBAN TOAST!  I ordered it with a very giddy tone.  (Carbs make me happy!)

Cuban Toast

It arrived pressed in true Cuban toast fashion.  I took a bite ... and damn that Monkey's Paw!  

It was just ... OK.  

It tasted old, not fresh.  And instead of butter it tasted like it had been pressed with one of those artificial cafeteria margarine-style spreads ... but even worse than margarine - more like the stuff that doubles for WD-40.  SIGH.  

Damn you, Monkey's Paw!  Once again my lack of specificity had screwed me!  I should have wished for GOOD-TASTING Cuban toast versus just Cuban Toast!

Last night, I was looking online at some job listings on a career website where I did not log in or in any way share my personal information.  I was just checking what's out there in the universe.  

Today, in a very odd coincidence - the internal recruiter for the company I was looking at contacted me on LinkedIn.  But the job he is hiring for is about 3 steps backward in my career.  Damn you, Monkey's Paw!  

Once again I screamed at myself:  "BE MORE SPECIFIC IN YOUR WISHES TO THE UNIVERSE!"

Still, I must say that this "Cosmic ATM" where I think of something and it appears quickly is pretty crazy cool.  Yeah, the "blessing" is a bit off the mark but still the fact that it's even materializing at all is pretty awesome in my book.  Homer Simpson may agree that even a dry turkey sandwich is better than no turkey sandwich.

I just need to be MORE specific in my wishes!  I will beat you one day, Monkey's Paw!

As always, thank you for reading!  

Alice's Adventures in Boozy Land - The Boozy Tea at Anise Global Gastrobar - Tampa, FL

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

It is a rainy Sunday evening in Tampa, Florida.  As I drove home, I passed by a three car pile up.  The owners and passengers of the three cars standing without umbrellas in the pouring rain, were looking very unhappy.  

The "glass half full" bright side of the picture is that none of them looked hurt.  However standing in the heavy rain while staring at your mangled car is probably not the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon either.  I said a "thank you" to the universe that I made it home safe and sound.  

This weekend has been chock full of fun events, but I especially wanted to tell you about the "Boozy Tea" at Anise Global Gastrobar in Tampa, Florida.  

I love a proper afternoon tea.  My favorite tea room is Podunk in New York City.  So when I saw on Anise Global Gastrobar's Facebook page that they were planning an afternoon "tea" but with cocktails instead of "tea" and a gift bag for each participant, I knew I needed to sign up for tickets for this event!  (Who doesn't love a gift bag??) 

I also knew immediately who I wanted to attend the event with - Ms. Seminole Heights.  Now don't take it the wrong way - I'm not saying that an event titled "Boozy" made me think of Ms. Seminole Heights!  But Anise Global Gastrobar is a swank place (I love, love, love their decor).  So a leisurely afternoon of quality edibles, exotic cocktails and great conversation in a swanky place, that sounded like something right up Ms. Seminole Heights' alley.  So I asked her if she would be interested - and call me a psychic, but she was!

I've been trying to lead a healthier lifestyle on many levels.  I am trying to make sure that what I bring into my headspace and my stomach are quality products.  Instead of mindlessly eating crap food, I want it to be good quality and of good taste.  And I try my best to limit the portion size.  

I also decided I would try to give up alcohol for a year (for calories and health reasons not for addiction ones) but with the exception of a sailing trip I will be taking in November and I'd give myself a "free pass" if there was a really good cocktail event.  After 8 months of no drinking (except for a sip of a Caipirinha in Brazil and a couple of sips from friends' cocktails at new places- I have not had a "full glass" since January), I thought that the Boozy Tea would be a good "free pass."  

In addition to trying to eat and drink better, I have been trying to spend time with people who lead their lives from a place of optimism versus cynicism.  Those who see the glass (or tea cup) as half-full versus half-empty.  Those who see themselves as the Captain of their lives versus a victim.  

Like my collection of fitness DVDs that I hope will get me into shape through osmosis by sitting on my bookshelf, I hope that if I surround myself with quality, respectful people I can embody more of their positive spirit.  I feel like the people we surround ourselves with are just as important as the air we breathe and the food and liquids we eat and drink.  If you breathe in polluted air, day after day; your lungs will suffer from the pollution.  So if I spend the majority of my time with healthy, upbeat, respectful people- my hope is that I will embody their healthy, upbeat attitudes as well.  

Ms. Seminole Heights is one of those healthy, upbeat people.  No, her life is not perfect (no one has a perfect life, well maybe Oprah?); but she is not bitter, in denial, angry or a crying victim.  Or at least she doesn't appear so to me.  I find her to be positive and optimistic, but level-headed as well.  She sees the silver lining and the gray cloud - even-keeled I guess is how I see her.  And I find our conversations very thought-provoking and emotionally nourishing.  

I think it is good to step out of our own heads from time to time and see the world through another person's eyes.  Sometimes the key to having a better relationship with our day to day world is just changing the perspective.

So on a gray Sunday afternoon, I met Ms. Seminole Heights at Anise Global Gastrobar for their first "Boozy Tea" event.  In addition to the swank, chic surroundings - the staff working the "Boozy Tea" were in lovely dresses and hats.  It was like a high end, fancy Alice in Wonderland tea party.  It was the perfect touch of glamour.  

We sat at the bar while the staff put the finishing touches on the table.  The event would have four cocktails and a wide variety of savory and sweet edibles.  Some of the food was set before us on a three tier tray and other items would be brought to our table throughout the tea.  I felt very pampered by the very friendly and courteous waitstaff.

