Challenge Extended ...

Happy Wednesday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I am in a GROUCHY mood today.  I need more sleep and more exercise.  With my new job I usually start work by 5:45 a.m. or 6:45 a.m. if it's a "late" day.  My body clock would rather start work around 10 a.m. and finish up say by 2 p.m.  Unfortunately for me, I also like receiving a steady, fat paycheck ... so I wake up early and I am grouchy.

I can only assume at my core that I am a masochist, because I know that I function better and feel better if I get enough sleep, water, exercise and healthy food ... and yet here I am wishing I was eating THIS for breakfast ...

  
It is the Coconut Cream Pie from Capital Grille restaurant.  Now normally I am a banana cream pie girl, but this is by far my favorite coconut cream pie.  There is no comparison with how good this darn pie is ... and it comes with a cookie!  Seriously if I were Empress of Lily Land (formerly known as the US of A), I would require that all pie slices come with a cookie and all cake slices come with a donut.  And everyone gets their own pony.  Or unicorn.  Or rainbow.  There's a lot of rules in Lily Land. 

I haven't had this particular Coconut Cream Pie in at least two years because it is pure decadence in a tartlet shell ... but if you're looking for super rich, super good coconut cream pie- get yourself over to a Capital Grille restaurant.

I try a lot of products "for the sake of my blog" (ohhh I am such a martyr!)  But I can't try every product out there, so I am going to extend a Product Review Challenge ... have you tried any of the following products?  If yes, tell me what you thought of them in the comments section ...  It is INTERACTIVE LilyOnTheLam, people!

Product #1:  Milkis - from what I can tell it is some sort of carbonated "milk soda" that I found at my local Asian store.  Since I have a milk soda-phobia, I have not tried this.  Have you?

Product #2:  Cosmic Blue Twinkies - Twinkies with Blue Raspberry Creme.  When I saw these, my first thought was "Oh God NO!"  Seriously I already think "tons of artificialness" when I look at a Twinkie, do we need a bright blue filling too?  Am I wrong?  Is this the next best taste sensation?

Product #3:  Not to be the world's biggest hypocrite, BUT ... after I was slamming the Blue Raspberry Creme Twinkies I next saw THESE and thought "Hmmm, those look tasty."  BAD LILY!  Chocolate covered Twinkies!  Have you tried these?  What did you think?

Product #4:  How many decades before someone said "Hey a square marshmallow would make s'mores making easier?" This is why I am proud to be an American - square-shaped marshmallows ... excuse me "s'moresmallows."  If ever there was a reason to stop what you're doing and make some s'mores - this, my friends, is all the reason in the world.

Product #5:  SRIRACHA POPCORN!  I was traveling and didn't have any room in my suitcase.  Which I feel weak even admitting ... I mean seriously, isn't there always room for sriracha popcorn??  I have never seen this product since my initial spotting in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.  I am only left with my longing and regret ... have you tried it?  What did you  think?

Product #6:  I have a love-hate relationship with flavored Oreos.  Ever since I tried the Candy Corn Oreo and cried and cried and cried, I have been gun shy about flavored Oreos.  I think Chips Ahoy also makes a root beer float flavored chocolate chip cookie.  As Miss Toledo says - WHY?  Why keep making things that taste like other things?  Although I watched a BuzzFeed video that said that Oreos originally came in the chocolate with creme version and a LEMON MERINGUE version that was discontinued in the 1920's.  What the what?  Bring that cookie back and let me try it!  But until then ... have you tried the root beer flavored Oreos?  What did you think?

Are there any products you have wanted to try but are too afraid/shy/broke to try?  Let me know in the comments section!

Ohhhhhh America: If You Liked It, You Should Have Put A Pie Crust On It - Review of Perkins' Restaurant Luscious Lemon Cake Pie

Happy Tuesday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

This is Day Two of my "Ohhhhhhh America" week - blog posts that will have you shaking your head in shame.  While I usually do my "new product review" (products that are new or new to me) on Wednesdays, I am extending that spirit throughout the week with things that are head shakingly American.

Growing up in Minnesota, I love Perkins' Restaurants because I love being able to get breakfast foods at any hour of the day.  (As an American, I think being able to get breakfast any time I want it should be a right not a privilege!  Ha ha ha!)  Two years of my high school youth was devoted to going to see the midnight showings of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with friends and then heading to Perkins for some 3 a.m. pancakes.

It is a scientific fact that 3 a.m. pancakes taste better than pancakes eaten at 9 a.m.  And by scientific fact, I mean unfounded personal opinion.

Unfortunately in Tampa Bay, there are not many Perkins' Restaurants anymore.  The two closest to me, closed.  I suspect due to the local popularity of "Village Inn" (which is known as Bakers Square in the Midwest - formerly the chain known as Poppin' Fresh Pies which used to have the Pillsbury Dough Boy as its mascot.)  In Tampa, the Perkins and the Village Inn used to be located on the same street.  Evidently Village Inn won that turf battle.

I actually prefer Perkins' food to Village Inn, but for whatever reason I went to Village Inn more ... not sure why as they were once so close to each other proximity-wise from me. 

