Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:
I find that the older I get (I'm 947 years old), the longer it takes for me to bounce back with time zone changes. I swear when we did the "Fall Back" daylight savings time change, I didn't truly acclimate to it until about two weeks before the "Spring Ahead" daylight savings time occurred. Although I suppose one could say that as you get older, everything takes longer to bounce back from. Perhaps …
However I am happy to report I am (finally) fully back on an Eastern time schedule after my long weekend in Los Angeles. As we approach April, Tampa is getting warmer and warmer. Soon I will switch from complaining about how it is gray and chilly to "it's toooo HOT!" Mark your calendars for that one!
The last two weeks have been magical - not in a David Copperfield way, but more of a Buddha/Dalai Lama way. I feel like the universe has been throwing out huge billboard messages to me. Everything lately seems to be one big lesson on life, humanity, etc.
I often hear the adage that you need to slow down to really hear what your body, the universe, people, etc. are telling you. I don't think I have necessarily slowed down, but the past two weeks I feel like the universe's messages have just been a lot louder. And in turn, I feel very contemplative about what I am hearing. I know this sounds crunchy, new age-y … but it's been an interesting experience.
I had three events that occurred in Los Angeles that have really had me thinking. I'll talk about two of them here and save the third for a post on its own. This past week my mantra has been "Thoughts have power!"
And this is why …
Last Sunday evening, I was sitting on the faux leather chair and a half in my rented studio sublet (from airbnb.com) in Hollywood. I mention this chair because it was gorgeous and comfortable … and I could never have one because my cats would shred it in 2.3 seconds. (Yeah, I am talking to YOU, Chibby!)
Side Note: As I loaded this picture of Chibby, the file was auto-titled Image 8888. "88" in Chinese culture means "Double happiness." So I am just going to assume "8888" means quadruple happiness, which is a pretty accurate description of how much happiness this crazy little cat brings me in spite of his propensity to shred everything in sight. "88" in America is a code for "Heil Hitler" - as H is the 8th letter in the alphabet. I'm going to choose the Chinese definition over the American definition, as Chibby is all about love and not hate.
Side Note 2: Speaking of hate … Fred Phelps from Westboro Baptist Church died recently. Many people were rejoicing his death since Westboro Baptist Church tends to protest funerals of both veterans and gay Americans. However I feel like rejoicing someone's death is just asking karmically for God to come over and kick you in the ass! So I recommend what a person on Twitter suggested - donate or volunteer your time to an LGBT or veterans support cause "in honor" (sarcastic eye roll) of Fred Phelps. You'll not only make a statement discrediting the (in my opinion) disgusting practices of the Westboro Baptist Church, but you'll also help your fellow man or woman. That's a win-win, in my book!
OK back to my story -- sitting on a "chair and a half" that I can never have, Sunday night in Los Angeles. As I sat there, a quick thought came into my head -- "I wonder when the next earthquake will be."
That's it - just one sentence and then I went back to reading an article in "Los Angeles Magazine."
That night I could not sleep at all. I tossed and I turned. Which was strange since the previous two nights I slept like a big, dead rock. Why couldn't I sleep tonight? I had attended the Paleyfest Lost TV show 10th anniversary reunion earlier in the evening, perhaps too much excitement from the event mixed with sadness about the missing Malaysia Flight 370 were swirling in my consciousness? Who's to say? All I know is that I probably did not fall asleep until 5 or 5:30 a.m. Thankfully I was on vacation, so I could sleep in.
But no … around 6:25 a.m. a 4.7 earthquake shook the room, the bed and the now finally sleeping person in that bed … WIDE AWAKE.
When I realized it was an earthquake, I thought about my passing thought the night before: "I wonder when the next earthquake will be." CRAP! Thoughts have power!
After two aftershocks and some tweeting and emailing my family that I was OK, I went back to sleep. I was that exhausted that even excitement over an earthquake was not going to keep me awake!
I slept for a few more hours and then dragged myself out of bed. My mission was to spend the day in one of my favorite areas of Los Angeles - Venice Beach and to do some serious window shopping in the Abbot-Kinney area of Venice.
