New Product Wednesday: Mamie Jo's Kitchen Pecan Cheese Wafers

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

If you are a regular reader, you may be aware that on Wednesdays I post "New Product Wednesday" product reviews of items that are new or at least new to me!  In honor of the first Trader Joe's opening in South Tampa, I have dedicated New Product Wednesday for the past several weeks to Trader Joe's products.

However this week we are going to take a break and feature a  non-Trader Joe's product.  Stick with me people, you won't regret it!

Growing up in the Northern Midwest, I never thought of Florida as being part of the "Old South."  Living ten years in Florida (man, does time fly!), I still don't really consider Florida to be the South - although I have noticed a few "y'all" and "bless her heart" sayings have crept into my every day vernacular.  

This past Memorial Day weekend, I went to visit my friend (who I have self-appointed as "The First Lady of Lynchburg") in her home of Lynchburg, Virginia.  I have worked in Roanoke and Virginia Beach and visited Richmond and the DC-adjacent Virginia suburbs, but I had never been to Lynchburg.  To me, parts of Virginia are still "the Old South."  

Now I have also recently been in Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina on a business trip.  I was working incredibly long hours and had no time to explore the area.  I made one exception to visit my favorite Lebanese deli, but other than that I was chained to my computer.  I bemoaned to FLL (First Lady of Lynchburg) how sad I was that I did not have a chance to visit my favorite foodie paradise in Chapel Hill, North Carolina - the massive wonderful food emporium- Southern Season.  It's like NYC's Eataly but with a Southern flair!

Being raised outside of the South, I do not have the genteel etiquette and sensibilities of a Southern Belle.  Although I do have some social graces.  If a person offers me a gift, I usually do the "oh no, I couldn't … that's much too kind … no really, I just couldn't" 2-3 times denial before accepting said gift.  I don't know why, I just do.  

So when FLL heard that I had not had a chance to go to Southern Season, she pulled out a container of "Mamie Jo's Kitchen's Pecan Cheese Wafers" for me.  

Instead of doing my normal "Oh no, I couldn't possibly …" response when offered a gift, I swooped down on the plastic container of sharp cheesy wafers with gigantic pecans like a cracked out owl on a mouse!  I scurried away with my treasure and I am pretty sure I didn't even say "Thank you."  I needed to lock this gift in my suitcase before FLL changed her mind!  When it comes to pecan cheese wafers, the only word is "YES!"

I am not sure how I managed to not crack into the plastic tub before returning to Florida.  Extreme human restraint?  But let me tell you, the minute I walked through my door I turned on the television and out came the pecan cheese wafers.

I noticed on the label that it says they "freeze beautifully."  Which made me smile and laugh.  My friend Ms. Kentucky and I are going to see American Stage Theatre's production of "Steel Magnolias."  I have never seen the play, but I have seen the movie more times than I can count.  I also remember that there is a line in the movie about recipes in the "freezes beautifully" section of a cookbook.  So seeing "freeze beautifully" on the Mamie Jo's Kitchen Pecan Cheese Wafers label made me think of Dolly Parton.  

When I was in Las Vegas, I was surprised to see that there were Dolly Parton slot machines.  Listen, nothing is better than winning money while Dolly is singing "Jolene."

I won $109 at the Las Vegas airport while Dolly was singing her heart out.  It may have annoyed the man sitting next to me, but my wallet loved every single minute of it!

  In the American Stage Theatre production of Steel Magnolias, local actress Tia Jemison plays "Truvy" - the Dolly Parton role.  I am extremely excited to see Tia play Truvy as she was wonderful in Stageworks Theater's production of "A Raisin In The Sun" and American Stage Theater's "The Wiz."    

But enough about Dolly Parton, how did the Pecan Cheese Wafers taste?

Like absolute Southern Heaven.  

Incredibly cheesy with a sharp, rich, buttery cheese taste and the pecans were so amazingly fresh.  I had to pace myself because I wanted to gobble up the entire plastic tub (45 calories per wafer).  

Mamie Jo's Kitchen has a Facebook page that lists where you can buy their products.  If you like sharp cheese shortbread with hearty, tasty pecans, you HAVE to try these little buttons of delight!  They are sooooo delicious.  And they do freeze beautifully.     

P.S.  See Steel Magnolias at American Stage Theatre through June 15.  Read the Tampa Tribune's review of the play here.

P.P.S. I am so happy that the insanity around the new South Tampa Trader Joe's seems to have died down.  I drove there the other day and 1/3 of the parking lot spots were actually open!  Of course by the time I came out of the store, there were only 3-4 spots open … but it was the first time I had shopped at the new South Tampa location without wanting to stab everyone I saw in the head.  Progress!

Ease On Down This Road - The Wiz - American Stage in The Park

Happy Monday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I hope everyone had a great weekend!  Mine was terrific.  I volunteered on Friday and Sunday, which made for a somewhat tasky weekend but I made sure my Saturday was jam-packed with FUN, FUN, FUN to compensate.  

