You Must Be Bananas! New Product Review: Thomas' Banana Bread English Muffins

Happy Monday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I went to a Deepak Chopra lecture a couple weeks ago.  He said that studies show that many people in the U.S. die Monday morning at 9 a.m.  I have no idea if this is true, but since it's Monday I'd like to caution you all to be extra careful out there!  No one wants to die in a cubicle.

Day 2 of The World Record Breaking 200 Food Truck Rally yesterday had much better weather than Day 1!  We tried NINE more food trucks! (Um did I happen to mention the diet starts TODAY?)  I will be posting another blog post to accompany my Day 1 Blog Post soon.  However it was "The Walking Dead" season finale Sunday night.  I was too busy squirming, shrieking and being all around nervous and paranoid while watching the events of the season finale play out to be posting food pictures.  So stay tuned to LilyOnTheLam, I'll be posting "Day 2" soon! 

When I first started LilyOnTheLam.com, I had a weekly post called "New Product Wednesdays" where I reviewed products that were new or at least new to me.  However since I am a REBEL, yes you heard me, I am bucking convention!  I am doing a "New Product Wednesday" post on a Monday!  Because after all, if I die at 9 a.m. on a Monday I would hate to deprive you all of my "last product review."  

You're welcome!

I love bread products.  I love them so much that I should have a tattoo of a loaf of bread.  I would love to go to Paris and just eat baguettes slathered with butter on the banks of the Seine for two weeks.  As long as it is quality bread, I obviously have never gotten tired of eating bread.  

With this bread-loving spirit, I did a dead stop in the grocery store the other day when I saw …

Thomas' Limited Edition Banana Bread English Muffins.

WHAAAAAT?  I love banana bread.  This pack of English Muffins literally jumped into my cart like I was Richard Gere in "An Officer and A Gentleman."

Now before I continue, I need to give a little backstory.  Miss B and I did a charity walk.  We thought it was a 5K but I think it ended up being a 3K … I thought I was going to get at least a little workout, but it turned out being the shortest charity walk I have ever participated in.  It basically felt like we crossed the street.  Wooh!  Feel the burn!

Even though we probably burned 3.4 calories total - between the two of us, Miss B and I decided we needed to do brunch.  I had wanted to try the brunch at Birch & Vine Restaurant at the Birchwood Hotel, so off we went!

Miss B - an eagle eyed menu scout - spotted the "Pretzel English Muffin" hybrid on the menu in less than a second.  It is truly important to have friends who have the same priorities as you.

I was very excited to try the "Pretzel English Muffin."  (Yes, if you dine with me, expect my fork to come sneaking over on to your plate.)  I warned - not asked - but warned Miss B that i would be grabbing a taste of the "Pretzel English Muffin" she ordered.  I love pretzel rolls.  They are the top of the bread product food chain, in my opinion!  

When it arrived … it looked promising. 

    
But looks can be deceiving … it was dry … there was some pretzel-y qualities - the salt crust, a somewhat malty taste … but frankly it didn't taste like a pretzel roll or an English muffin.  It tasted like some dry, flavorless bread you would get in the Middle Ages where the wheat was crushed into flour by a bitter person being crushed by the upper classes.  You could taste the bitterness!

Since this run-in with the "Pretzel English Muffin," I have been skeptical of delicious sounding English Muffin hybrids.  And yet here I was ready to believe that Banana Bread and English Muffins could join in a delicious union!

Would my optimism lead me to a new "limited edition" taste discovery or would I be disappointed again?

What do you think?

For starters, Thomas' Banana Bread English Muffins are 150 calories each.  This is 30 calories more than the Thomas' 100% whole wheat English Muffins I usually use for the occasional breakfast sandwich.  This alone makes me more critical - is the taste alone worth 30 more calories?

I toasted one up … and … 

Disappointment.

It tasted like an English Muffin with a slight after taste of an artificial banana flavor.  Definitely did not taste like banana bread … or even a decent English Muffin.  Sigh.  Fooled again.

I have five banana bread flavored English Muffins in my freezer if any one wants them.  I'll be sticking with my whole wheat ones!

I love a good hybrid … tangelos, broccoflower, broccolini, seedless watermelon, a Toyota Prius … But when it comes to English Muffin hybrids, I have yet to experience evidence that these are good things.  Have you had any English Muffin hybrids that you enjoyed?  If so, please leave me a comment below and tell me all about it! 

Quit Stalking Me On Social Media!

Happy Sunday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I am actually writing this blog post on Thursday (behind the scenes SECRETS!) as during the weekend I will be stuffing my face at the 200 Food Truck Rally.  I will probably need two hundred liposuction procedures after the event!  But come on, I need to help support a local organization officially breaking a world's record for largest food truck rally, right?  The Guiness World Record people will be there, thanks to the support of an organization from Orlando who is bringing them in to officially judge.

About a month ago, I was on a campaign to lose some weight before vacation because I knew I would be "sight-seeing through my stomach."  However my body did not get the memo because no matter what I ate or did not eat, the scale was NOT budging.  I was tracking my calories every day, so mathematically what I was seeing on the scale was impossible.  

Now because at times I can be a hysterical drama queen, instead of looking at the data I had in front of me I just chose to believe for two weeks that God was punishing me.  The "Zeus and his thunderbolts" theory.  