The weather was BEYOND gorgeous - sunny, warm - the type of weather that makes you grateful to be alive and at the beach. I walked up and down the boardwalk area, taking in the motley masses of people - tourists, locals, salespeople, hucksters, pet owners and the insane. I was wearing a bright green shirt and a white skirt in honor of "St. Patrick's Day" - I don't usually dress for occasions, but while I was packing I happened to spot a green shirt - and well there you go. Overall, it was just a fantastic day.
At some point as I strolled along Abbot-Kinney, I looked down at my wrist and realized I forgot to put my bracelet on. I had purchased a silver hamsa bracelet at The Grove earlier in the week. If you are not familiar with the word "hamsa" (or khamsah if you're Arabic), it is a hand symbol with an eye in the center. It is supposed to ward off evil and protect and defend you from the "evil eye" - people who are jealous, hateful, just plain mean. If the hand is closed it also is supposed to mean blessings and good luck. If the hand is open, it is supposed to protect.
Side note: My spell-checker keeps changing "hamsa bracelet" to "hams bracelet." As if I am wearing a bracelet made of HAM or containing little pig, bacon and ham charms. Oh you silly spell checker, quit trying to promote food jewelry!
What I didn't know about the hamsa symbol is that it is also supposed to boost fertility and promote lactation. Hand on the Bible, I swear to you all that at no time wearing this hamsa bracelet have I started lactating! (But if I do, dear readers, you will be the FIRST to know!)
The bracelet is on a very delicate thin silver chain, so Sunday night before I went to sleep I had taken the hamsa bracelet off. Perhaps that is why the earthquake happened? It was ALL ME! CNN is going to run a report "Monday's Los Angeles Earthquake Caused By Lily Taking Off Jewelry - Residents prepare to kill in retaliation."
On Monday, due to sleep deprivation, earthquake shaken syndrome and just the fact that I always forget to put jewelry back on - I had left the studio apartment without the hamsa bracelet. So while I was walking around, I noticed that I didn't have it and I thought "Uh oh, I've lost my protection against evil - someone I know is going to reach out and shit on me today."
What's the title of this blog post? Oh yes … THOUGHTS HAVE POWER!
After thinking about an earthquake and then having one occur, you would think I would be a little more careful about what I think and throw out into the universe. But my brain works faster than I can censor it!
I had a wonderful day in Venice Beach and then I headed back to Hollywood. I had eaten my fill of corned beef and cabbage the week before St. Patrick's Day. My stomach wanted a different salted deli meat! I headed toward Canter's Deli on Fairfax. A bowl of matzo ball soup and a hot pastrami sandwich was much needed!
The sandwich was so good, I devoured it before I could take a picture of it! I did manage to take a picture of what could possibly be the world's largest matzo ball. And can I just take a moment to say that I forgot a lot of LA delis serve bagel chips as a "free side." Just another reason I love Los Angeles!
But before my soup arrived, I made the mistake of checking my email for the first time since the 6:25 a.m. earthquake.
Do you remember what I had thought earlier? "Uh oh, I've lost my protection against evil - someone I know is going to reach out and shit on me today." And do you remember the mantra and the title to this post? THOUGHTS HAVE POWER!
There in my email in-box was a nasty email from a person I have not talked to since July 2013. In fact I was on vacation the last time I talked to this person, so I am starting to wonder if they are purposely picking times when I am on vacation to rain on my parade? At the very least, it is an odd coincidence.
Side Note: A couple years ago, I received a nasty email from a different person. This email claimed that my Facebook posts on that day were slams against her. I checked my posts - I had posted one of those "Hang in there, you need to focus and be strong" inspirational memes because I was trying to get back into working out and eating healthy. I also had posted an article about a possible Brady Bunch reunion with my own sarcastic comment.
I wrote back to this nasty email writer and said something like "How is my posting about the Brady Bunch reunion a slam against YOU?"
What I wanted to say was: Not everything is about YOU, you no self-esteem psycho freak!
Since then, when ever anyone takes something that has absolutely nothing to do with them and tries to turn it into a slam against themselves, I think "Brady Bunch." Perhaps one day in the Urban Dictionary, "Brady Bunch" will refer to "a person who is extremely full of themselves and thinks everything and anything is a negative slam directed to them."
And by the way, wouldn't that be the worst existence ever? To think that everyone in the world is against you and that everything that happens is an insult to you personally? Oh, it's raining today because God hates me. Oh, Martha had two muffins at the staff meeting because she's trying to tell me that I am fat with a slow metabolism. Oh, this person is on vacation she's trying to tell me that my life is lame. Oh, this person just bought a second home - they must think I am poor and beneath them because I only have one home.
