Jesus Is A Biscuit

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I have a massive bout of cabin fever lately.  Since for my "day job" I work from home, every now and again I feel the need to be out and about amongst "the people."  So for the past several nights I have been writing from coffee and tea houses around Tampa Bay.  Sunday night was Naga Tea near USF.  Monday night was DI Coffee Bar (Click on their Facebook link here).  Tuesday night was going to be Blind Tiger Cafe in Ybor City, but I ended up at the  much less impressive but large venue Starbucks.  Perhaps you have heard of it?  But don't fear Blind Tiger - I love, love, love your coffee drinks and atmosphere so I will be back soon.

Of course karma kicked me in the teeth for not supporting a fine local business like Blind Tiger Cafe.  About 2 minutes after I sat down at my table - getting myself all situated - plugged in my ancient MacBook Air, charging my cell phone, attaching my external hard drive because I don't have enough memory on the internal hard drive ... I basically looked like I was setting up a command center at Starbucks.  

After I got all "comfortable" with my various cords tethering me to the wall and lap top, a guy walks up to me and makes a sour face.  (Compliments on your resting bitch face, sir!)  On the table next to me is 3 napkins and the paper wrapper to a straw.  Now on my table is a venti cappuccino - hot coffee and a couple napkins.  There is no plastic straw in my hot coffee.  Resting bitch face scowls at me, points to the 3 napkins and paper straw wrapper and says "Are these yours?"

I wanted to say "Seriously?  Do you think I deposit my trash amongst the Starbucks tables like some sort of rabid badger marking my territory?  I mean, come ON!"  But no, I just smiled sweetly and said "Um, no" in a tone that implied that I thought that Resting Bitch Face might be mentally challenged.  

RBF cleared off the table by moving the 3 napkins and paper straw wrapper to another table.  (Way to mark your territory, RBF!)  Then he plopped down basically 2 feet away from me and has spent a ridiculous amount of time making loud slurping sounds as he tries to suck up nonexistent fluids from his empty plastic Starbucks cup.

I should have gone to Blind Tiger Cafe and now Jesus is punishing me ... sigh.  Karmic retribution, party of one.

While this blog post will appear on September 24, 2015, I actually wrote this on September 22nd.  (Blog magic!)  According to my Facebook, today is "Buddha's Return From Heaven Day."  To which I have to first say, none of you bastards got me a Hallmark card for this occasion.  HANG YOUR HEADS IN SHAME!

I frankly had never heard of Buddha's Return from Heaven Day.  I hoped that the occasion would be marked with ice cream cake.  It seems appropriate, right?  Again, according to the Facebook post I was reading - supposedly if you engage in a virtuous action on Buddha's Return from Heaven Day, the act becomes especially powerful and our merit greatly increases.  So on this Buddha's Return From Heaven Day, I am choosing not to smack Resting Bitch Face in the head.  And in return, I think I should win a billion dollar lottery.  Law of attraction, people!  Cosmic ATM.  Winner, winner, karmic dinner!  Let's make this happen!

It was interesting to hear that my good acts would be rewarded on this day, but I am pragmatic enough to know that in this life I need to make my own magic.  And by magic, I mean biscuits.

Yes, you heard me.  Biscuits.

My younger sister lives in Chicago and took me for brunch at a place called "Bang Bang Pie and Biscuits."  Which is the best name for a restaurant EVER.  It has pie.  It has biscuits. What more do you need?  Because I have self-diagnosed early onset Alzheimer's (I'm only 947 years old!), for some reason my neural pathways think the name of the restaurant is "Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill and Biscuits."  (A bastardization of the name of a 1965 movie.)  Sigh.  It's a wonder I can tie my own shoes.

I remember sitting in front of my sister with a giant biscuit on my plate and love in my heart, feeling sad that Tampa Bay did not have a great biscuit restaurant.  Well Tampa has come through for me once again.  I have found a restaurant in Seminole Heights (Tampa), Florida that has better biscuits than Bang Bang Pie and Biscuits- which is a huge compliment because Bang Bang's biscuits and pie are pretty crazy delicious.

In a massive fit of cabin fever, after several agonizing conference calls I decided my Buddha reward was to have an early dinner at Fodder and Shine restaurant in Seminole Heights.  I love Seminole Heights and the recent surge of new fabulous places popping up left and right has only made me love it more.  (Side note:  my beloved Cleanse Apothecary is moving locations November 1, 2015 next to the hip mecca "Rooster and the Till Restaurant" in Seminole Heights.  Check them out!)  

As I am on month 8 of a 13 month sobriety goal, I could not indulge in the fantastic array of cocktails at Fodder and Shine.  So I made due with unsweetened iced tea in a mason jar.  (Is there a better vessel for my beverage?  NO.)

I already knew what I was ordering before I arrived.  The "Cornmeal Fried Chicken Biscuit" which is a thin slice of cornmeal breaded chicken on a "Cathead Biscuit" with house made jam and mahonesa.  Which I later discovered is just a fancy way of saying mayonnaise!  It was a very lovely mayonnaise.  This wasn't Hellman's out of a jar, people!  

