Material Girl in a Material World

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

After a summer with limited blog posts, I am on a roll.  I locked myself in a coffee house and wrote several blog posts.  There should be a parade or something ...   So I hope you have been enjoying the daily Lilyisms!  I am sure I will fall back into a silent slump for awhile - but not today!

I have realized that I have the impulse control of a toddler.  Every thing is just one giant shopportunity ... for instance I saw these coffee mugs on my Instagram feed:

"Dr. Bad Jen" on Instagram - founder of the "now on hiatus" Atomic Cosmetics - posted this picture. 

I have 9 billion coffee mugs ... which by the way, I NEVER use - as I usually use my iced coffee tumblers instead.  (I live in Florida, I prefer all of beverages ICED.)  So needless to say, I don't have any freaking need to purchase more coffee mugs.  BUT COME ON -- it's the mother from "Bewitched" (Endora - Agnes Moorehead) and Meryl Streep's character in "The Devil Wears Prada."  These are PERFECTION.  

I hope I can con one of my sassy gay male friends who love TV and movies as much as I do to purchase these mugs so I can come visit them.  Thereby saving my kitchen cupboards from one more superfluous purchase and yet still being able to breathe the rarified air of these fabulous mugs.  If I owned a coffee house, I would have one hundred of these mugs ... but then again maybe not because they would absolutely be stolen in seven seconds flat! 

I am staying strong and not giving in to my material urges to purchase these mugs that I do NOT need.  (And no, this is NOT a shout out to my friends to buy them for me!  If you're going to give me a gift, give me a box of cash - preferably $100's.  Love ya!).  

I once read in one of those "Your birthday means ..." books that people born on my birthday (like Jennifer Lopez and Amelia Earhart and Bindi Irwin) face an ongoing struggle of when to feed hunger and when to deny hunger.  I seriously almost dropped the book when I read that.  I am glad I didn't drop the book however since it was bigger than a phone book!  I could have lost a toe!  

The page might as well "An ongoing struggle of when to feed hunger and when to deny hunger, ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION LILY?"  I mean seriously - what a story of my life ... physical hunger, material hunger, hunger for love and respect (from myself and also from others) ... THE HUNGER IS REAL.  So in keeping with the massive astrology book, I am going to take this moment to DENY hunger and not purchase these amazing coffee mugs.  I hope this earns me extra points in heaven because restraint sucks. 

(If you don't practice the same level of personal restraint as I do, you can find these FABULOUS coffee mugs at Huntees.com https://huntees.com/mugs/.  They also have an Angela Lansbury "Murder She Wrote" and a Divine mug!  Oh the campy wonderfulness of it all!  I can hardly bear it!)  

As always, thanks for reading!    

Loopy Again: My New Snack Obsession (Day One)

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

If you didn't get a chance to check out yesterday's post about helping rebuild Cephas' Hot Shop in Ybor City (Tampa), Florida - please take a moment to read it.  (Thank you!)

Happy Saturday!  I hope your weekend is going well.  Mine is social event central- lots of fun activities with lots of amazing people!  Even though it is Saturday, I am going to declare it Wednesday as in my "New Product Wednesday" blog posts where I review products that are new or new to me.  

When I was in Virginia visiting "The First Lady of Lynchburg," I enviously noticed that she belonged to many "box of the month" subscription services.  Boxes of goodies and fun products arriving on your doorstep every month?  It's like Christmas every month!  When I returned from Virginia, I started researching "box of the month" subscriptions and was shocked to learn that there are hundreds, maybe thousands even of these box subscriptions - socks of the month, fruit of the month, vacation of the month ... who knew?  I was mesmerized by all the options! 

My sister Squidge has relocated from Minneapolis to Chicago for a new job.  I like Chicago a lot but I don't care for the cold, windy winters!  However in support of Squidge's new move and new home city, I have sent her two "box of the month" subscriptions.  One is the Japanese candy gift box Skoshbox; which I will review in a later blog post.  The other is Naturebox where you pick 5 treats to have mailed to you each month.

Side Note:  I'm thinking of starting a Kickstarter donation campaign to fund my new business "CatBox" - where for an annual fee, I'll send you pictures of some of my 1200 cats each month.  Who could resist pictures like this?

This cat was so bored listening to my work conference call that he flipped over on his back.

After ordering a Skoshbox subscription for my sister, I decided my step-dad needed a subscription too.  Then I thought the two little donut-loving stars of my 400th Blog Post also needed a monthly box of Japanese candy to share.  I received the CUTEST picture of them extremely happy with their box of candy!  

My sister received news of her NatureBox subscription first because a gift subscription notice is emailed to the recipient and they can then choose five products for their first NatureBox.  Squidge was so excited by this gift and said there were so many good "natural" snack choices.  