So every now and again, when I am in an area near a Perkins Restaurant I stop to have breakfast at a non-breakfast hour and give a toast to my long ago misplaced youth.

Last Saturday, I was driving back to Tampa from Orlando after real estate shopping with Mr. Cardamom Monroe.  I was tired, which is not a good thing when driving at night.  I saw a sign for the Perkins and decided I needed to get some coffee ... and pancakes.

I sat down in the booth and was amazed how many people were having dinner at Perkins at 9 p.m.-ish on a Saturday.  Evidently this Perkins in "I don't know where I am, somewhere between Orlando and Tampa, Florida" was a hopping spot.

I looked at the table tent and saw this ... a celebration of all things summery and lemony.

     
I was intrigued by the Luscious Lemon Cake Pie pictured.  It looked delicious.  But also, what the heck is this new trend about putting cake in a pie crust and calling it pie?  Is this some sort of delayed calculated revenge for Boston Cream Pie - the cake that is not a pie?  Ohhhhhh America!  Village Inn had a similar "cake in a pie crust" concoction several months ago and I was equally as confused then as I am now.

I love living in America and being born an American.  But I have to say there is something so truly American (in good ways and bad ways) in thinking about a dessert and saying "I know, let's put the CAKE in a PIE crust!"  There was an old Saturday Night Live "Taco Town" sketch that makes me think of how American we are to put one kind of food into another kind of food (see the sketch here).

But back to my mission ... caffeine and pancakes.  Perkins' has awesome pancakes.  Hands down better than Village Inn - flaky, buttermilk-y tasting ... just delicious.  

After pancakes and coffee, there was no way I had any room for pie ... much less cake in a pie crust.  But of course there are always "to go" containers!  I took a piece with me and had it the next day while watching shameful reality television on the Bravo network.   Ohhhh America.

The verdict?  The Luscious Lemon Cake Pie was indeed luscious.  Tart but intensely sweet with spongy, moist layers of cake.  However like most American desserts, it was overkill in a pie shell.  

Basically from what I can figure out is that they took a baked pie shell, lined it with super sweetened whipped cream and then plopped a frosted cake in it and then filled the edges with even more super sweetened cream.  I wanted to scoop out the cake and leave the bland pie crust and excessive amounts of sugary almost separated whipped cream behind.

When I was a kid I loved whipped cream - the more the merrier.  I am not sure when or why but sometime in the last maybe five years, I have lost my zeal for massive amounts of it.  It's sad, really!  I still appreciate a generous dollop of lightly sweetened cream, but when things are drowning in sugary cream it seems like a complete waste.  (Same can be said for drowning things in sauces or gravies.  Stay tuned to LilyOnTheLam.com's Ohhhhh America week for more posts with this theme!)

When I was growing up (and honestly still to this day), my Mother used to blather on about liking things simple and natural.  Just the way they are.  She'd rather have a bowl of strawberries than strawberry shortcake.  She'd rather have a plain baked potato than one loaded with butter, sour cream, bacon, cheese and green onions.  So I feel like an abbreviated version of my mother when I make the statement about Perkins' Luscious Lemon Cake Pie -- "Did you really need to put this nice cake in a pie crust?"  I liked the cake (although it was too sweet), but the bland pie shell and the extra whipped cream brought nothing to the party.  

If you like lemon cake, check out this "pie" but you may want to do like I did and cut off the pie shell and the extra whipped cream.  Unless of course you're a big cream and crust fan -- and if so, then you'll be in heaven.

Stay tuned all this week for my "Ohhhhh America" series of posts!    

Happy Mother's Day 2014!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Sometimes there is no better place than in one's own bed with the air conditioning lightly humming, knowing that there are no pressing deadlines for the day.  I'm home from a Vegas-NYC-Raleigh/Durham travel marathon.  Two vacations, one work trip … and I am equal parts "good to be home" and planning my next several rounds of trips.

Happy Mother's Day to all the maternals out there.  The moral of today's story is be nice to people because they can make your life easier.  I had been musing over what to do for my mother for mother's day, when a friend who makes organic homecare/bodycare products texted me and said she was sending a box of products to my Mom for Mother's Day!  

Hello!  That was easy!  It was like having my own private butler!  Now I know what Angelina Jolie feels like!  I didn't have to pick anything out, pack a box, go to the post office or pay for anything!  Oh my Lord, having good friends is a Godsend!

Currently my friend has an Etsy shop while she is testing her website.  So if you're looking to shop for quick and easy, great gifts - check out her store.

I have been spending this weekend in leisure mode … well leisure and laundry.  Where is my butler to pick up my dry cleaning?  So I must bid you adieu so I can return to my lounging, but until my next LilyOnTheLam post … the song for the day is Fiona Apple's "Not About Love" - the perfect video soundtrack for my day today!  Enjoy!

    

Banana Vs. Banana - An Epic Tale of Pie in Los Angeles

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Sometimes you just need a piece of pie.  But sometimes your waistline really does not need a piece of pie!  