I said a quick prayer that a "Cathead Biscuit" does not contain actual cat heads.  (Southern lore says the name came about because the biscuits are the side of a cat's head.  And I will admit the biscuits are super huge.)  At $6 for this giant biscuit with fried chicken, I thought I was getting a tremendous bargain!

Fodder and Shine Fried Chicken Biscuit

I love Southern side dishes, so I also ordered the bacon braised greens.  I find that it's the apple cider vinegar that really sets proper greens apart.  Fodder and Shine's greens were al dente and not cooked to death like most places.  I would have liked maybe about 30 seconds more of cooking, but I quickly became accustomed to their greens and gobbled them up with their housemade hot sauce and lemon juice concoction.

Seasonal bacon-braised greens

Housemade hot sauce and preserved lemon juice - tastiness!

Fodder and Shine does not currently sell these sauces.  They make them only for use in the restaurant.  I hope in the future this will change.  On this particular occasion, I had a very large purse with me.  Like a middle school shoplifter, I contemplated how many bottles of sauce I could smuggle into my purse.  But then I weighed that thought against never having access to the hearty, flaky, buttery, amazing deliciousness of Fodder and Shine's Cathead Biscuits ... and I decided not to pursue a life of crime.  What a waste of a big purse.  Sigh.

In addition to the fried chicken biscuit and the bacon-braised greens, I also had the Cheddar Cheese Sofkee.  I had never heard of "sofkee" before but the menu description said "Florida native porridge of fermented rice grits, cheddar, cream and butter."  Now the menu could have said "Your shoe with cheddar, cream and butter" and I would have said "Yes, let's order that."  I was all aboard the sofkee train!  

For an extra dollar, you can have your sofkee topped with bacon tomato gravy.  Trust me, it is worth spending the extra dollar.  The "bacon tomato gravy" is like a bright, flavorful, freshly made tomato sauce.  It reminded me of trips to Tuscany.  Get it.  Do it. 

Sofkee with bacon tomato gravy

Iced tea in mason jars

I am a rabid fan of the reality television competition show RuPaul's Drag Race.  I am an even more rabid fan of Floridian drag queen Latrice Royale.  On the show, Latrice Royale said his now infamous catchphrase: "Jesus is a biscuit.  Let Him sop you up!"  (Order Latrice's catchphrase t-shirt here!)  Because of my love for Latrice Royale and also love of carbs, my Instagram feed is usually rife with biscuits of all kinds.  The other day, THIS fabulous picture popped up ...

  
I have to say that all of the food at Fodder and Shine was great, but their Cathead biscuit puts all other biscuits to shame.  It is THAT good.  I am putting it out to the universe, that I want to have biscuits at Fodder and Shine with Latrice Royale.  (Law of Attraction, The Secret, Magic Eight Ball, Kickstarter campaign ... whatever it takes, let's make this happen!)

Now as if my delicious Southern meal wasn't enough, I just could not leave Fodder and Shine without trying their Moon Pie Trifle.  (Who doesn't love a good Moon Pie?)  The menu description says it is house made marshmallow fluff, graham cracker crumble and a Cheerwine (soda)-chocolate ganache.  

This dessert was very good - it truly had all the flavors of a fresh Moon Pie.  But it was crazy rich with so much marshmallow fluff.  Now my inner sugar lover is screaming "Shut up, there can never be TOO MUCH marshmallow fluff!"  But trust me, it was very rich and very sweet.  I would have served this trifle with a couple Honey Graham crackers on the side.  Spreading this intoxicating mixture on the crackers would have cut some of the rich sweetness and hey, everybody loves an interactive dessert.  (Or is that just me?)

Now beyond the food - I love the chill, modern decor of Fodder and Shine.  My server was super courteous and attentive.  Better than the service at higher end restaurants, so I especially appreciated the quality of care shown.  The menu had items of various prices.  Some items are surprisingly inexpensive and other items are comparable to other Seminole Heights restaurants.   

I would definitely return (and return and return) to Fodder and Shine restaurant in Seminole Heights, Florida.  If you love a good biscuit or quality Southern food, check them out!
  
P.S. For more tales of biscuits, check out my ham and pimento cheese biscuit at DI Coffee Bar in Tampa, Florida!
     

The Girl From Ipanema Loves Coffee and Potatoes

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Yesterday, I wrote my Top Tampa Recommendations for September 2015 blog post from Naga Tea near the USF campus in Temple Terrace, Tampa, FL.  Today, I am writing my blog from DI Coffee Bar on Davis Islands, Tampa, Florida.  For those of you outside of Tampa, the "DI" stands for "Davis Islands" and not some homage to Princess Di.  (Just an FYI!)

I like the decor and atmosphere of DI Coffee Bar, but the prices are on the super luxe side.  Is this Paris?  Monaco?  But to DI Coffee Bar's credit, they started offering items that you cannot get on the island which keeps me coming back even if the prices cause me to twitch a little.  