I could not imagine going through life thinking everything that any one did was a slam against me. I would have the self-esteem of the saddest slug in the universe.
So back to the nasty email at hand - the one that was keeping me from plowing into a newly arrived bowl of matzo ball soup. I have nothing against this person - she has always been very cordial to me - other than hounding me in July 2013 when I went off Facebook.
At the time I remembered thinking "This is the MOST you have ever texted me in the six or so years I have known you!" This person has never called me up just to talk. Never invited me out for coffee to get to know me better. In six or so years, we have only hung out together one on one, once and it was because she was picking something up from me. In her third message to me while on vacation in July 2013, she said I had to get back on Facebook because she lives vicariously through me. OK a little creepy, but I assumed it was a joke. But still - I am not here on this Earth to entertain others.
Her reasons why I should re-join Facebook were unconvincing. Plus frankly unnecessary, as I pointed out to her I have 2 phone numbers, 3 email accounts (1 personal, 1 blog, 1 work), a Twitter account (that I use way too much), this lovely blog … and I neglected to mention I also have Pinterest and Instagram - neither do I use much, but hey - social media!
There's also good old snail mail, Google + and texting. Oh and this person and I also live in the same city - so if all the virtual avenues don't appeal to you, you could always just spend time with me IN PERSON. You're not under house arrest for God's sake! You do have the ability to interact with the world!
So as you can see, my lack of Facebook profile should in no way be seen as a trip to hermitsville -- I am extremely (for better or worse) accessible. It only takes the slightest effort. Really.
Reminds me of the old adage, if you want a friend you must first be a friend. If you live in the same city as me and are reading my Facebook page and/or blog and having zero interaction with me-- that is not my definition of friendship! If you're expecting me to do all the communicating and event coordination, you're going to be extremely disappointed. I have a life too, people!
And in the same spirit - I just have to add that I have a friend who works full-time, is married, has a young child and another one on the way and runs two side businesses - and she STILL makes time to text, email and see me in person! If I were in her shoes with her workload, I wouldn't have time for ANYONE! And yet, she makes time to reach out to me, to keep me as a part of her life and her as a part of my life. And I am extremely grateful that someone who has so much on her plate, makes sure there is also time for me. It makes me feel valued, loved and again, very grateful.
So I am sitting at Canter's Deli and I am reading a nasty email from this person who I haven't talked with (and by "talked" I mean exchanged texts" since July 2013.) This person read my March 11 blog post where I talked about what I had been doing lately and that I had been letting toxic people go from my life. She read this and assumed it was all about HER and a character assault on HER.
Talk about a "Brady Bunch" moment!
Since she (incorrectly) believed a blog post (that had nothing to do with her) was an attack on her, she proceeded to send me a nasty email to call me out on it and attack me back.
Insults, allegations, anger, shaming -- this was one heck of an email!
I actually started laughing when I read her email. Um yes, I haven't "talked" (texted) to you in 8 months. I haven't seen you in person in over a year. I could count on two hands the number of times I have seen you in person in my life. And I could count on no hands how many times you have called me to do something one on one. But yet OBVIOUSLY a blog post written 8 months later in March 2014 must be ALL ABOUT YOU!
Honey, get over yourself! You are rocking a HUGE EGO!
Brady Bunch, Brady Bunch, Brady Bunch!
But I will admit the email also made me angry upon first reading. This is a person who I have invited to parties and celebrations. Even though she never reached out to me personally to get to know me, I would reach out to her and make sure she was included. And now she's bitching at me, insulting me and making shameful comments because she's mad that I haven't been posting my life on Facebook and so for 8 months she has no idea what I have been doing with my life? And obviously a blog post I write, 8 months later, must be all about her?
Seriously? Really?
Seriously? Really?
REALLY??
I couldn't fathom the motivation behind her oddly-timed attack. Hormones? Personal pain? Early on-set Alzheimers? What the heck?
When I got back from Canter's Deli, I immediately put on my Hamsa "evil eye protection" bracelet and haven't taken it off since. Each morning I expect to find it broken since the chain is so delicate, but so far it's still hanging in there.