My Saturday might as well have been called "All of Lily's Favorite Things and Bagpipes too!"  The weather was gorgeous, top down convertible time and I took full advantage!    

I first started out my fantastic Saturday, by heading over to Seminole Heights. Florida.  I was on a shopping mission!  Cleanse Apothecary Bath and Body Boutique was having a weekend shopping promotion event.  They carry two product lines from my home state of Minnesota, so I get homesick whenever I visit!  The owners are fabulous.  I love supporting small businesses.  I also love that for they were serving a blood orange, Fresca & tequila blend for the special event.  (Fresca + Tequila = Happy Lily.)

From Seminole Heights it was over to Cephas Hot Shop in Ybor City for a tamarind drink and an aloe shake with freshly machete-d coconut water.  Tamarind supposedly helps cleanse your liver, so chasing tequila with tamarind maybe zeroed out the effect?  There were five newbies trying the bitter but gastro-intestinally effective aloe shake.  It's like dinner theater (or perhaps Fear Factor) watching the newbies drink aloe shakes!  (Read more about Cephas - the "Guru of My Colon" here.)

We had lunch at the Acropolis Greek Taverna in Ybor City.  My favorite is the Acropolis Salad - a Greek salad with Gyro Meat slices.  A little known fact, it is a Tampa tradition to hide a scoop of potato salad in Greek salads.  I know this may sound gross to some, but it is highly addictive.  Now when I have a Greek salad anywhere else in the country, I look in vain for some hidden potato salad.  Once in Las Vegas, a Tampa friend ordered a side of potato salad with her Greek salad because she said "Otherwise it's just not the same!"  The paramour had the Pastitso which I consider to be like a Greek lasagna - ground beef, pasta and a béchamel sauce.    

If we had had time, I would have loved to be having Greek food in the Greek sponge docks in Tarpon Springs, Florida.  My favorite restaurant there is Dimitri's On The Water.  However Ybor City is a heck of a lot closer to my house than Tarpon Springs, so when I get a Greek food craving I usually go to the Acropolis.    

We also had drinks at The Independent Bar and Cafe in Seminole Heights.  I love, love, love The Independent.  If you're looking for a laid back place to have a beer, this is it.  I love sitting on their patio.  Often there is live music and always there is a fun crowd.  

Although I was experiencing total Murphy's Law there on Saturday.  If I go to The Independent with female friends, the crowd is always couples or families.  But if I go there with a guy, then the place is crowded with good-looking MEN, MEN, MEN!  Saturday was no exception.  There was a large table of adorable military men who were rather appreciative of my shorts and my 4 inch summer heels.  Once again it's either feast or famine in my world when it comes to single men!

At The Independent, I had my favorite Zombie Killer Cherry Cyser.  Because I think I am secretly illiterate, I always thought this was a cherry cider beer.  Um no - it's an apple-honey wine with cherry juice added.  And the only reason I know that is because I read it on the picture I took.  When the bottle is in front of me, I am too busy drinking it to read the label!  Needless to say it is super yummy no matter what is in it!

It was time to bid Date #1 goodbye and turn to Date #2.  I was off to St. Pete to Sylvia's "Queen of Soul Food" Restaurant.  If you haven't been, you MUST go.  (Read my review of Sylvia's here.)  

My "Date #2" was actually me taking my friend "Ms. Kentucky" out for a belated birthday evening.  We were going to have a picnic dinner while we watched American Stage Theatre's production of the musical "The Wiz" held in the park at Demen's Landing.  This is located next to the water in St. Petersburg and is just an ideal, tranquil spot.  

Last time I saw American Stage Theatre in the Park, there was a family next to us that brought fried chicken and champagne.  I had Picnic Envy!  So this year I knew I was bringing fried chicken.  

Not trying to promote any racial stereotypes here, but knowing Ms. Kentucky had yet to try Sylvia's soul food - I thought a soul food picnic for The Wiz musical was a good theme meal.  Is that racially offensive?  It's hard to know where to draw the line.  

    
We had fried chicken, collard greens, mac & cheese, potato salad, fresh fruit - and for dessert - Sylvia's awesome coconut cake.  About a dozen middle school girls wearing Emerging Youth Leaders t-shirts were sitting next to us with giant bags of M&Ms and Cheetos.  They gave us an appreciative nod at our chicken picnic.  

Now normally sitting next to a dozen rambunctious young girls at "the theater" would be highly annoying - but these girls were so funny and adorable.  They were just loving life, full of smiles and spunk.  They chatted with us and I just wanted to make them all honorary little sisters.

American Stage Theatre's version of The Wiz was awesome. Their annual show in the park is always a big success and so worth attending!  Because I have been volunteering at a local performing arts theater, I have had the pleasure of getting to know the local Tampa acting community.  In "The Wiz," I knew the Director and two of the actors personally.  Plus "The Cowardly Lion" and the piano player have performed a local cabaret act that I have seen several times.  If you are in or near St. Petersburg, Florida, I highly recommend going to see "The Wiz."  It's a great event for singles, couples, families … an all around good night.