For example, this awesome pressed basil pesto sandwich with prosciutto and mozzarella on Cuban bread.  

Pressed sandwich and an iced cafe con leche

The very nice barista told me that people go INSANE for this sandwich.  Well, (1) I am already self-diagnosed clinically insane.  (2)  Really?  I think you're a little too enthusiastic.  But true to her word, this sandwich rocks!  Melty, pressed, savory goodness!  I had to humbly admit to the barista that she was absolutely, 100% right about this crazy good sandwich.  And as a true Leo, I only like to talk about times when I am right.  (Which is 99.93% of the time, for the record!) 

Another time I was at DI Coffee Bar, they had biscuits with excellent country ham and pimento cheese.  I can't just pick up something like this at Starbucks!  

My inner Paula Deen was very happy with this biscuit
with ham and pimento cheese!

Some of the Yelp reviews question the acidity/bitterness of the coffee at DI Coffee Bar.  I enjoy the cold brew coffee, but I have found that at times the Miami-based Panther Coffee DI Coffee Bar uses is on the high acid/sharp/bitter side.  I think I am used to more mellow local coffees like Buddy Brew and my favorite Kahwa coffee.  But if you enjoy a hearty punch of coffee, then I think you will enjoy DI Coffee Bar's beverages.  

They also sell a selection of some types of TeBella tea (which has a full retail store located across the street from DI Coffee Bar).  I love TeBella teas, so when I am not in a strong coffee mood I can still enjoy hanging out at DI Coffee Bar with a tea.  (They also sell juices and alcohol beverages too!)  And for those who want food on the go, DI Coffee Bar offers a cold case with prepared foods for a quick grab and go meal.  (Or better yet for a wider selection, go next door to the new Tasty Roots - healthy prepared takeaway food store and peruse their to go items.) 

So now that I have acquainted you to the latest place my MacBook Air and I are hanging out, let's talk about the true star of today's blog post:  POTATOES.  As in Mrs. Potato.  Let me elaborate ...

In July, I was working in Hortolandia and Campinas in the Sao Paulo region of Brazil.  Which by the way, Hortolandia while nice is also known for its five prisons ... so as soon as my work was done, I high-tailed it to Rio De Janeiro to see the Brazil that I have seen in movies all my life.  I was NOT disappointed.  Rio is wonderful with a side of beautiful with a heaping dollop of amazing.  I can't wait to go back again.

I spent my days walking along Copacabana Beach and Ipanema Beach ... and yes, I had the song "The Girl From Ipanema" running on a constant loop in my head the entire time I was in Brazil.   

I have a rudimentary knowledge of Spanish, French and Italian and a highly limited understanding of Portuguese.  All this means that when I was in Rio, I would basically repeat everything I said in English, Spanish, French, Italian and then I would jam it all together to make a faux-Portuguese sentence.  I am sure I was highly annoying, but I think I deserve an A for effort!

Until I was on a tour to Corcovado to see the Christ the Redeemer statue up close and personal, I never really thought about what "Rio de Janeiro" meant.  January River.  It hardly describes the beauty of this place.

In my travels in Brazil, I basically ate my way through several cities.  There were several Brazilian buffet restaurants, so I enjoyed being able to pick and choose small servings of EVERYTHING and then pay by the weight of the food.  I felt this was the best culinary tour possible and I was able to try so many dishes this way.  Gluttony on a budget!  

About 1 1/2 weeks ago, I went to Orlando to see Katya and Trixie Mattel from Season Seven of RuPaul's Drag Race.  Katya is sober after his own struggles with addiction.  

Katya!

Even upside down, Katya is AMAZING

I was going through a particularly trying time and I watched an episode of RuPaul Drag Race where Katya spoke of his struggles with addiction and sobriety.  His words spoke directly to me through the screen and I felt renewed and hopeful.  If Katya could do it, so could I.  

So when I met him in person - even though we were being rushed through the photo line -  I gave him a hug and told him that his sobriety inspires me.  He grabbed my arms, looked me right in the eye and gave me the most wonderful, sincere thank you.  I was very touched by his candor.  I wish him the best in parlaying his 15 minutes of reality TV show fame into a profitable career.  

But BEFORE my heartwarming meeting with Katya, I had dinner in Orlando ... not just any dinner.  A Brazilian inspired meal.  While I have been to Orlando many times and have many local favorite places (The Ravenous Pig, The Tasting Room at Chef's Table at the Edgewater Hotel, Briarpatch Restaurant, Bosphorous Turkish Cuisine, etc., etc.), I wanted to try some place new for this Orlando visit.  

Now before I continue, I must tell you that of my many sordid addictions - my carb and sugar addiction is the biggest monkey on my back.  It whispers to me daily with a siren's song of freshly baked bread and pastries.  I have made a concerted effort to stay away as much as I can from these animalistic urges for the past six months, but it has not been easy.  If I had my way, I'd swan dive into a vat of cream puffs and eat my way out.  (And I'd love every single second of it!)  