When I went to Los Angeles for a mini vacation, I decided I was going to lift the caloric restrictions and have a piece of banana cream pie.  I love pie in general.  I can't think of a pie flavor that I don't enjoy on at least some level.

I was near the La Brea tar pits when the pie craving hit.  Right next door is Marie Callender's (a.k.a. Callender's Grill) - which most people know only for the frozen food brand with the same name.  Growing up in the Midwest, we did not have Marie Callender's.  It reminds me of Perkins Restaurant & Bakery.  Callender's is known for their pies, so I decided this was fate telling me to take a break and have dessert.    

Bakery section of Callender's Grill

The restaurant was packed with happy families.  It's a homey, lovely place.  I ordered a slice of banana cream pie from a waiter who looked like actor Chris Evans' stand-in.  He brought me a slice of pie.  I looked down at it and said "Um, I think this is coconut cream not the banana cream pie I ordered."

The waiter looked at me like I was nuts and then said: "Why do you think that?"

"Um, because it is covered in coconut?"

He picked up the plate, held it eye level and stared at the pie like a cop interrogating school kids.  

"Hmmmm…. maybe?"  He said as he stared down the pie.  "Let me check."

After a few minutes, he came back with this piece of pie.  He said reassuringly "You were right.  That was coconut."

I, never doubting my pie sleuthing skills, just gave him a smile.

I didn't expect a high class piece of pie from Marie Callender's.  It is after all an inexpensive restaurant chain.  But I was disappointed because I remembered them having much better pies when I used to live in Los Angeles.  This piece of pie was just OK.  It was certainly not worth the calories though.  (However if you are craving really awesome "steak" wedge fries, do stop by Marie Callender's because they can't be beat!)

My pie craving was not satiated by this sad piece of pie.  Sigh.  More calories would need to be ingested before I could get this pie monkey off my back.

I had previously been to the "The Original Farmers' Market" complex on Fairfax.  This is one of my favorite places to go on a lazy weekend day.  It's especially good if you want to grab something to eat with a large group of people who all have different tastes.  You want donuts?  We got you covered.  You want Malaysian food?  Yep!  It's a lovely space with tables around food stands.  There are also several regular style restaurants around the "food court" like area.  

One of the restaurants is DuPar's Restaurant and Bakery.  It is an old-school style comfort food diner delight.  I knew that if I wanted a decent piece of pie, I needed to head back to the Farmers' Market.

So the next night, after attending the 10th Anniversary Lost TV Show Reunion at Paley Fest, I headed to Du-Par's.  I ordered the banana cream pie and was actually brought a piece of banana cream pie.  

This is what my stomach had been waiting for.  Light, custardy, filled with bananas and topped with an avalanche of whipped cream with a buttery flaky crust.  Banana Cream Pie craving officially satisfied!

The best banana cream pie I have ever had was at a wine store in Des Moines, Iowa.  On weekends the wine store opened up their back room and did a set meal with selected wines.  My friend was living in Des Moines at the time and I was in town for a visit.  I remember being served a pork chop as big as my head.  Hello Iowa!  

For dessert, we were served a banana cream pie tartlet with a chocolate chip cookie crust.  The cookie had been brushed with a rum glaze.  Layers of banana with the richest pastry cream ever were next.  Then a generous layer of sweetened whipped cream.  I have tried to duplicate this tart many times over the years and have failed miserably.  It seems so simple and yet I just can't get it right.

If I am craving a really decadent piece of pie, I will head to the Capital Grille.  They have a coconut cream pie tart that is to die for.  It is a vanilla cookie-like tart shell filled with incredibly rich coconut cream and whipped cream.  One of these days I am going to sneak a banana into the restaurant, slice it up and cover the Capital Grille's coconut cream tart with banana slices.  Then I would REALLY be in Heaven.

Ummm… perhaps I have said too much.  

I really like pie.  What can I say?    

Your Seasonal Stomach Beckons ...

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

One of my favorite places in Tampa Bay for lunch is Wright's Gourmet House.  They have fantastic sandwiches as well as a wide variety of cafe items for order through their catering.  I have used Wright's for catering at several of my parties because their food is so tasty and because they deliver!  (Win-win!)

But many Tampa folks love Wright's because of their desserts.  They make AMAZING cakes, pies and fruit breads.  They make giant cakes for sale whole or by the slice.  They also sell cupcakes in the same cake flavors, but nothing beats a big old gargantuan slab of cake.

During the holiday time, Wright's makes a chocolate cake with peppermint frosting.  I wish they had this cake all year-round, but some things are worth the wait.  

If you're near Tampa Bay, make sure you schedule in a slice of peppermint chocolate cake (or a whole cake) as soon as possible!  

Here's a picture of the slab I purchased to fill my holiday dessert status quo … sadly I couldn't wait to take a picture - I ate several bites before I paused for photographic evidence!

Another one of my favorite "seasonal desserts" is Village Inn's candy cane pie - check it out in my blog post here.  

Run around the block a few times and then try both the peppermint chocolate cake and the candy cane pie.  Your seasonal stomach will be very happy!