We started with Cocktail #1: "Mumm's Champagne Spritzer" - which I am renaming "Little Green Martian."  It is matcha tea, starfruit juice, ginger and GH Mumm Cordon Rouge champagne.

Mumm's Champagne Spritzer

Which by the way, as I type this I am in my living room with The Body Shop green tea tree oil face mask on.  Perhaps I am the Little Green Martian too!

Cocktail #1 was my favorite cocktail of the whole night.  The starfruit juice really hit the spot.  

Next, we were seated at our tables.  Take a look at this amazing three tier tray of deliciousness!  I have been to many terrific afternoon teas and sadly several not so good ones.  The Boozy Tea at Anise Global Gastrobar had one of the best food selections and food quality of any tea I have attended.  Everything was fresh and flavorful.

On the bottom tier, there was a smoked salmon pumpernickel crostini.  The salmon had a nice smoky, briny flavor to it with a lush white sauce that tasted of creme fraiche and a sprig of fresh dill.  It was fantastic.  Next to it on a cucumber slice is a lovely, fresh and not overly mayonnaise-y Chicken Waldorf salad.  At Anise, we not only had these plated appetizers, plus passed appetizers - but then they came back around several times with extras.  I had more of the chicken salad because it was so tasty.  There is also a cucumber sandwich with herbed cream cheese.  It was very fresh, crisp and the cream cheese was extra rich and lush.  (OK I had two of those too!)  And next to the sandwiches was a cinnamon sugar palmier - crisp, sweet, flaky and delicious.

On the middle tier: a deviled egg topped with perfectly cooked lobster.  Talk about luxury!  Two more cinnamon sugar palmiers.  Three zucchini parmesan mini madeleines (one of the best tasting items overall - and I did not say "no" when the waitstaff brought us another dish of five more madeleines hot out of the oven.)  The combination of zucchini with aged Parmesan was fantastic.  Then there was a huge seasonal fruit tart with pasty cream.  The crust was buttery and delicious.  The "creme patissiere" was light but velvety.  The fruit fantastic.  

On the top tier: blackberries, starfruit, chocolate dipped petit fours with jam filling and two of the moistest, most delicious blueberry scones.  I usually do not like scones because they tend to be dry, flavorless and crumbly.  But these scones were amazing - bright, big blueberries popping juicy deliciousness with each soft, moist bite.  When the waitstaff came around with a platter of more scones, I had to physically restrain myself.

The chocolate on the petit fours was so amazing.  I had to slow myself down to truly appreciate each chocolatey bite.  So divinely good!

In addition to the plated appetizers.  We were also given Rosemary Russian tea cookies.  These were the perfect combination of savory and sweet.

And served on a soup spoon was a savory, complex tasting tomato bisque with a grilled cheese crouton.  The grilled cheese crouton had an aged cheese flavor - perhaps Gouda?  

The tomato bisque with grilled cheese crouton was my favorite.  The zucchini parmesan madeleines my second favorite.  OK seriously there wasn't a bad bite in the batch.  I loved it all!!

Cocktail #2 was a Green Tea Sour - Jasmine Green Tea, Jameson whiskey and creme de peche.  This drink was strong but good!  I had to sip it very slowly!  Anise Global Gastrobar may want to consider smaller versions of their cocktails for the next Boozy Tea, because I was feeling pretty boozy by drink #2 and I purposely didn't fully finish any of the cocktails.  Bring a designated driver or call a taxi!  Drink responsibly!

Cocktail #3 was my 2nd favorite which was a surprise.  Now I am not the most sophisticated of people, so when the waitstaff put a tea cup with two little dried roses in it in front of me - I had a slight moment of social panic.  What was I supposed to do with this??  Seriously I would be the girl drinking from the finger bowl at a fancy dinner party.  Trust me, it would happen.

I decided not to do anything with the tea cup.  And then the waitstaff came out with steaming pots and filled our dried rose tea cups.  Ah-ha ... now it all made sense!  Cocktail # 3 was a Rose Oolong Toddy.

Now I am not a big oolong fan nor am I a big hot toddy fan, but wow this drink was great.  The fragrance was amazing.  It contains rose oolong tea, Jameson black barrel and honey.  It was smooth, soft and subtle.  And it made my stomach feel like it was getting a gentle hug from Brad Pitt.  Talk about a boozy, warm feeling!

Cocktail #4 wins for best looking drink of the Boozy Tea.  If you're a regular LilyOnTheLam.com reader (or viewer of my Instagram account @LilyOnTheLam), you will know that I have been boba-crazy lately at Naga Tea, Latte Luna and Kaleisia Tea Lounge.  

Well Cocktail #4 is Thai Tea - but with Thai Tea, Jameson Caskmates and black boba pearls.  I think there was either Star Anise, Cardamom or Chinese Five Spice in it as well.  It was lighter than traditional Thai Tea - which I appreciated.  I hate when Thai Tea is too cloyingly sweet.  But in true Lily fashion, I enjoyed slurping up the black boba tapioca pearls.

The Anise Global Gastrobar waitstaff came around with platters and platters of extras of each of the plated appetizers.  No one left hungry.  I was extremely happily satisfied with both the food and cocktails!