But after two weeks of martyrdom accompanied with minimal changes on the bathroom scale, I decided maybe logic was needed to fix this problem.  (Imagine THAT!)  Since I have been tracking what I have been eating, I reviewed the "data" and looked to see what was different.  It looked like I was getting less sleep, skipping breakfast more, eating too much sodium, too much refined sugar, eating more processed snack food (Damn you, Pirate Booty White Cheddar Puffs!  65 calorie a pack, but still!) and not drinking enough water.  

I upped the amount of water, dropped the sodium, made sure to eat breakfast, slept longer, decreased the amount of processed food in my diet and put a stop to my booty calls with Pirate Booty … and guess what?  

I started losing weight again and have continued to do so.    

Um yeah, it really was just that simple.  God or Zeus or whomever wasn't punishing me.  I just needed to examine the problem logically … and then logically fix it.  (Thirty-five pounds lost total.  Hooray!  It may be less than that after 200 Food Truck weekend so I'll say HOORAY! once more until I get back on the scale on Monday!)   

I want to live my life free and unrestrained - not having to worry about portion control, track calories and keep a food journal.  All of that makes me feel like I am in prison and food obsessive.  However I also don't want to be the next story on TLC's "My 600 Pound Life,"  so sometimes you just have to suck it up, be an adult and do what you know is the right thing.  

Another factor that has been helping me a great deal - and "free & unrestrained Lily" is loathe to admit -- I ditched my measuring cups for a digital scale for measuring portions.  
Seriously, I feel like I am a hospital patient when I use the scale to weigh my portions.  I should be wearing an ID bracelet on my wrist and a scratchy gown that moons everyone from the back.  But I have learned that I do not have a good eye for measurements.  I don't know why this surprises me! 

I have the hand-eye coordination of a spastic chicken on fire.  I am not a carpenter or a chemist, for good reason.  I was trying to cut a one ounce slice from an 8 ounce ball of fresh mozzarella.  It seemed pretty easy to me to eyeball 1/8 of the ball, but when I weighed it - nope, my slice was two ounces.  Measurement FAIL!  

I've given up my ego that I can accurately judge serving sizes by eye or heaping measuring cups.  (And honestly why keep a big ego about this?  It's not like saying "Hey Sexy, I can determine a chicken breast weighs 5 ounces from 50 paces away" is the hot new bar pick-up line!)  

It is much easier for me to portion out strawberries using a scale than try to measure a "cup" of strawberries when they are in huge pieces.  So for now, I pretend I am Breaking Bad's Walter White in his meth lab and I weigh out my portions when eating at home.  (Eating out on the other hand is still the Wild Wild West!)  

Of course in saying all of this - using logic to solve my problem, I can pretty much promise you that the next time I hit a weight loss plateau (and I will), I will still run around like Chicken Little with my head cut off, screaming that God hates me!  But we're not talking about the future, we're talking about TODAY.

And if I could just pick healthy food over bad food 100% of the time, I would never have any food problems.  But I am not A ROBOT, people!  I love naughty, unhealthy foods - and I am not ashamed to admit it!  (I am at the 200 Food Truck rally after all - and I will probably be shunning the couple of healthy food trucks for Fry Daddy food truck!)  

So in the spirit of full disclosure and my love of naughtiness, I must admit that the siren's song of unhealthy food has been calling to me.  Like a ship's captain to the rocks, I succumbed.  I bought a four pack of 130 calorie bags of … Sunshine Brand Cheez-Its baked snack crackers.  I love these little salty, crunchy, fatty-tasting calorie bombs!  They are my crack!

Here's a clue that Cheez-Its might not be the healthiest food you could be eating - the name spells cheese with a Z and has a hyphen.  What healthy food has a hyphen in it?  Even broccoflower is just two words crammed into one, sans hyphen.  If I were a Diet Guru, rule #1 would be drop all foods with hyphens in it.  Seriously, I guarantee* that you will lose 10 pounds just by following this one rule.  

(*Guarantee not available on any planet containing human life.)

Needless to say, I ate three of the four 130 calorie bags within two days.  Because evidently I believe that any time is a good time for Cheez-Its!  I have been holding on to the one lone bag left as some sort of symbol of my Cheez-It sobriety!  "Hi I'm Lily and I am a Cheez-It addict."  

Side Note: If you're a regular reader of LilyOnTheLam.com, you'll know that I am the world's worst food stylist.  The picture for today's blog is no exception …

Do Cheez-Its have less calories if flanked by Hello Kitty?

So far I have not devoured Bag #4, but I don't think it has long on this Earth.  (Your days are numbered, Mr. Cheez-It.)  

You may have surmised that the reason I purchased a four pack of Cheez-Its versus a big box is because I would eat and eat and eat them.  I have already made a pledge that I will not be buying anymore Cheez-Its for some quite time.

Perhaps the good folks at Sunshine Bakeries heard my pledge.  When I logged in to Twitter this morning, Twitter recommended that I follow the Twitter account of … CHEEZ-ITS!  

WHAAAAAAAAT?

Cheez-Its has an official, verified Twitter account?   Who knew little snack crackers were so well-connected on Social Media?

I quickly clicked the "not interested" button on the recommendation to follow Cheez-Its on Twitter!

