Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers! I have been out and about having world adventures again, so if you're missing my LilyOnTheLam.Com posts - you only need to hop on over to AllAboutTheTea.Com to catch up on your weekly dose of Lily Snark. Read about my Bravo TV "Million Dollar Listing: San Francisco" recaps at AllAboutTheTea.Com by pressing here. I love me some Bravo TV "Million Dollar Listing" reality television shows. I prefer MDL- New York to MDL-Miami or MDL-Los Angeles but I think MDL-San Francisco has forged a new way into my heart. And not just because every time real estate agent Roh Habibi comes on screen, I yell out "Ruh-Roh" like a drunken Scooby Doo with Tourette's. If you love reality TV, check out AllAboutTheTea.Com. It's a great site for all things reality TV and reality TV news. And now it's even better because I'm back doing episode recaps!
Hello My Wonderful LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers! I am back! I have been in Austria, Hungary and Slovakia - working, eating EVERY pastry in sight and carrying on conversations in part German, part Italian, part French, part Hungarian, part Russian and for some reason really broken English! Between working and eating, I hopped a train and spent a day in Bratislava. Being in Central Florida, it takes me a good five hours to leave the state - so watching 2 episodes of Scandal and 1 episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta on my iPad and I go from Budapest to Bratislava? Sounds pretty good to me! By the way, my fellow passengers were intrigued as I watched Nene Leakes preparing for her Cirque Du Soleil Zumanity emcee role in Las Vegas. I was like "People, Apollo Nida is being sentenced to jail! I have to watch! And why are you watching over my shoulder?" (I could throw in a piece about why did Apollo get 8 years and Joe Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey get like half of that ... but I don't want to start a war with any Bravo TV reality fans!) Anyway, reality TV watching aside ... I am happy to be back on U.S. soil - and my 900 cats are happy I am home as well. The first night I slept 10 hours straight without stirring. I woke up to find myself completely surrounded by cats. If I had slowly stood up there would have been a perfect body outline of me done in cats. OH MY GOD: "CSI: Cats" has been born! Forensic kittens solving crimes! Mid-season TV replacement Spring 2015. Watch for it! I actually tried to post on my blog from Hungary but my computer kept picking up Google: Magyarorszag (a.k.a. Google Hungary - Hungarians are actually known as Magyars, which I prefer name-wise. There's something very Genghis Khan about it.) Anyway Google kept turning my Blogger links into Hungarian and with a belly full of Palinka (Hungarian fruit brandy) and pastry, I just had no patience to be blogging in Hungarian! So with an almost three week lag, I am BACK to blogging American-style. No more foreign Googles, googling up my links! I have so much to write about - and let's be honest here, I still haven't written much about my LAST trip to Hungary. Nor my trip to Minnesota before that. I have been busy, people! But I needed to "break the ice" and make sure I had some posts for November 2014. Can't miss an entire month! So I dedicate this first post back from Europe #2 to the blog Pfeiffer Pfilms and Meg Movies. I do this because as I received 2 weeks worth of held mail, I had Entertainment Weekly's Reunion issue and this picture was inside ...
From Entertainment Weekly
A reunion photo for the cast of the movie The Fabulous Baker Boys - Beau and Jeff Bridges and of course Michelle Pfeiffer. I dropped the magazine and said out loud to my 900 cats: "Good lord, how does Michelle Pfeiffer still look so good? She has to be like 80 now. What the hell?" (OK she's 56 years old, but jeez she doesn't look it at all. Is she killing young virgins and bathing in their blood? Impressive!) Which looking at the picture reminds me of the one and only time I have ever met Michelle Pfeiffer. And by "meet" I mean sat 3 rows ahead of her at Baz Luhrmann's "La Boheme" on Broadway. I was discreetly posting Facebook status updates before the show began when I kept noticing patrons popping up like Prairie Dogs with excited looks on their faces. (Don't ask me why I capitalized prairie dog - it just seemed appropriate.) Finally after the 800th Prairie Dog popped up, I turned around to see what everyone was staring at. Three rows behind me (6th row) were Steven Spielberg and his wife Kate Capshaw, Bruce Springsteen and his wife Patty and David E. Kelley and his wife ... Michelle Pfeiffer - who had slunked down in her seat and was hiding behind her program. (My spell check says slunked is not a word - well it is now.) Now I loves me some Michelle Pfeiffer, but I wanted to say "Honey, you're sitting next to Bruce Springsteen and Steven Spielberg - there's no need to hide behind your program! Not all of the eyes are on you!" (Which by the way, Bruce Springsteen was standing up without a care in the world. He might as well have held a sign that said "Hey, I'm Bruce.") But I have to say in Entertainment Weekly's reunion photo for The Fabulous Baker Boys - definitely all eyes are on Michelle ... just like they were for the movie (in my opinion!) So maybe hiding behind her Playbill program keeps wrinkles from forming on her face. Whatever you're doing Michelle, just keep doing it! (Young virgins, beware!) With winter approaching, it has actually become quite chilly in Tampa. I am nursing two blisters on my right foot that I received from wearing super cute tall boots for 12 miles as I tromped around Slovakia. (Yes, I sacrifice my feet for fashion. I'm female!) And it rained yesterday in Tampa, so instead of going for a long walk to burn off all the European pastry calories-- I headed to the Casino and won $144 on The Walking Dead slots. (I gave part to the Salvation Army, part to Publix's Thanksgiving feeding people in need campaign and I kept some of the winnings for myself because hey, I'm not a saint!) As I inhaled cartons' worth of second hand smoke in the casino, I felt like the klassiest dame in the joint! Oh gambling and people in stretched out polyester, so glamourous!