Well as much as I like giving gifts, I also like RECEIVING gifts - and in an impulsive mood, I ordered my own six month NatureBox subscription.  (As if I need more snacks in the house!)

My first box arrived rather quickly and I enjoyed all of my items, but one of the snacks in particular has set off a new SNACK OBSESSION.  It is NatureBox's Salt and Pepper Lentil Loops.  

Now I must say I have been a fan of "all things in LOOP form" since I was a small child.  (Check out my blog post on my recipe for Loopy Vodka cupcakes!)  So call a snack food "Loops" and I am all over it.  But LENTIL loops?  Really?  Could they be any good?

  
In a word:  "Freaking YES!"  These salt and pepper lentil loops are savory, spicy, tangy, crisp, crunchy and absolutely addictive!  I've already selected the five items for my next month's NatureBox and they are ALL these darn tasty treats.  Yes, five bags of lentil loops are headed my way in the next delivery.  Each bag has three servings that are 130 calories.  It is very difficult to stop eating these delicious, spicy loops o' lentil and potato.  I'm going to have to hire a security guard to keep me away from my pantry once these delicious morsels arrive!

If you're looking for a good gift idea or a great snack source, check out NatureBox.com and these yum-a-licious lentil loops!  

P.S. I was not compensated for this blog post.  However, if you want me to get some freebies too, sign up for NatureBox at this link and I'll get referral credits!

A Shopportunity For Everyone and Anyone

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

For my US readers, this is the first day back to work after the Labor Day holiday weekend.  Or as some people refer to it as "Memorial Day weekend."  Those people tend to be ones with short attention spans or calendars frozen on the month of May.  Seriously, I have had like six (OK three?) people tell me "Happy Memorial Day."  Maybe they're just really, really late on their holiday greetings?  To them I say "Happy Easter!"

I will be gradually easing back into the work day after a holiday weekend by only working half a day.  The ever tasky Kiki Von Vellum (who now suddenly has decided he is my personal assistant as well as the Lofty Cardamom Monroe's assistant) has scheduled my appearance at a house inspection for Cardamom Monroe's anticipated new purchase.  Evidently my appearances cutting ribbons at new grocery stores and shopping malls were NOT enough.  My "Boat Show Spokesmodel" skills are also now required at house inspections.  Oh how the fabulous have fallen!  And yes, by "fabulous" I am referring to myself.

This particular house that will be a-inspectin' is a house I fondly have named "Lily East."  Cardamom Monroe thinks I am joking when I say that I am ordering monogrammed towels with "Lily East" emblazoned on them.  Cardamom Monroe is in for a rude awakening.  

Side Note:  I don't really see this as the opportunity to help Cardamom Monroe with his new Floridian home purchase as much as I see it as an opportunity to flirt with more waitstaff in Orlando.  A girl has to have her priorities.  

And if that my mad flirting doesn't turn out, Orlando has different "shop-portunities" than Tampa does (like Cost Plus World Market!) so there's always that.

I was recently in the Twin Cities - that's Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota - to those of you not familiar with the American Midwest.  One of my favorite shopportunistic places there is the deluge of stores along Grand Avenue in St. Paul.  I spent a lovely day with the cool blondie internationally known as "Little Jen" and her newly produced offspring, a young infant boy I have named "Ja'Lily."  

Don't be surprised when "Ja'Lily" becomes the hottest baby boy name of 2015.  You heard it here first!  (Side note:  the baby actually does have a respectable "normal" name, but why be normal?)  

Ja'Lily likes the outdoors and constant movement, so I took on the role of "young mother" (I'm only 987 years old!) and pushed him around in his stroller to keep him from fussing.  People kept smiling at me as I walked around talking to Ja'Lily.  I may need to borrow a baby so strangers will be nice to me.  Just a thought.  

My Fitbit pedometer/activity monitor registered 2.4 miles from my stroller-tastic attempts to create "Ja'Lily Non-Fussy Time," so I was pretty pleased with that since after Ja'Lily fell asleep I ate and drank up a storm while chatting with Little Jen.  Calories galore!

One of the stores, Little Jen, Ja'Lily and I visited is Bibelot - a store I stayed away from as a child because I had the misconceived notion that it was a Christian store.  Bibel, Bible ... yeah maybe I am a dyslexic heathen!  (Not to be confused with Minnesotan singer-songwriter Paul Westerberg's song "Dyslexic Heart.")

After I returned to Tampa, I went to Bibelot's website to check to see if they sold a product I wished I had bought while shopping in the Twin Cities.  (I love to shop ... sigh.)  But they did not (my wallet is happy).  However I did see this product:  a box of matches that says "I think I'll just be happy today."