I seriously was having a "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"  Wicked Witch moment.  (Although in my case, it would be "and your little cats too!")  I had sworn off buying more Cheez-Its and then Cheez-Its' Twitter account comes a-calling?  What the heck?  If I see a box of Cheez-Its go flying past by window on a broom, I am crawling under my bed and crying.

Are the Cheez-Its going to write "SURRENDER LILY!" in the sky?  (Or on Twitter?)  It seems like anything could happen in LilyLand!  

If you read my Friday blog post, you'll know that ghosts have been trying to deliver candy bars to me - and now Cheez-Its are trying to use social media to get to my stomach!  (It's not paranoia if the little snack crackers are really out to get you!)

In the war of weight loss, snack food plays by its own rules!  It would behoove me to say "Cheez-Its - take your "Z" and your hyphen and get out of here!  Quit stalking me on social media!  I will no longer be purchasing you!  (Even though you are crazy delicious.)"  

Yes, it would definitely behoove me to do so … but did I happen to mention that they are crazy delicious?         

Zeus, give me strength!

RAIN WON'T STOP US! Food Truck Recommendations for the World Record-Breaking 200 Food Truck Rally

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I have been eating light all week, so even though we heard it would be most likely raining the first day of the two day 200 Food Truck Rally - I was NOT going to let that stop me!  Luckily my Food Truck loving friend felt the same way!

First, a little annoyed because all the publicity for the past MONTHS for the event said it started at 11 a.m. on Saturday.  So I didn't double-check the times released in the newspaper yesterday.  Um yeah they changed the time to Noon.  So we got to sit at the Fairgrounds - when it was NOT raining - for over an hour before the gates opened.  Two seconds after we walked through the gates, it started raining.  Such is life!  

We weren't going to let a little water stop us from enjoying the day!  Plus there were covered beer tents and a covered band tent plus the shelter of the expo hall with plenty of tables to enjoy your food.  Rain or shine, my stomach was ready for some good eats!

As you may know from previous posts giving "tater tot duels", I love a good TATER TOT.  (See my posts:  Dueling Tater Tots and Tater Tot Duel: The Sequel.)  So we had decided to first hit the "Hott Mess" truck as our very first food truck of the 200 Food Truck rally.  And those smart food truckers at Hott Mess, they had tweeted where they were located in the fairgrounds so we were able to find them FAST!  (Thank you for that!)  

We went up and ordered an original "Hott Mess" and a Buffalo chicken Hott Mess.  I gave my name "Lily" with the order and a gentleman who I am 98.9% sure was the Hott Mess Food Truck Owner said "My wife wants to know if you are @SouthTampaLily from Twitter."  

I'M FAMOUS!  

Outed at the Fairgrounds!  Shush, don't tell the paparazzi!  "Yes, yes I am @SouthTampaLily - NOW GIVE ME MY TOTS!"  OK maybe I didn't say that second part.  ;-)

Hot Mess Menu

Whether you are a Hott Mess or not, these TOTS are good!

Buffalo Chicken Hott Mess and the Original Hott Mess- yes, that's BACON!

Both tater tot dishes were fabulous but the Buffalo Chicken was my absolute favorite!

Next to the Betty Rocker food truck - bourbon bacon brownie and the "Lunchbox" special - vanilla cake with peanut butter, jelly and a Dorito (yes Doritos tortilla chips!)  My friend and I both unfortunately did NOT like the bourbon bacon brownie - dry brownie, rubbery bacon bits inside and to me it tasted like cough syrup.  Sorry!  But we LOVED the Lunchbox special - it was like all the best parts of grade school in a cupcake.  Delicious!

Get the Lunchbox special - how often do you have a Dorito in your cupcake?

Next it was on to The Big Cheese Food truck.  Which I swear was hiding - we kept saying "Big Cheese!  Big Cheese!  Where are you?"  Finally we found it on the other side from where we started.  You are NOT hiding from us, Big Cheese!

My friend had the pizza grilled cheese which had these thin, savory, non greasy discs of pepperoni that were to die for!  I took a big piece out of my friend's sandwich and chowed down!  Hey, what are friends for?  I liked their POUTINE specials (so delicious looking, had to put it all in caps), the Mac and Cheese Pork grilled cheese and the make your own grilled cheese selections.  Yum, yum, yum!

Pepperoni Grilled Cheese!

Then on to the truck I was really looking forward to - The Twisted Iron.  I had their chicken & waffle.  My friend had the S'mores waffle bites.  DELICIOUS.  The chicken was crispy, juicy, fresh and flavorful.  The waffle was dense and held up to the chicken.  The waffle bites were slathered in chocolate and marshmallow sauce - a gigantic decadent mass of s'mores delight - you need like 4-6 friends for this naughty dessert!

The Twisted Iron Food Truck

Chicken & Waffle with Maple Syrup and Honey Mustard - delicious!

S'mores Waffle Bites with Graham bits, Chocolate & Marshmallow Sauce

The rain and the winds started picking up harder, so we ate our Twisted Iron delights in the shelter of the Expo Hall.  Rain was NOT going to stop us from trying as many of the great food trucks at the 200 Food Truck Rally that we could!  