Before I went on my latest European odyssey - I ran into a friend of a friend who was with some other people. I was talking about my European and Asian work trips and one of the people I did not know looked at me and said, without sarcasm or bitchiness: "You are amazing and have a fascinating life!" As I try not to pop my blisters and am surrounded by snoozing, content cats; I laugh and say - "Yes, I am amazing and have a fascinating life!" Thank you for stopping by, my amazing readers!
Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers: It is DAY FOUR of International Pig Week at LilyOnTheLam! I hope you have been enjoying this week of porcine posts. If you are just joining us mid-Pig week, please make sure you check out the previous posts: Day One: Divin Porcello in Budapest, Hungary Day Two: The Thirsty Pig in Portland, Maine Day Three: Pork Sausage and Mustard-flavored potato crisps from the UK and now Day Four ... Bacon Butterscotch Beignets from Castile Restaurant at the boutique Hotel Zamora in St. Pete Beach, Florida! I loooooooove a good beignet (check out my Bitches and Beignets post from New Orleans, LA), so when I went to the swanky new boutique hotel in St. Pete Beach, FL - The Hotel Zamora and saw that Castile Restaurant had "Bacon Butterscotch Beignets with a Navel Orange Gastrique" on the menu, I said "SOLD!" I went to brunch with my friend, the CEO of an organic home and body care line. The decor is fabulous with a view of the lovely inter coastal. A perfect place for brunch.
Despite my fun-loving palate, my day-to-day eats are pretty Joe Schmo. The only time I hear the term "gastrique" is when I am watching Bravo TV's "Top Chef." And even then I roll my eyes. For the record, a gastrique is a reduction of vinegar and sugar.
I have to say I had very high hopes for these beignets. They were decent but did not live up to my high expectations. I am used to beignets that are bit more puffy and fluffy in the middle. These were overcooked. I suspect the cooking oil was too hot to allow the dough to properly puff up. I would have appreciated more bacon flavor. The butterscotch was tasty and the navel orange gastrique was delicious. If I were to get these again I'd ask for the sauce on the side as some pieces were drowning in the sauce and overly sweet. All in all it's a great concept for a beignet, it just needs more work. And more bacon. (Check out my vegan bacon post here.) I will say overall the atmosphere, customer service and cocktails at Castile Restaurant are top notch and are worth checking out. So if you're in St. Pete Beach, don't miss out on this one! P.S. Yesterday was National Cat Day. My youngest cat plopped himself down in front of me spread eagle and demanded a belly rubbing. These cats -- give them a day and they think they are little Princes!
Happy Tuesday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers! Yesterday, I declared it "New Product Wednesday on a Monday" and today I am declaring it "New Product Wednesday on a Tuesday!" You are very lucky ... or I need to get a calendar. If you are a regular reader of LilyOnTheLam, you will know that many times my posts are pretty much "what you see is what you get and what you get is crazy and wacky!" I could write about myself in a self-aggrandizing light, but self-deprecating is a wee bit more true to form in a "why do these weird things always happen to me???" way. So in other words, why waste my breath or my fingers' typing away by trying to make myself sound better than I am? It's better to just tell the truth and laugh along with everyone else ... who are laughing at me, hysterically laughing at me. Sigh! (LOL!) In that viewpoint, I will admit to those of you who do not already know that I ... watch ... reality television. As in, my TV is permanently tuned to Bravo TV. (Side note: Hottie former Marine male Kelley from "Below Deck" favorited one of my tweets, which I think means he is in love with me. Yep, pretty sure of that.) Now in my free time from being perma-glued to the reality TV line up, I also like to shop. Yes, I am a walking stereotype. I know it. I own it. Now the reality TV stars of Bravo really do know that their audience loves to both shop and watch and there are all these side items they are constantly referencing on episodes. I feel like it is one part reality TV, one part HSN home shopping informercial. I've never had a burning desire to buy Nene Leakes' clothing, Ramona Singer's Pinot Grigio, Vicki Gunvalson's vodka or have any of my pets buried and/or eulogized by Phaedra Parks or Sonja Morgan. (I have tried Bethenny Frankel's Skinny Girl Margarita but found it too sweet.) However, there is ONE product that has been touted AD NAUSEAM on "Real Housewives of New Jersey" that I was slightly curious about ... I give you... the Manzo Boys' marketing company promoted BLK water!
