Why I Love Josh Kilmer-Purcell

In what feels like a lifetime ago, I stumbled upon a book called "I Am Not Myself These Days," a memoir by Josh Kilmer-Purcell.  I could relate to the title.  The distance between "Who I am" and "Who I want to be" seemed to be growing exponentially and there was no GPS to guide my way.  I was so out of sorts, I needed a new word for "lost."  Lost Deluxe?  Lost Supreme?  Lost with cheese and bacon, hold the tomato?  I was spinning.  Then somehow, not really sure how I found it.  I stumbled upon this book.  It had a funky 60's reminiscent aqua spiral with a somewhat morose and lost-looking, little orange goldfish/koi type fish on the cover.  Why was the goldfish sad?  Why was there a fish on the cover anyway?  Is this some sort of Austin Powers as a fish book?  There are questions to be answered.  This was a book that demanded to be read.

The goldfish might have looked lost, but it certainly did not lead me astray.  Josh Kilmer-Purcell's memoir was not similar to my own life history at all.  I'm not a tall drag queen with plastic dome breasts with goldfish swimming in them (A-ha! Goldfish reference understood!).  I only occasionally appear to be a raging alcoholic, but it's not my usual costume du jour.  No, I definitely did not relate to most of Kilmer-Purcell's life.  But I have felt down.  I have made the wrong call on a guy (more than once!).  I had had similar thoughts, emotions and chutzpah.  And it was this common chord that melted my heart.  Kilmer-Purcell's memoir was naked - sassy attitude without pretense, wry humor without wallowing bitterness, truth slowly earned through painful humiliation.  It was like watching someone put together a jagged puzzle.  With each page, the pieces were coming together and the picture created was beautiful, real and unashamed.  All of our experiences, good and bad, make us the person we are today.  I enjoyed traveling the bumpy road of Mr. Kilmer-Purcell's youth and feeling a bond in both his hurts and his success.  "I Am Not Myself These Days" was a wonderful journey.

From time to time, I would look to see if Josh Kilmer-Purcell had written anything new.  I wanted to step back into his world of truth with blemishes and all.   He had written a fiction book called "Candy Everybody Wants" but I am primarily a non-fiction reader.  I wanted reality, not made-up drama.

Then years later, I find myself in the Portland, Oregon airport.  I had a belly full of tater tots from Rogue Public Ale House and still had time to kill before my flight to Tampa, Florida.  I was traveling on my birthday.  The same date my driver's license expires.  I was scared that the TSA would argue that it was not a valid form of ID, so I arrived at the airport with plenty of time to argue and beg, if necessary.  Luckily, it was not an issue and now I was poking around the shops.  I spent a small fortune at Made In Oregon.  Had a decent meal at Rogue and now I was heading over to Powell's Books.  I had not had time in my journey to hit my favorite - the downtown Portland Powell's Books, so a small library annex location would have to do.  Sitting on a table near the front were two smiling Gentlemen Farmers.  What was this?  Then I saw the author's name ... Josh Kilmer-Purcell.  I grabbed it like it was the last lifeboat on the Titanic.  WHAT?  When did he write a new book?  And this is a paperback.  Evidently I had been out of touch for awhile.  The book was called "The Bucolic Plague: An Unconventional Memoir."  The cover said "How two Manhattanites became Gentlemen Farmers."  Now that, my friends, is a story.

I devoured the book in a little over a day.  I fell asleep with it in my hands and finished the book when I woke up.  My review on GoodReads.com reads as follows:    

Josh Kilmer-Purcell has done it again. His 2nd memoir rips my beating heart from my chest, squeezes it, then wraps it in a microfiber baby blanket, lovingly kisses it and then places it gently back into my gaping, bloody chest cavity. Someone please lock this man in a room and force him to write 24-7. I can't get enough of his quirky, fantastic, imperfectly perfect sense of humor and "sparkle." Excellent book.

I wonder why Hallmark never calls me to write greeting cards?

I'm not going to tell you what the 2nd memoir is about - you should just read it.  Or read about it at the http://www.beekman1802.com/ website.  Or watch Planet Green's "The Fabulous Beekman Boys."  But really you should just read the book.  It is peaches and cream with a shot of tequila. 

Josh Kilmer-Purcell's day job is as an Advertising Executive.  I love cold hard reality with blemishes and love of self, but I also love merchandise - shopping opportunities.  Josh Kilmer-Purcell and his partner Dr. Brent Ridge have turned a second home away from the city into not only a working farm, but also a re-energizing movement not only for themselves, but their fellow townspeople.  Their website http://www.beekman1802.com/ shares their adventures and more importantly for my tastes, things to buy.  In homage to Josh Kilmer-Purcell, I have ordered their Beekman 1802 Habanero Cajeta goats' milk caramel sauce.  Think dulce de leche sauce infused with Beekman Farm-grown habanero peppers.  In "The Bucolic Plague," Kilmer-Purcell wrote about how life can throw you a line drive to the groin.  The Beekman 1802 Habanero Cajeta sounds like a perfect metaphor for Kilmer-Purcell's life - smooth, silky with alternate layers of sweet and hot.  I look forward to its arrival.  But just in case the Habanero Cajeta is too much of a line drive to the groin versus a spicy sweet treat, I also ordered their Beekman 1802 Cajeta - Original - goat's milk caramel sauce sans habanero. 