It is with this insane love of all things starchy carb that led me to one day Google "rosti potatoes" and Orlando.  It's my equivalent of shooting up in an alley.  The struggle is REAL, people.  The struggle is real!  

To my surprise, Orlando has a Brazilian restaurant called Mrs. Potato where they serve baked potatoes AND ... get this ... discs of rosti potatoes stuffed with a wide variety of fillings!  I'm sorry, but did Jesus just answer my carb-laden prayers?  

How is it possible such a wonderful restaurant exists and WHY have I not heard of it before??  With my love of potatoes, you would have thought I just would have psychically just known about such a splendid restaurant!  Like a dog who can smell fear and crazy, I should be able to just automatically smell potatoes within a 200 mile radius.  

So I drove to Orlando and my first stop was the Brazilian restaurant, Mrs. Potato.  It is at the end of a long strip mall, which is true for many places in Florida.  I swear our state bird is a strip mall.  Or a stripper.  God bless Florida. 

Mrs. Potato is decorated with Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head toys, which made me feel very homey - especially in theme park-laden Orlando, Florida.  

The restaurant has a few tables in front of a counter where you order, however they also have a side atrium with many more tables.  You order up front and they bring your food to your table.  Easy peasy.  The staff is very nice.  The restaurant clean.  The prices inexpensive.  Win - win - win.

When I walked into Mrs. Potato, I saw that in true Brazilian fashion they had a small buffet of Brazilian foods that you pay for by what your plate weighs.  I felt like I was back in Campinas!  They had such traditional food as pastiles (also spelled pastel) which are like deep fried meat or cheese stuffed ravioli.  A traditional Brazilian street food of which I ate probably forty while I was in Brazil!  But I was on a mission - I wanted POTATOES!

In addition to baked potatoes, baked sweet potatoes and stuffed rosti potatoes, you can also up your potato quotient by getting the Catupiry Rosti which looked like a disc of stuffed rosti potatoes with a lattice design of mashed potatoes.  Potatoes on top of potatoes?  I am in love!  They also sell hamburgers, but come on - who goes to Mrs. Potato and doesn't get a potato?  Not this potato-lovin' gal!

  
The two most popular rosti potatoes at Mrs. Potato are the Brazilian beef jerky and cream cheese stuffed rosti potatoes and the Calabresa Brazilian sausage and cheese stuffed rosti potatoes.  I decided to go for the sausage rosti potatoes.  Now the big disc of shredded stuffed potatoes can take 20-25 minutes to cook, so be prepared to wait when you order.  I sat at a table and enjoyed my Brazilian passion fruit nectar.

While I waited for my golden disc of rosti potatoes, I noticed that I was the only one in the restaurant not speaking Portuguese!  I took this as a very good sign of Brazilian authenticity right there in Orlando.  A very handsome waiter brought me my dinner ... look at it's loveliness.

Now this is an individual serving, but let's be honest - a family of four could have enjoyed this massive wheel o' potatoes.  It was HUGE.  Another server asked if I would like garlic sauce with my rosti potatoes.  Um, sure?

An ice cold squeeze bottle of a mayo-like garlic sauce was brought to my table.  It was very pungent but delicious!

The rosti potato disc was stuffed with slices of sausage and lots of cheese.  If you are a potato addict, this is your drug.  I was in potato heaven with this deliciousness from Mrs. Potato.  The outside was crispy and crunchy.  The inside was hot potato goodness laden with strings of melted cheese and the very slightly spicy sausage that had a deliciously fatty mouth feel.  Yum, yum, yum.  

I am very glad that Mrs. Potato is located in Orlando and not in my backyard in Tampa, Florida.  Because if it was reasonably close by, I'd be eating rosti potatoes every single night.  I would like to bring a bunch of friends to Mrs. Potato and make them each order a different kind of rosti potatoes so that I can try a bunch of different varieties!  (Seriously, this is what friendship with Lily is like - forced marches to starch-laden restaurants where I tell you what food you're going to order!  Don't you want to be my BFF?)

If you are in Orlando, you have to check out either the Brazilian buffet or the wide variety of heavenly potato options at Mrs. Potato!  And if you're in Tampa, check out the pressed sandwiches at DI Coffee Bar.  Dress nice and look cute, because you never know if the potato-lovin' coffee drinker sitting next to you typing furiously on a MacBook is yours truly!  

As always, thank you for reading!     

Ohhhhhh America: You're my friend, now gimme stuff!

Happy Tuesday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I find that getting four hours of sleep and then working for thirteen hours straight makes me slightly BIATCHY.  Which is not a good thing when people around me start losing it.

One of my close friends, Pookie St. Claire and I often discuss how it seems like many people were not given an etiquette manual at birth.  

I had to have a conversation with a colleague that basically went like this: "So Person X offered to help you because you were complaining that you were drowning in a sea of work and then you stabbed Person X in the back?  How is that productive?  Was that maybe not the best choice you could have made in that situation?"  

