Whether Ghosts Or Cats … You Can't Break Me!

Happy Friday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Not only is it the start of the weekend, but it is also my Mother's birthday.  So I would like to start off by wishing my Mother a "Happy Birthday."  

My Mother is a Vampire - she is absolutely ageless.  Not a wrinkle on her Asian face.  When I was 18 years old, I went to have my picture taken with my Mother and my younger sister.  The female photographer said  "OK, you're the baby" (to my sister) and "You're the mother" (to our mother) "and you are the - uh - uh - Grandmother?"

I don't know how I am NOT in jail for manslaughter right now. I was EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD!  Jesus Christ Lady, are you having a f*cking stroke?  NO, I AM NOT THE GRANDMOTHER!  

I can only imagine if I were to take a picture with my mother now, the photographer would probably ask if I were my mother's great, great grandmother.  "And you are the uh - uh - reanimated corpse she dug up out of the backyard?"

So Happy Birthday, Mom!  May you continue to live a long and healthy life where I continue to be seen as decades older than you by stupid people.

I have a confession - I actually wrote this blog post on Tuesday.  (Gasp!  No!)  Yes, Tuesday.  Sometimes I write my posts ahead of time because I am crazy busy (or crazy procrastinating) during the week.  Tuesday morning, my first work call was at 6:30 a.m.  And I have no one to blame but myself since I scheduled it at that time to make it somewhat more palatable (time zone-wise) to the Asia Pac attendees on the call.  I somehow managed to speak for 50 minutes without truly waking up.  

I hope I actually gave my presentation versus sleep-talking about how much I hated part 2 of Bravo TV's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion.  If my Italian colleague instant messages me later and says "Who is Kyle Richards and why does she annoy you so much?"  I will know that I failed in giving the correct presentation.

So at 7:30 a.m. when my call was over, I needed a break - to fully wake up, I guess.  I did a little stretch, walked around for a little bit and then went to weigh myself to make sure I was still on track losing weight.  Saturday and Sunday is the 200 Food Truck Rally in Tampa and I needed to drop some weight before attending that event.  Especially since I discovered one of the food trucks is The Twisted Iron, which not only has chicken and waffles but sweet potato waffle fries with caramel and marshmallow sauce!  Hello Fat and Calories - I am coming for YOU!  

I was extremely happy to see that I've continued to lose weight.  This may not be the case after this weekend, but I am holding on to my joy TODAY.      

I work from home (Thank God!), so after weighing myself I walked toward the kitchen to get a glass of water.  (I've been trying to cut down on the caffeine.  Sigh.)

While I was walking I kicked something small on the floor with my foot.  Now as the Guardian of 9000 cats, I am used to something always being on the floor.  Usually it is cat toys, sometimes cat vomit or a stray tumbleweed of cat hair rolling along the tile floors.  

I looked down and first thought what I kicked was a cat toy - as Chibby has a set of small metallic foil balls that make a crackly sound when he hits them.

The afore-mentioned Chibby

But upon second glance, I realized this was no foil ball cat toy.  Instead it was …

A tiny "Milky Way Midnight Mini" candy bar.

Now for the record, I do not keep candy in the house.  The reason because I will eat ALL of it - as soon as possible, until it is all gone, without stopping.  

There is no "moderation" here.  Even if my stomach is screaming in overstuffed pain, my brain will think "But there's four more pieces of chocolate left - you should just eat those NOW."  It's like my brain thinks its a Hazmat Crew doing the world a service by disposing of every trace of any junk food in the house immediately and completely.  And the only "medal" I get for this "service" is a fat roll around my mid-section.  

I stared at the little Milky Way Midnight Mini candy bar and thought "what the heck?"  At 7:30 a.m., my brain is not firing on all cylinders.  Had the cats pooled up their allowance, gone out and purchased candy from the 7-11?  

Wait, my cats don't get an allowance.  

Did I do this?  

I went to bed craving candy last night - did I sleep-walk, sleep-shop and then sleep-eat a bag of Milky Way Midnight candy bars, accidentally leaving one behind as evidence of my sleep-gluttony?

But I don't even like Milky Way candy bars!  

I thought and thought and thought … and then I remembered that I had had a friend over for the season premiere of "The Walking Dead."  Now the season finale for the TV show is this weekend, so this would have had to have been like 5 months ago, maybe?  (Google search confirms - October 13, 2013.)  

I had put together a candy bowl to accompany our mini viewing party.  (Seriously, I will use ANY excuse to buy candy.)  I remember there being little Milky Way Midnight candy bars (as well as other candy bars) in the mixed candy bag I had purchased.  Ah-ha!  

One of the cats, entranced by the shiny foil wrapper, must have stolen one from the bowl.  He then probably batted at it until it was stuck behind one of my book shelves or the couch, leaving it to be discovered at a later date for future play.  My cats love to play hockey with crinkly, foil objects.

Even though I figured out the appearance of a candy bar immediately after I got off a scale was probably caused by a cat versus a malicious ghost or Divine Intervention, I was still a little spooked by the experience.  After all, I had written a lengthy post about the Universe sending signs that we should listen to …  So what was the Universe trying to tell me here?  

I was really happy that not only had I lost the weight I gained from my binge-a-thon vacation weekend in Los Angeles, but that I was and continue to be lighter than I was before my vacation.  Then I step off the scale and almost immediately bump into a candy bar?  Am I Eve in the Garden of Good and Evil staring at the apple?  (Or probably more accurately, Honey Boo Boo in the Candy Aisle of 7-11 staring at the two pound variety mix bag?)  

What's the message here?  

"Congrats on continuing to lose weight, here's a tiny reward for you!"  

"Why are you trying to lose weight when candy is soooo delicious -- here's a little ball of saturated fat and sugar for you!"  

Or:  "Sure you're happy you lost weight, but can you continue to be strong?  Let's see how you fare with this CHOCOLATE BAR!"   

Because I am an over-dramatic person, I let out a gasping scream as I picked up the candy bar from the floor.  Demons!

I stared at the tiny little chocolate in my hand.  The 36 calorie, 1.4 g fat, 4.8 g sugar, bomb in my hand.  I had no idea why the Universe (or my cats) chose to bring this up to me immediately right after I stepped off a scale.  Punishment?  Reward?  Test?  Coincidence?  The Universe works in mysterious ways!

I threw the Milky Way Midnight Mini in the trash.  Whatever the reason the Universe chose to throw a five month old candy bar in my path after I weighed myself, I wasn't buying in by eating it.  You can't break me!

Of course if it had been a Snickers mini, pack of Hot Tamales candy or a Lindt dark truffle, I might have thought differently!  It's a lot easier to toss out candy you don't particularly care for than candy you love!  (Which by the way is also a rule true to my dating life, but that's a whole different story!)

I still have no clue why the Universe threw candy in my path - but I am going to wick away any grandiose themes about punishment and reward and simply go with this …

When you are happy about an accomplishment, don't mess it up by eating old candy off the floor.                   

I'm pretty sure that will NOT be the "feel good inspirational quote for 2014" on calendars and bumper stickers everywhere, but hey it works for me!

Happy Friday!  Happy Birthday Mom!  I hope you all have a great weekend filled with more accomplishments than tests/punishments!  Thanks for reading!