Now I am all for people being happy.  I think we spend way too little time focusing on our own personal happiness.  (Unless you're me and then you spend a great deal of time and money focusing on your own personal happiness - two vacations booked for 2015, yay!)  

But I am confused what a box of matches paired with a slogan about choosing happiness has in common?  Is this the perfect gift for the sad arsonist in your life?  Today choose happiness AND burning down that vacant barn on the corner?  Is there a gasoline can with the same slogan too?  I mean seriously, what's next?  A prescription vial "cozy" that says "Today, I choose to black out unhappiness"? It just goes to show you that there is a shopportunity for everyone and every occasion!

I hope this Tuesday finds you being the best "You" that you can be ... and I hope that "Best You" is incredibly, over the top happy ... but maybe leave the matches at home!

Happy Tuesday, LilyOnTheLam.com Readers!

Be The Best Gift Giver EVER!

Happy Monday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Woof - another weekend just slipped right through my fingers!  Where did it go?  I swear I step in to some time acceleration portal every Friday afternoon and whisk myself immediately into Monday morning!  

Does someone have a screwdriver because I need to disassemble this machine!

Before you go about your Monday, make sure you read my blog post from yesterday about my amazing birthday cake ... it is sheer perfection and I demand that you "ooooh and aaaahhhh" over it!

OK now that you're back, let's get down to business!  

One of the questions I get repeatedly from LilyOnTheLam.com readers is:  "Lily, how can I be as fabulous as you?"

When I receive this question, I put down my make up brush on my 1940's vanity and I give the questioner a cold, hard stare.  

I then use the same tone that Bette Davis had in "Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?" when she said to Joan Crawford's character "Blanche, you aren't ever gonna sell this house ... and you aren't ever gonna leave it ... either."  

I say to the questioner in mimicking tone:  "YOU AREN'T EVER GONNA BE AS FABULOUS AS ME ... AND YOU CAN'T TAKE MY CATS FOR WALKS EVER ... EITHER!" 

At some point after this conversation, some men in white lab coats come in and give me a shot of something and then everything goes hazy for awhile ... 

So you see dear reader, you can NEVER be as fabulous as me ... but YOU CAN TRY!  

To be more like LilyOnTheLam, you have to be a good gift giver.  

Now sadly if you are truly like LilyOnTheLam, you may also give gifts to people who do not deserve it ... but frankly I think that it is better to be open to the universe and occasionally get burned than to be closed off to the universe and "safe" in a cocoon.  

(Of course I don't react all uber-zen magnanimous like that when someone burns me, but I am trying!  I am trying!)

I recently found the world's most perfect gift on Etsy.com.  I wish I had some talent to create things, because I would love to sell my wares on Etsy and have the whole world barking for a piece of LilyOnTheLam and ringing up their credit cards.  MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!

But until the market for 8x10 glossies of me making duck faces opens up, I will still spend my "free time" writing my inane thoughts in this blog and waiting to win the lotto.  Which I must admit will be quite a feat to accomplish seeing that I almost never purchase lottery tickets.  

Perhaps my knight in shining armor will arrive on a white horse with a winning lotto ticket in hand.  But most likely I'll say "Wait a minute honey, I gotta see how this episode of "Hot Wives of Orlando" on Hulu.com ends" and he'll gallop off, disgusted.  Not exactly the fairy tale ending!

But back to the world's best present and me, as the world's best gift giver EVER ...  When I was a kid, I had a photographic memory.  I remember doing pop quizzes in 9th grade French class and I could see the vocabulary words from my textbook in my head.  I could even tell you the page number the vocab words were on.

Sadly, I have found that years of multi-tasking for my giant corporate behemoth of an employer who I affectionately refer to as "International House of Cheese," has robbed me of most of my memory.  Seriously, I'm lucky if I remember my own name at this rate!  My brain is Swiss cheese trying to do 900 things at once every moment of every day I work for the giant corporation.  

But yet somehow I still have a good memory for trivial details and file them away for use at a later date.

Like the minor detail (OK well not minor to her) of knowing that Ms. Kentucky LOOOOOOVES the artist known as Prince (a.k.a. Prince Rogers Nelson).  

Growing up in Minneapolis, I have a fond geographic solidarity with Mr. Purple Rain.  However Ms. Kentucky loooooooooooves loooooooooooooves looooooooooooves him.  In a deep and personal way.  And I respect this about her.  

Plus Ms. Kentucky's Prince fandom also made her a guaranteed "YES" RSVP when Morris Day and The Time came to town.  I find that in life, one needs to have a person they can count on when late 1980's rockers come to town.  Someone you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets to ... while people dance around you in spandex.  

I whispered to Ms. Kentucky that in my youth, I always wanted to be Jerome.  