In addition to the quality food and high end cocktails, Ms. Seminole Heights and I had a quality conversation on many different topics - life, personal histories, shared philosophies, addiction, denial, personal growth ... Not only did our afternoon tea come with adult beverages, we shared interesting adult, intelligent conversation topics as well.  It was the perfect way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I hope Anise Global Gastrobar does more events like this in the future.  (Watch their Facebook page, where they post their events.)  The quality and quantity of the food and cocktails was well worth the ticket price per person.  It was a high-end, incredibly tasty spread.  I enjoyed every single morsel.

And to top it off, at the end of the event we were given a tea cup and saucer and a gift bag.  In the gift bag was either a chai soap or sugar face scrub.  (Ms. Seminole Heights and I each received the chai soap) and a vanilla bean macaron with the most amazing chocolate filling (an Earl Grey ganache).  Which I may have possibly greedily eaten on the drive home.    

Regularly, Anise Global Gastrobar serves a wide variety of gourmet small plates.  I love their steamed bao buns and their dessert sweet buns.  But being a Midwesterner at heart, I also love their amazing Tater Tots.  

If you're a regular LilyOnTheLam.com reader you will know that in one of my previous posts about "dueling Tater Tots" I chose Anise Global Gastrobar's tots over some pretty amazing Nashville tater tots.  There is plenty of reason to check out Anise Global Gastrobar whether its for lunch, dinner or a special event like their Boozy Tea.

I am striving to see my world as a "tea cup half full" versus "tea cup half empty" place.  The delicious cocktails and amazing food at Anise Global Gastrobar's Boozy Tea definitely filled my belly and soul with happiness.  Thank you, Anise!

And to you all, as always, thank you for reading! 

Jesus Is A Biscuit

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I have a massive bout of cabin fever lately.  Since for my "day job" I work from home, every now and again I feel the need to be out and about amongst "the people."  So for the past several nights I have been writing from coffee and tea houses around Tampa Bay.  Sunday night was Naga Tea near USF.  Monday night was DI Coffee Bar (Click on their Facebook link here).  Tuesday night was going to be Blind Tiger Cafe in Ybor City, but I ended up at the  much less impressive but large venue Starbucks.  Perhaps you have heard of it?  But don't fear Blind Tiger - I love, love, love your coffee drinks and atmosphere so I will be back soon.

Of course karma kicked me in the teeth for not supporting a fine local business like Blind Tiger Cafe.  About 2 minutes after I sat down at my table - getting myself all situated - plugged in my ancient MacBook Air, charging my cell phone, attaching my external hard drive because I don't have enough memory on the internal hard drive ... I basically looked like I was setting up a command center at Starbucks.  

After I got all "comfortable" with my various cords tethering me to the wall and lap top, a guy walks up to me and makes a sour face.  (Compliments on your resting bitch face, sir!)  On the table next to me is 3 napkins and the paper wrapper to a straw.  Now on my table is a venti cappuccino - hot coffee and a couple napkins.  There is no plastic straw in my hot coffee.  Resting bitch face scowls at me, points to the 3 napkins and paper straw wrapper and says "Are these yours?"

I wanted to say "Seriously?  Do you think I deposit my trash amongst the Starbucks tables like some sort of rabid badger marking my territory?  I mean, come ON!"  But no, I just smiled sweetly and said "Um, no" in a tone that implied that I thought that Resting Bitch Face might be mentally challenged.  

RBF cleared off the table by moving the 3 napkins and paper straw wrapper to another table.  (Way to mark your territory, RBF!)  Then he plopped down basically 2 feet away from me and has spent a ridiculous amount of time making loud slurping sounds as he tries to suck up nonexistent fluids from his empty plastic Starbucks cup.

I should have gone to Blind Tiger Cafe and now Jesus is punishing me ... sigh.  Karmic retribution, party of one.

While this blog post will appear on September 24, 2015, I actually wrote this on September 22nd.  (Blog magic!)  According to my Facebook, today is "Buddha's Return From Heaven Day."  To which I have to first say, none of you bastards got me a Hallmark card for this occasion.  HANG YOUR HEADS IN SHAME!

I frankly had never heard of Buddha's Return from Heaven Day.  I hoped that the occasion would be marked with ice cream cake.  It seems appropriate, right?  Again, according to the Facebook post I was reading - supposedly if you engage in a virtuous action on Buddha's Return from Heaven Day, the act becomes especially powerful and our merit greatly increases.  So on this Buddha's Return From Heaven Day, I am choosing not to smack Resting Bitch Face in the head.  And in return, I think I should win a billion dollar lottery.  Law of attraction, people!  Cosmic ATM.  Winner, winner, karmic dinner!  Let's make this happen!

It was interesting to hear that my good acts would be rewarded on this day, but I am pragmatic enough to know that in this life I need to make my own magic.  And by magic, I mean biscuits.

Yes, you heard me.  Biscuits.

My younger sister lives in Chicago and took me for brunch at a place called "Bang Bang Pie and Biscuits."  Which is the best name for a restaurant EVER.  It has pie.  It has biscuits. What more do you need?  Because I have self-diagnosed early onset Alzheimer's (I'm only 947 years old!), for some reason my neural pathways think the name of the restaurant is "Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill and Biscuits."  (A bastardization of the name of a 1965 movie.)  Sigh.  It's a wonder I can tie my own shoes.