St. Petersburg was hopping when we went to see The Wiz.  It was also the Blues Festival, the Rowdies Soccer Game, the Symphony and the Ziggy Marley concert.  Downtown St. Pete was packed with lots of people having a great time!  The Rowdies game had the UK bagpipe band "Red Hot Chili Pipers" playing a post-game concert.  

Because it's an outdoor stadium, we caught a good chunk of the concert for free.  Trust me, you have not lived until you have heard the Red Hot Chili Pipers doing a bag pipe version of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'."  If you have one goal for 2014, this should be it.  

We then hit the local Starbucks as the Stephen "Ziggy" Marley concert was letting out.  I was feeling bland not wearing rasta colors or having dreadlocks!  But the concert goers were mellow and friendly.  

The perfect Saturday ended with a walk along the water.  The weather was perfect - not too hot, not too cold with an almost full moon dancing off the water as we walked along the shoreline.    

I highly recommend all the places I mentioned in this blog post if you are in or visiting the Tampa Bay area.  I hope you had a Perfect Weekend too - and as always, thank you for reading!

November 24: Small Business Saturday - My Favorite Small Businesses

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

While I will be in New York City for Thanksgiving Weekend, I dedicate my November 24, 2012 Small Business Saturday Blog Post to my favorite Tampa Bay Small Businesses.  (By the way, hopefully I will be visiting my favorite NYC small business - Podunk Tea Room.)

But meanwhile, you should check out these great Tampa Bay small businesses ...

Here is a proposed way to spend your Small Business Saturday shopping -

Cleanse Apothecary - Seminole Heights' fantastic body products store.  Great gifts for yourself or friends and family.  I give them two thumbs up not only for selection, but on amazing customer service.

After hitting Cleanse Apothecary, go across to the street for  some guava pastries and Cuban Bread at Mauricio Faedo's Bakery.  Still hungry?  Grab an amazing meal at The Refinery. 

After filling your belly, go to Kalamazoo Olive Company (now in St. Petersburg and Dunedin, Florida!) to buy more gifts for yourself or friends and family.

My friends JP and TW recently visited Tampa Bay, I made them a "Welcome to Tampa Bay" gift pack featuring products from three wonderful Tampa Bay businesses (cat optional).

The following picture shows a Fall tea sampler from the wonderful TeBella Tea Company (also stop by for your own afternoon tea at the Oxford Exchange which features TeBella Teas).  I love TeBella.  Their store is in my neighborhood and they also sell at the local markets around Tampa Bay such as the Hyde Park Sunday Market (I call them Farmers' Markets but in Tampa we call them Fresh Markets - which always confuses me with the grocery store chain of the same name.)    When I am feeling under the weather, TeBella Tea Company's turmeric ginger tea adds a POW to my system.  When I am feeling like a treat, I go for their Key Lime tea on ice.  Sweet and delicious.  TeBella has a lot of different sampler packs that make great gifts.    

In the picture above there is also a 36 chocolates box from the AMAZING William Dean Chocolates handmade artisan chocolates.  Did you see the movie "The Hunger Games"?  These pretty as works of art chocolates are movie stars - they were featured on the buffet table in the movie.  Rumor has it, the chocolates will also be in The Hunger Games' sequel.  William Dean chocolates can be found not only at their store in Belleaire Bluffs, but at yummy Datz Deli, TeBella Tea Company and Dean and Deluca as well as online.  

My friend JWS introduces me to William Dean Chocolates.  She has turned so many people into William Dean believers, that the owner had enlisted her as official taste tester awhile back.  She's always leaving his store with free chocolates in addition to her orders.  When we visit the store in Belleaire Bluffs, I smile widely at the owner with a "pick me to taste test too!" happy expression, but so far, no dice!  Evidently I don't have the "It Factor" that JWS has.  (Or a fancy green grill that her husband has, read about that here.)

In addition to the tea and the chocolates in the picture above, there is a one pound box of three kinds of luscious toffee from my favorite toffee store - Toffee to Go.  It is hands down the best toffee I have ever eaten.  It is one of my top gifts that I give.  My friend NT, one of the owners of Three Bears Hair Bows, turned me on to Toffee To Go.  A billion calories later, I am still plotting my revenge on NT for exposing me to this insanely good toffee!  If you're looking for adorable hair bows - great gifts for all the little girls in your life, check out Three Bears!  

Speaking of hair, after you've bought all your holiday gifts, make some time for yourself with a great cut, color and style from my Color Guru Crystal at her new salon at the Salon Lofts in Carrollwood.

Next stop - get some amazing Thai food from Thai Island Restaurant on Davis Islands.  If you're looking for a lot of free food for an inexpensive price - get the chicken lettuce wraps platter shown below.  Delicious, fresh and packed with amazing Thai flavor.  I've been to Bangkok and I dare say that Thai Island's food is even better than I had there!