It's water. And it's black. It is "alkaline fulvic trace mineral infused water" which basically to me sounds like the Swedish Chef talking.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where in most settings appearances count. I know you should not judge a book by its cover, but I was really having a tough time looking at the BLK water, When I look at a bottle of black liquid, I don't think "refreshing" or "hydrating." I think "murky" and "swamp-like." But I was also curious ... So when I saw a bottle of BLK water on the shelves of Southern Season in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina; I gave out a shriek of reality TV joy! I may have to work 9000 hours in NC on a business trip, but there would be some BLK-water drinking time squeezed in there too! I chilled the bottle to icy cold temps. Not so much on purpose but because the refrigerator in my hotel room was straight outta Antarctica! I opened the bottle and just stared at it. Black water. Hmmm. I slowly raised the bottle to my lips and took a sip. It tasted like water with an earthy aftertaste. It tasted like water from a really old house's kitchen sink. It was ice cold and yet tasted tepid. How is that possible? I have been in mud baths and thermal pools in Pamukkale, Turkey and hot springs in Taiwan and Malaysia, so I am not afraid of some minerals in my water. But BLK water was not in the same vein. It's hard to explain but I felt like it was anti-hydrating. One sip and I didn't feel quenched or refreshed. My mouth actually felt drier. I have had alkaline waters before (I'm still looking for Shahs of Sunset's Asa Soltan's Diamond Water!) and have not had this sensation. I forced myself to finish off the bottle. When the bottle is empty, one sees that there had been black writing on the bottle that is only clearly visible once the bottle is empty. It said "DEFY EXPECTATIONS" on the bottle. Did BLK defy my expectations? Sort of, but not in a good way. I actually had high expectations for a mineral-infused water. I was thinking that this might be a "good thing" for my body ... and maybe it was, but it certainly wasn't a treat for my taste buds. Plus for some reason "DEFY EXPECTATIONS" made me think of "SURRENDER DOROTHY" from "The Wizard of Oz."
Side note: My Mother bought me Wizard of Oz bed sheets when I was little, a real life picture of the green Wicked Witch scared me so much that I ripped the sheets off my bed, balled them up and shoved them in the back of a drawer. The life lesson there is: "Don't go to bed with things that scare you." Which should be handed out on cards to people leaving bars at 3 a.m. with strangers. Just sayin'. Side Note #2: I am pretty sure I think of "SURRENDER DOROTHY" when I see "Defy Expectations" because of the song "Defying Gravity" from the Wizard of Oz musical wicked.
I'll take Idina Menzel singing over drinking a bottle of BLK water ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Ms. Ohio and I saw her both in a one woman concert and in the pre-Broadway showings of her musical "If/Then" in Washington DC with a one Mr. Cardamom Monroe. While I ADORED Idina Menzel in concert, I found "If/Then" to be rough, lackluster and uneven. I hope it was polished more before it appeared on Broadway. Anyway, I found BLK water to be like my reality TV show watching. Full of sturm und drang, signifying nothing. Which also has been an appropriate metaphor for my dating life recently. I had high hopes for "The Commissioner." A man who kept telling me how honest, forthright, caring and compassionate he was. Did I also happen to mention he works in sales? Lots of words about how wonderful he was and little action to back it up. You're a bottle of black water that tastes crappy and leaves me dehydrated! So buh-bye Commissioner and on to the next one!
Happy Tuesday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers - thanks for reading!