Great book + great merchandise = I'm in heaven.

If nothing I have written makes you want to read "The Bucolic Plague," I have two words for you.

Bionic Cat.

You heard me.  Bionic Cat.  There's a bionic cat in "The Bucolic Plague."  I can't say "no" to a bionic cat.  Can you?

Gobsmacked by Moonstruck Chocolates - Portland, OR

If you go to an office supply store and flip through every calendar, you'll see that Lily on the Lam's birthday is in July.  I believe it is a public holiday in most countries. 

For some masochistic reason, I decided to do a half-marathon on my birthday with my childhood friend, JB.  Now this particular half-marathon had two options - both a run and a walk.  But if you signed up for the walk, you had to agree that you would NOT run.  Or as I paraphrased "I am legally prohibited from running."  A 13 mile walk is no problem for me.  A 13 mile run is not so easy!  My friend was going to do the walk option so I did a "Ohh well I suppose if you're walking, then I should sign up for the walk instead of the run too." 

Now if you're planning on doing a half-marathon, whether you're running or walking; I have a tip for you.  Don't spend the prior 3 days before the half-marathon doing a culinary tour.  My friend lives in Portland, Oregon.  I flew up a few days before the half-marathon to spend time with her and sightsee.  And one of the ways I love to sightsee is through my stomach!

Portland, Oregon is a particularly good eating city.  I very much enjoyed eating my way through the "Rose City."  I'll save my other culinary exploits for future postings.  For this post, I want to focus on the nail in my half-marathon coffin.  The day before the half-marathon, JB and I went shopping and eating.  We had a lovely lunch at Elephants Delicatessen.  They have a mouth-watering pastry and chocolates area, but JB forbade me from having dessert at Elephants.  "But - but - their desserts look so good!"  I stammered.  I wondered why JB was suddenly so mean.  JB insisted that we save our appetites for Moonstruck Chocolate.  All I could think was "Pfft - why should I save myself for a piece of chocolate when I can get a fruit tart as big as my head, here??"  I briefly thought about outmaneuvering JB, vaulting over the bakery counter and shoving as many scrumptious desserts in my mouth before JB could drag me out.  Sigh.  I followed JB out of Elephants Deli and away from their beautiful, beautiful desserts. 

We walked around, letting our lunch digest and then headed to Moonstruck Chocolate.  I gasped when I saw all these truffles in the shape of animals.  Who can say "no" to a Black Cat Truffle?  I was overdosing on the sheer cuteness of it all!  So many truffles, so little time.  With a half-marathon in less than 24 hours, I should have picked the smallest item I could find.  Or even better, buy something and save it for after the half-marathon. But nooooo.....  Where's the fun in that? 

Instead I went full-force glutton.  I ordered an artisan s'more.  (You had me at artisan ... and s'more.)  I ordered a peanut butter cream cone.  (I love my peanut butter and chocolate!)  And then I wanted a drink.  How about a nice coffee to cut the sweetness of the chocolate?  Um yeah, no.  I ordered a chocolate peanut butter shake!  (Prelude to "How I died from a sugar coma.")

The artisan s'more tasted like a marshmallow between two vanilla wafers (maybe it was Graham but they tasted and looked like vanilla wafers.)  It was delicious.  Crisp, chewy, chocolatey.  Delectable.

Next, I moved on to the Peanut Butter Cream Cone.  I love peanut butter.  I love chocolate.  I had high hopes for this delicious bite of loveliness.  (In the picture below, the artisan s'more is on the left and the peanut butter cone is on the right.) 

I wanted to love the Peanut Butter Cream Cone.  I wanted to hold hands with it, skip through a meadow and sigh at it adoringly.  I wanted to scribble "Lily + Peanut Butter Cream Cone" in the margins of my 9th grade algebra notebook.  I wanted to fall in love with it.  I wanted to.  I have to say it was a bit of a disappointment.  Perhaps my palate is jaded by artificial peanut flavor, but I felt like the Peanut Butter Cream Cone was not peanut-buttery enough.  It was way too subtle.  I expected a burst of peanut butter flavor.  My expectations fell flat.  I regretted eating the calories on this one. 

What was not a let down in any way, shape or form was the Moonstruck chocolate peanut butter shake.  Decadence in a cup, covered with whipped cream.  Heady chocolate, smooth creamy peanut butter ... the peanuty goodness I was so seeking in the Peanut Butter Cream Cone was here in the shake.  It was beyond delicious.  It was transcendant.  If you find yourself in Portland, OR and you're a chocolate and peanut butter lover, get yourself one of these ...

I will whole-heartedly admit that a few minutes after gobbling 2 chocolates and a good portion of the rich shake, my stomach wanted to kill me.  And the next day during the half-marathon, I wondered if I had burned even 1/2 of the calories in the shake.  It was worth it though - I was gobsmacked by the chocolatey goodness of Moonstruck Chocolate.  Thank you for being one of the highlights on my culinary tour of Portland, OR!

My goal for the half-marathon was "1) Beat JB's time in a June half-marathon and 2) Not finish last."  I beat both goals AND got to indulge in chocolate.  Win-win!