Luckily it is a two day event - tomorrow we want to try and check out:

- Disco Donuts - a local Tampa Bay DELICIOUS institution

- PAO food truck - Filipino food truck - their pancit noodles are the bomb!

- Heart & Seoul - 100% vegan Korean food truck -where else can you get Vegan Bulgogi?

- Fry Daddy - they have deep fried Oreos, Snickers, Twinkies and Rice Krispy Treats!

- Ninja Noms gourmet eggrolls - we are DEFINITELY having these!

- Mobile Munchiez - little stuffed rice balls are calling out your name!  It's Latin-American-Italian fusion and they have pictures of Jimmy Smits and Edward James Olmos in the window of their truck!  That alone seals the deal!

- Cake Bus - A CHICKEN & WAFFLE CUPCAKE - yes, you heard me!

Cake Bus Food Truck

- Wine Not from Western NY and their wine slushies and ice cream!  I lived in Buffalo for three years - I need some wine ice cream to make me forget all the snowstorms I lived through!

There are TWO Wine Not trucks at the 200 Food Truck Rally

- Hip Pops - pick a gelato popsicle, a dipper and a coating - 1-2-3-FABULOUS!

Everyone wants to be near handcrafted awesomeness!

And there are so many more great food trucks - Killer Sammich, The Dude and His Food (best food truck name EVER), London Fish & Chippy, the ultimate pizza Humble Pie Wood Fired Pizza from Gainesville, Macarollin' gourmet mac & cheese, Lolo Ono Hawaiian Shave Ice, Not Your Ordinary Food Truck ($5 for kangaroo on a stick- I had kangaroo in Cairns - it's actually pretty delicious!)  

There is also a stand that does drinks in hollowed out pineapples - I'm sorry I forgot your name - just look for the long line because they are majorly delicious and majorly popular!  Curbside Chef has a red velvet pancake skewer with a quail egg!  Come on people, that is crazy delicious sounding!  SO MANY AWESOME FOOD TRUCKS!  

The food truck rally goes through 8 p.m. Saturday March 29 and 11-6 on a much dryer, sunny Sunday March 30 at the Florida State Fairgrounds in Tampa.  (Parking $6 for cars, $12 for larger vehicles.  No cover charge to attend the Food Truck Rally).  I really hope you check it out.  The food is great, supporting small businesses is great - it's just a Happy Belly Awesome time!

It's Time To Get Personal!

Happy Saturday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

If you read my March 22, 2014 post, you will know that I purchased a hamsa bracelet at The Grove in Los Angeles.  It is supposed to offer protection from "the evil eye" (for those who believe in that sort of thing).  But upon researching the hamsa symbol further, I had been surprised (and somewhat horrified) to learn that it was also supposed to boost fertility and promote lactation.  

So now when I look at the bracelet on my wrist, I think "Hey just protect me from jealous, evil people - I'm fine on the fertility front and I definitely am not looking to become a wet nurse!" 

Evidently "lactation" is in the air.  (Um yeah and I don't want to be breathing THAT air!)  I have been helping a friend showcase her organic body care line (Etsy store link) at "New Moms" events.  Some of the aromatherapy inhalation products are not appropriate for nursing mothers, so when discussing all the organic products it's important to ask the prospective customer if they are lactating.  

Because mentally I am the equivalent of a 10 year old child, I find it extremely hysterical asking strangers if they are lactating.  My friend also sells a hemorrhoid cream, so if I am not inquiring about your breasts I could also be asking information on the state of your anus.  Life really is a wonderland of delight! 

When I helped at Indian Rocks Beach Green Fest, I was quite delighted in whispering to my friends in a conspiratorial tone "Psst - Hey, got hemorrhoids?"  My friends did not think it was quite as HILARIOUS as I did, but that didn't stop me from asking this particular lovely question throughout the day to anyone I knew.  Again, I must repeat that I have the mental maturity of a CHILD!

Now I don't advocate that you spend this weekend asking strangers if they are lactating or have hemorrhoids.  In fact those questions would probably get me fired if I asked them at my day job.  But I would encourage you to do something that brings you "child-like delight" this weekend - as long as it is morally, ethically and legally appropriate!  Like seeing the new Muppets movie with a large amount of sugar-laden candy.  Or running through the dancing waters at Curtis Hixon Park in Tampa Bay.  (I don't advocate those in the colder climates to do this - hypothermia is not fun!)  Sometimes just being silly and laughing is the best stress release. 

Thank you for reading and have a great weekend whether you are lactating or not!

Whether Ghosts Or Cats … You Can't Break Me!

Happy Friday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Not only is it the start of the weekend, but it is also my Mother's birthday.  So I would like to start off by wishing my Mother a "Happy Birthday."  

My Mother is a Vampire - she is absolutely ageless.  Not a wrinkle on her Asian face.  When I was 18 years old, I went to have my picture taken with my Mother and my younger sister.  The female photographer said  "OK, you're the baby" (to my sister) and "You're the mother" (to our mother) "and you are the - uh - uh - Grandmother?"

I don't know how I am NOT in jail for manslaughter right now. I was EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD!  Jesus Christ Lady, are you having a f*cking stroke?  NO, I AM NOT THE GRANDMOTHER!  

I can only imagine if I were to take a picture with my mother now, the photographer would probably ask if I were my mother's great, great grandmother.  "And you are the uh - uh - reanimated corpse she dug up out of the backyard?"