(Who's Jerome, you say?  Get yourself a copy of the movie Purple Rain and a large mirror right now!  I'm not going to answer that crazy question ... some things you have to learn on your own, Grasshopper!)

When trying to emulate LilyOnTheLam, you not only have to be the world's best gift giver ... you have to be like Jerome Benton - the "original Jerome" of Morris Day and The Time too.

Ms. Kentucky and I went to dinner at Rumba Island Bar and Grill in Oldsmar, Florida.  We had an ADORABLE waiter named Tim who told us that after work he was going home, cracking open a bottle of Wild Turkey, a PBR (that's Pabst Blue Ribbon to those of you who did not grow up in the Midwest and/or are not ironic hipsters) and then he was going to watch "House of Cards."  

Be still my heart.  I am in love with Tim the Waiter.

As Tim packed up our leftovers, he wrote the date on the box.  I leaned over and said "If you're going to draw something on the to-go box, I would like a unicorn farting rainbows."  (I am a KLASSY BROAD.)

Tim first looked surprised and then had a "Challenge accepted!" look on his face as he dashed off.  He returned to the table with this ...

I don't know if the unicorn is actually farting the rainbow but I love it nevertheless.

Seriously, I am IN LOVE.  

If you work as a restaurant server, make sure you have good drawing skills because art like this gets good tips!  

A table of five people next to us were VERY ENVIOUS of my beautiful artwork.  I heard them whispering what I assumed to be plans for a grand heist of my newly acquired to-go box portraiture.  

I turned to them, shook my finger rapidly in a threatening gesture and hissed "Don't be getting any ideas!  You're not worthy of my unicorn farting rainbows!"  

It's a wonder I am allowed into any restaurants in Tampa Bay.

But again, this blog post is not about gifts that I received (call me Tim, you hot unicorn-drawing waiter!)  No ... this is about me giving the best gift ever to Prince fan, Ms. Kentucky.

(Side note:  there is also a waiter at Rumba who looks like actor/teen heartthrob Zac Efron with this thick, luscious hair that was standing like 3 feet off his head.  I told the waiter I wanted to shave his gorgeous hair and sell it on eBay.  And he didn't call the cops on me, so I am pretty sure that means he agrees to be part of the transaction.  I'm going to be RICH!)

If you are a lucky person you have probably received some very generous gifts in your life, but I doubt you have ever received anything as wonderful as what I gave to Ms. Kentucky.  

I told her this was her birthday, Christmas, Bastille Day present all rolled up into one!  If you want to be as fabulous as me, you have to become the ultimate gift giver.

And what did I give Ms. Kentucky, you ask?

I gave her this ... drumroll, please ...

The world's best gift ... EVER ...

A print of a painting of Prince ("Prince Prints!") - in Purple Rain-era clothing - riding a purple-maned unicorn with a full moon behind him.

It simply does not get any better than this, my friends.

I had had several strong cocktails that evening thanks to Tim the waiter who was selecting all my drinks for me.  (I had abdicated my rights of cocktail selection, as it were.  I like to sign over the power of attorney for this to a select group of cute waiters.  I think it is best in my declining mental state that someone else make my decisions for me ... when it comes to cocktails.)

My recollection of Ms. Kentucky's reaction to receiving this gift is a little fuzzy due to the aforementioned multitude of cocktails.  However, I am pretty sure Ms. Kentucky stood on her chair like Caesar addressing the Roman Senate.

She proclaimed to the packed restaurant, through joyous sobbing, that I was the most considerate person ever.  This then turned into a thirty-seven hour speech detailing all of my finest qualities.  

It would have lasted longer - I mean we all know thirty-seven hours barely covers the tip of the iceberg on the subject of how great I am; but Ms. Kentucky grew hoarse from talking non-stop.  

If only one of us had a menthol eucalyptus throat lozenge so she could have kept going!  Sigh ... regrets.

I do have the best picture of Ms. Kentucky EVER as she opened the "Prince Print" scroll and first viewed the magnificence that is Prince on a Purple-Maned Unicorn.  The look of joy and surprise on her face is PRICELESS.  It makes me laugh hysterically every time I see it.  

However the restraining order that I am sure Ms. Kentucky will one day file against me, is sure to prohibit me from posting pictures of her on my blog.  Perhaps I'll draw a rendition of the scene ... but as I said before, I have no talent ... so think of a stick figure with a surprised expression-- that would be my drawing!

Needless to say, once again, with my Prince Print gift I proved that I am the best gift giver EVER.  I've held that crown for 900 years and counting, people! 

(Side Note:  Ms. Kentucky says that yesterday - July 27, 2014 was the 30th anniversary of the movie "Purple Rain."  I am not sure how this is possible since I am only 22 years old [hahahhahaha] ... but I'll take her word for it.)