Dear LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers: Happy Sunday! Where did the weekend go? I swear my weekends have been evaporating like ice cubes on a hot day. While I am sad that AMC's The Walking Dead is over for the season, I am happy that HBO's Game of Thrones is back. (Maybe I need to stop watching so much television?) I have been a huge Bravo TV show fan for years. However lately, I must admit that I am having a difficult time watching some of the Real Housewives shows. The episodes were always catty and biatchy, but now I feel like the "mean girl" quotient has been exponentially amplified. To me, it's like the difference between a 2 second scuffle between pro hockey players during a game versus a lethal bullfight. I may cheer when two hockey players throw down their helmets and charge each other (and are separated by referees and other teammates before anything happens), but I take no joy or entertainment in watching a bull get stabbed and then slowly die before my eyes. (And yes, I did see a bullfight years ago in Spain in my wayward youth. It was horrific and sad. I would never go to one again.) I don't want to make a sweeping generalization, but I do think women get pitted against each other. Look at working moms vs. stay-at-home mom issues. Emotions flare whenever any one questions what makes a good mother. It is very easy to accidentally hurt someone's feelings or ego. So watching women tear each other apart on the Real Housewives series has gone from entertainment to leaving me feeling sick to my stomach. I hate to use a reference to the TV show "Charmed" but it definitely reminds me when Alyssa Milano's character was pregnant with a demon baby and was being given a "pre-natal potion" that was "pure evil" to feed the demon. I didn't know evil came in liquid form, but I guess that's besides the point! When I spend my time watching people treat each other with blatant disrespect, I feel like I am drinking in pure evil too! I stopped watching "Real Housewives of New York" and let me tell you if "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" is as bad next season as it was this season, I'll be crossing it off my list as well. I know some people read the reality TV show recaps instead of spending an hour of their lives watching the nonsense. I wasn't a big recap reader since I usually would watch the episodes. However when AllAboutTheTea.com asked me if I'd be interested in writing some reality show episode recaps, I was intrigued. I figure if I can write deposition summaries, I could handle a TV episode recap. So while I am staying away from recapping the Real Housewives shows, I will be putting my excess TV watching to good use by writing some content for AllAboutTheTea.com. I enjoy the reader compliments. One of the women who was on an episode of Bravo's "Married To Medicine" also chimed in with her views in the comments section of one of my recaps. It's a small world! If you're interested in reading some reality TV episode recaps, check out my writing here. It may save you some time - reading a recap instead of watching an episode. Of course it could also intrigue you to watch an episode … so maybe it's not a time saver but a time waster? Whoops! Didn't think this through very well - ha ha! If you're a reality TV show fan, check out my recaps!
Happy Thursday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers! If you are a Bravo TV "Million Dollar Listing New York" fan, make sure you check out my episode recaps at AllAboutTheTea.com. If you read yesterday's blog post, you will know that I have resurrected my "New Product Wednesday" feature where I talk about products that are new or at least new to me. In honor of the new Trader Joe's in South Tampa, I am declaring that "Every Day is Wednesday!" by posting a "New Product Wednesday" post not only on a Wednesday, but a Thursday too! GASP! Yes! We're going rogue here - and not in a sneering Alaskan governor way. Now that there is a Trader Joe's in Tampa, I have the "freedom" to purchase all the frozen treats my sugar-lovin' heart desires. When I would drive to Naples or Sarasota, I didn't trust that ice cream type items would stay cold enough even in my vault of a cooler. But now I live merely minutes from Trader Joe's, so hold on to your waistline - it's time for DESSERT! But since I have lost over 35 pounds, I am not in any big hurry to pack back on the belly weight. I pushed aside the higher calorie frozen treats and tried to find something that would satisfy my sweet tooth without destroying my diet. My eyes fell upon these … Mini mint ice cream sandwiches - 60 calories each. Even if I ate the entire box, it would be less calories than a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. But how did they taste?
These mini mint ice cream cookie sandwiches are one cool customer. The minty ice cream and chocolatey cookie are a nice bite. It definitely takes the edge off a dessert craving. I was able to just eat one and feel like I had a nice treat, instead of wanting to eat it all. And that is a good thing! Is it incredibly fatty rich tasting? No. And if you don't like mint, then skip these because they have a powerful mint flavor. But if you're looking for an easy to eat mini ice cream sandwich with a strong punch of mint that won't blow your diet, you should check these out. I think they taste better than Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, albeit these are much smaller. Have you tried the Mini Mint Ice Cream Mouthfuls from Trader Joe's? What did you think of them? Give your feedback in the comments section below!
If you read my March 29, 2014 post, you'll know that I was "recognized" at the 200 Food Truck Rally. The first food truck we went to, I gave my name when we placed our order. The food truck owner said "My wife wants to know if you are @SouthTampaLily on Twitter." I had never been Twitter-recognized in public before! What was this warm gushy feeling coming over me? OH YES ... IT IS WORLDWIDE ADORATION!
Does one food truck owner associating the name "Lily" with the dazzlingly brilliant @SouthTampaLily Twitter account equate to global love, adoration, fame and respect?
Um yes.
It's really really hard being famous. You know when Gwyneth Paltrow said in an interview with E! that being an actress/mom on a movie set was harder than moms who work 9 to 5 and then go home? Well, this is way harder. Basically going to a food truck rally and being recognized by the masses is a much more strenuous experience than the daily work of coal miners, migrant farm workers and any nannies who work briefly for Mariah Carey. I'm pretty sure President Obama is considering giving me a medal.
Unless you're a Bravo TV fan, following my Twitter account is arduous and painful work. (Some Bravo TV fans would say it's arduous and painful to them too!) I live tweet some of the Bravo TV shows … and other times I tweet about scintillating topics like: "what my cat vomited up today." Now frankly this may still be more interesting than CNN trying to make up things to talk about for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 when there is no news.