18 Innings!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I am not the biggest sports nut.  I couldn't tell you the last time I watched a sports event on TV in my home, but I can tell you the unit of measurement would be in years if not a decade.  But I do like the enthusiasm of a live game - and I prefer the live sports in this order 1) Hockey, 2) Basketball, 3) Soccer, 4) People on Twitter arguing what Real Housewives franchise team they are on, 5) Mixed Martial Arts, 6) Boxing, 7) My Cats Chasing Each Other, 8) Football, 9) Baseball, 10) Javelin Throwing, 11) NASCAR, 12) Watching My Leg Hair Grow and 13) Golf.  

I used to date a guy who tried to make me watch golf with him.  His butchered body is now buried in the desert.  And I may or may not be joking about that.

My enthusiasm of live sporting games increases exponentially based on the amount of free team merch swag given.  If anyone out there has a Rays DJ Kitty Bobblehead they want to give me out of the sheer goodness of their warm, warm hearts; I would love you forever - or at least long enough to sing your praises in a post on this website.

This past Friday, the Tampa Bay Rays baseball team had an Oktoberfest promotion where they gave away heavy, solid, nicely logo-ed Tampa Bay Rays beer steins.  To my knowledge there were no drunken fans using the beer steins as weapons and if this is true, I salute all drunk fans everywhere!  Because these were formidable beer steins and would cause a lot of damage if wielded like a sledge hammer.  And sports fans who drink a lot are not always the most rational of thinkers.  

Determined to get my hands on a beer stein, I went to the Rays vs. Baltimore Orioles game with two friends.  Yes, I admit it - the actual baseball game was ancillary to my quest for a ceramic beer stein.  I won't lie and I won't be ashamed!  (OK maybe a little wee fraction ashamed, sorry baseball players!)

My desire for a beer stein inadvertently put me on a collision course with history -- in that at the end of the 9th inning, the Rays and Baltimore were tied 4-4.  My friend Ms. SC had happily departed after the 5th inning with beer stein in hand, but big time baseball fan Mrs. KG and I were in it for the long haul as she explained to me that in baseball the teams will just keep playing until someone scores ... no matter how many innings it takes.  Let me just repeat that - no matter how many innings it takes.  

I naively yelled out "COMMITTED!" as in committed to staying in our seats until the tie was broken.  But as we entered into the 14th inning, I was feeling less committed.  To me, nine innings is a lifetime -- so this long extended game was like me realizing I am a vampire who will NEVER DIE.  I felt like every batter was hitting pop flies backward.  I started tweeting messages about my arse screaming from sitting in the hard Tropicana Field seats.  

(Side Note: Follow me on Twitter.com @SouthTampaLily if you like to read snarky messages about The Real Housewives Bravo TV franchise and angry messages about who I wanted to win the Emmys!  @Cinnabon, @MargaretCho and a Twitter account devoted to Grumpy Cat follow me and you should too!  But if you're into shaming and chastising people who express their opinions, then don't follow me - save sweeping generalization holier than thou judgments for someone who wants to hear/read them.)

The scoreboard announced sometime around the 15th inning (I think) that this game had beaten the Rays' record for longest game in their franchise's history.  Mrs. KG and I high-fived in astounding glee.  Hello history-making event!  And I participated in this history making by sitting on my butt and eating a tasty beer-soaked brat with a big ceramic beer stein bubble-wrapped in my purse.

By the 16th inning, Mrs. KG and I kept eyeing each other - wondering which one of us was going to say "Let's stop this madness and go get pie at Village Inn instead."  I quietly said "Committed!" with a lot less enthusiasm than I had before. The crowds were getting smaller and smaller.  It was like Mrs. KG and I were playing chicken - which one would scream "Let's go - who cares who wins?" first.  

The game had started at 7:10 p.m.  Mrs. KG announced when the clock passed 1:50 a.m.  I kept staring the clock incredulously - how could it be so late and why were we still here?  Would this game ever end?    

I started looking for toothpicks to hold up my eyelids.  I was no longer yawning every now and again.  I was just doing one long yawn that lasted multiple innings.

Then finally slightly before 2:10 a.m. in the eighteenth inning, the moment I had been hoping and praying for finally happened.  The Rays broke the tie!  The Rays win!  We vaulted out of our seats and used every last bit of energy to scream, jump up and down and hug.  You would have thought we won the lottery - but really I was just excited that now I could go home and go to sleep!  

Unfortunately for the teams, the Rays and the Orioles would be playing again at 1 p.m. - less than 12 hours away.  The announcer joked that if you were attending the Saturday game, feel free to sleep in your cars.  I was so tired after working a full day and then watching an almost 7 hour game, I contemplated sleeping in my car.  

Eighteen innings - it was like watching a double header.  Mrs. KG, my baseball expert, said that some games have gone much longer than 18 innings.  According to Wikipedia, the longest game in professional baseball history lasted 33 innings.  