One of my favorites - the Thai Island Chicken Lettuce Wrap Platter

Mangos and Peanuts - oh my!  Thai Island's Mango Salad

So good it makes me cry - Thai Island's Crying Tiger Beef Appetizer

If you're going out of town and looking for a pet sitter, I highly recommend my fabulous pet sitting company High Tail It Pet Sitting.  They have been watching my hoard of cats for years.  And on my birthday, they left me this Hello Kitty marshmallow pop - as they not only know my cats, they know I have an insane Hello Kitty fetish.  Now don't be expecting High Tail It Pet Sitting to buy you Hello Kitty gifts (you all are not as special as me!), but do expect quality, reliable pet sitting.

If your vacation budget is more Staycation than European holiday, check out a sailing charter from my favorite local sailboat and pontoon charter company - Windsong Sailing Charters.  (Tell Captain Wendy that Lily says hello!)  My favorite is their all day sail to Anclote key with the beach barbecue package.  (Chef Bruce's shrimp scampi is divine!)  I refer to sailing with Windsong as "Princess Sailing" because they cater to your every need.  (And if you're looking for a longer sailing trip, the 6 night British Virgin Island trimaran trips on Yacht Promenade are one of my favorite vacations ever!)

There are so many great small businesses in Tampa Bay.  I hope you spend your Small Business Saturday visiting some of these fine establishments.


P.S.  I do not receive any compensation for featuring these small businesses on my blog.  However I will gladly accept any freebies they want to throw my way.  Until then, I will eating as many free samples that Toffee To Go has at their sales counter as I can!

Give Yourself A New Look For The Holidays! A LilyOnTheLam Exclusive! (Expires Jan 29, 2013)

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Do I have an awesome exclusive for you!  My hair color guru, Crystal Leigh Wood, has opened her own Salon at the Salon Lofts in Carrollwood, Florida.  (See Crystal's Salon Lofts profile and services page here, her Facebook page here and her Twitter account here.)  

While Crystal is no longer in my backyard in South Tampa, I now have an excuse to stop and get an amazing cupcake at nearby Sweet Tweets Cakery before or after (or before AND after) getting my hair done.  It's also a great excuse for me to have brunch at Mimi's Cafe, lunch at Jason's Deli, have cocktails at Grille One Sixteen in Carrollwood and see a comedy show at Sidesplitters - all of my favorite Carrollwood haunts!  Beautiful hair color, sassy cut AND having an excuse to stop by my favorite Carrollwood places?  Win-win-WIN!

I color my hair every time the wind changes direction, so it is important to have a top quality colorist at the ready!  Crystal Leigh Wood uses Paul Mitchell products.  There are some great holiday Paul Mitchell product gift packs on the market as well.  I was at Crystal's Salon Loft yesterday and was eyeing a Lemon Sage products kit in this sassy burlap-style bag.  Loves me Paul Mitchell products!

In honor of Crystal's new venture (support local Tampa Bay small businesses!) in Carrollwood, I asked Crystal if she would offer a discount for LilyOnTheLam.com readers.  (Consider it my holiday gift to you, dear readers!)  Well Crystal has always been a great supporter of LilyOnTheLam.com, so she came through with this great deal for my readers!  15% off all over color, cut and style (offer expires January 29, 2013 - so book your appointment online NOW!)  Print the certificate below or show it to Crystal on your Smartphone.  Tell her "LilyOnTheLam" sent you!

I have always received top quality customer service, hair cuts and color from Crystal Leigh Wood.  If you're looking for a new holiday look, a top new hair stylist or just looking to save some money on your next hair appointment; I do hope you take advantage of this great limited time offer (one per person please).  

P.S.  What are your favorite places to visit in Carrollwood, Florida?  Let me know in the Comments section below! 

P.P.S. Sometimes the certificates are not showing on Blogger.com, so include mention of LilyOnTheLam.com special in your appointment if the certificate is not showing in the blog post.  Thanks!

  


 

Alien Pod People, Barbecue Grills in Drag and Other Gift Buying Ideas

Happy Monday LilyOntheLam.Com Readers:

I hope you're feeling energized and spunky today!  If not, a few more cups of coffee please ...

Today's LilyOnTheLam.Com blog post is a gift to my friend JS' husband ... let's call him ... The Dog Whisperer.  

I refer to him by that name because JS & TS have recently adopted a stray dog into their household.  The new dog and TS have forged a very fast, very strong bond.  So for the remainder of this blog post, I shall refer to TS as "The Dog Whisperer" or "The DW" for short.  Oh the lengths I go to preserve anonymity ... (and then post my blog on a person's Facebook for all to read-- HAHAHAHHAHA!)

I met The DW's wife over 8 years ago, but I don't recall the exact moment or occasion when I met The DW.  I just one day knew The DW - it was no gradual building up of friendship.  It was just BOOM - there's The DW!  Perhaps I have such good humor toward The DW because he makes the most mack daddy awesome flourless chocolate cake with Earl Grey ice cream I have ever had ... or maybe it was lavender ice cream - my memory is a bit jagged due to watching too many Honey Boo Boo clips on YouTube.