My remaining tweets are daily promotions of either my blog or events I am "appearing at" in the Tampa Bay area. I knew a woman who fancied herself a singer. She would hit all the karaoke nights at local bars. She would announce "Monday, I will be performing at ____ … Tuesday, I will be performing at ____… " I bit my tongue (HARD) so that I would not say "YOU'RE NOT PERFORMING - YOU'RE SINGING OUT OF TUNE TO A STEVIE NICKS SONG DURING A BAR KARAOKE NIGHT!"
But I am a nice person (insert eye roll here), so I didn't say any of that. Instead I drew blood from my tongue! Ever since then, I like to say "I will be appearing at …" or "I will be performing at …" or even "I will be starring in …" as a tribute to this person's mad delusions. Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
Because my Tweets are so inane and boring, I forget that anyone in the world can access them. (Why would you want to?) Every now and again I find my Tweets quoted in online articles - usually about Bravo TV shows, of course. But even more fun for me is when they are shown on the social editions of Bravo TV shows. I have had maybe 10 Tweets flashed up on the screen during various episodes of Bravo TV shows like: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. I love when my Twitter followers take the time to Tweet me a screenshot of my Tweet on air if I missed a social edition episode. (Thank you all, so much!!) Another fun "Tweet Repeat" is when my Bravo TV show tweets are shown on The Gina Show online. Gina Cutillo hosts a show dissecting and recapping reality TV shows. I don't watch regularly (sorry Gina!), but I know my Tweets have been "featured" on at least a couple episodes. But who knows - maybe I'm so popular that there is a special "Lily corner" on every episode. Maybe a shrine with a big picture of me and roses everywhere.
On the April 2nd show, @RyMills713 on Twitter was Gina's guest co-host. If you fast-forward to the 27:30 mark, you'll see/hear Gina & Ryan discussing a certain @SouthTampaLily's comments about this past week's "Real Housewives of Atlanta" where one of the Housewives celebrated being cast in a musical by skipping the musical's first practice to party. Thank you Ryan for the shout out!
Now I am not surprised this particular Tweet made The Gina Show - as it was retweeted by Bravo TV Tweeters many many times. And as I type this I am having a flashback to the scene where Madonna starred on the TV show "Will and Grace" oh so many moons ago when she said "This is everyone's favorite shirt on me." So for me "This is everyone's favorite quote of mine!" I Tweeted that this moment on The Gina Show was basically my version of the Kim Kardashian sex tape, but my butt is much smaller. This Will and Grace/Madonna clip doesn't have the aforementioned quote, but it's still funny …
Of course internet fame like this only encourages me to spend my time Tweeting more boring Bravo TV bits. I could be finding the cure for cancer, but no - I need to tell the world what I thought about Part 3 of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" reunion. (It sucked!)
One of the reality TV blogs asked if I would like to write for them. Sigh … every one wants a piece of THE LILY. It's so hard … Gwyneth and I are the only ones who truly understand how hard it is. Sigh. Double sigh. Famous person sigh.
I am like this salted caramel ice cream sandwich from the now closed Au Petit Chavignol in Vancouver, BC. I am salty, sweet and oh so good looking in a paper wrapper.
Always up for a new experience, I sent the blog a Bravo TV "Million Dollar Listing New York" episode recap. I have no clue if it was good or bad. Most likely too snarky, but who knows? We shall see if it meets the reality TV blog interest test. (SPOILER ALERT: It's being published today. They like me! They really really like me! Either that or they needed some new content and would have taken a top ten list of my cats' favorite things or a grocery list as well. I'll edit this post with the link when it officially "drops." I am pretty sure the Mayor is giving me a key to the city with this one. It has dropped! Read my episode recap here.)
I'm not really sure where I go from here … This is pretty much the pinnacle of fame for anyone. People spend a lifetime trying to get to where I am, celebrity-wise. It must be really hard for all those little people. Brad Pitt called me the other day asking for advice on how he could be as famous as me. I screamed: "HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?", hung up the phone and fired my Brad Pitt-loving assistant Jean-Claude.
Did I mention how hard it is living in the public eye, universally adored by all? I'm the Suri Cruise of Bravo TV reality show live Tweeters.
Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers: It has been quite a giddy time in social media circles lately. In my "day job," I am working on a global social collaboration project - but let me tell you I am having much more fun on Twitter promoting my blog. Awhile back, my friend actress Jillian Kinsman was doing a role on "Drop Dead Diva" with comedian and actress Margaret Cho. Jill knows I live, breathe and perspire Margaret Cho (OK maybe not perspire ... that sounds a bit gross.) Jill (a true and wonderful friend) asked Margaret to pose with a sign that said "Hi Lily" and Margaret graciously agreed. This picture now graces my blog. (Read more about this here.) I have seen Margaret Cho live maybe five or six times. Twice from the first row. For her most recent "Mother" tour, I flew to Portland, Maine to gawk at her from the front row. I think I radiated "stalker crazy" because Margaret made sure not to spend too much time in front of me on stage. I am pretty sure I was sporting some full-on "crazy eyes." But recently I received some Margaret Cho love in the form of an email ...