Let me just make it clear that if the Rays decide to break their now current record and play longer than 18 innings, I won't be there saying "Committed" - I'll be at Village Inn, committing myself to a piece of pie ... or a whole pie.  Or to a whole pie case.  Doing whatever I have to do to artfully demonstrate my commitment ... to pie.

But regardless of my fickle nature, congratulations to the Tampa Bay Rays for overcoming exhaustion and beating the Baltimore Orioles in the 18th inning.  I don't think I have ever been so happy to see a baseball team win a game!  It was a great lesson in dedication and perseverance that I would have truly reveled in, had I not been so sleepy!   

Thanks for a very long, but ultimately very satisfying 18 inning game, Tampa Bay Rays! 

A Word of Kindness Is Better Than A Fat Pie - A Tale of Two Banana Cream Pies in New York

It's Another Installment of "The Brandy Chronicles" - things to do and see in New York City!
 
Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Happy Saturday!  I am writing this on Friday (from your distant past - oooooooooooooohhh waaaahoooooooooo [this is the sound I expect a ghost to make]).  

By the time you read this, I will probably be sound asleep - sleeping off a Ma Peche by David Chang food coma.  (Side Note:  Ma Peche is a midtown NYC restaurant in the Momofuku chain.  David Chang is the Chef/Owner.  I am obsessed with Momofuku.  Their Ssam Bar, Noodle Bar and Milk Bar are "must visits" for any New York City visit.)

I checked my Twitter account Friday morning.  The restaurant Veselka Bowery (also a "must visit" - see my blog post "The Best Desserts in New York City") had tweeted the Russian proverb "A Word of Kindness is Better Than A Fat Pie" and then accompanied that with "(Still we love a good piece of fat pie.)"  Their tweet included a picture of a cup of coffee with Veselka's own banana cream pie tart.  

I found this Tweet interesting for many reasons:

1) Because I love anything PIE (do a search on this blog and be horrified at how many times "pie" is mentioned), 

2) Because when young I studied much Russian history and had never heard this pie proverb, 

3) Because I love Veselka Bowery and its sister restaurant the original Veselka and most importantly: 

4) I had Veselka's Banana Cream Pie last night after seeing "Lucky Guy" on Broadway.  Obviously Veselka Bowery's Tweets are all about ME.  ;-)   

I gluttonously must admit that I actually had banana cream pie twice yesterday.  Once at lunch and once at dinner.  It's not a crime and I won't be shamed by the likes of you!  

"Pi Day" or "Pie Day" is March 14, to honor Pi as 3.14.  Well in my book, Pie Day was April 4, 2013.  Obviously I'm quite slow in celebrating my mathematics/dessert holidays.  It's not a crime and I won't be shamed by the likes of you x 2!

I started My Own Personal Pie Day (which I believe was the original title to Depeche Mode's hit song now known as "Personal Jesus.") at a restaurant in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York "Pies 'N Thighs."  

First off, I celebrate any establishment with miscellaneous abbreviations in its name.  I am reminded of when Miss LM and I were in NYC and saw the beacon of headwear "Wigs + Plus."  (That name is mathematical magic!)

Second, I celebrate any establishment with "Pies" in its name.  

Third, I celebrate any establishment with "Banana Cream Pie" on its menu.  I don't care if it's "Joe's Auto Body Repair + Waterboarding 'N Stuff" - I will be there!

Pies 'N Thighs is a Southern comfort food haven in the middle of Williamsburg.  Since moving to Florida, I have become a Southern food fan "gourmand."  I usually try to stick to Southern food served in the South.  Northern versions tend to be as sad and unappealing as wallpaper paste masquerading as grits.  But the allure of BANANA CREAM PIE - one of my top favorite pies - convinced me to give Pies 'N Thighs a try.

Banana Cream Pie from Pies 'N Thighs

In the looks department, the banana cream pie from Pies 'N Thighs looked like something my Grandmother would have made.  So while it was not going to be winning any international food styling contests, it did exude traditional familial warmth which I think is essential in Southern cooking.  Two fresh vanilla wafers decorated the top - a nod to Southern banana pudding.  

Pies 'N Thighs banana cream pie slice was only half-coated with whipped cream.  I believe this was to not make the vanilla wafers soggy, but for a whipped cream freak like me - I would have liked to see more whipped cream.

The filling was not bad - rustic, a little too overcongealed with chunks of banana.  It was a decent pie filling.  But what I really liked about this pie was the crust.  It was somewhere inbetween a fried cookie and pie crust.  Thicker than your average pie crust.  It was like a marriage between a cookie crumb crust and traditional pastry.  I am not sure what exactly was in that crust but it added a buttery, crunchy component to the Pies 'N Thighs banana cream pie that elevated it beyond it's "not bad" banana filling.

While I wouldn't go back to Pies 'N Thighs solely for the banana cream pie, I would go back for their chicken and waffles and faux boho Brooklyn hipster people watching.  (And I gotta try one of their humongous homemade donuts next time!)

After lunch, I window-shopped in Williamsburg and later that night I went to see the Nora Ephron Broadway play "Lucky Guy" (read about my adventures here).  My Pies 'N Thighs lunch had filled me up that I wasn't hungry again until after the play ended.  Where to eat dinner at 10 p.m. on a Thursday in New York City?  Where else but the 24 hour Ukrainian diner Veselka in the East Village!