So Happy Birthday, Mom!  May you continue to live a long and healthy life where I continue to be seen as decades older than you by stupid people.

I have a confession - I actually wrote this blog post on Tuesday.  (Gasp!  No!)  Yes, Tuesday.  Sometimes I write my posts ahead of time because I am crazy busy (or crazy procrastinating) during the week.  Tuesday morning, my first work call was at 6:30 a.m.  And I have no one to blame but myself since I scheduled it at that time to make it somewhat more palatable (time zone-wise) to the Asia Pac attendees on the call.  I somehow managed to speak for 50 minutes without truly waking up.  

I hope I actually gave my presentation versus sleep-talking about how much I hated part 2 of Bravo TV's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion.  If my Italian colleague instant messages me later and says "Who is Kyle Richards and why does she annoy you so much?"  I will know that I failed in giving the correct presentation.

So at 7:30 a.m. when my call was over, I needed a break - to fully wake up, I guess.  I did a little stretch, walked around for a little bit and then went to weigh myself to make sure I was still on track losing weight.  Saturday and Sunday is the 200 Food Truck Rally in Tampa and I needed to drop some weight before attending that event.  Especially since I discovered one of the food trucks is The Twisted Iron, which not only has chicken and waffles but sweet potato waffle fries with caramel and marshmallow sauce!  Hello Fat and Calories - I am coming for YOU!  

I was extremely happy to see that I've continued to lose weight.  This may not be the case after this weekend, but I am holding on to my joy TODAY.      

I work from home (Thank God!), so after weighing myself I walked toward the kitchen to get a glass of water.  (I've been trying to cut down on the caffeine.  Sigh.)

While I was walking I kicked something small on the floor with my foot.  Now as the Guardian of 9000 cats, I am used to something always being on the floor.  Usually it is cat toys, sometimes cat vomit or a stray tumbleweed of cat hair rolling along the tile floors.  

I looked down and first thought what I kicked was a cat toy - as Chibby has a set of small metallic foil balls that make a crackly sound when he hits them.

The afore-mentioned Chibby

But upon second glance, I realized this was no foil ball cat toy.  Instead it was …

A tiny "Milky Way Midnight Mini" candy bar.

Now for the record, I do not keep candy in the house.  The reason because I will eat ALL of it - as soon as possible, until it is all gone, without stopping.  

There is no "moderation" here.  Even if my stomach is screaming in overstuffed pain, my brain will think "But there's four more pieces of chocolate left - you should just eat those NOW."  It's like my brain thinks its a Hazmat Crew doing the world a service by disposing of every trace of any junk food in the house immediately and completely.  And the only "medal" I get for this "service" is a fat roll around my mid-section.  

I stared at the little Milky Way Midnight Mini candy bar and thought "what the heck?"  At 7:30 a.m., my brain is not firing on all cylinders.  Had the cats pooled up their allowance, gone out and purchased candy from the 7-11?  

Wait, my cats don't get an allowance.  

Did I do this?  

I went to bed craving candy last night - did I sleep-walk, sleep-shop and then sleep-eat a bag of Milky Way Midnight candy bars, accidentally leaving one behind as evidence of my sleep-gluttony?

But I don't even like Milky Way candy bars!  

I thought and thought and thought … and then I remembered that I had had a friend over for the season premiere of "The Walking Dead."  Now the season finale for the TV show is this weekend, so this would have had to have been like 5 months ago, maybe?  (Google search confirms - October 13, 2013.)  

I had put together a candy bowl to accompany our mini viewing party.  (Seriously, I will use ANY excuse to buy candy.)  I remember there being little Milky Way Midnight candy bars (as well as other candy bars) in the mixed candy bag I had purchased.  Ah-ha!  

One of the cats, entranced by the shiny foil wrapper, must have stolen one from the bowl.  He then probably batted at it until it was stuck behind one of my book shelves or the couch, leaving it to be discovered at a later date for future play.  My cats love to play hockey with crinkly, foil objects.

Even though I figured out the appearance of a candy bar immediately after I got off a scale was probably caused by a cat versus a malicious ghost or Divine Intervention, I was still a little spooked by the experience.  After all, I had written a lengthy post about the Universe sending signs that we should listen to …  So what was the Universe trying to tell me here?  

I was really happy that not only had I lost the weight I gained from my binge-a-thon vacation weekend in Los Angeles, but that I was and continue to be lighter than I was before my vacation.  Then I step off the scale and almost immediately bump into a candy bar?  Am I Eve in the Garden of Good and Evil staring at the apple?  (Or probably more accurately, Honey Boo Boo in the Candy Aisle of 7-11 staring at the two pound variety mix bag?)  

What's the message here?  

"Congrats on continuing to lose weight, here's a tiny reward for you!"  

"Why are you trying to lose weight when candy is soooo delicious -- here's a little ball of saturated fat and sugar for you!"  

Or:  "Sure you're happy you lost weight, but can you continue to be strong?  Let's see how you fare with this CHOCOLATE BAR!"   

Because I am an over-dramatic person, I let out a gasping scream as I picked up the candy bar from the floor.  Demons!