Anyway, it was on one of my visits to The DW's home that I noticed this big green oval thing near the pool-patio area.  It was bumpy on the outside, kind of like a golf ball but huge.  It looked like a compact carrying case for dead bodies ... or for alien life forms.  

I made a mental note that The DW was either a mafia hit man or the Human Servant to a superior alien race that was planning to take over the Earth.  I asked The DW's wife what the big green egg-shaped looking thing was and she replied "Oh, that's The DW's Big Green Egg."

Well duh, I kinda already got that - but WHAT IS IT?

"It's a Big Green Egg.  It's The DW's Big Green Egg."  The DW's wife repeated.

I shook my head and made a mental note that the alien overlords needn't bother to interrogate The DW's wife because her evasive answers would yield no useful information.

Then one day I was driving down Kennedy Boulevard in South Tampa, Florida and I saw an outdoor barbecue store.  They had a sign advertising "The Big Green Egg."  I wondered when The DW's wife started manufacturing cryptic and NOT helpful advertising signs.  I kept driving.

Eventually the knowledge that "The Big Green Egg" is a ceramic cooker (or as their website calls it "The Ultimate Cooking Experience") somehow settled into the nether regions of my brain.  It's supposed to be a combination grill/smoker/oven and possibly alien incubator.  

I still don't quite trust it and am pretty sure "The Big Green Egg" may grill me a steak but it may also hatch a 10 foot tall alien master race as well.  You can't fool me, alien pod people! 

I was in Minneapolis three weeks ago, visiting my sister Squidge - who may also be part of an alien master race.  We went shopping in Uptown Minneapolis/Lake Calhoun area.  We had to stop at one of our favorite stores - Kitchen Window at Calhoun Square.  

If you like kitchen gadgets or entertaining supplies, you have to check this store out.  It has one of the biggest paella pans I have ever seen in my life.  If I ever need to make paella for 200 people, I know where to get the pan!

Squidge and I walked in to the Kitchen Window and lo and behold, there was The DW's Big Green Egg ... but smaller ... a table-top size version.  I literally screamed like a kid seeing Santa Claus and ran to it.  My little sister, with blood streaming from her now punctured ear drums, looked at me in bewilderment.  (Officially the item below is called the Big Green Egg - Mini Size aka Mini Egg.)  

I suddenly had this vision of me carrying in my table-top Not-so Big Green Egg into The DW's house.  I'd somehow smuggle it in and then when The DW looked the other way, I'd pull out the black metal stand and the Not-so Big Green Egg and plop it on the table in front of me.  Of course I'd have put a straw hat and a bow tie on said Not-so Big Green Egg and maybe a blond ringlet wig ... corn cob pipe ... overalls ... some sort of Southern outfit.  And then when The DW turned around, he'd see the face of "Not-so Big Green Egg" staring at him - and he'd know that his days of being the only Big Green Egg owner I know were LONG OVER.  A tear may actually roll down his cheek too.  

I would stand up and laugh maniacally at his pain.  The music track from Dynasty or Dallas would cue up and I'd sneer "For too long, you thought you were the King of the Big Green Egg, DW!  But you were WRONG!  Look who has a Big Green Egg now TOO!  Oh sure, it's not as big as yours - but can yours sit on the dining table and wear a straw hat and suspenders?  Oh noooo .... I think NOT!"  

I would then start absent-mindedly stroking my Not-so Big Green Egg while I laughed and laughed and laughed.

My sister ended my day-dreaming by saying "I still don't understand what the big deal is with this little green egg."  Sigh ... kids just don't understand.

But then I turned around and SCREAMED AGAIN!  My sister was now sick of losing her hearing to my insanity and walked away.  But I would not walk away ... NO...  what did I spy at the Kitchen Window store?  

Patio string lights - like Christmas tree lights but for your patio and for more than one holiday (heh heh) - patio string lights in the shape of ... THE BIG GREEN EGG.

Obviously I have died and gone to heaven ... have you ever seen anything so fabulously beautiful?  I quickly calculated how much it would cost to buy enough Big Green Egg Patio String Lights to completely wrap The DW's entire house ... unfortunately for me, The DW is a successful attorney and his house is quite large.  Until my line of Moroccan-themed cat costumes brings me my first billion dollars, I probably didn't have enough money to completely cover The DW's house in Big Green Egg Patio String Lights.  I decided dedicating a blog post to The DW and his Big Green Egg would have to suffice.

I then turned around one more time and SCREAMED AGAIN.   I think at this point, my sister had had it with me and left the store.  But who could blame me ... there sitting on a display grill were these ...

BARBECUE NINJA!  Where was THAT option on career day??  Why am I a corporate drone when I could be a BARBECUE NINJA???  Can I change my CV on LinkedIn.com to say Current Role: BARBECUE NINJA?  