If you want to try to be the Best Gift Giver Ever and slowly climb the ladder to being the best LilyOnTheLam clone you can be, make sure that during the next gift-giving holiday you hand out lots of prints of Prince ("Prince Prints!") to all your friends and family members.

You may never be as wonderful as me, but you certainly are allowed to try.  

P.S.  There is a deliciously lovely St. Petersburg artist (with the most gorgeous eyes) named Robert Phelps who creates beautiful pet portraits as well as other spectacular art work.  Ms. Kentucky, her friend and I met him last month while he was working on a painting of ... drumroll, please ... Prince.  

I thought I could try to get to know him better by commissioning him to do paintings of all of my 12,374 cats.  But I would probably go bankrupt before I could effectively seduce him ... sigh.  

I should probably contain my dreams to becoming the next Jerome in Morris Day and The Time and forget about trying to seduce artists ... or waiters.  

But a girl can dream, can't she?
            

You Don't Have To Be An Evil Fairy To Have A Good Cake And A Good Birthday!

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Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

If you read my July 24, 2014 blog post, you'll know that I talked about Maleficent the evil fairy from the children's tale "Sleeping Beauty."  You may have wondered why I picked that particular topic.  

Well it was my birthday this week (I am 974 years old!) and I wanted a special cake to memorialize the celebration.  There are not many holidays where we specifically celebrate with cake.  If I were French, I'd have a buche de noel cake for Christmas.  But I'm American!  

Thanksgiving gets pumpkin pie.  Valentine's Day - a box of chocolates if you're lucky.  Arbor Day - don't even get me started on the lack of swag for that "holiday."  Sometimes people will make a "flag cake" for Flag Day, but evidently I don't know any of "those people" because I don't see anyone knocking down my door to give me cake.  

Basically unless I get married this year, the only opportunity to have an "official cake-sanctioned holiday" is my birthday.

So what kind of cake do you get to celebrate a once a year event?

I was procrastinating from cleaning by reading "news" stories online, when I saw a picture of Angelina Jolie doing a press junket for her movie "Maleficent" in Shanghai, China.  It was also her birthday, so the press conference people presented her with this lovely birthday cake.

I have been to Japan, China, Taiwan, Thailand, Macau, Malaysia, Australia and New Zealand and what I have learned is "Asia Pacific Bakeries make GORGEOUS cakes."  

This cake was Crazy Awesome - Maleficent with her staff with the Shanghai skyline behind her and ohhhh that purple fondant.  I wondered if the cake inside was green as Maleficent is known for her green and purple tones.  I knew instantly I needed a Maleficent cake like this for my birthday.

Now I know what you're thinking -- "Lily, you're already practically Angelina Jolie's twin ... gorgeous supermodel looks, insanely hot husband, six children, millions of dollars, humanitarian ... do you really need to have her birthday cake too?"  That is what you're thinking, right?  RIGHT?

Or maybe you're thinking "Lily, the only thing you and Angelina Jolie have in common would be a birthday cake, so go to it, Crazy Cat Lady!"  (You're not thinking that, right?  RIGHT?)    

I MUST HAVE THIS CAKE ... and I knew immediately who could do it for me ...

Sweet Tweets Cakery of Tampa, Florida.  

Sweet Tweets makes the most amazing cupcakes, but it is their cakes that have me speechless in awe.  

Just a selection of Sweet Tweets many flavors - "The King" cupcake is my new favorite

I once had them make a strawberry champagne cake in the shape of a Tiffany's box.  It was absolutely the right shade of Tiffany's blue.  They also made mini cupcakes with pirate flags for a Gasparilla party that were THE hit of the party.  

If you go to Sweet Tweets Facebook page, you'll see that Sweet Tweets makes some pretty darn amazing cakes.  They have a wedding cake with cherry blossoms on their profile picture that is beyond gorgeous.  I may have to get married just so I can have that cake.  (If you see a Craigslist post that says "Marry me, so I can have cake;" you will know its me.)

I told Sweet Tweets I wanted a smaller version of the Angelina Jolie cake minus the Shanghai buildings.  I emailed them photos and kept my fingers crossed.  

And this is what they presented me with ...

Look out behind you, Maleficent!  There's a Chibby Kitten stalking you!

  
ISN'T SHE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CAKE EVER?  I know it's MY birthday cake, but come on ... she is perfection covered in fondant.  (I also liked that when I picked up the cake from Sweet Tweets, the Sweet Tweets staff referred to the cake as "her" - women after my own heart who understand that a Maleficent cake is NOT an "it" but a "her.")  