I feel sorry for the author of the nasty email. She's obviously looking for attention and validation and is not ashamed to lash out at people to get it. Negative attention is still attention, after all. Well she got what she wanted - now I have written a blog post about her. But she lost any chance of friendship with me.
ARE YOU HAPPY, NOW?
I think it's important to note that if the nasty email author had at any point in the past 8 months, called, emailed or texted and said "Hey I feel like I haven't heard from you in ages - are you free to get a cup of coffee? When are you free? I'd like to see you!" I would have responded "sure." I'm pretty easy going and as stated before I'm pretty accessible. Sure my social calendar is pretty busy, but as long as you're not demanding to see me RIGHT NOW I can usually set aside a day for you, as my true friends know.
But nope, evidently for the nasty email author it is much better to stew silently for 8 months that I am not on Facebook and then send me a bitchy email accusing me of things I did not do.
PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!
But as I started this blog post, I had said that the last two weeks have been purely magical. The universe has been shouting life lessons in every action.
Since I put the hamsa bracelet back on, the universe has been showering me with love. It's like being kissed by a swarm of butterflies. People, out of the blue, have been contacting me and just telling me the most wonderful heart-warming things.
An amazing woman in North Carolina, who I don't get the pleasure of speaking with very often, commented to me that she is so proud and happy of my successes. A close friend just had a memorial for the passing of his mother but still called me to see how I was doing. I was floored! In the middle of his sorrow, his thoughts were to see how my vacation went and how was I doing. So selfless!
I recently crossed paths with a co-worker who I hadn't worked with in several years. She sent me an email saying "I don't think I have ever told you this, but I wanted you to know how much I value you. You always are so helpful and keep things calm in volatile client environments. I appreciate your strength and wisdom." I was floored to get such a nice note and I wrote her back to tell her how much her words meant to me.
Then I woke up this morning and the first email I read was from a close friend telling me how awesome I am and how glad she is that I am in her life. I can't think of a better start to my day!
And then there's the people who show me tremendous amounts of love and support on a consistent basis - my step-dad sent me the nicest email the other day. He is not a gushing type who says things just to say them, so when he writes an extremely kind note I really take it in and feel the love that is being given.
Then there's my friend in Virginia who no matter what is going on in her crazy, consultant on the road 5-6 days a week life, will always make time to talk to me if I need a supportive ear.
Or my close friends from college and grad school, close friends in my former homes of Minneapolis and Los Angeles and my travel buddies from around the world, who I certainly don't see or talk to as much as I would like, but when I do - the mutual love and support is abundant.
I definitely think that love, friendship and gratitude are circular. You give what you get. If the universe is giving you love, you are more apt to give love back. If you are giving love, you are more apt to receive love back. And as I said before if you want a friend, be a friend.
I was on a conference call with a co-worker who I have worked closely with for several years. He was leading a meeting with legal counsel that had a high probability of derailing our current project. The call was akin to tap-dancing in a mine field. You never knew which next step could blow up in your face.
Now my colleague is amazing - very strong, very good at what he does. I had no worry that he wouldn't do well. But at the end of the call, I was just in awe of just how well he did. He brushed away every legal team concern with a gentle hand and at the end of the call our legal counsel was praising us for our thorough work.
When we did the debrief after the call, just him and I - I said "I just have to tell you that you handled that call so well. Every concern legal had, you were able to respond to the worry and erase it." My co-worker was taken aback at the praise, became very humble and thanked me. I then sent a message to our management project lead to update him on the call & told him how our co-worker had hit it out of the park. Our project lead then contacted him and thanked him for doing so well on a meeting that could have totally derailed 2 years of work! My co-worker called me and thanked me as he guessed I was the "little birdie" who had told our project lead that he had done well.
It really takes so little effort to tell someone that they did a good job or that they mean something to you. And yet the reward is usually so great!
I sadly learned early on that I could draw anger, hatred, envy or jealousy just for living my life. Whether it is for being 1/2 Asian, Catholic, not a size 0, being an educated woman, confident, world-traveled, having a supportive family, not letting fear stop me from achieving what I want, not allowing myself to stay in situations that hurt me/disrespect me/endanger me … And I have a pretty kickass condo and sexy convertible! ;-) So many facets of who I am can stir up such negativity from others. But what's that one saying -- something about how when someone hates you, it's not about you it's more about them. Eh, I don't remember!