Let's take stock of my life ... I don't own a Big Green Egg.  I don't even own a Not So Big Green Egg.  And I am not a Barbecue Ninja.  Truth be told, I live in a condo so I couldn't have a grill even if I were the world's foremost barbecue ninja.  No, I just have a Cuisinart Griddler.  I'm a Griddler Ninja.  I know, you don't have to say it - "Griddler Ninja" does not sound cool.

Sigh.

Someone needs to buy me a large house, buy me all sorts of sizes of Green Eggs and become my patron ... like in the old days where rich families would sponsor artists.  I need a billionaire to sponsor my Barbecue Ninja artistry.  

Do you really want to live in a world where there is one less Barbecue Ninja?  

Gasp!  No!  

Until that glorious day, I'll be saving my pennies so I can make my dream of showing up at The DW's house with a Not So Big Green Egg in a blond wig with a corn cob pipe a sparkling reality.  

A girl can dream, can't she?


P.S. In researching this blog post (yes, I actually do some research at times), I found out that there is a whole line of Big Green Egg -themed accessories!  Candles, picnic table weights, salt and pepper shakers, stuffed toys, baby onesies and my absolute favorite - BIG GREEN EGG CORN COB HOLDERS.  

I have heard rumors that Big Green Egg owners/lovers are beyond dedicated and have their own version of fan cultdom (EggHeads) over this ultimate cooking experience tool.  Kind of like Furries, but obsessed with grills ... please don't try to have sex with your Big Green Egg, I beg of you!

They also have an annual Eggtoberfest - which by the time this blog post is published will be 2 days after 2012's Eggtoberfest.  

P.P.S.  If your Big Green Egg has ever given birth to a master race of alien pod people, please leave me your story in the Comments section below.  Thanks!

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Why It's Not A Good Idea To Get Drunk and Then Go To The Asian Dollar Store

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Before I launch into the sage wisdom and advice of today's blog post, I would like to tell you that the inspiration for this post was brought to you by Vancouver, British Columbia's own Save On Meats Diner.  

For it was there, at the adorably cute diner with a jaw-droppingly hot, muscular man working the front counter (O Canada!) -- that I drank several of these lovely concoctions - a Caesar garnished with a savory, saucy pepperoni.  These were the beverages that set me out upon my journey of self-discovery.  

I was in Canada for two reasons: (1) To increase the pitiful Canadian readership of LilyOnTheLam.Com - seventh place in country readership?  Tsk Tsk Canada, you should be ashamed!  (Read more about it here, here and here.  Yes, I wrote three blog posts about my planned invasion of Canada- don't judge!)  And (2), I was in Vancouver to celebrate the anniversary of my birth ... no, I wasn't born in Canada but when you live in a hot, humid climate (hello Florida), it's nice to visit the cooler Pacific Northwest.

This was a pretty significant birthday.  (One doesn't turn 912 every day ... did I mention I am a vampire?  A very old vampire, at that.)  I've been having a lot of "What's It All About, Alfie?" moments.  And if you have no clue what that means, please watch the 1966 Michael Caine movie "Alfie" and not the Jude Law 2004 remake.  (If you must watch the Jude Law remake, then mute the sound and just say "Isn't he pretty?" over and over until the movie ends.)

I've also been having a lot of "what if this is as good as it gets?" moments as well.  (Cue clip of Jack Nicholson in the movie "As Good As It Gets.")  

To add to my emotional questions, I recently was promoted to a "stepping stone" role.  One of those "suck it up, work extremely hard and you'll move on to even bigger things, kid!" roles.  The carrot that is supposed to make the donkey jump up like Michael Jordan.  

It's like "Hey Kid, if you work hard - one day, all of Sector 7G will be yours!"  Since the stepping stone isn't the stone to step on to get to being a rock star or Oprah Winfrey, it's been hard for me to generate the requisite enthusiasm that this very good opportunity should create.  I guess the best way to describe how I am feeling with regard to the "stepping stone" is that it is like fishing with the wrong bait.  Here I am, swimming in the pond, and a hook with a lamb chop is dropped in the water.  I don't eat lamb, therefore it doesn't interest me.  So I just watch this lamb chop being dragged around in front of me while I stare at it.  Instead of being an incentive to make me work harder, it becomes a disincentive.    

"Ohhhh, you want me to bite into this?  But what then?  You pull me out by my mouth and throw me in a boat?  Um OK, but what then?  You club me, skin me, filet me, fry me and eat me?  Um OK, but what then?  I go through your digestive tract and then am defecated out of you?  Um OK, but what then?  I am washed into the sewers to disintegrate into the water?  But I am in water now, seems like an awful lot of work and pain to become a disintegrating piece of poop."

Now don't get me wrong ... I am extremely flattered that I was chosen for this stepping stone position.  There was stiff competition and it is an honor and a testament to my previous hard work.  And in this economy any money-making job that covers your expenses seems to be a good one.  I would rather be a shining star at my workplace with a heavy workload than be a nameless, faceless grunt with a lighter workload who no one knows about or cares about and then inevitably is the first one cut in a lay-off.  