I remember sitting in front of my sister with a giant biscuit on my plate and love in my heart, feeling sad that Tampa Bay did not have a great biscuit restaurant.  Well Tampa has come through for me once again.  I have found a restaurant in Seminole Heights (Tampa), Florida that has better biscuits than Bang Bang Pie and Biscuits- which is a huge compliment because Bang Bang's biscuits and pie are pretty crazy delicious.

In a massive fit of cabin fever, after several agonizing conference calls I decided my Buddha reward was to have an early dinner at Fodder and Shine restaurant in Seminole Heights.  I love Seminole Heights and the recent surge of new fabulous places popping up left and right has only made me love it more.  (Side note:  my beloved Cleanse Apothecary is moving locations November 1, 2015 next to the hip mecca "Rooster and the Till Restaurant" in Seminole Heights.  Check them out!)  

As I am on month 8 of a 13 month sobriety goal, I could not indulge in the fantastic array of cocktails at Fodder and Shine.  So I made due with unsweetened iced tea in a mason jar.  (Is there a better vessel for my beverage?  NO.)

I already knew what I was ordering before I arrived.  The "Cornmeal Fried Chicken Biscuit" which is a thin slice of cornmeal breaded chicken on a "Cathead Biscuit" with house made jam and mahonesa.  Which I later discovered is just a fancy way of saying mayonnaise!  It was a very lovely mayonnaise.  This wasn't Hellman's out of a jar, people!  

I said a quick prayer that a "Cathead Biscuit" does not contain actual cat heads.  (Southern lore says the name came about because the biscuits are the side of a cat's head.  And I will admit the biscuits are super huge.)  At $6 for this giant biscuit with fried chicken, I thought I was getting a tremendous bargain!

Fodder and Shine Fried Chicken Biscuit

I love Southern side dishes, so I also ordered the bacon braised greens.  I find that it's the apple cider vinegar that really sets proper greens apart.  Fodder and Shine's greens were al dente and not cooked to death like most places.  I would have liked maybe about 30 seconds more of cooking, but I quickly became accustomed to their greens and gobbled them up with their housemade hot sauce and lemon juice concoction.

Seasonal bacon-braised greens

Housemade hot sauce and preserved lemon juice - tastiness!

Fodder and Shine does not currently sell these sauces.  They make them only for use in the restaurant.  I hope in the future this will change.  On this particular occasion, I had a very large purse with me.  Like a middle school shoplifter, I contemplated how many bottles of sauce I could smuggle into my purse.  But then I weighed that thought against never having access to the hearty, flaky, buttery, amazing deliciousness of Fodder and Shine's Cathead Biscuits ... and I decided not to pursue a life of crime.  What a waste of a big purse.  Sigh.

In addition to the fried chicken biscuit and the bacon-braised greens, I also had the Cheddar Cheese Sofkee.  I had never heard of "sofkee" before but the menu description said "Florida native porridge of fermented rice grits, cheddar, cream and butter."  Now the menu could have said "Your shoe with cheddar, cream and butter" and I would have said "Yes, let's order that."  I was all aboard the sofkee train!  

For an extra dollar, you can have your sofkee topped with bacon tomato gravy.  Trust me, it is worth spending the extra dollar.  The "bacon tomato gravy" is like a bright, flavorful, freshly made tomato sauce.  It reminded me of trips to Tuscany.  Get it.  Do it. 

Sofkee with bacon tomato gravy

Iced tea in mason jars

I am a rabid fan of the reality television competition show RuPaul's Drag Race.  I am an even more rabid fan of Floridian drag queen Latrice Royale.  On the show, Latrice Royale said his now infamous catchphrase: "Jesus is a biscuit.  Let Him sop you up!"  (Order Latrice's catchphrase t-shirt here!)  Because of my love for Latrice Royale and also love of carbs, my Instagram feed is usually rife with biscuits of all kinds.  The other day, THIS fabulous picture popped up ...

  
I have to say that all of the food at Fodder and Shine was great, but their Cathead biscuit puts all other biscuits to shame.  It is THAT good.  I am putting it out to the universe, that I want to have biscuits at Fodder and Shine with Latrice Royale.  (Law of Attraction, The Secret, Magic Eight Ball, Kickstarter campaign ... whatever it takes, let's make this happen!)

Now as if my delicious Southern meal wasn't enough, I just could not leave Fodder and Shine without trying their Moon Pie Trifle.  (Who doesn't love a good Moon Pie?)  The menu description says it is house made marshmallow fluff, graham cracker crumble and a Cheerwine (soda)-chocolate ganache.  

This dessert was very good - it truly had all the flavors of a fresh Moon Pie.  But it was crazy rich with so much marshmallow fluff.  Now my inner sugar lover is screaming "Shut up, there can never be TOO MUCH marshmallow fluff!"  But trust me, it was very rich and very sweet.  I would have served this trifle with a couple Honey Graham crackers on the side.  Spreading this intoxicating mixture on the crackers would have cut some of the rich sweetness and hey, everybody loves an interactive dessert.  (Or is that just me?)

Now beyond the food - I love the chill, modern decor of Fodder and Shine.  My server was super courteous and attentive.  Better than the service at higher end restaurants, so I especially appreciated the quality of care shown.  The menu had items of various prices.  Some items are surprisingly inexpensive and other items are comparable to other Seminole Heights restaurants.   

I would definitely return (and return and return) to Fodder and Shine restaurant in Seminole Heights, Florida.  If you love a good biscuit or quality Southern food, check them out!
  
P.S. For more tales of biscuits, check out my ham and pimento cheese biscuit at DI Coffee Bar in Tampa, Florida!
     