I'll never fully understand why it seems like "normal" human nature to take for granted the people closest to us.  Or worse, treat strangers better than the people closest to us.  But many of us do.  I know I have, on too many occasions I care to admit.  But yet it still floors me when I see people throw others "under the bus," as many times the person they are throwing is the one who has helped them the most.  

"Thanks for all the friendship and support and in return, let me kick you as the 3:47 p.m. Metro bus is coming up the road." 

In keeping with the "Ohhhhhh America" theme, I wonder if it's just Americans who seem to take so much for granted.  (I suspect not.)  It does cause me to ponder and muse about the subject however.  I find that some of the people I have helped the most and have been the most generous with are the ones first lining up to play Brutus to my Julius.  And shockingly I don't say that with sadness, bitterness or rage - it's become more of a named known factor.  And that's truly sad.

One of the things I like to do to distract myself from these shallow "deep" thoughts is watch the Jerry Seinfeld web series "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee."  This is a terrific show for both comedy lovers and car lovers.  I was so excited to see that since the last time I had watched that a Jon Stewart and an Aziz Ansari episode had been uploaded. My lucky day!  (The simple things make me the happiest!)

As I watched the Jon Stewart-Jerry Seinfeld episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,  I watched Jon make himself and Jerry an iced latte with a Nespresso machine.  I suddenly remembered that Pookie St. Claire had offered to give me his Nespresso machine.  Pookie St. Claire likes to spend basically the gross national product of some third world country on nicer and nicer coffee machines.  I think he is getting rid of the Nespresso in favor of the Jumbo Coffee-tron 3000 Mega Deluxe Professional.  I also think Pookie St. Claire could afford a small Starbucks franchise for the cost of all the coffee makers he has had over the years.

Pookie St. Claire also names his coffee makers.  I think the Nespresso that he is generously giving me is named Bethuselah Boffey.  (And if it's not, IT IS NOW.  And that's Baw-FAY, not BOFF-fee.)

Now I could say that the comedy web series reminder about the Nespresso machine should have made me pause for a moment and thank my lucky stars that I have such a good friend as Pookie St. Claire ... and not just because he's giving me his fancy caffeinated miracle machine.  But because in general, although I hate to admit it; he's a pretty darn good friend who has stuck by me for 896 years.  (Did I mention he is really, really old?)

BUT did I do that?  Nope.  I grabbed my cell phone, texted Pookie St. Claire and said "Remember to gimme that coffee machine!"

Ahhhh ... maybe I need an etiquette guide too.  HAHAHAHHAHA!

But Pookie St. Claire subtly (with a megaphone) mentioned he would like to be in LilyOnTheLam.com again.  So Pookie St. Claire is giving me a high end coffee maker and in return he gets my lack of appreciation and a mention on a BLOG.  May not be the best exchange, he's ever made ... I'll have to reconsider my shocking lack of gratitude over a large latte.

Thank you, Pookie St. Claire! 

Caffeine and Stunted Career Goals - A Lovingston, Virginia Adventure

Happy Monday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I recently was visiting a friend in Virginia.  Now my neighbor spends a great deal of time in Washington DC for business, so he believes that only Northern Virginia is the true Virginia.  Probably in the same vein that I think my home state of Minnesota is really only 4 cities - Minneapolis/St. Paul metro, Rochester, Winona and Duluth (OK OK maybe Bemidji too).  But like Minnesota, there's a lot more to Virginia than the cities directly surrounding Washington DC.  (Please don't send me hate mail!)

I have worked in two cities in Virginia, but I was excited to see the places my friend would show me of her new adopted state.  We were going to spend the day in Charlottesville, but my friend ("FLL" - who I have appointed "First Lady of Lynchburg") wanted to show me Trager Brothers Coffee in Lovingston, Virginia first.  Trager Brothers is a 100% organic, family owned and operated micro-roastery.  

Now I was onboard to check them out because 1) I like coffee and 2) Trager Brothers Coffee reminds me of the character Tig Trager from the FX TV Show "Sons of Anarchy."  My friend, Ms. Toledo and I had met the actor Kim Coates who plays the rough and tumble biker on the show.  He called me "honey" and my friend "sweetie" or maybe it was the other way around.  I was a little too starstruck-smitten to speak.  I'm pretty sure my response was "Wahh blahs heh heh oof."

          
Anyway … enough about TV crushes … back to COFFEE!

We arrived at the cute open air roasting area/coffee counter.  There were two teenage girls working the front end of the store.  They were very funny and nice.  They definitely added to the friendly, down-home feel of the organic micro-roastery.  The teens professed their love of actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt and I said I knew a woman who knows the writer of "(500) Days of Summer," so basically that makes me BFFs with JGL.  The teenage girls were suitably impressed with this random factoid.