But still I feel like the fish staring at a lamb chop on a hook thinking to myself: "Really?  I'm supposed to want this?  And want this enough to impale myself on a hook?  Seriously?"

I can talk your ear off about all the things I don't want to do - in career, life, love ... but it's more difficult to efficiently encapsulate what I do want in all of these areas in words.  

It makes me think of one of my favorite books, "Fight Club" by Chuck Palahniuk.  I am in love with most of the dialogue in this novel.  It is painfully poignant poetry for the post-boomer generations.  In Chapter Five, the Doorman says several statements that burn through my brain and my soul ...

"A lot of young people try to impress the world and buy too many things ... A lot of young people don't know what they really want ... Young people, they think they want the whole world ... If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't."

If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't.  Those words are like the closed captioning on my own blaring nightmare.  The overwhelming fear that I will bury myself in all that I don't want because I have no clue what I do want.  Ack, the horror!  Wake me from this nightmare!

Amidst all this so far aimless soul searching, I am also redecorating my living room.  After I had already made the decision to redecorate, I saw a numerologist (don't judge!) and she said I am at the end of a Nine Year Cycle and need to get new furniture.  I saw this as some sort of cosmic approval of my already prepared plan.  Hopefully the cosmos will also pay my credit card bill after I buy all this new furniture.  

I am not really sure of what I want in the living room ... which has led me to endless stores and online hunting.  The other day, I went to Iron Pelican Antiques in St. Petersburg, Florida.  I ended up buying three pieces of furniture -- because I just knew what I wanted when I saw it.  So here I am trying to reconcile between "If you don't know what you want, you'll end up with a lot that you don't" and "I'll know it when I see it."  Or maybe that just applies to furniture?

The retail therapy did give me a temporary reprieve from my "What's It All About, Alfie?" musings.  And ohhhh the furniture (which will be delivered Wednesday) is ohhhhhh so pretty and I got such a good deal compared to many other overpriced Tampa Bay antique stores.       

But I digress ... back to Vancouver and my multitude of Caesar cocktails with the delicious savory pepperoni garnish.  There I was - drinking my yummy cocktails and giving sly side glances to the hot waiter working the diner's counter ... oh and also trying to contemplate my future.  

My brain was spinning ... as I have often said in my life - "I wish I had a crystal ball and just some reassurance that everything will work out OK."  Which frankly is a funny thing for me to muse about, because I have (knock on wood) had the divine fortune to always land on my feet in any situation.  

My friend Nicky G once told me he never has to worry about me - I'm a cat - no matter what the circumstance, I make it out on my feet OK.  And not to sound egotistical, but he's right.  I've always managed to make lemonade out of lemons ... I may squirt myself in the eye one hundred times, but in the end all is good.  I may be wearing a bedazzled pirate eye patch because of it, but I still manage to rock it hard.  

Sometimes you have to just sit back, keep doing what you're doing, stop worrying and trust that this is the right course destiny/fate/ God/Buddha wants you to be on.  (And NO, I am NOT going to include a clip of Carrie Underwood singing "Jesus Take The Wheel" - I really am NOT.  I'm serious!)

I toddled out of the booth at Save On Meats Diner ... yes toddled ... I didn't realize that the numerous cocktails had any effect on me until I stood up and tried to walk straight and sober-like.  Ambulatory fail!  I was walking back to my hotel, so the only real danger for me was the fear of tripping over drunken feet and planting myself face first into the British Columbian cement.  I tried to look smooth and collected, but probably just looked sweaty and drunk.

I walked past a mall and decided to go in.  Shopping while intoxicated always sounds like a good idea ... at the time.  There was an Asian dollar store in the mall.  What's an Asian dollar store?  A dollar store with Asian products.  Like the fantastic Muji.us but with super inexpensive items!  It reminded me of several I had seen in Japan.  Being half-Chinese, I loves me some cheap Asian merchandise and I gleefully wandered in to the store.

Friends, loved ones, strangers -- If you follow any advice that I give on LilyOnTheLam.com, please follow this -- Don't get drunk and then go to an Asian dollar store.  Especially when you have a lot of cash and credit cards on you!

People, the whole foundation of LilyOnTheLam.Com can be summed up in this quote by Catherine Aird: "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."

"Horrible warning, party of one ... name of Lily ... now being seated ..."

I was so cocky with my "I'll know it when I see it" mentality ... that I forgot a very important caveat -- if you're intoxicated (or distracted or not in your right mind), you may not really want what you think you want at the time.  (Can I hear an "Amen Sister" from every drunk man who took home a Coyote Ugly chick from a bar?)  So with this very important caveat, I was right back at square one with the adage: "If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot that you don't."    

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I submit to you Exhibits 1, 2 and 3 ... items purchased from the Asian dollar store in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada on the intoxicated night in question by the now sheepish-looking defendant ...  