I stared at the tiny little chocolate in my hand.  The 36 calorie, 1.4 g fat, 4.8 g sugar, bomb in my hand.  I had no idea why the Universe (or my cats) chose to bring this up to me immediately right after I stepped off a scale.  Punishment?  Reward?  Test?  Coincidence?  The Universe works in mysterious ways!

I threw the Milky Way Midnight Mini in the trash.  Whatever the reason the Universe chose to throw a five month old candy bar in my path after I weighed myself, I wasn't buying in by eating it.  You can't break me!

Of course if it had been a Snickers mini, pack of Hot Tamales candy or a Lindt dark truffle, I might have thought differently!  It's a lot easier to toss out candy you don't particularly care for than candy you love!  (Which by the way is also a rule true to my dating life, but that's a whole different story!)

I still have no clue why the Universe threw candy in my path - but I am going to wick away any grandiose themes about punishment and reward and simply go with this …

When you are happy about an accomplishment, don't mess it up by eating old candy off the floor.                   

I'm pretty sure that will NOT be the "feel good inspirational quote for 2014" on calendars and bumper stickers everywhere, but hey it works for me!

Happy Friday!  Happy Birthday Mom!  I hope you all have a great weekend filled with more accomplishments than tests/punishments!  Thanks for reading!

So I Tweet ...

Happy Thursday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Yesterday's post "I Am Not An Urban Drug Lord" received so many hits within the first day.  Evidently a lot of people were interested on my not being an urban drug lord.  So if you were one of those readers, thank you!

And if you did not read my previous post, here's the link - I'll wait while you read it.  Go ahead.  Waiting patiently …

Since I deactivated my Facebook profile, I definitely have increased my Tweeting.  The social media addiction just changed "drug of choice" but is still present!  

No offense nor disrespect to any of my friends (or frenemies), but I was surprised that I received more negativity from people I knew on Facebook versus strangers on Twitter.  I thought it would be the reverse!  

However I am sure if I tweeted about really controversial topics, I would get insulted by the populace.  Most of my tweets are to either 1) promote this blog or 2) make snarky comments about television shows (mostly the Real Housewives franchise on Bravo TV.)  In fact the only annoying/personally negative tweet I can remember receiving recently was from someone I know, not a stranger.

Of course Twitter is not some magical candy land.  Every now and again I get overly flirty direct messages on Twitter,  usually from middle aged married men or single 18 year old men.  (No, I don't want to see naked pictures from either group!  Thanks for offering - but no thanks!)  But I think that's pretty typical of most parts of the internet.  There are more Anthony Weiner (a.k.a. Carlos Danger)-style behavior on the internet than we may wish to believe.  There's also the occasional offer of drugs - does my Twitter account throw off a stoner vibe?  (If you read yesterday's blog post, that might explain it!)  Thanks but again, no thanks!  

I have to say though that the majority of people who follow my Twitter account and Tweet me seem like pretty normal human beings.  Some are local to Tampa Bay or Florida, some are on the other side of the world.  It reminds me the adage that we are usually more alike than we are different.  

For example, I tweet with a guy who works in advertising in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.  Before 2011, I would have thought I'd have zero in common with someone on the other side of the world.  But then I worked in Kuala Lumpur and Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia.    

Some of my Twitter followers coincidentally went to the same undergrad college that I did - although I never knew them when I attended school.  Some have similar strengths and weaknesses as I believe I do - and that makes for interesting conversations (in 140 characters and under).

Being on Twitter and reading the random thoughts/Tweets of a subsection of people around the world also reminds me of how many people are hurting or are in times of crisis.  If you think about how many random people you interact with in a given week, even if 5% of them are in crisis - that's still probably a fairly large amount of people.  I try to focus on this and be compassionate to all who I meet.  But if you piss me off, I tend to throw compassion out the window.  (Sigh - maybe tomorrow I will be perfect, but not today!)

I read an interview with the smolderingly good-looking Ian Somerhalder in Watch! Magazine.  He gave a quote I think that applies well here:  

"The world has been a really cool classroom that we're all in together, sort of bouncing around, learning, failing often, and passing sometimes.  And just like in school, the kids who are nice make the experience a lot better.  The kids who are bullies and assholes make the experience not as wonderful.  The thing we're lacking most in the world, and yet what everyone wishes for, is compassion."

Side Note:  To all the Tweens who Googled "Ian Somerhalder," found this blog post and are now upset that they have taken moments of their young, vital lives to read a blog from some "elderly" woman in Florida … here's some Ian pictures to justify your time.  Yes girls and gay boys, I was less than 4 feet away from your precious Ian Somerhalder - the perks of being old with a middle-class income and an open travel schedule.  Envy me!

Ian Somerhalder - Dolby Theatre - PaleyFest - Lost 10 Year  Anniversary Reunion

                                     

                                               I took this picture more to show Maggie Grace's rocking stilettos!

OK now that the tweens have left my page, let's get back to my story …  So I tweet and ...

One of the people I tweet with every now and again is a woman in Southern Florida.  We watch the same Bravo TV shows and every once in awhile we exchange a snarky tweet about the so-called "reality shows."  A random occurrence that makes me laugh.  Yet this Twitter follower is also a mother who lost her son to a drug overdose, after years of addiction, last December.  