  
The coffee was absolutely delicious.  Rich, bold, robust, clean-tasting … the perfect pick me up!  My friend, however, had to order the "Nuthugger" - latte with chocolate and hazelnut.  Because I have the maturity of an 11 year old boy, I kept saying "Nuthugger" and then laughing to myself snidely.  It is a wonder I have any friends at all.

I was enjoying the strong, delicious coffee and still giggling about "Nuthugger" long after it was no longer funny, when a young lady walked in.  Evidently Trager Brothers Coffee attracts all ages.  This lovely young lady was sporting a very Southern hat.  I told her I loved her hat and she turned and said "Thank you, I made it myself."

Whaaaaaaaat?  I was standing in the middle of a 100% organic coffee micro-roastery feeling sudden stunted career goal angst.  I went to school for 19 years (21, if you count pre-school) and I couldn't make a hat to save my life!  I was having a latte with a side of midlife crisis!  This young girl may possibly be the next big hat designer!  Maybe I need to go back to school?  Oh the talent of youth!

I told her that I absolutely needed to take a picture of this hat.  She said "Wait" and angled the hat just right to show it off … evidently she is also a great photo stylist and model.  This kid is a triple threat and she likes organic coffee houses!  I'm feeling more shlubby by the minute!  I need more coffee to deal with this ...

Overall, I very much enjoyed my morning coffee at Trager Brothers Coffee.  The location is gorgeous.  The coffee is rich, robust and just darn yummy.  The staff is incredibly friendly.  And the patrons are evidently young and talented!  If you're not in Virginia, you can buy their coffee online here.  My friend stocked up on several bags!

Maybe FLL will try to make her own "Nuthuggers" at home.  Bwahhahahahah! 

If you like coffee, check out Trager Brothers Coffee!

I'll Handle Creating My Own Sweet and Creamy Lifestyle, Thanks!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:


If you read yesterday's blog post, you will know that I confessed that I can be a hypocrite sometimes ... saying I would not do something and then going forward and doing the very same thing I had just said I would not do!  


In yesterday's post, it was a hypocrisy admission that while I had said I was trying to cut down on processed food that I had purchased and made the Tarte D'Alsace from Trader Joe's - a frozen, heat and eat flatbread.  (And loved every bite!!)


I feel a bit like Kelly Killoren Bensimon from Bravo TV's "Real Housewives of New York" (a.k.a. RHONY) who said on the show that she doesn't eat processed food but all the while she indulges in lollipops and gummy bears.  I love this 8 min 53 second mash-up of top Kelly Bensimon moments from RHONY on YouTube.com.  By the way, the new season with three NEW Housewives premieres tonight on Bravo TV - will you be watching?  

Well Ladies and Gentlemen - Lady Hypocrisy strikes again!  (Me, not Kelly Killoren Bensimon, that is!)  First let me give some Lily "Facts" before I start my tale ...


Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury ... allow me to enter the following into evidence ...


1)  I am an obsessive Keurig fan with at least 35 different types of K-cups in my coffee/tea bar.  For those of you unfamiliar with Keurig and K-cups, it is a type of coffee maker that makes individual beverages by running heated water through freeze-dried or otherwise powdered coffee/tea/other beverage concentrates that are packed in a small plastic cup (a.k.a. K-cup.) It is quite an expensive habit with K-cups ranging anywhere from 35 - 80 cents U.S. each, but I prefer to make coffee/tea/apple cider/hot cocoa one drink at a time versus making an entire pot.  I rationalize that it is cheaper than Starbucks, but I don't go to Starbucks every day ... so it may be a more cost-effective savings for others than me.  (You can see a picture of my coffee/tea bar in my previous blog post here.)  Even though a box of tea bags is usually 1/3 to 1/4 the price of a box of tea K-cups, I have at least 10 varieties of tea K-cups in my coffee/tea bar.


2)  I usually drink my coffee black and unsweetened, but if not I may use coconut "milk," almond "milk," skim milk or half and half.  If I need sweetener, I usually use Stevia in the Raw but if I am somewhere without a stevia option I may grab a pack of Splenda.  (Livestrong.com has a blog post about the dangers of Stevia in the Raw here.  Womentowomen.com has an article about the potential dangers of Splenda here.)


3)  I like to have a variety of options for my coffee/tea drinking friends who may come to visit.  So I have packets of sugar (even though I don't use it personally in my coffee) and I used to keep the long shelf-life Parmalat milk and Land o' Lakes Mini Moos Half and Half singles for those who use creamer in their coffee. 


However the foot traffic at my in-home coffee bar is not as prevalent as the local Starbucks and I noticed that even the long-shelf life products I had bought were nearing their expiration.  Because I tend to overbuy and under eat at home (and over eat in restaurants!), my pantry and refrigerator remind me of grocery stores in Russia.  I'm constantly throwing out things that I bought that have gone past their expiration date - waste of money!  I once found a box of chocolates in a grocery store near Novogrod, Russia that was one YEAR past its expiration and still sitting on the shelf for sale.  (I did NOT buy them.)  I also tried "Peanut-flavored Cheetos" in Russia.  They tasted stale and nasty ... but then again I never checked the expiration date, maybe they were a year past the "use by" date?  