I was not surprised at 10 p.m. on a Thursday that Veselka was still almost completely full.  I eagle-eye spotted a stool at their wrap-around diner counter and counted my lucky stars.  It's great to be in a 24 hour city again.  I miss my days in Los Angeles where you could get killer Thai food until 4 a.m. every night.  My only Tampa Bay 24 hour city experience is a trip to Walmart.

I ordered dinner but was stopped mid-bite when the two sassy Asian men sitting across from me ordered a whipped cream laden concoction.  I grabbed my delightful, moderately accented server Arthur and hissed "WHAT IS THAT?"  Arthur looked amused by the cloak and dagger intrigue and said "That's the banana cream pie."  I looked Arthur dead in the eye and said "I am going to need that NOW!"  Arthur grabbed my dinner plate to box up the leftovers and within seconds a banana cream pie tart was sitting in front of me.  I think it's safe to say that Arthur saw a ferocious intensity in my eyes that necessitated quick pie delivery service.

The Banana Cream Pie at Veselka

Unlike the banana cream pie at Pies 'N Thighs, Veselka's banana cream pie was not stingy in the whipped cream department.  A happy, fluffy piping of sweet, fresh-tasting whipped cream anointed this gorgeous little tart.  The filling was silky smooth with just this perfect creamy, thick pudding to lovely banana pieces ratio.  It was like eating velvet if velvet were banana-flavored.  This pie filling was exactly what banana cream pie filling should be.

Unfortunately, then I came upon the crust.  I like to think that I am a physically strong person ... a physically strong person who could not do a pull up to save her life, but a strong person nevertheless.  I could barely wield my knife and fork to break into the granite-like tart pie crust.  The bits I did manage to carve off had too much of a raw-flour taste.  I decided my banana cream pie experience would be much better if I just ate the "innards" of the tart.

My sister Squidge makes some of the best pastry pie crust I have ever had, so perhaps Veselka should hire her to be their Senior Crust Maker Extraordinaire. 

Not strong enough to tackle this crust!

If this were a perfect world, there would be one clear winner in this Tale of Two Banana Cream Pies.  However if this were a perfect world, I would be independently wealthy with a posse of Yorkie puppies who all look like Southern California Puppy Star Misa Minnie.  (Read my blog post: Upping the ante on super-cuteness: the ballad of Misa Minnie here.)  Looking at my adorable, but non-Yorkie puppy cats, I can say that while it is a good world; it is not a perfect world.

If you're looking for the perfect Banana Cream Pie in New York City, I would recommend getting a piece from Pies 'N Thighs and throwing away the filling.  Keep the crust and then fill it with the filling from a Banana Cream Pie tart from Veselka.  By joining the two you will have the most amazing piece of pie and have visited two great neighborhoods in New York - Williamsburg and the East Village.  Pie and two field trips?  That's a win-win-win, in my book! 

While I was eating my Banana Cream Pie at Veselka, Miss LM texted me.  I sent her the two pictures above and confessed that I had eaten banana cream pie twice in one day.  Her response?  "I'm sensing a Banana Cream Pie Tour of New York blog coming ..." and then she inserted a crystal ball emoji.  Well Miss LM get yourself to a psychic phone hotline because YOU ARE CORRECT.

So back to the beginning of this blog post and Veselka Bowery's Russian proverb tweet that "A Word of Kindness is Better Than A Fat Pie."  LilyOnTheLam.Com Reader - I think you are fabulous, wonderful, beautiful and a testament to all humankind.

Now give me some pie. 

September 2013 Update:  I am sad to learn that Veselka Bowery has closed.  However their East Village diner-style location is still open - check it out!

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Will A Village Inn Pie Get You A Hot Young Boy Toy?

Hello LilyOnTheLam.com Readers:

I am writing to you from a Trader Joe's processed food coma.     I have managed to stay away from the Trader Joe's in Sarasota - about an hour from my home, because the two times I have visited it was an extreme clusterf**k of senior citizens who don't understand the Trader Joe's concept and keep wondering where the Ritz Crackers are and also why I keep howling in pain when they run over my toes with their carts.  This is FLORIDA people, I wear flip-flops year round!  Watch the toes!

But the lure of Trader Joe's has been calling to me - I love the holiday season when TJ's (or as I think I will rebrand them - El Joe - yes I know it should be like El Jose or something but I am being hipster ironic so just GO WITH IT)... 

Anyway, anyone who is anyone knows that the holiday season (if you have a holiday in December - otherwise just replace "holiday" with December and chill) ... 

Anyway ... anyone who is anyone knows that El Joe has amazing holiday products ... if you're looking for inexpensive fun gifts - get your arse over to El Joe, pronto.  Three pack of scented bath salts?  Four pack of flavored mustards?  Cute little tins of fancy looking tea?  You could make up a gigantic gift basket that any friend, family member or co-worker would adore and it'd cost a lot less than those gift basket company offerings.  I like giving gifts and saving money - so win-win, people!