She has a blog and after many false starts, has now published a post about the experience.  She pairs the talk of the tragedy with a seemingly random event that occurred recently.  It reminded me that the Universe is always sending us messages.

While sad, I was glad I read the blog post.  If you are interested, I hope you will read it as well.

I am going to try to remember more often that so many people in the world are hurting.  To turn up my level of compassion, as it were.  Even if we don't know of someone's pain, we should treat people with care.  We may not be able to make them feel better, but we should try not to make them feel worse.  

(And if a certain "Skimmer" I know reads this particular blog post, he is going to scream that I stole that line from a conversation we had recently.  But I am hoping that [counting on] his speed-reading skimming skills will bounce over this paragraph if he happens to be reading my blog.  Heh heh heh.)     

Have a great Thursday - the weekend is almost here!  

P.S.  I actually wrote this post before Thursday (gasp!)  Since then I have watched a huge Twitter battle going on between Bravo TV "reality" show Real Housewives of New York fans who are "Team Carole" (Carole Radziwell) and I guess "Team Not Carole."  

Random "Team Carole" fans have been tweeting personal attacks at a woman who tweeted a critical comment about Carole.  Then the Real Housewife of New York "star" tweeted back that the Twitterer (Tweeter?) was "disgusting."  Then all hell broke loose with Team Carole fans going to town on this one Bravo TV viewer.

I did not find the original tweet so inflammatory as to deserve a reign of holy terror - "Team Carole" fans were calling the Original Tweeter filth, saying she has AIDS (excuse me?) … just ridiculousness -- all over a TV SHOW.  Can't people debate views without having to stoop to personal attacks?  

And more importantly (to me!), I had just written a blog post where I said I had a much better experience on Twitter than Facebook!  People, don't turn me into a liar!  

To be fair, I still believe my experience on Twitter is better than my experiences on Facebook.  I stopped watching "Real Housewives of New York" two seasons ago, so I don't have a dog in the "Team Carole" vs. "Team Not Carole" fight.  But I do occasionally "live Tweet" other Bravo TV shows, as my numerous "appearances" on the social editions of the episodes will attest.  So I feel some empathy for "The Original Tweeter" because I feel a little "there but for the grace of God, go I … "  I could easily have been in her place - making a biting comment on Twitter about a TV show and having a personal attack backlash from other TV show fans.  

Hello juvenile waste of time and what a ridiculous swelling of anger over NOTHING!

I could go on for several paragraphs about the nature of reality TV celebrity and do these "reality stars" sign up to be analyzed (and usually bashed) by the media and in social media in exchange for a pay check?  But yawn, do I really need to do that?  

I definitely understand the precaution that you shouldn't say anything on social media that you wouldn't say to the person's face … but when it comes to entertainment, what is acceptable and what is bad form?  I think we view reality TV like any other form of TV and so therefore are its "stars" deserving compassion from the viewer?  (Or respect even?)

Just as I might comment on a character's actions on "The Walking Dead," I feel the same sort of critical review of other shows- including reality shows.  But tweeting to the world that a move a fictional character made was boneheaded is quite different than saying it about a reality "star."  And yet, many reality TV viewers generally do not make the distinction.  Or at least I know, I personally have not made that distinction as much as I probably should if I wanted to be a good steward of society.  (Wait, do I want to be seen as that?)

Anyway, I'm now pissed at people I don't know on Twitter for ruining my whole "everything is great on Twitter" thing that I was trying to broadcast.  And isn't being mad at strangers what Twitter is all about?

(Ha ha - kidding, I'm not mad about it - just thought it was weird timing that this big, sad, personal attack Twitter war occurred between Bravo TV fans [not me!] right after I wrote a post about how much I enjoy engaging with people on Twitter.  I still enjoy Twitter … but the universe may be using the vilification of another Twitter user as a reminder to the rest of the Twittersphere to think twice about anything we put out there in social media.  Which is honestly, probably extremely good advice.  The Universe is always talking - we need to choose when to listen.)

And on that note … once more I wish you a very Happy Thursday!
            

I Am Not An Urban Drug Lord!

Happy Wednesday, LilyOnTheLam.com Readers!

Last weekend as part of my "get rid of the Los Angeles vacation weight" plan, I went to visit Cephas' Hot Shop (a.k.a. The Guru of My Colon) for an aloe shake - aloe vera gel, ice and water. 

Aloe vera gel taken internally has a mild laxative effect.  "Aloe latex" - extract from the outer lining of the aloe leaves has a larger amount of natural stimulant laxative in it.  Supposedly repeated use of aloe latex can cause intestinal and liver issues, so you should research/consult with your physician before you start taking aloe in gel or latex forms.  

It's been MONTHS since I have seen Cephas, so of course I got a huge scolding for being away.  I explained I had been in Los Angeles - of course I didn't say it was only for an extended weekend!  I was hoping just saying I was away would excuse my months-long absence.  

There was a man, woman and their young (maybe 8 or 10 years old) son with them standing in front of the aloe stand in Ybor City.  I watched as the man tried to down first a tamarind water drink mixed with baking soda and then the aloe shake.  Cephas was giving his usual speech on how people are only using a small percentage of their small intestine and how aloe can help you use your body more efficiently.  He plays a Dr. Oz video on a loop in the background. (Cephas is now on Facebook!  Check him out here.  He also has a new website.)  