Take What You Need

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Happy Monday!  One day I was walking to the TeBella Tea Company - a tea shop on Davis Islands near downtown Tampa, Florida.

Attached to a pole was this sign saying "Take What You Need."  

I looked down at the little strips of paper at the bottom.

The individual strips said "Peace.  Passion.  Healing.  Strength.  Beauty."

Several strips had already been torn away.  I wondered if those strips had said things like wisdom, love, a new car, etc.

I stood in front of the sign and thought about what I needed in life.  Did I need peace?  Did I need passion?  Did I need healing?  Did I need strength?  Did I need beauty?  And wouldn't it be amazing if all I needed to do was rip a little piece of paper to get what I needed.

If you had been standing in my shoes, what strip of paper would you have taken?

Happy Monday to you all!

Tea for Me - Emperor's Lounge, Taj Mahal Hotel - New Delhi, India

In my iPad and my iPhoto collection on my MacBook Air, I have a ton of notes and photos for thousands of blog posts.  Unfortunately, I lead a very busy life and haven't made as much time for blogging as I would like to - so this blog post is going back to events from almost a year ago. 

Last Christmas and New Year's, I was in India with my sister Squidge.  Before I headed back to the States, I had tea at the Emperor's Lounge at the Taj Mahal Hotel in New Delhi.

I love doing tea - it is one of my favorite activities - it feels civilized and relaxing and healing, like a type of meditation. 

Although in India, many of the places I visited were decorated for Christmas.  I sat down at a lovely, regal-looking chair in the Emperor's Lounge and watched the steward light floating candles in a mini moat in the lobby as I awaited my "Victoria's Tea - tea plus delicious sweet and savory bites."

Fuzzy picture but it is candles and petals in a mini moat

By the way, the staff is crazy tickled that I am typing in the Emperors Lounge.  Their looks seem to say "Silly Americans and their overblown work ethic - not stopping to truly appreciate tea ... instead type, type, type, eat, eat, eat!"  And dont get me started at the crazy looks I am getting by photographing each of the tiny morsels.  LilyOnTheLam.com readers - I do it for you!

A girl, a teacup and an iPad with a keyboard from Brookstone

The first plate of delicious tea treats contained three mini muffins and what I think are two cheese straws - puff pastry twists.

I ordered the Nilgiri Winter tea.  The tea menu described it as fruity and astringent - but honestly it just tasted like Lipton.

Next came a three tiered tray of delights.  In America, I am used to scones on the bottom tier, sandwiches on the second tier and desserts on the top tier.  In India or at least at The Emperor's Lounge, the layers did not follow this order.

On the first tier, there were several sandwiches - a cucumber and cheese sandwich with dried out bread, a chicken roll up, a salmon open-faced sandwich, what i suspect to be a chicken salad sandwich and an avocado and tomato open-faced sandwich with a savory spice on top.  The avocado sandwich was very tasty.

On the second tier, there was a macaron - chocolate with chocolate filling.  It was pretty much your standard macaron but good.  There also what appears to be a chocolate mousse tartlet - thick shortbread cookie crust with a cross between chocolate mousse and frosting - with a hazelnut topper.  It was pretty good but too much cookie base.  I would have liked a thinner bottom crust with 2 kinds of layered filling instead.

There was also a strawberry fruit tartlet- same high bottom tasteless shortbread crust as the previous - whipped cream, strawberries and what i believe is a rim of pistachio crumbles.  I would have preferred a shot glass of strawberries dolloped with whipped cream and dusted with pistachio crumbles than this tart as the crust adds nothing flavorwise and everything calorie-wise.  

I watched something recently (most likely Real Housewives of Atlanta) where they served small glasses (martini glasses perhaps) of strawberries dolloped with whipped cream.  Thinking of doing this with small plastic cups at my next party -- who doesn't like berries and cream?

Last but maybe not least on the 2nd tier-- a four layer cream and cake mini slice ... kind of like a spongy baked cream with a subtle tasting thin slice of chocolate cake in between each laye, with mini chocolate chips between the 2nd and 3rd layer.  Not bad at all.

As if the three tier server was not enough, I also received a regular scone and chocolate chip scone with clotted cream, apple sauce and some sort of preserves.  They were a bit heavy, but the applesauce was lovely.

For the top tier, there was another puff pastry straw except this one was dry, not buttery tasting, no taste of cheese... a brush of butter and some aged Parmesan could turn this straw around!

There was also an olive straw - it's a whole green olive with pimento stuffed inbetween puff pastry - I'm used to seeing black olive flecks kneaded throughout - this one looks like a Muppets character!  It was quite nice - a good combo of rich and buttery with tangy and briny.  I guess I shouldnt have mocked the whole green olive approach!

There was also a shortbread cookie round.  It was dry and tasteless - but that's how I find all shortbread - am I the only one who doesnt appreciate shortbread?

There was a piece of biscotti.  Instead of being rock hard like most biscotti, it was soft.   I suspect humidity is to blame.  However I cannot blame humidity for the lack of anise taste.  It is palatable because it tastes like an almond cookie, but I never would guess it is biscotti by taste alone.

You may look like biscotti, but you don't taste like it!

There was also a chocolate chip studded chocolate cookie- very dry and surprisingly unchocolatey.  However I'm American and we waaaay overdo things in the sugar department, so as an accompaniment to a hot milky tea, it works quite well because it wasn't too sweet.