But I do remember this one: "The more you give to some people, the more they hate you for not giving more." Yikes, sad but true in some circumstances.
I'm not the bravest person, nor the happiest, (nor) saddest, strongest, most beautiful, most accomplished, smartest … I have definitely made mistakes in my life, as we all have. But I know that wallowing in hate or pain is never the answer. Life is short. If you don't like it, change it! Raise yourself up, don't try to bring others down. YOU are the master of your universe.
This past week has been golden - one person chooses to take their pain out on me because God forbid I am not on Facebook (seriously?? really??) but at least a dozen have reached out independently to share their love with me. If THAT isn't a message from the Universe, I don't know what is!
As Karen Salmansohn said: "You gotta look for the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain and what makes you grateful and not hateful."
On this gorgeous Saturday in Florida, I wish you all love and peace. I am reaching out for what makes me grateful, not hateful and I hope you are too!
I am grateful that you chose to spend part of your life reading this long post - and I hope it inspires you to seize your happiness, share your love and gratitude and have the best life ever. Because we all deserve happiness, love and peace. No matter who we are.
Thoughts have power. Make your thoughts positive, happy and grateful - and hopefully there will be a lot less earthquakes and nasty emails!
Thank you for reading!
I find that the older I get (I'm 947 years old), the longer it takes for me to bounce back with time zone changes. I swear when we did the "Fall Back" daylight savings time change, I didn't truly acclimate to it until about two weeks before the "Spring Ahead" daylight savings time occurred. Although I suppose one could say that as you get older, everything takes longer to bounce back from. Perhaps …
However I am happy to report I am (finally) fully back on an Eastern time schedule after my long weekend in Los Angeles. As we approach April, Tampa is getting warmer and warmer. Soon I will switch from complaining about how it is gray and chilly to "it's toooo HOT!" Mark your calendars for that one!
The last two weeks have been magical - not in a David Copperfield way, but more of a Buddha/Dalai Lama way. I feel like the universe has been throwing out huge billboard messages to me. Everything lately seems to be one big lesson on life, humanity, etc.
I often hear the adage that you need to slow down to really hear what your body, the universe, people, etc. are telling you. I don't think I have necessarily slowed down, but the past two weeks I feel like the universe's messages have just been a lot louder. And in turn, I feel very contemplative about what I am hearing. I know this sounds crunchy, new age-y … but it's been an interesting experience.
I had three events that occurred in Los Angeles that have really had me thinking. I'll talk about two of them here and save the third for a post on its own. This past week my mantra has been "Thoughts have power!"
And this is why …
Last Sunday evening, I was sitting on the faux leather chair and a half in my rented studio sublet (from airbnb.com) in Hollywood. I mention this chair because it was gorgeous and comfortable … and I could never have one because my cats would shred it in 2.3 seconds. (Yeah, I am talking to YOU, Chibby!)
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| Hi! I'm Chibby - I can and will shred anything! |
Side Note: As I loaded this picture of Chibby, the file was auto-titled Image 8888. "88" in Chinese culture means "Double happiness." So I am just going to assume "8888" means quadruple happiness, which is a pretty accurate description of how much happiness this crazy little cat brings me in spite of his propensity to shred everything in sight. "88" in America is a code for "Heil Hitler" - as H is the 8th letter in the alphabet. I'm going to choose the Chinese definition over the American definition, as Chibby is all about love and not hate.
Side Note 2: Speaking of hate … Fred Phelps from Westboro Baptist Church died recently. Many people were rejoicing his death since Westboro Baptist Church tends to protest funerals of both veterans and gay Americans. However I feel like rejoicing someone's death is just asking karmically for God to come over and kick you in the ass! So I recommend what a person on Twitter suggested - donate or volunteer your time to an LGBT or veterans support cause "in honor" (sarcastic eye roll) of Fred Phelps. You'll not only make a statement discrediting the (in my opinion) disgusting practices of the Westboro Baptist Church, but you'll also help your fellow man or woman. That's a win-win, in my book!
OK back to my story -- sitting on a "chair and a half" that I can never have, Sunday night in Los Angeles. As I sat there, a quick thought came into my head -- "I wonder when the next earthquake will be."
That's it - just one sentence and then I went back to reading an article in "Los Angeles Magazine."