Maleficent is so regal with her green jewel topped staff!  She is cute and yet slightly dangerous looking - exactly the look women have been trying to perfect for centuries!  

I was trying to take glamour shots of my lovely Sweet Tweets cake when Chibby Kitten tried to jump into the scene.  I rescued my beautiful cake before he could POUNCE!  That would NOT have been a good picture had he reached the cake and took a big swipe out of it. 

The cake is almond with an amaretto filling.  I asked for the cake to be tinted green.  I don't know if Angelina Jolie's cake was green, but I was determined that mine would be!  The Sweet Tweets staff suggested tinting the amaretto filling purple - I trusted their judgment and I looooove the result!

Under the fondant, the cake had the most sinfully, smooth frosting.  The cake was perfectly moist and delectable.  The cake had a circle of edible gold chocolate pearls around it.  So delicious!

Several friends who could not join me for "the big day" requested cake, so my freezer is filled with slices carefully wrapped that will be distributed later this week.  (And for Mr. Cardamom Monroe - sometime hopefully in August if his relocation to Florida occurs soon!)

I can't get over what a beautiful job Sweet Tweets Cakery did on my birthday cake.  I know at age 974, I probably shouldn't have a birthday cake with a cartoon character on it ... but life is short!  Do I really want to be on my death bed thinking "I wish I had had a Maleficent cake?"  I can tell you my answer is a booming, resounding, resolute "NO!"  

My friend Ms. Wisconsin asked me if I was going to keep the Maleficent cake topper.  I said "You bet, I am going to freeze her and bring her out to top French toast, hamburgers, anything I am eating I am going to stick her in!"  (And I was only half joking!) 

(Side Note:  I picked up my cake the day before my birthday. Since I and my friends have no willpower, I picked up a four pack of Sweet Tweets cupcakes to keep any hungry cake eaters away from my beautiful, beautiful cake.  I also learned an important lesson - my new Kipling purse [birthday gift to me!] can hold a four pack of cupcakes!  I can just hear my friends saying "where are our cupcakes?" the next time we go to the movies.  "You bragged on your blog that your purse can hold a 4 pack of cupcakes, so we expect you'll be smuggling in cupcakes to any and all movies we see!"  Sigh ...  Darn these friends of mine!  More income will be going to Sweet Tweets in the future!)

White Wedding, Peanut Butter, The King and Banana Cupcake - because why have one when you can have FOUR?

Normally I'd crop my gnarly feet out of the photo but I would like to point out that
my zebra flip flops match my black and white skirt - which is about as color coordinated as I get.
But even more important, I can fit FOUR JUMBO SWEET TWEETS CUPCAKES
in my new Kipling purse!  

After eating the most beautiful cake ever, I had a wonderful birthday celebration at Armani's Italian Restaurant.  This is my most favorite place to go to watch the sunset over cocktails and a platter from their large antipasti bar.  If you are in Tampa Bay, you must go.  It is a memorable experience.

The view from Armani's

Our selected antipasti from the large antipasti bar

Two Desserts In One Day?  Well, it is my BIRTHDAY!

Armani's is at the top of the Grand Hyatt Tampa Bay Hotel.  I love this hotel for its location by the Bay and a lagoon as well as its restaurants Armani's and Oystercatchers.  They have a slightly elevated walkway along the edge of the marshland off the Bay.  It is a gorgeous walk where you can often times see waterfowl.  I once took my sister to brunch at Oystercatchers and there was a Japanese anime convention at the hotel.  It made for delightful people watching.

On the grand occasion of my birthday, the Grand Hyatt did not disappoint.  A "motorcycle enthusiasts" group made up of retired military, police, fire fighters and other helpers/first responders was having a convention at the hotel.  I have never seen so many motorcycles in one place!  And I have never seen so many bikers with so much alcohol in one place!  

(For the record my answer to "what did you do for your birthday?" is now "Partied with a hotel full of bikers."  OK that wasn't exactly the truth but we talked to three leather-clad gentlemen in the elevator as we were leaving and I took a picture by about 100 motorcycles.  That counts, right?)

The service at Armani's is always stellar.  We had two gentleman waiting on our table that night.  The head waiter Jerry was very attentive and helped us select some great options.

My 974th birthday was a wonderful event -- an amazing Maleficent cake, a wonderful birthday dinner with a wonderful view, wonderful service, wonderful company, wonderful conversation, wonderful food, wonderful motorcycle enthusiasts (ha!) ... just plain wonderful.

(Side Note:  Share my beautiful Sweet Tweets cake on Pinterest!  Click here to pin!)  

No Cake For You, Chibby Kitten!!!!!

And like all fairy tales, my night ended happily ever after!