An email announcing that Miss Margaret Cho herself is following me on Twitter! OK maybe Miss Margaret Cho's social media elves are following me on Twitter, but whatever I still received a message saying "MARGARET CHO IS FOLLOWING YOU!" God bless ya, Miss Margaret! I will say that I am so full of myself that after my initial squeal of delight at receiving the email, I then squinted at Margaret Cho's picture on the email and said "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?" Evidently my periods of gratitude are short and sweet. With this Twitter encouragement, I basically am going to continue with my Margaret Cho obsession until her website has a picture of me holding a sign that says "Hello Margaret." And it's going to happen because I said so ... law of attraction, the Secret, Stalker's Guide to Miracles and all that! Dream it, live it, be it! But in all seriousness, growing up 1/2 Asian in an almost exclusively Caucasian Minneapolis suburb I felt completely isolated and alien. I would get picked on by the local neighborhood bully for being a "Chink." Seeing Korean-American Margaret Cho on television in her series "All American Girl," made me feel less alone in the world. If Margaret Cho could break down the barriers, surely I could too. (I will for now, not go into a rant about how there are still not enough lead roles for Asian females on television - Lucy Liu shouldn't be our only contribution!) So I appreciate Margaret Cho for her outspokeness, her humor and for taking hard knocks to open the door for women everywhere - not just Asian women. Thank you, Miss Margaret Cho for all you do. To further increase my social media glee, I also had a real live in person and on Twitter experience with Bravo TV's Dukes of Melrose King of Fabulousness Cameron Silver when I was in New York City. However that moment was so fantastic that it merits its own blog post, so I won't write about it now. Wait in suspense! But the true star of this blog post is not Miss Margaret Cho, is not Duke of Melrose Cameron Silver ... no. The true star of this blog post is Seattle singer-songwriter Miss Mary Lambert. Like many people, I first heard Mary Lambert's angelic tones on the Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' song "Same Love." I then purchased Mary Lambert's EP "Letters Don't Talk" on iTunes and fell in love with her song "Body Love" (check it out here.)
While I enjoy big arena concerts, I also enjoy small concerts where you really feel like you connect with the artist. I recently was on a sailing trip in the British Virgin Islands with the wife of country singer, Levi Lowrey. Wait, wait - let me fetch a long black cigarette holder, a poodle and a mink coat and then say that again -- "Darlings, I was vacationing in the Islands with the lovely wife of an up and coming Country Music Star..." Yes, yes, that's much better. Anyway, Levi's wife, the lovely Sharon Osborne-in-training, Stephanie was wearing some of Levi Lowrey's merchandise on the sailing trip. I loved his logo and had promised myself that when I returned "stateside" that I would order the same shirt. Well I must have been on a music t-shirt frenzy, because I also ordered a t-shirt from Mary Lambert's website. I love her logo as well! This past weekend a package with rainbow stickers arrived. It was my Mary Lambert merch order. But imagine my surprise when I opened the package and there was not only the t-shirt, but pictures and a handwritten postcard addressed to me with a personal message. Now the postcard was signed "Mary Lambert" - so I am going to assume (hope) the handwritten note was actually from her and not her minions. Regardless I thought it was super sweet and I was reminded why I love supporting up and coming artists - you give fan appreciation and support and they give it right back to you!
Mary Lambert was on the May 1st episode of "The Colbert Report." I hope it is the start of a long career of television appearances. I'll be in Seattle this fall for a half-marathon, I am keeping my fingers crossed that the Gods of Music Booking will cause Mary Lambert to have a live show while I am in town. Dream it, live it, be it! Thank you actresses, comedians, fashion icons and musicians for entering my world through social media, in person, photos and music - as a bunch of little animatronic dolls sing it is indeed a small world, after all.
If you read yesterday's blog post, you will know that I confessed that I can be a hypocrite sometimes ... saying I would not do something and then going forward and doing the very same thing I had just said I would not do!
In yesterday's post, it was a hypocrisy admission that while I had said I was trying to cut down on processed food that I had purchased and made the Tarte D'Alsace from Trader Joe's - a frozen, heat and eat flatbread. (And loved every bite!!)
I feel a bit like Kelly Killoren Bensimon from Bravo TV's"Real Housewives of New York" (a.k.a. RHONY) who said on the show that she doesn't eat processed food but all the while she indulges in lollipops and gummy bears. I love this 8 min 53 second mash-up of top Kelly Bensimon moments from RHONY on YouTube.com. By the way, the new season with three NEW Housewives premieres tonight on Bravo TV - will you be watching?