Last but not least, there was some sort of studded cookie stick.  It was a buttery puff pastry with some sort of unknown topping.  Nuts?  Cheese?  Who knew?  Despite the mustery, it was pretty darn tasty.

Overall, this was a crazy amount of food and tea in a luxe setting for a pretty decent price (by American standards).  Since I was staying at the hotel and I think I belonged to some favored travel club or just some "I'm cool so give me freebies" club, I received 20% off of all food at the hotel's restaurants.  My bill was 650 rupees minus 130 rupees - plus 81 rupees VAT - so 601 rupees total.  Cool beans - best deal of the day!  

While not every treat with this tea was spectacular, there were enough delights that for the price and the atmosphere I very much enjoyed afternoon tea at the Emperor's Lounge at the Taj Mahal Hotel in New Delhi, India.  If you're in New Delhi, check it out!

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My Valentine's Day Present to You: My 100th LilyOnTheLam.com Blog Post - The Love Song of J. Alfred Podunk

Happy Valentine's Day LilyOnTheLam.com Readers:

For this Valentine's Day, I give you my heart and my 100th blog post.

OK maybe not my heart, but certainly this is my 100th blog post for LilyOnTheLam.Com.

Don't cry - you wouldn't want my heart anyway.  It's a festering ball of scar tissue, regret and fury.  Ha ha- why don't I write for Hallmark again???

Since I cannot afford roses and chocolates for you all, I had to think about what I could give you that was worthy of both Valentine's Day and my 100th Blog Post.  Neon green socks?  Hmmm, no.

After much musing (OK 5 minutes worth), I decided to write about a place I truly love.  A long time favorite that never lets me down.  It is in New York City.  I have visited this place each and every time I have been in NYC for the past seven years.  It is my oasis in the big city.  If you live in New York or are visiting, you absolutely must check this place out.

What place could possibly inspire so much love and loyalty from Lily?  Is it foxy Chef Eric Ripert's Le Bernardin?  No.  (Although I did see him walking on the street in the Fashion District by himself once.  It took every bit of my strength to restrain myself from jumping on his back screaming "Je t'aime! Je t'aime!")

Is it Chef David Chang's Momofuku Ssam Bar?  No. (But I do love the Momofuku Ssam Bar, Noodle Bar, Milk Bar, Ma Peche ... sigh... David Chang, you rock.)

Is it Hooters?  Um... NO.

The place in NYC that has my love, my heart, my admiration, my loyalty and my money every time I am in town is ... Podunk- An American Tea Room in the East Village.  Podunk does not have a website, but the great folks at TheCoffeeBeaners.com have put out a YouTube video that shows you Podunk in all its homey glory.  Check out their video!  Or better yet, check out Podunk for yourself at 231 East 5th Street near 2nd Avenue, NY, NY 10003.  They are open daily from 11 a.m. - 9 p.m.

When I was a kid, I fancied myself a tortured artist.  Not really sure how tortured I was in the suburbs of Minneapolis, Minnesota; but I still wore all black and wrote poems about my desolate being.  I'd listen to The Replacements' song "Achin' To Be" and know they were singing about me.  (Thank you MTV for having the video on your website.)

Side note: don't get me started on how lead singer Paul Westerberg is the most underrated and under appreciated singer-songwriter of the 1980's and 1990's.  He's a genius - I wish the size of his success was proportionate to the size of his talent.  Grrrr.  Like I said, don't get me started!

I was blessed to have an amazing Honors English program in my suburban Minnesota public school.  (Thank you Minnesota tax payers!)  But our poetry curriculum was more T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock," when I was more Rilke, Rimbaud, William Carlos Williams, Kerouac and Baudelaire.  I would try to write songs, but as the world's worst songwriter; I found poetry to be easier.  I don't know if I was writing good poetry, but it flowed out of me in gushing, adolescent waves.

And after all, everyone needs a passion.

Our state had a literary newspaper with submissions by high schoolers.  I had submitted some poems.  Some had been accepted, some had been rejected.  One day, while day-dreaming in French class; I wrote this poem about a squirrel hopping around a tree.  A "What's It All About, Alfie?" type poem about the squirrel.  By the time French class was over, I had finished the poem.

It was probably the most commercial, most "Hallmark Greeting Cards" thing I had ever written.  I might as well have titled it "Sell Out - a Happy Squirrel Production."  It was saccharine, nauseating and trite.  I knew it was just the poem that could get published.  So off I sent it to the literary newspaper and voila, it was published.

After the initial excitement of being published wore off, I realized I had just aligned my name - my soul, my being, my essence - with a cutesy, trite poem about a squirrel in a tree.  A sudden wave of "Sweet Jesus, what have I done?" hit me hard in the face.  As an overdramatic, "tortured" artist - had I just sold my soul to the commercial devil?  What if I was hit by a bus?  Would the Happy Squirrel be my legacy for the ages?  The end all, be all of who I was on this Earth?  Did I want my entire life history to be synonymous with a HAPPY SQUIRREL?

Ugh!  The horror was almost too much to bear.

I should have thrown myself into some gigantic dark undertaking of poetry writing and found my artistic masterpiece!  But if memory serves, I never submitted any other poems to this particular literary newspaper after they published the squirrel poem.  I think I lost respect for their publishing my trivial poem.  Obviously they could not judge proper "art" if they published the squirrel poem!  Or maybe I was just lazy.  Not really sure there.  My revisionist history memory fails me at times.