Anyway, because my kitchen is like a Russian grocery store I decided to buy some packets of powdered non-dairy creamer for any coffee/tea bar guests who wanted creamer in their coffee.  The powdered stuff has a much longer shelf life than the liquid Land O'Lakes Mini Moos.  (Check out the article "Seven Things You Need To Know About Non-Dairy Creamer" at www.bodyandhealth.canada.com.  And then read my blog post on why I will be invading Canada.)


4)  I never met a tub of "light" non-dairy whipped topping (a.k.a. Cool Whip Lite) that I didn't like.  (Check out "The Horrifying 12 Day Cool Whip Experiment" if you dare on JonathanFields.com.)  


Now that the four "facts" above have been entered into evidence, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, let me proceed with my Lady Hypocrisy tale ...


My Green Mountain Coffee catalog arrived in the mail today.  As someone with a Keurig K-cup obsession, this is like porn to me.  I flipped through the pages with rabid glee ... until I stopped on a page that was of particular interest ... TWO NEW KINDS OF "BREW OVER ICE" K-CUPS!  I did a little happy dance - more kinds of K-cups to add to my expansive coffee/tea bar collection!!!  


Living in Florida, I usually ice my beverages - whether I use a "Brew Over Ice" K-cup or if I throw in some ice cubes after brewing a regular coffee or tea K-cup.  (Side Note: "Brew Over Ice" is a type of K-cup that delivers a more concentrated coffee product so that when you add ice cubes you will have a cup of iced coffee not a cup of watered down coffee.)  I have a very large personal K-cup inventory of Green Mountain Coffee's Nantucket Blend Brew Over Ice Iced Coffee (strong, hearty and delicious), French Vanilla Iced Coffee (creamy, not artificial tasting and only 2 calories!) and Celestial Seasonings Brew Over Ice Unsweetened Black Iced Tea.  


I would have more "Brew Over Ice" varieties but most of them contain sugar and as entered into evidence in point two above, I prefer unsweetened or Stevia if I absolutely must have a sweetener.  I do make an exception for the occasional Celestial Seasonings Brew Over Ice Half and Half Perfect Iced Tea - which is half lemonade and half black tea.  But it is chemical tasting - I'd be better off just pouring fresh made lemonade into iced tea instead. 


I am so obsessed with coffee/tea bar and my K-cups that if you come to my home for an iced coffee or tea, you will be handed a tumbler with the "Brew Over Ice" logo.  I need a new term for my kind of obsession!  


So back to the Green Mountain Coffee catalog ... I see that there are two new Brew Over Ice varieties ... Introducing Donut Shop "Brew Over Ice Sweet and Creamy" iced coffee - "medium roast coffee with a splash of sweet creamer" (quoting the catalog).  Available in Regular and Nutty Hazelnut, artificially flavored.  My eyes squinted at the words "sweet creamer" - mmm hmmm those words to me mean: "SUGAR and NON-DAIRY CREAMER."  I'm on to you!  I figured there was no way these K-cups were zero calories.  And when you're an international traveler (and international EATER) like me, you have to be hyper-vigilent about hidden calories.  The catalog does not contain any nutritional information on the products, but luckily the website does.


Nutritional Information for Regular "Sweet and Creamy" K-cup


Nutritional Information for Nutty Hazelnut, artificially flavored "Sweet and Creamy" K-cup

I found it intriguing that if you click on the two links above, there is a notation that these products cannot be shipped to Canada.  Hmmm ... what conspiracy is this?  Is Canada not allowed things that are sweet AND creamy?  Does Canada only get one or the other?  Should my planned invasion of Canada include a side mission of establishing an underground smuggling operation of "Sweet and Creamy" Brew Over Ice K-cups?  


Will you see a fuzzy surveillance video feed of me on the Investigation Discovery channel with Bill Kurtis narrating that I am (allegedly) the criminal mastermind of an international smuggling operation that created a pipeline of Sweet and Creamy K-cups all the way from Florida to Ottawa?  And more importantly, what will my criminal nickname be?  Bitchy McCaffeinated?  Jitters Espressoworth?  The Lady Arabica Robusta?


I read the nutritional information for the two new "Sweet and Creamy" iced coffee K-cups in the links above.  Both were 80 calories per K-cup.  The first ingredient for each K-cup was SUGAR.  The second ingredient for each K-cup was NON-DAIRY CREAMER.  The last ingredient for each K-cup was sucralose (a.k.a. Splenda) and the label said the product contained milk and soy.  I didn't see "coffee" in the ingredient list -- I guess that's covered toward the end of the ingredient list where it says "natural and artificial flavors"??


So let me get this straight ... these "Sweet and Creamy" iced coffee K-cups contain BOTH sugar and sucralose artificial sweetener?  These "Sweet and Creamy" K-cups contain BOTH non-dairy creamer and milk products?  The regular one has 14 grams of carbohydrates and the Nutty Hazelnut has 15 grams of carbohydrates.  And what's up with the soy?  Not to mention the 80 calories ... 