Well Ladies and Gentlemen - Lady Hypocrisy strikes again! (Me, not Kelly Killoren Bensimon, that is!) First let me give some Lily "Facts" before I start my tale ...
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury ... allow me to enter the following into evidence ...
1) I am an obsessive Keurig fan with at least 35 different types of K-cups in my coffee/tea bar. For those of you unfamiliar with Keurig and K-cups, it is a type of coffee maker that makes individual beverages by running heated water through freeze-dried or otherwise powdered coffee/tea/other beverage concentrates that are packed in a small plastic cup (a.k.a. K-cup.) It is quite an expensive habit with K-cups ranging anywhere from 35 - 80 cents U.S. each, but I prefer to make coffee/tea/apple cider/hot cocoa one drink at a time versus making an entire pot. I rationalize that it is cheaper than Starbucks, but I don't go to Starbucks every day ... so it may be a more cost-effective savings for others than me. (You can see a picture of my coffee/tea bar in my previous blog post here.) Even though a box of tea bags is usually 1/3 to 1/4 the price of a box of tea K-cups, I have at least 10 varieties of tea K-cups in my coffee/tea bar.
2) I usually drink my coffee black and unsweetened, but if not I may use coconut "milk," almond "milk," skim milk or half and half. If I need sweetener, I usually use Stevia in the Raw but if I am somewhere without a stevia option I may grab a pack of Splenda. (Livestrong.com has a blog post about the dangers of Stevia in the Raw here. Womentowomen.com has an article about the potential dangers of Splenda here.)
3) I like to have a variety of options for my coffee/tea drinking friends who may come to visit. So I have packets of sugar (even though I don't use it personally in my coffee) and I used to keep the long shelf-life Parmalat milk and Land o' Lakes Mini Moos Half and Half singles for those who use creamer in their coffee.
However the foot traffic at my in-home coffee bar is not as prevalent as the local Starbucks and I noticed that even the long-shelf life products I had bought were nearing their expiration. Because I tend to overbuy and under eat at home (and over eat in restaurants!), my pantry and refrigerator remind me of grocery stores in Russia. I'm constantly throwing out things that I bought that have gone past their expiration date - waste of money! I once found a box of chocolates in a grocery store near Novogrod, Russia that was one YEAR past its expiration and still sitting on the shelf for sale. (I did NOT buy them.) I also tried "Peanut-flavored Cheetos" in Russia. They tasted stale and nasty ... but then again I never checked the expiration date, maybe they were a year past the "use by" date?
Now that the four "facts" above have been entered into evidence, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let me proceed with my Lady Hypocrisy tale ...
My Green Mountain Coffee catalog arrived in the mail today. As someone with a Keurig K-cup obsession, this is like porn to me. I flipped through the pages with rabid glee ... until I stopped on a page that was of particular interest ... TWO NEW KINDS OF "BREW OVER ICE" K-CUPS! I did a little happy dance - more kinds of K-cups to add to my expansive coffee/tea bar collection!!!
I would have more "Brew Over Ice" varieties but most of them contain sugar and as entered into evidence in point two above, I prefer unsweetened or Stevia if I absolutely must have a sweetener. I do make an exception for the occasional Celestial Seasonings Brew Over Ice Half and Half Perfect Iced Tea - which is half lemonade and half black tea. But it is chemical tasting - I'd be better off just pouring fresh made lemonade into iced tea instead.
I am so obsessed with coffee/tea bar and my K-cups that if you come to my home for an iced coffee or tea, you will be handed a tumbler with the "Brew Over Ice" logo. I need a new term for my kind of obsession!
So back to the Green Mountain Coffee catalog ... I see that there are two new Brew Over Ice varieties ... Introducing Donut Shop "Brew Over Ice Sweet and Creamy" iced coffee - "medium roast coffee with a splash of sweet creamer" (quoting the catalog). Available in Regular and Nutty Hazelnut, artificially flavored. My eyes squinted at the words "sweet creamer" - mmm hmmm those words to me mean: "SUGAR and NON-DAIRY CREAMER." I'm on to you! I figured there was no way these K-cups were zero calories. And when you're an international traveler (and international EATER) like me, you have to be hyper-vigilent about hidden calories. The catalog does not contain any nutritional information on the products, but luckily the website does.
I found it intriguing that if you click on the two links above, there is a notation that these products cannot be shipped to Canada. Hmmm ... what conspiracy is this? Is Canada not allowed things that are sweet AND creamy? Does Canada only get one or the other? Should my planned invasion of Canada include a side mission of establishing an underground smuggling operation of "Sweet and Creamy" Brew Over Ice K-cups?