That night I could not sleep at all. I tossed and I turned. Which was strange since the previous two nights I slept like a big, dead rock. Why couldn't I sleep tonight? I had attended the Paleyfest Lost TV show 10th anniversary reunion earlier in the evening, perhaps too much excitement from the event mixed with sadness about the missing Malaysia Flight 370 were swirling in my consciousness? Who's to say? All I know is that I probably did not fall asleep until 5 or 5:30 a.m. Thankfully I was on vacation, so I could sleep in.
But no … around 6:25 a.m. a 4.7 earthquake shook the room, the bed and the now finally sleeping person in that bed … WIDE AWAKE.
When I realized it was an earthquake, I thought about my passing thought the night before: "I wonder when the next earthquake will be." CRAP! Thoughts have power!
After two aftershocks and some tweeting and emailing my family that I was OK, I went back to sleep. I was that exhausted that even excitement over an earthquake was not going to keep me awake!
I slept for a few more hours and then dragged myself out of bed. My mission was to spend the day in one of my favorite areas of Los Angeles - Venice Beach and to do some serious window shopping in the Abbot-Kinney area of Venice.
The weather was BEYOND gorgeous - sunny, warm - the type of weather that makes you grateful to be alive and at the beach. I walked up and down the boardwalk area, taking in the motley masses of people - tourists, locals, salespeople, hucksters, pet owners and the insane. I was wearing a bright green shirt and a white skirt in honor of "St. Patrick's Day" - I don't usually dress for occasions, but while I was packing I happened to spot a green shirt - and well there you go. Overall, it was just a fantastic day.
At some point as I strolled along Abbot-Kinney, I looked down at my wrist and realized I forgot to put my bracelet on. I had purchased a silver hamsa bracelet at The Grove earlier in the week. If you are not familiar with the word "hamsa" (or khamsah if you're Arabic), it is a hand symbol with an eye in the center. It is supposed to ward off evil and protect and defend you from the "evil eye" - people who are jealous, hateful, just plain mean. If the hand is closed it also is supposed to mean blessings and good luck. If the hand is open, it is supposed to protect.
Side note: My spell-checker keeps changing "hamsa bracelet" to "hams bracelet." As if I am wearing a bracelet made of HAM or containing little pig, bacon and ham charms. Oh you silly spell checker, quit trying to promote food jewelry!
What I didn't know about the hamsa symbol is that it is also supposed to boost fertility and promote lactation. Hand on the Bible, I swear to you all that at no time wearing this hamsa bracelet have I started lactating! (But if I do, dear readers, you will be the FIRST to know!)
The bracelet is on a very delicate thin silver chain, so Sunday night before I went to sleep I had taken the hamsa bracelet off. Perhaps that is why the earthquake happened? It was ALL ME! CNN is going to run a report "Monday's Los Angeles Earthquake Caused By Lily Taking Off Jewelry - Residents prepare to kill in retaliation."
On Monday, due to sleep deprivation, earthquake shaken syndrome and just the fact that I always forget to put jewelry back on - I had left the studio apartment without the hamsa bracelet. So while I was walking around, I noticed that I didn't have it and I thought "Uh oh, I've lost my protection against evil - someone I know is going to reach out and shit on me today."
What's the title of this blog post? Oh yes … THOUGHTS HAVE POWER!
After thinking about an earthquake and then having one occur, you would think I would be a little more careful about what I think and throw out into the universe. But my brain works faster than I can censor it!
I had a wonderful day in Venice Beach and then I headed back to Hollywood. I had eaten my fill of corned beef and cabbage the week before St. Patrick's Day. My stomach wanted a different salted deli meat! I headed toward Canter's Deli on Fairfax. A bowl of matzo ball soup and a hot pastrami sandwich was much needed!
The sandwich was so good, I devoured it before I could take a picture of it! I did manage to take a picture of what could possibly be the world's largest matzo ball. And can I just take a moment to say that I forgot a lot of LA delis serve bagel chips as a "free side." Just another reason I love Los Angeles!
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| So big, I could only eat half - but sooo delicious! |
But before my soup arrived, I made the mistake of checking my email for the first time since the 6:25 a.m. earthquake.
Do you remember what I had thought earlier? "Uh oh, I've lost my protection against evil - someone I know is going to reach out and shit on me today." And do you remember the mantra and the title to this post? THOUGHTS HAVE POWER!