Whether you are looking for an amazing cake or an amazing place to watch the sunset and have a great meal, Tampa Bay has some amazing options!  I hope you will check out both Armani's and Sweet Tweets!
   
P.S.  When did my little blog surpass 150,000 page views?  I turn around and I am already at 151,000+!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading my wacky tales!  I know other blogs may get 150,000+ page views an hour (or a minute!) but I'm just a wacky person in Tampa Bay so I appreciate every single page view.  Thanks for making my day!

Ohhhhhh America: You're my friend, now gimme stuff!

Happy Tuesday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I find that getting four hours of sleep and then working for thirteen hours straight makes me slightly BIATCHY.  Which is not a good thing when people around me start losing it.

One of my close friends, Pookie St. Claire and I often discuss how it seems like many people were not given an etiquette manual at birth.  

I had to have a conversation with a colleague that basically went like this: "So Person X offered to help you because you were complaining that you were drowning in a sea of work and then you stabbed Person X in the back?  How is that productive?  Was that maybe not the best choice you could have made in that situation?"  

I'll never fully understand why it seems like "normal" human nature to take for granted the people closest to us.  Or worse, treat strangers better than the people closest to us.  But many of us do.  I know I have, on too many occasions I care to admit.  But yet it still floors me when I see people throw others "under the bus," as many times the person they are throwing is the one who has helped them the most.  

"Thanks for all the friendship and support and in return, let me kick you as the 3:47 p.m. Metro bus is coming up the road." 

In keeping with the "Ohhhhhh America" theme, I wonder if it's just Americans who seem to take so much for granted.  (I suspect not.)  It does cause me to ponder and muse about the subject however.  I find that some of the people I have helped the most and have been the most generous with are the ones first lining up to play Brutus to my Julius.  And shockingly I don't say that with sadness, bitterness or rage - it's become more of a named known factor.  And that's truly sad.

One of the things I like to do to distract myself from these shallow "deep" thoughts is watch the Jerry Seinfeld web series "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee."  This is a terrific show for both comedy lovers and car lovers.  I was so excited to see that since the last time I had watched that a Jon Stewart and an Aziz Ansari episode had been uploaded. My lucky day!  (The simple things make me the happiest!)

As I watched the Jon Stewart-Jerry Seinfeld episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,  I watched Jon make himself and Jerry an iced latte with a Nespresso machine.  I suddenly remembered that Pookie St. Claire had offered to give me his Nespresso machine.  Pookie St. Claire likes to spend basically the gross national product of some third world country on nicer and nicer coffee machines.  I think he is getting rid of the Nespresso in favor of the Jumbo Coffee-tron 3000 Mega Deluxe Professional.  I also think Pookie St. Claire could afford a small Starbucks franchise for the cost of all the coffee makers he has had over the years.

Pookie St. Claire also names his coffee makers.  I think the Nespresso that he is generously giving me is named Bethuselah Boffey.  (And if it's not, IT IS NOW.  And that's Baw-FAY, not BOFF-fee.)

Now I could say that the comedy web series reminder about the Nespresso machine should have made me pause for a moment and thank my lucky stars that I have such a good friend as Pookie St. Claire ... and not just because he's giving me his fancy caffeinated miracle machine.  But because in general, although I hate to admit it; he's a pretty darn good friend who has stuck by me for 896 years.  (Did I mention he is really, really old?)

BUT did I do that?  Nope.  I grabbed my cell phone, texted Pookie St. Claire and said "Remember to gimme that coffee machine!"

Ahhhh ... maybe I need an etiquette guide too.  HAHAHAHHAHA!

But Pookie St. Claire subtly (with a megaphone) mentioned he would like to be in LilyOnTheLam.com again.  So Pookie St. Claire is giving me a high end coffee maker and in return he gets my lack of appreciation and a mention on a BLOG.  May not be the best exchange, he's ever made ... I'll have to reconsider my shocking lack of gratitude over a large latte.

Thank you, Pookie St. Claire! 

New Product Wednesday: Take Route Eleven To Potato Chip Heaven

Happy New Product Wednesday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

It is once again the time where I review products that are new, or at least new to me!  Memorial Day Weekend I went to visit my friend FLL (First Lady of Lynchburg) in Lynchburg, Virginia.

I knew it would be a great weekend of shopping, eating, sightseeing and wacky adventures.  And FLL delivered!

We had lunch at a local downtown restaurant that had a small general store-type display (Market At Main).  FLL said that I had to try the local potato chips under the brand name Route 11.

Now you don't have to tell me twice to try potato chips.  

I grabbed three flavors: Lightly Salted, Sweet Potato Chips and "Mama Zuma's Revenge" habanero flavored potato chips.  If I was going to truly experience Virginia potato chips, I couldn't just try one flavor - right?  That's right!