If you have read my previous post on Cephas, you may remember that Cephas is a big advocate of using aloe for health purposes.  He also likes to tell people - whether they are fat, skinny or in-between - that they are unhealthy and fat!  So I should not have been surprised that Cephas told the young boy- chubby-cheeked but otherwise reed-thin - that he was fat.  But I was surprised!  Luckily, the young man just laughed.  

Being a repeat customer of Cephas, I know the drill on how to drink aloe shakes.  I first had a tamarind water drink and then I quickly slammed down a large aloe shake before the older male patron could even choke down half of his aloe shake.  There is no sweetener and no flavoring - so the aloe shake tastes pretty bitter.  Cephas says it is bitter because you're tasting all the enzymes.  I'm not sure about that.  The best way to drink it is to gulp it down until it is all gone, trying not to taste it along the way.  I could probably beat most frat guys in slamming drinks with my aloe shake practice.  

As I was drinking my aloe shake, Cephas started yelling at me and said I needed to "quit with the shrooms."  The female patron stared at me with wide, shocked eyes.  Again Cephas barked that I had to quit the shrooms NOW!  

Side Note:  For the record, in the past 8 weeks I have had one drink with alcohol in it - total.  At my elderly age, I'm not running around doing illegal drugs or copious amounts of alcohol.  (Although good Lord, I spent most of my LA weekend with a contact high - medical marijuana dispensaries on every block!  The "purple haze" was over the entire city!  Each block I walked down, I was catching more pot smoke!)  My drug of choice is the banana cream pie I had (TWICE) in Los Angeles and a bag of Twizzlers on the plane home (and every other gluttonous delight I devoured on my vacation!)    

So despite the contact buzz in LA, I'm a pretty straight shooter.  Thus, I was clueless why Cephas was telling me - and a small audience - that I needed to stop doing SHROOMS.  I stammered a "WHAT?" as the female patron was eyeing me with disdain like I was an urban drug lord.  I stared back at her with my eyes hidden behind big Prada aviator sunglasses.  I then whipped them off and tried to give her my best innocent "I have no clue what he is talking about!" look.  She wasn't buying it!     

"SHROOMS! SHROOMS!  YOU STOP DOING IT!"  Cephas hollered out in his Jamaican accent.  

All of a sudden it hit me-- SHRIMP.  He was talking about eating shrimp!

Cephas is anti-shrimp, tuna and pork.  He believes all shellfish are bottom feeders that are filled with mercury.  He recommends aloe shakes every day and believes they are the remedy to everything.

I yelled out "OH SHRIMP!  YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SHRIMP!"  I looked at the female patron who I think was now shielding her young son from me and said "SHRIMP!  SHRIMP!  HE'S SAYING SHRIMP!  SHRIMP!"  She didn't look convinced.  

Cephas said "YES, YES, NO SHRIMP, NO PORK, NO TUNA!"

Cephas said he could tell I had been eating shrimp because my thyroid was bulging and that he could see it in my eyes.  I recently had lab work done and knew my thyroid was fine.  So I had no idea what he was talking about.  I declined to get into a discussion over whether I had a bulging thyroid or just a fat neck (um, yeah … for better or worse, it's the latter.)  And as for my eyes - perhaps it was my contact lenses?  

But I did say "You're silly, I haven't eaten shrimp in …" and then I went silent.

Normally I don't eat a lot of shrimp.  Not because I am scared of the wrath of Cephas or the mercury or other toxins, but because when I cook shrimp I turn it into rubber.  And who wants to eat rubber?  Plus shrimp does not fill me up, so if I am at a restaurant I usually do not order it.  

But the reason I went quiet was that I realized I had eaten shrimp recently!  Not only once - but twice!  

I had shared an amazing coconut shrimp appetizer with friends after Indian Rocks Beach Greenfest at JD's Restaurant & Lounge.  We also had these insanely delicious fried pickle chips.  I am not a fried pickle fan, but these were the best I have ever tried.  I had also had shrimp in Los Angeles, but it was nowhere as good as JD's coconut shrimp.  

I started stroking my neck.  Yikes!  Cephas was not only the Guru of my colon, but he could tell that I had had six measly shrimp total in the past two weeks!  Eek!  

The female patron still eyed me shiftily.  Evidently I was a shrimp-eating shroom addict in her eyes.  I paid for my tamarind water and aloe shake.  Cephas yelled out to me as I was headed to my car that I had to come back more often.  That it was hurting my health by not having aloe shakes regularly.  I yelled back that I would try but I am off to Las Vegas and New York soon.  

As I got into my car, I could hear the woman asking Cephas about me.  I was pretty sure she thought I was the Floridian shroom gateway distributing drugs throughout my various travels.  For the record, I brought back giant Peep marshmallow rabbits for my sister from Los Angeles.  Peeps, not shrooms!

The aloe shake from Cephas' Hot Shop had the intended medicinal effect.  Not to get too crude, but I was able to say goodbye to everything I ate in Los Angeles!  I may now be (mistakenly) known as an urban drug lord, but I am an urban drug lord with a clean colon!   

(P.S.  Cephas' Hot Shop does amazing Jamaican food- if aloe is not your thing, check out the food available for take-out.  I recommend the fish with vegetables, beans and rice.)