Sorry "Sweet and Creamy" - you are chock full of too much that I don't want and not enough of what I do want!  Wow, you're like the majority of men I have dated!  I will have to forgo the "Sweet & Creamy" K-cups and go with my own version ... I call it the "Snarky & Beige Fast Iced Coffee."  Until my picture is on every K-cup in the land, I will be making my own version of the "Sweet & Creamy."

The Green Mountain Coffee Catalog with my "Snarky & Beige" ingredients on top

Lily's Snarky & Beige Fast Iced Coffee:
Equipment - You will need a Keurig coffee maker.
- 1 Brew Over Ice unsweetened coffee K-cup (Green Mountain Coffee Nantucket Blend Iced Coffee or French Vanilla Iced Coffee)
- 1 Land O'Lakes Mini Moo half and half single
- 1 packet of sweetener


Brew the coffee K-cup into a heat-safe tumbler filled with ice.  Add 1 Mini Moo single and 1 packet of sweetener.  Stir well.  Enjoy!  (And then invade Canada.)  


Variation:  If you're not into non-sugar sweeteners, use 1 packet of sugar instead.


Calorie count:
With Nantucket Blend K-Cup, Mini Moo and Stevia = 10 calories
With Nantucket Blend K-Cup, Mini Moo and Sugar = 26 calories
With French Vanilla K-Cup, Mini Moo and Stevia = 12 calories
With French Vanilla K-Cup, Mini Moo and Sugar = 28 calories


You can add more Mini Moos and sweetener/sugar to taste, but remember the calorie count will increase.

Growing up in Minnesota and school in Wisconsin, I never met a dairy product I didn't like

Land O'Lakes Mini Moos Nutrition Facts

If you don't care about speed to make or calorie count, check out this iced coffee concentrate with sweetened condensed milk recipe from CravingComfort.blogspot.com.


I love sugar (have you seen how many pie pictures are on my blog??)  I love lite Cool Whip non-dairy creamer and could seriously eat a tub of it with a pint of strawberries while I sit on the couch watching a marathon of "American Justice."  I love K-cups.  And yet I have zero desire to try the new "Sweet & Creamy" Brew Over Ice K-cups.  Chock this up to yet another example of how I am Lady Hypocrisy ... and potentially the mastermind of an international smuggling ring.  Love me for who I am, flaws and all!  Or just buy me some Green Mountain Coffee Brew Over Ice Nantucket Blend Iced Coffee K-cups.  My love does have a price.


P.S.  I would love to hear from anyone who has tried the "Sweet and Creamy" Brew Over Ice K-cups.  Is it a tasty, creamy iced coffee or is it artificial-tasting and disappointing?  Please leave me your personal review of the product in the Comments section below.  Thanks!


Google Affiliate Ad:  This is the same model of Keurig coffee maker that is in my fabulous coffee/tea bar.  I love it, love it, love it!  I am not compensated by Keurig to say this - it is my honest opinion.  But if you buy your Keurig using the link below I may get a finder's fee.  Full disclosure, people!

Coffee Madness: My name is Lily and I am addicted to my Keurig

My name is Lily and I am addicted to my Keurig Special Edition B60 Brewing System.  Yes, it is not cheap.  Yes, the individual K-cups are not cheap.  (Although Keurig also has a refillable K-cup - use your own coffee and save the environment!).  But I love having a variety of flavors of coffee, iced coffee, tea and iced tea at my fingertips and the ease of making only one cup at a time.  The picture below is my Keurig shrine - ahem, I mean coffee/tea bar.  In the far right corner of the picture is my Brew Over Ice tumbler - I love the Green Mountain Nantucket Blend Iced Coffee and Green Mountain's French Vanilla Iced Coffee (no extra calories!).  It's summer in Florida, so I have been drinking most of my K-cup beverages over ice! 


Picture:  My beverage station - a shrine to consumerism:

I believe the fact that I have well over 100 K-cups in my coffee bar definitely proves that I am an addict.  I have apple cider, several varieties of hot chocolate, iced coffee, decaf, half-caff, herbal teas, caffeinated teas ... it is K-cup mania!  Perhaps one day I'll have the Keurig Cafe One-touch milk frother, but it's a little too expensive for my coffee budget.


K-cups seem to be everywhere these days - Target, Bed Bath and Beyond (where I purchased the above super-awesome K-cup drawers) and of course at Keurig and Green Mountain Coffee.  My favorite go to drink is Green Mountain Island Coconut coffee, iced.  It is delicious.  For an added kick, I mix in So Delicious Dairy-Free Unsweetened Coconut Milk.  That is a very tasty treat!  I also find that Timothy's Lemon Blueberry Passion Tea K-cup brewed over ice tastes very similar to Starbucks' iced passion tea at a fraction of the price.  I'm my own barista!


What's your favorite K-cup flavor?