I headed down to El Joe (a.k.a. Trader Joe's) on a weeknight and it was a little less clusterf**kery than it has been before - meaning there were actual spots in the parking lot open.  Hallelujah!  And I am happy to say that no one ran over my toes with their shopping cart or walker, but I did narrowly avoid getting whacked in the shin by a woman shifting her cane to get into some sort of electric scooter contraption.  I shall deem this electric scooter thing a "Grand Mal Seizure Squirrel" (trademark pending - coming soon to a store near you.)  

I love El Joe so much that I channel my inner Dalai Lama and suppress my "I hate people" rage disorder, just to be able to get to their refrigerator chicken pot pie.  

Which by the way Trader Joe's, why do the NYC stores get refrigerator beef pot pie as well as chicken pot pie but us Floridians just get chicken?  Listen I'm not in my golden years [yet]- I can have red meat!  Steer some of those NYC trucks south, El Joe - and pronto!  

There was a woman who definitely had eyes in the back of her head, because every time I tried to get around her to reach in to the refrigerator case she shifted and blocked me.  Those Sarasota seniors are crafty and surprisingly agile too.  Since bludgeoning a woman to death in a Trader Joe's store would most likely cause me to be banned from life from all El Joe's worldwide, I went over to the cheese section until Mrs. Shifty McBlocker moved on and left the refrigerator case unguarded.  You can't beat me, Grandma!  

Anyway, this blog post is not supposed to be about Trader Joe's - I just happened to give a wee bit more backstory on why I am laying on my bed in a food coma - my dinner was a taste test of several different El Joe items that I will be blogging about in the future.  I do it all for you, dear readers!  All for you!

However, my Trader Joe's winners and losers blog posts will have to wait, for today's blog post is about a subject that is very important to older women and hot young men everywhere.  Are you listening?  (Or actually `are you reading?', but I think you get the point I am trying to make!)

The subject (and also title) of today's blog post is "Will A Village Inn Pie Get You A Hot Young Boy Toy?"  

Let me explain ... this is not a pie for prostitution undercover investigative journalism piece ... the most "undercover" I get is when I don a kicky new chapeau (see my post: Sassy Food Blogger in a Fedora).

Last December, I wrote several blog posts to be published over the course of several weeks - I was going to be in India for Christmas 2011 and New Year's Day 2012 and I didn't want to spend it trying to ask where the free WiFi was in New Delhi or Old Delhi or any Delhi.  

One of these pre-written blog posts was my January 1, 2012 post entitled "An Awkward A Capella For The New Year or When I First Discovered I Could Never Be A Cougar."  

The blog post starts out with my pie recommendation - Village Inn's seasonal Candy Cane Pie - which I sometimes call "Holiday Pie" because I am a loser who is going senile and cannot remember the correct pie name.  I was actually eating the Candy Cane Pie while writing the blog post - consider it my muse.  I like pie.  OK?  

(Side Note:  Last week, columnist and gay advocate Dan Savage, Village Inn USA - the official Twitter Feed of Village Inn restaurants and Tampa Tribune Food Writer Jeff Houck - all retweeted LilyOnTheLam (@SouthTampaLily) tweets.  That is what I call the Holy Trifecta, Ladies and Gentlemen.  I have read all of Dan Savage's books and try really hard not to squirm during some of the parts of his sex-themed podcasts - so I believe I earned that retweet in spades!)

(Side side note:  By the way if you'd like to see a picture of me looking somewhat goth and dead ... and slightly androgynous [I'm a GIRL!] - check out the wallpaper on my Twitter profile.  Nothing says "Food, Travel, Adventure and Dating Angst Blogger" like "dead" and "somewhat goth" - and uh, "slightly androgynous in pictures but not in real life.")  

Back to my January 1, 2012 post - after the pie shout out, the remainder of the blog post was the long ago story of "Lily On The Lam at the tender age of 28" - dating a 20 year old and quickly learning why I am not one who wants to be the older person (a.k.a. "the adult") in the relationship.  

(By the way, I don't want to be the young chickie in a relationship either - I'm most comfortable when the guy is my age or up to two years older - and can I just tell you how having such a narrowly defined window can suck?  Argh!)  

I learned at the tender age of 28 that I could never be a cougar ... young, pretty and stupid is not the combination that sets my heart a-pitter-pat nor my loins a-pitter-pat either.  

So back to today in good old December 2012-- I was looking back at my older blog posts for recommendations I give on my Twitter.com account (@SouthTampaLily) from "The LilyOnTheLam.Com Vault" and I re-read "my pie plus my disavowment (is that a word?) of all cougardom" (and is that a word?) blog post and my first thought was: "Hey, is it Candy Cane Pie season again?  I gotsta get me some pie!"  

One quick look at the Village Inn website confirmed that it was indeed Candy Cane Pie season once more.  Ahhh it's like Christmas came early for pie lovers!  I went out the next day to get some Candy Cane Pie - mmm, minty, chocolatey, creamy, decadent - all as I had remembered it from a year before.  Delicious times a thousand.  Mmmm... holiday time pie.  

