Quit Stalking Me On Social Media!

Happy Sunday LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I am actually writing this blog post on Thursday (behind the scenes SECRETS!) as during the weekend I will be stuffing my face at the 200 Food Truck Rally.  I will probably need two hundred liposuction procedures after the event!  But come on, I need to help support a local organization officially breaking a world's record for largest food truck rally, right?  The Guiness World Record people will be there, thanks to the support of an organization from Orlando who is bringing them in to officially judge.

About a month ago, I was on a campaign to lose some weight before vacation because I knew I would be "sight-seeing through my stomach."  However my body did not get the memo because no matter what I ate or did not eat, the scale was NOT budging.  I was tracking my calories every day, so mathematically what I was seeing on the scale was impossible.  

Now because at times I can be a hysterical drama queen, instead of looking at the data I had in front of me I just chose to believe for two weeks that God was punishing me.  The "Zeus and his thunderbolts" theory.  

But after two weeks of martyrdom accompanied with minimal changes on the bathroom scale, I decided maybe logic was needed to fix this problem.  (Imagine THAT!)  Since I have been tracking what I have been eating, I reviewed the "data" and looked to see what was different.  It looked like I was getting less sleep, skipping breakfast more, eating too much sodium, too much refined sugar, eating more processed snack food (Damn you, Pirate Booty White Cheddar Puffs!  65 calorie a pack, but still!) and not drinking enough water.  

I upped the amount of water, dropped the sodium, made sure to eat breakfast, slept longer, decreased the amount of processed food in my diet and put a stop to my booty calls with Pirate Booty … and guess what?  

I started losing weight again and have continued to do so.    

Um yeah, it really was just that simple.  God or Zeus or whomever wasn't punishing me.  I just needed to examine the problem logically … and then logically fix it.  (Thirty-five pounds lost total.  Hooray!  It may be less than that after 200 Food Truck weekend so I'll say HOORAY! once more until I get back on the scale on Monday!)   

I want to live my life free and unrestrained - not having to worry about portion control, track calories and keep a food journal.  All of that makes me feel like I am in prison and food obsessive.  However I also don't want to be the next story on TLC's "My 600 Pound Life,"  so sometimes you just have to suck it up, be an adult and do what you know is the right thing.  

Another factor that has been helping me a great deal - and "free & unrestrained Lily" is loathe to admit -- I ditched my measuring cups for a digital scale for measuring portions.  
Seriously, I feel like I am a hospital patient when I use the scale to weigh my portions.  I should be wearing an ID bracelet on my wrist and a scratchy gown that moons everyone from the back.  But I have learned that I do not have a good eye for measurements.  I don't know why this surprises me! 

I have the hand-eye coordination of a spastic chicken on fire.  I am not a carpenter or a chemist, for good reason.  I was trying to cut a one ounce slice from an 8 ounce ball of fresh mozzarella.  It seemed pretty easy to me to eyeball 1/8 of the ball, but when I weighed it - nope, my slice was two ounces.  Measurement FAIL!  

I've given up my ego that I can accurately judge serving sizes by eye or heaping measuring cups.  (And honestly why keep a big ego about this?  It's not like saying "Hey Sexy, I can determine a chicken breast weighs 5 ounces from 50 paces away" is the hot new bar pick-up line!)  

It is much easier for me to portion out strawberries using a scale than try to measure a "cup" of strawberries when they are in huge pieces.  So for now, I pretend I am Breaking Bad's Walter White in his meth lab and I weigh out my portions when eating at home.  (Eating out on the other hand is still the Wild Wild West!)  

Of course in saying all of this - using logic to solve my problem, I can pretty much promise you that the next time I hit a weight loss plateau (and I will), I will still run around like Chicken Little with my head cut off, screaming that God hates me!  But we're not talking about the future, we're talking about TODAY.

And if I could just pick healthy food over bad food 100% of the time, I would never have any food problems.  But I am not A ROBOT, people!  I love naughty, unhealthy foods - and I am not ashamed to admit it!  (I am at the 200 Food Truck rally after all - and I will probably be shunning the couple of healthy food trucks for Fry Daddy food truck!)  

So in the spirit of full disclosure and my love of naughtiness, I must admit that the siren's song of unhealthy food has been calling to me.  Like a ship's captain to the rocks, I succumbed.  I bought a four pack of 130 calorie bags of … Sunshine Brand Cheez-Its baked snack crackers.  I love these little salty, crunchy, fatty-tasting calorie bombs!  They are my crack!

Here's a clue that Cheez-Its might not be the healthiest food you could be eating - the name spells cheese with a Z and has a hyphen.  What healthy food has a hyphen in it?  Even broccoflower is just two words crammed into one, sans hyphen.  If I were a Diet Guru, rule #1 would be drop all foods with hyphens in it.  Seriously, I guarantee* that you will lose 10 pounds just by following this one rule.  

(*Guarantee not available on any planet containing human life.)

Needless to say, I ate three of the four 130 calorie bags within two days.  Because evidently I believe that any time is a good time for Cheez-Its!  I have been holding on to the one lone bag left as some sort of symbol of my Cheez-It sobriety!  "Hi I'm Lily and I am a Cheez-It addict."  

Side Note: If you're a regular reader of LilyOnTheLam.com, you'll know that I am the world's worst food stylist.  The picture for today's blog is no exception …

Do Cheez-Its have less calories if flanked by Hello Kitty?

So far I have not devoured Bag #4, but I don't think it has long on this Earth.  (Your days are numbered, Mr. Cheez-It.)  

You may have surmised that the reason I purchased a four pack of Cheez-Its versus a big box is because I would eat and eat and eat them.  I have already made a pledge that I will not be buying anymore Cheez-Its for some quite time.

Perhaps the good folks at Sunshine Bakeries heard my pledge.  When I logged in to Twitter this morning, Twitter recommended that I follow the Twitter account of … CHEEZ-ITS!  

WHAAAAAAAAT?

Cheez-Its has an official, verified Twitter account?   Who knew little snack crackers were so well-connected on Social Media?

I quickly clicked the "not interested" button on the recommendation to follow Cheez-Its on Twitter!

I seriously was having a "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!"  Wicked Witch moment.  (Although in my case, it would be "and your little cats too!")  I had sworn off buying more Cheez-Its and then Cheez-Its' Twitter account comes a-calling?  What the heck?  If I see a box of Cheez-Its go flying past by window on a broom, I am crawling under my bed and crying.

Are the Cheez-Its going to write "SURRENDER LILY!" in the sky?  (Or on Twitter?)  It seems like anything could happen in LilyLand!  

If you read my Friday blog post, you'll know that ghosts have been trying to deliver candy bars to me - and now Cheez-Its are trying to use social media to get to my stomach!  (It's not paranoia if the little snack crackers are really out to get you!)

In the war of weight loss, snack food plays by its own rules!  It would behoove me to say "Cheez-Its - take your "Z" and your hyphen and get out of here!  Quit stalking me on social media!  I will no longer be purchasing you!  (Even though you are crazy delicious.)"  

Yes, it would definitely behoove me to do so … but did I happen to mention that they are crazy delicious?         

Zeus, give me strength!