There in my email in-box was a nasty email from a person I have not talked to since July 2013. In fact I was on vacation the last time I talked to this person, so I am starting to wonder if they are purposely picking times when I am on vacation to rain on my parade? At the very least, it is an odd coincidence.
Side Note: A couple years ago, I received a nasty email from a different person. This email claimed that my Facebook posts on that day were slams against her. I checked my posts - I had posted one of those "Hang in there, you need to focus and be strong" inspirational memes because I was trying to get back into working out and eating healthy. I also had posted an article about a possible Brady Bunch reunion with my own sarcastic comment.
I wrote back to this nasty email writer and said something like "How is my posting about the Brady Bunch reunion a slam against YOU?"
What I wanted to say was: Not everything is about YOU, you no self-esteem psycho freak!
Since then, when ever anyone takes something that has absolutely nothing to do with them and tries to turn it into a slam against themselves, I think "Brady Bunch." Perhaps one day in the Urban Dictionary, "Brady Bunch" will refer to "a person who is extremely full of themselves and thinks everything and anything is a negative slam directed to them."
And by the way, wouldn't that be the worst existence ever? To think that everyone in the world is against you and that everything that happens is an insult to you personally? Oh, it's raining today because God hates me. Oh, Martha had two muffins at the staff meeting because she's trying to tell me that I am fat with a slow metabolism. Oh, this person is on vacation she's trying to tell me that my life is lame. Oh, this person just bought a second home - they must think I am poor and beneath them because I only have one home.
I could not imagine going through life thinking everything that any one did was a slam against me. I would have the self-esteem of the saddest slug in the universe.
So back to the nasty email at hand - the one that was keeping me from plowing into a newly arrived bowl of matzo ball soup. I have nothing against this person - she has always been very cordial to me - other than hounding me in July 2013 when I went off Facebook.
At the time I remembered thinking "This is the MOST you have ever texted me in the six or so years I have known you!" This person has never called me up just to talk. Never invited me out for coffee to get to know me better. In six or so years, we have only hung out together one on one, once and it was because she was picking something up from me. In her third message to me while on vacation in July 2013, she said I had to get back on Facebook because she lives vicariously through me. OK a little creepy, but I assumed it was a joke. But still - I am not here on this Earth to entertain others.
Her reasons why I should re-join Facebook were unconvincing. Plus frankly unnecessary, as I pointed out to her I have 2 phone numbers, 3 email accounts (1 personal, 1 blog, 1 work), a Twitter account (that I use way too much), this lovely blog … and I neglected to mention I also have Pinterest and Instagram - neither do I use much, but hey - social media!
There's also good old snail mail, Google + and texting. Oh and this person and I also live in the same city - so if all the virtual avenues don't appeal to you, you could always just spend time with me IN PERSON. You're not under house arrest for God's sake! You do have the ability to interact with the world!
So as you can see, my lack of Facebook profile should in no way be seen as a trip to hermitsville -- I am extremely (for better or worse) accessible. It only takes the slightest effort. Really.
Reminds me of the old adage, if you want a friend you must first be a friend. If you live in the same city as me and are reading my Facebook page and/or blog and having zero interaction with me-- that is not my definition of friendship! If you're expecting me to do all the communicating and event coordination, you're going to be extremely disappointed. I have a life too, people!
And in the same spirit - I just have to add that I have a friend who works full-time, is married, has a young child and another one on the way and runs two side businesses - and she STILL makes time to text, email and see me in person! If I were in her shoes with her workload, I wouldn't have time for ANYONE! And yet, she makes time to reach out to me, to keep me as a part of her life and her as a part of my life. And I am extremely grateful that someone who has so much on her plate, makes sure there is also time for me. It makes me feel valued, loved and again, very grateful.
So I am sitting at Canter's Deli and I am reading a nasty email from this person who I haven't talked with (and by "talked" I mean exchanged texts" since July 2013.) This person read my March 11 blog post where I talked about what I had been doing lately and that I had been letting toxic people go from my life. She read this and assumed it was all about HER and a character assault on HER.
Talk about a "Brady Bunch" moment!
Since she (incorrectly) believed a blog post (that had nothing to do with her) was an attack on her, she proceeded to send me a nasty email to call me out on it and attack me back.
Insults, allegations, anger, shaming -- this was one heck of an email!