I never did grow up to be the tortured artist I imagined myself to be.  Which is probably for the best, because I like having money to travel all around the world.  I also have a hoarders-type obsession with my foofy material possessions, including my beautiful convertible.

I still like to wear a lot of black clothing, but there are more colors in my closet than when I was a kid.  And while I haven't written a poem since college, I still love to write.  For me, it is my pressure release valve in an uncertain and often times unfair world.

When I first moved to Tampa, Florida, I didn't know anyone.  In an effort to make myself get out of the house and see Tampa Bay, I started going to various tea rooms both in Tampa and Sarasota.  While I often times forget that Tampa is "the South," the plethora of tea rooms definitely reminds me of where I am.  I would take my journal, sip tea and write for hours, undisturbed.  It was heaven.  Plus I love a good scone!

On a trip to New York City to see as many Broadway shows as I could in a long weekend, I decided to apply my Tampa tea room strategy upon The Big Apple.  New York may not be the South, but the city does have a wide array of tea rooms for all tastes.  It was in my research of NYC tea rooms that I found a small blurb on Podunk - An American Tea Room in the East Village.  Since one of my habitual NYC stops is St. Marks Place in the East Village to shop for cheap costume jewelry and peruse the clothing at Trash and Vaudeville (loves me some Tripp NYC clothing!), I was happy to have another place to check out in the East Village.

So around seven years ago, journal in my bag and a song in my heart (OK maybe no song); I headed to East 5th Street and 2nd Avenue to check out a tea room called "Podunk."  And I fell in love with it.

By the way, I bet you were wondering how I would get back to the topic of tea rooms after my detour into Happy Squirrel Land.  Trust me, my dear readers, I can go off on mile long tangents and then find my way back home.  It's all part of the collective, big story.  Now stop doubting me and keep reading!  Muchos gracias.

Podunk - An American Tea Room is my definition of achieving zen.  When I enter, I feel like I am sloughing off all the crude insanity of New York City and I am in a safe, quiet haven.  There is no rushing at Podunk.  There are no students/frustrated writers/porn internet viewers clacking away on laptops.  There is no free WiFi.  In fact, there isn't even a bathroom.  (Yes, it is small enough that by NY law, it does not have to have a public bathroom.  So pee before you go, people!)

The decor is Midwestern Americana.  There are no servers.  You peruse the incredibly diverse menu of teas and the accompanying treasure trove of tea treats.  You check out the cupcakes and cookies in the case on the counter and you silently whisper under your breath "Cupcake, I am coming for you!"  You then place your tea and treats order with the ever kind, ever sweet, ever wonderful, ever sassy Owner Elspeth.  Then you sit down and relax.  Good food takes time.  Don't expect your tea and treats to come flying out of the kitchen.  

There is a different time zone at Podunk.  No rush rush.  I feel like I reset my internal work/life balance clock when I am at Podunk.  80% of the time, I lead my life in a frenzy working for a gigantic international company.  So time at Podunk is absolutely like a meditation for me.  My frenzied, chaotic clock stops and I get to just relax.  No cell phones, no TVs, no laptops.  When I enter Podunk, I feel like I am scoffing in the face of all the stressors of life.

I am going to sit here.  
I am going to drink some tea.  
I am going to eat some of the best tea treats ever. 
I am going to write.  
I am going to relax.  
I am going to just be.  

I usually spend several hours lost in the delicious aromas emanating from Podunk's oven, sipping my tea and writing.  I remember once I was in New York for work, but I managed to squeeze in a trip to Podunk before I had to head off and catch a train upstate.  Unfortunately, I could only stay at Podunk for 45 minutes.  Elspeth asked why I was leaving in such a hurry.  I love that at Podunk, 45 minutes is "a hurry."  I promised to be back the next time I was in town and I have been, each and every time.
 
When I was last in NYC in January 2012, I braved hail and snow to get to the East Village.  Nothing was going to stand in my way of a relaxing tea at Podunk.  I unwrapped myself from layers and layers of sweaters, scarves and a thick parka.  Going to Podunk is like going home.  It is warm, inviting and always makes me happy.

After catching up with Elspeth - I believe she must think of me as that crazy Broadway show-loving gal from Tampa, I decided to go with the coconut and vanilla chai tea.  There are so many choices of tea at Podunk.  I also love going to Podunk in the summer, because Elspeth serves these magnificently garnished iced teas in giant mason jars.  I think for the sake of my blog readers, I will have to go to NYC this summer just to get a picture of the iced tea.  (Yeah yeah, if you look at TheCoffeeBeaners.com You Tube video on Podunk, you can see the iced tea also - shhhhhh, you're ruining my rationalization to go to New York this summer!)

It had been a long time since I had last been to Podunk, so I ordered the big mother of all tea treat food at Podunk-- "The Bonne Femme."  Podunk's menu has it all - items for people who love savory tea treats, those who love sweet tea treats and for gluttons like me who love it all!  "The Bonne Femme" has a little bit of everything.  All is made fresh at Podunk and everything tastes incredible.  There are some items that are on consistent rotation and other items that just pop up.  I have had the Bonne Femme before, but there were some nice new surprises waiting for me this time.