Exhibit One

Exhibit Two

Exhibit Three

Perhaps Chuck Palahniuk should have written: "If you don't know what you want, you'll end up with a sponge in the shape of a banana where you can detach the individual banana pieces and use them if for some unknown reason you need a really small sponge."

Or:  "If you don't know what you want and you're drunk, you're going to buy a lot of tremendously cute bath products that you don't need and will feel like a dumbass when you realize you're not four years old and yet now have a collection of bath toys."

Or:  "What's It All About, Lily?  Maybe stop drunk shopping at the Asian Dollar Store and let your brain cells and wallet take a breather ... maybe then enlightenment will come to you, sister!"

Please expect to find one of the above scenarios in Mr. Palahniuk's upcoming novel, "Chick Fight Club."  I will be starring in the movie and actor Brad Pitt will play my doppelgänger, because he is basically the idealized version of me anyway.  (Insert snotty laughter here.)

I wish I had a happy ending to this blog post ... something akin to "so I pulled my head out of my ass and realized that I was in control of my life and that I need not ask what it is all about because I make my own destiny, dammit!"  But this isn't a Sandra Bullock movie.  And if it was, there would be a montage of me clothes shopping and kissing puppies ... because that's what the movie audiences want-- nay, expect-- from me.  And by God as my witness, I will deliver!  As soon as I become a top movie actress, that is.  

Also, I don't know exactly where this gets worked in but in my idealized world, I would be doing tea with Oprah Winfrey at my favorite tea room in all the world -- Podunk in New York City.  (Read about it here.)  And Oprah would say to me as she was pouring me a 2nd cup of Oolong tea that "It's all about living your best life."  

I would look her in the eye and say "Oprah honey, I am so glad you realize that having tea WITH ME is what makes your life, the best life ever."  We would laugh, but secretly Oprah would know and I would know that I was deathly serious.  I'd pass Oprah one of Podunk's amazing cupcakes and smile.

However, instead of a happy ending, an Oprah moment or a film career, I am still here - just little old me - pondering my life and my plans to redecorate my living room.  There's not even a cupcake in sight.

While I don't have an ending to this particular story, I do have a lesson to take away from it.  That lesson being that I have ascertained that I definitely do not want my emotional life nor my living room to be filled with cases of sponges shaped like bananas ... so I better keep in tune with my soul instead of just trying to blindly fill the spaces up with cute things that have little substance.  

("Cute things that have little substance" can also describe most of the men I dated in my early 20's.  Just a side note!)  

Maybe I'll never truly figure out "What's It All About?", but I have a feeling I'll be a "Better Me" for going through the exercise of asking myself the right questions versus drowning myself in cocktails.  No matter how savory or delectably garnished they might be.  

Perhaps through the process of asking myself these questions, I will be able to sort out some of my emotional baggage -- keeping the small, light-hearted carry-on stuff and leaving the steamer trunks of regret for the emotional Salvation Army to pick up and haul away. 

Until I figure it all out, I have learned to at least keep away from Asian Dollar Stores after I have been drinking ... and if that lesson is "As Good As It Gets" - it's still a pretty good lesson for not only me, but the world.  

Anyone need an Asian banana sponge?

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A couple years ago, my friend NT brought a box of homemade white chocolate macadamia nut toffee from a local Tampa business to a party I was hosting.  I don't care for white chocolate, so I didn't think I would like it.  Well, I was wrong.  Darn you NT and your tasty treats!  This toffee was beyond fabulous!  It was crunchy but yet melted in my mouth.  I was instantly hooked.  My party guests and I demolished the entire box in 3.2 seconds.  Some serious yummy deliciousness.


I drove out to the small Tampa store to check it out.  The company is called Toffee To Go.  A simple name for a very sophisticated tasting toffee.  It is rich, buttery and oh-my-goodness super fantastic!  Since being introduced to this toffee by NT, I have bought Toffee to Go toffee for many housewarming gifts.  And I've used their mail order service to send a "good luck studying" gift for my little sister at University.  Everyone goes insane for this fantastic toffee! 


So the other day, I find out that Toffee to Go has opened a new store and it's now ridiculously close to where I live.  Oh Toffee to Go, are you stalking me?  I am going to weigh 500 pounds if you move any closer! 


As it turned out, my friends R&S were having a joint birthday party.  What's a good gift for a birthday party?  Oh yes... toffee!  I used the upcoming party as an excuse to go check out Toffee To Go's new store.  It is much bigger than their old store and chock full of their delicious toffee, toffee sauce and now new toffee popsicles!

I selected a one pound box of three flavors- dark chocolate pecan, milk chocolate almond and white chocolate macadamia nut toffee.  The clerk had to run to the back to get a fresh box put together - leaving me alone with a plate of toffee samples.

I secretly wonder if there is a hidden camera in the foyer to watch people gobble the entire plate of samples while waiting for their toffee order!  I had one piece of dark chocolate pecan toffee and seriously wanted to eat more and more and more.  But I stayed strong!  Darn you, Toffee to Go!


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