I was also happy to see that the Sweet Potato chips were made with organic sweet potatoes from Quail Cove Farms.  I have never heard of Quail Cove Farms, but it sounds lovely!  Evidently the farm is in Machipongo, Virginia.  

I have never heard of Machipongo either, but I am pretty sure it's my new G-rated swear word.  MACHIPONGO! 

The Lightly Salted Route 11 potato chips were perfection.  Not greasy, just the right amount of salt, crisp, crunchy, delish!  

The Sweet Potato Route 11 potato chips had great sweet potato flavor - and again not greasy, just the right amount of salt, crisp, crunchy and delicious.  I'm not a huge fan of Sweet Potato chips, but these are really good.

But then the most beautifully decorated potato chip bag - the Route 11 Mama Zuma's Revenge habanero-flavored potato chips - attacked me with a fiery vengeance!  I had three chips and then ran screaming, wishing I had a milk product to extinguish the fire!  They were SO HOT!  Serious MACHIPONGO!

A lone tear skated down my face.  I couldn't do it.  I just could NOT do it.  They were too hot for me!  I love potato chips, but these were just too hot!

There are six other Route 11 potato chip flavors, so even though Mama Zuma's Revenge was too hot for me I bet I'll find some more favorites from their other flavors.  You can buy them online here.

They also sell Route 11 merchandise, in case incredibly hot potato chips are not enough for you!  They have chip and dip baskets.  They also have gift tins and boxes.  Talk about an amazing gift!  (My sister and I sent our father a mixed flavors case of Route 11 potato chips for Father's Day!  We sent them early to make sure they arrived before Father's Day - and he was very happy to see them!)

You can also visit their factory in Mount Jackson, Virginia - a fry viewing and free potato chip samples!

Check out these Route 11 Potato Chips if you're looking for a non-greasy, crunchy, delicious potato chip!

Happy Mother's Day 2014!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Sometimes there is no better place than in one's own bed with the air conditioning lightly humming, knowing that there are no pressing deadlines for the day.  I'm home from a Vegas-NYC-Raleigh/Durham travel marathon.  Two vacations, one work trip … and I am equal parts "good to be home" and planning my next several rounds of trips.

Happy Mother's Day to all the maternals out there.  The moral of today's story is be nice to people because they can make your life easier.  I had been musing over what to do for my mother for mother's day, when a friend who makes organic homecare/bodycare products texted me and said she was sending a box of products to my Mom for Mother's Day!  

Hello!  That was easy!  It was like having my own private butler!  Now I know what Angelina Jolie feels like!  I didn't have to pick anything out, pack a box, go to the post office or pay for anything!  Oh my Lord, having good friends is a Godsend!

Currently my friend has an Etsy shop while she is testing her website.  So if you're looking to shop for quick and easy, great gifts - check out her store.

I have been spending this weekend in leisure mode … well leisure and laundry.  Where is my butler to pick up my dry cleaning?  So I must bid you adieu so I can return to my lounging, but until my next LilyOnTheLam post … the song for the day is Fiona Apple's "Not About Love" - the perfect video soundtrack for my day today!  Enjoy!

    

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Happy Tuesday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

There is a saying that all attention, even negative attention is still attention.  There's another saying that any pizza- even bad pizza - is still good.  I think that this could apply to receiving gifts as well - as long as people are giving you gifts, no matter what they are, it's still a good gift.

Unless you have friends who are psychotic.

Then gifts from psychotic friends may not be so great.

I'm not sure how my friend Pookie St. Claire managed to get an internet connection in the Looney Bin, but he must have because he ordered a gift and had it sent to my home.  Maybe he bribed an orderly?  I wouldn't put anything past Pookie St. Claire.

A lovely little box came for me in the mail.  Pookie St. Claire had ordered business cards for me!  My favorite kind the Mini Cards from Moo.Com.

Well this all seems very nice … but why is Pookie St. Claire ordering business cards for me?  I am the CEO of "Being 1000% Fabulous All The Time" and the COO of "So Sexy I Don't Know How You All Can Stand It!" but I already have business cards for all those roles!  

I slid some of the mini cards out of the box and then I saw the deviousness (a.k.a. pure evil) of Pookie St. Claire's ways.

Take a look at what was on the back of the business cards …

Cats, Cats and MORE CATS.  Yes, each mini business card had a cat on the back of it.  Did the front say:  "Lily On The Lam, Crazy Cat Lady since 1427"?  

There's a reason Pookie St. Claire is confined to a mental ward and THIS IS WHY!

I really deserve hazard pay for dealing with such sinister people!

I don't even know how to end this blog post … I think the cat cards just speak for themselves!

Oh Pookie St. Claire, you evil genius ...