Will you see a fuzzy surveillance video feed of me on the Investigation Discovery channel with Bill Kurtis narrating that I am (allegedly) the criminal mastermind of an international smuggling operation that created a pipeline of Sweet and Creamy K-cups all the way from Florida to Ottawa? And more importantly, what will my criminal nickname be? Bitchy McCaffeinated? Jitters Espressoworth? The Lady Arabica Robusta?
I read the nutritional information for the two new "Sweet and Creamy" iced coffee K-cups in the links above. Both were 80 calories per K-cup. The first ingredient for each K-cup was SUGAR. The second ingredient for each K-cup was NON-DAIRY CREAMER. The last ingredient for each K-cup was sucralose (a.k.a. Splenda) and the label said the product contained milk and soy. I didn't see "coffee" in the ingredient list -- I guess that's covered toward the end of the ingredient list where it says "natural and artificial flavors"??
So let me get this straight ... these "Sweet and Creamy" iced coffee K-cups contain BOTH sugar and sucralose artificial sweetener? These "Sweet and Creamy" K-cups contain BOTH non-dairy creamer and milk products? The regular one has 14 grams of carbohydrates and the Nutty Hazelnut has 15 grams of carbohydrates. And what's up with the soy? Not to mention the 80 calories ...
Sorry "Sweet and Creamy" - you are chock full of too much that I don't want and not enough of what I do want! Wow, you're like the majority of men I have dated! I will have to forgo the "Sweet & Creamy" K-cups and go with my own version ... I call it the "Snarky & Beige Fast Iced Coffee." Until my picture is on every K-cup in the land, I will be making my own version of the "Sweet & Creamy."
The Green Mountain Coffee Catalog with my "Snarky & Beige" ingredients on top
Lily's Snarky & Beige Fast Iced Coffee: Equipment - You will need a Keurig coffee maker. - 1 Brew Over Ice unsweetened coffee K-cup (Green Mountain Coffee Nantucket Blend Iced Coffee or French Vanilla Iced Coffee) - 1 Land O'Lakes Mini Moo half and half single - 1 packet of sweetener
Brew the coffee K-cup into a heat-safe tumbler filled with ice. Add 1 Mini Moo single and 1 packet of sweetener. Stir well. Enjoy! (And then invade Canada.)
Variation: If you're not into non-sugar sweeteners, use 1 packet of sugar instead.
Calorie count: With Nantucket Blend K-Cup, Mini Moo and Stevia = 10 calories With Nantucket Blend K-Cup, Mini Moo and Sugar = 26 calories With French Vanilla K-Cup, Mini Moo and Stevia = 12 calories With French Vanilla K-Cup, Mini Moo and Sugar = 28 calories
You can add more Mini Moos and sweetener/sugar to taste, but remember the calorie count will increase.
Growing up in Minnesota and school in Wisconsin, I never met a dairy product I didn't like
Land O'Lakes Mini Moos Nutrition Facts
If you don't care about speed to make or calorie count, check out this iced coffee concentrate with sweetened condensed milk recipe from CravingComfort.blogspot.com.
I love sugar (have you seen how many pie pictures are on my blog??) I love lite Cool Whip non-dairy creamer and could seriously eat a tub of it with a pint of strawberries while I sit on the couch watching a marathon of "American Justice." I love K-cups. And yet I have zero desire to try the new "Sweet & Creamy" Brew Over Ice K-cups. Chock this up to yet another example of how I am Lady Hypocrisy ... and potentially the mastermind of an international smuggling ring. Love me for who I am, flaws and all! Or just buy me some Green Mountain Coffee Brew Over Ice Nantucket Blend Iced Coffee K-cups. My love does have a price.
P.S. I would love to hear from anyone who has tried the "Sweet and Creamy" Brew Over Ice K-cups. Is it a tasty, creamy iced coffee or is it artificial-tasting and disappointing? Please leave me your personal review of the product in the Comments section below. Thanks!
Google Affiliate Ad: This is the same model of Keurig coffee maker that is in my fabulous coffee/tea bar. I love it, love it, love it! I am not compensated by Keurig to say this - it is my honest opinion. But if you buy your Keurig using the link below I may get a finder's fee. Full disclosure, people!
A picture is worth a thousand words ... so here is the reason why I am happy today.
After millions of dollars spent and hundreds of "found on late night infomercial" cat tutors, my cats have finally learned to read! And they have fabulous taste - Kristen Johnston's fabulous, heart-breaking and then equally heart-warming book "Guts." I knew K-Jo was one classy lady before I started reading her book, but now I know it for sure!
OK OK, the Kat-Jo doesn't know how to read K-Jo ... but I am very happy that I hold the keys to literacy and that after long wait, Kristen Johnston's book was released this past week! Get it today!
P.P.S. I'm also ecstatic because @BRAVOTV on Twitter retweeted one of my tweets about my addiction to their new show "Shahs of Sunset." Thanks for bringing my whiny tweets to the masses, @BRAVOTV!