After you order, you sit down, relax and wait.  Eventually all of the components of your tea are put together on a tray.  Elspeth will call you up to the front counter and you pick up your tray.  There is no table service here.  At the end of your tea, you return contentedly to the front counter with your tray and pay your bill.  Oh and believe it or not, no tipping.  Elspeth believes that since there is no table service, there is no reason to tip.  I hope in this economy she has reversed her stance on tipping!

After you have paid your bill, I challenge you to try to avoid buying a chocolate chip cookie to go.  It's almost impossible to say no to buying several!

The Bonne Femme is so packed with lovely, tasty treats that I photographed it from every angle imaginable.

Sigh - isn't it beautiful?  You cannot even imagine the aroma wafting from Podunk's oven and filling the tea room.  I imagine it's what heaven smells like - cinnamon, chocolate and doughy goodness.

The Bonne Femme combines both savory and sweet tea treats.  The following two pictures show a chai chicken tartlet, a French Onion tartlet and a Spinach Cheddar tartlet.  Chai and chicken?  Yes and it's incredible.  I love the French Onion tartlet because it has all the warm, sweet, richness of a bowl of French Onion soup without the annoying long strings of cheese tugging at your every spoonful.  For the Spinach Cheddar Tart,  the spinach was fresh and ultra concentrated in flavor.  Even in the middle of winter, I felt like I was eating fresh Farmers' Market spinach.  All three tarts have a thick crust that I can only poorly describe as a cross between a pie crust and a biscuit.  Descriptive words are failing me now!

In the following three pictures, you will see a stack of tea sandwiches, a cheese savory biscuit and a celery seed biscuit.  The cheese savory biscuit was like two tons of cheese flavor in a small shortbread-like savory cookie.

To my taste buds' best guess, the tea sandwiches included: a cream cheese and cucumber sandwich, another tasted like butter and either watercress or cucumber, a butter and ham tea sandwich with this incredible tarty mustard and a turkey and cream cheese tea sandwich.  The sandwiches had white bread on one side and wheat bread on the other side.

The first time I went to Podunk, I had a scone served with this gobsmackingly fresh strawberry preserves with mint.  I have been an intense mint with my strawberries fan ever since.

But wait, there's still more treats on "The Bonne Femme" that we haven't covered!  What is tea without a stack of assorted housemade cookies?  The bottom one is the chocolate chip - it is insanely good.

If all that wasn't enough, there's also cake!  In one corner, a thick wedge of apple spice cake studded with warm chunks of apple.  Balancing out the platter on the opposite corner was a slice of orange chocolate cake with the most decadent orange chocolate ganache topping.  To keep with the tea theme, there was a mini scone with strawberry preserves and orange marmalade served in tiny tea cups.  There was also a dish of cream for the scone as well.

What was new to me on The Bonne Femme was a small bowl of melted chocolate.  There was a bowl of mixed berries and I had my own little mini fondue experience.

ahhh yes, that strawberry is COATED in chocolate!

I didn't finish everything that was on my tray, but I did eat enough of everything that I started a diet once I came back from New York to shed off a weekend's worth of eating!

There are usually some colorful characters that stop in at Podunk from time to time that make for good people watching and overheard conversations.  I have so many stories of all the characters I have come across while sipping my tea.

On this particular day in January, an older man named Joe walked into Podunk for the first time.  He was maybe 5 foot 8 inches tall, maybe a little less.  He came in and ordered bacon and eggs.  Um what?  Does this look like a diner?  Elspeth, who has heard every wild request in the book, diplomatically steered the gentleman to consider a bacon tart instead.  He was quite happy with his tea and tart.  He sat at Podunk for maybe an hour, enjoying the warmth on a snowy/slushy/hailing day.  Finally, he got up.  He had been waiting on a date and she had never arrived.  Joe told Elspeth that if she saw a 6 foot 4 inch woman looking for a man named Joe, to let her know he waited an hour for her and then left.  He then bought some cookies to go and with a twinkle in his eye said "Cookies are part of a balanced lifestyle."

I stayed a little longer than I had originally planned that day, waiting to see if a 6'4" woman would walk in looking for Joe.  She never showed up.  On this Valentine's Day, I'd like to think that Joe is somewhere out there embracing his uber-tall lady, enjoying one of Elspeth's chocolate chip cookies.  Everyone deserves love and happiness, not just on Valentine's Day but all year round.  Remember that.   

In addition to stories of colorful patrons, I unfortunately, also have stories of the annoying people who run in thinking Podunk is like a Starbucks.  How rude!  Some people will just never get it.  But for the people who love Podunk, they love it with all their heart.  You can spot them if you look closely.  It's the people with a blissed out look on their face, who instantly look younger and calmer as they walk in the door.  You realize in that moment, that they have successfully shed the chaotic world outside, dropped their stressors and are ready for tea.  You look at the person, nod and smile.  They nod and smile back.  It's like a club with a secret handshake, because you are both people who understand and appreciate the true value of having a warm, safe haven.  The world may be chaos outside the front door, but inside it's tea, treats, positive energy and zen.  Choose bliss, not stress.  

For this Valentine's Day and my 100th blog post for LilyOnTheLam.com, I am happy to share with you information on a place I truly love and enjoy.  Life moves very quickly.  You have to savor the moments before it all disappears.  Love may let you down from time to time, but a good tea at Podunk never will!  Happy Valentine's Day to you and a Happy 100th Blog Post to me!

If you are in New York City, please do check out Podunk - an American Tea Room.  Your stomach and your stress level will thank you.  And tell Elspeth the crazy gal from Tampa sent you.  ;-)