Side Note:  The Candy Cane Pie is my 2nd favorite Village Inn seasonal pie - the first is European Truffle which usually comes out in February if I recall correctly ... Just in case you're playing "LilyOnTheLam.com" trivia at your local tavern or VFW hall.  It's not cheating, it's studying.  And there is a difference!

I am now approximately 852 years old ... give or take a decade.  I am a somewhat well-preserved vampire except I am squeamish at the sight of blood and I can walk around in the daytime ... 

And well basically all you need to know is that I am extremely old - elderly, geriatric, cryptkeeper ... and such.  

The day after I reunited with my beloved seasonal Candy Cane Pie, a 24 year old male asked me out.  What the what?  Tall, hunky and dumb as a box of under-achieving rocks.  Oh and did I mention unemployed and living with his parents?  He gave me this song and dance about how he is really looking for a relationship - someone - just one girl - he can give his heart to ... except he didn't say it that eloquently - I am not entirely sure he graduated high school.  But he was pretty.  

I am a very cynical 852 year old.  I squinted at him incredulously with an  "Are you looking for a girlfriend or a sugar momma?  Shouldn't you be channeling all this energy into finding a job?  Get yourself on the right track first before trying to pull someone else into your world?" gaze.  But since he has the IQ of a box of rocks that got left behind many many grades and now console themselves with one too many bong hits, Mr. Genius did not understand the message in my squint.  Evidently I'd have to "use my words."

Living in Florida, there are many older men and women who look for the young, dumb and somewhat innocent for their mates -- and usually in such a predatory fashion that I wonder if the older crowd is bathing in the blood of the younger crowd hoping that it's the true fountain of youth.  (Watch who you go home with, young ones!)  

But for me, dating someone much younger than I am does NOT make me feel young and vital - it just makes me feel old and out of date.  Like when I say "where were you during the Civil War - no no, not the Spanish one - the American one ... boy that was a hum-dinger!"  The young ones just don't get my references!  Of course I've never tried bathing in their blood ... maybe something for the 2013 "to do" list ...  

At age 28, I knew I could never be a cougar and it seems nothing has changed for me at the ripe old age of 852 years old (and a half...)  

I gracefully turned down the cordial, eloquent, almost Elizabethan-style invitation for a date ("Uh, you wanna go out sometime cuz you're really pretty.")  

Once a non-Cougar, always a non-Cougar is definitely one of my life philosophies ... but I had to wonder about the correlation.  A year ago, I had a piece of Candy Cane Pie and wrote about dating a younger man in my youth.  Then a little shy of a year to the day, I have another piece of Candy Cane Pie and another hunky, tall, young man (who surprisingly looks like the twin of the guy I dated way back when I was 28) presents himself at my feet.  Coincidence?

It is a wonderful pie, but will it get you laid?

I had this cold, creeping sensation ... like I was in a re-run of "Friday the 13th: The Series" starring John D. LeMay, a woman who went only by the name Robey (real name: Louise Robey, who in real life is also the Countess of Burford) and Chris Wiggins.  

Did I somehow manage to get a cursed Candy Cane Pie last year?  Did someone make a deal with the devil - sold their soul in exchange for a magical pie that brings hunky, young hotties who want monogamous relationships to their doorstep?  And then in a low-budget TV twist, I ended up with the pie instead?  Is this "The Case of the Cursed Pie?"  Is it like the nursery rhyme but instead of four and twenty blackbirds, I am getting 24 year old boys?  Am I the nouveau nursery rhyme?  (And if so, where is my cut of the money?)  

Is there someone out there hunting me down because I ended up with their cursed Candy Cane Pie?  Ohhh this has TV movie of the week written all over it, baby!  As if I need one more thing to be famous over ... (I am an international celebrity in my own mind!)

So back once more to the title and subject of this blog post - Will A Village Inn Pie Get You A Hot Young Boy Toy?

The skeptic in me says that no, it won't.  In fact too much indulgence in pie will probably strain your love life - whether with young or old hotties.  Unless they're chubby chasers - then by all means, my apologies and another slice of pie for you!  

But then again, you never know when you'll get a cursed pie and suddenly be catapulted into a Canadian-made horror TV show from 1987.    

It may be worth having a slice of Candy Cane Pie at Village Inn just to check it out, regardless.  Heck, this could be Village Inn's new ad campaign ... 

(I want my cut of the money, Village Inn - not just compensation in PIE ... OK I want that too, but in addition to not in lieu of hard dollars!)

The only thing I know for sure is that the Candy Cane Pie at Village Inn is only available for a limited time and it's darn tasty.  Whether you'll get a hot, young, dumb, hunky boy toy is up to you and the stars and the curses and probably the size of your pocketbook ...  Best wishes either way!

P.S.  For those readers who found this blog post by typing in hot, young and some other choice words - take a cold shower!

P.P.S.  Have a real life story of a cursed dessert increasing your love life?  Tell us all about it in the Comments section!  

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