I actually started laughing when I read her email. Um yes, I haven't "talked" (texted) to you in 8 months. I haven't seen you in person in over a year. I could count on two hands the number of times I have seen you in person in my life. And I could count on no hands how many times you have called me to do something one on one. But yet OBVIOUSLY a blog post written 8 months later in March 2014 must be ALL ABOUT YOU!
Honey, get over yourself! You are rocking a HUGE EGO!
Brady Bunch, Brady Bunch, Brady Bunch!
But I will admit the email also made me angry upon first reading. This is a person who I have invited to parties and celebrations. Even though she never reached out to me personally to get to know me, I would reach out to her and make sure she was included. And now she's bitching at me, insulting me and making shameful comments because she's mad that I haven't been posting my life on Facebook and so for 8 months she has no idea what I have been doing with my life? And obviously a blog post I write, 8 months later, must be all about her?
Seriously? Really?
Seriously? Really?
REALLY??
I couldn't fathom the motivation behind her oddly-timed attack. Hormones? Personal pain? Early on-set Alzheimers? What the heck?
When I got back from Canter's Deli, I immediately put on my Hamsa "evil eye protection" bracelet and haven't taken it off since. Each morning I expect to find it broken since the chain is so delicate, but so far it's still hanging in there.
I feel sorry for the author of the nasty email. She's obviously looking for attention and validation and is not ashamed to lash out at people to get it. Negative attention is still attention, after all. Well she got what she wanted - now I have written a blog post about her. But she lost any chance of friendship with me.
ARE YOU HAPPY, NOW?
I think it's important to note that if the nasty email author had at any point in the past 8 months, called, emailed or texted and said "Hey I feel like I haven't heard from you in ages - are you free to get a cup of coffee? When are you free? I'd like to see you!" I would have responded "sure." I'm pretty easy going and as stated before I'm pretty accessible. Sure my social calendar is pretty busy, but as long as you're not demanding to see me RIGHT NOW I can usually set aside a day for you, as my true friends know.
But nope, evidently for the nasty email author it is much better to stew silently for 8 months that I am not on Facebook and then send me a bitchy email accusing me of things I did not do.
PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!
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| I think this says it ALL. |
But as I started this blog post, I had said that the last two weeks have been purely magical. The universe has been shouting life lessons in every action.
Since I put the hamsa bracelet back on, the universe has been showering me with love. It's like being kissed by a swarm of butterflies. People, out of the blue, have been contacting me and just telling me the most wonderful heart-warming things.
An amazing woman in North Carolina, who I don't get the pleasure of speaking with very often, commented to me that she is so proud and happy of my successes. A close friend just had a memorial for the passing of his mother but still called me to see how I was doing. I was floored! In the middle of his sorrow, his thoughts were to see how my vacation went and how was I doing. So selfless!
I recently crossed paths with a co-worker who I hadn't worked with in several years. She sent me an email saying "I don't think I have ever told you this, but I wanted you to know how much I value you. You always are so helpful and keep things calm in volatile client environments. I appreciate your strength and wisdom." I was floored to get such a nice note and I wrote her back to tell her how much her words meant to me.
Then I woke up this morning and the first email I read was from a close friend telling me how awesome I am and how glad she is that I am in her life. I can't think of a better start to my day!
And then there's the people who show me tremendous amounts of love and support on a consistent basis - my step-dad sent me the nicest email the other day. He is not a gushing type who says things just to say them, so when he writes an extremely kind note I really take it in and feel the love that is being given.
Then there's my friend in Virginia who no matter what is going on in her crazy, consultant on the road 5-6 days a week life, will always make time to talk to me if I need a supportive ear.
Or my close friends from college and grad school, close friends in my former homes of Minneapolis and Los Angeles and my travel buddies from around the world, who I certainly don't see or talk to as much as I would like, but when I do - the mutual love and support is abundant.
I definitely think that love, friendship and gratitude are circular. You give what you get. If the universe is giving you love, you are more apt to give love back. If you are giving love, you are more apt to receive love back. And as I said before if you want a friend, be a friend.
I was on a conference call with a co-worker who I have worked closely with for several years. He was leading a meeting with legal counsel that had a high probability of derailing our current project. The call was akin to tap-dancing in a mine field. You never knew which next step could blow up in your face.
Now my colleague is amazing - very strong, very good at what he does. I had no worry that he wouldn't do well. But at the end of the call, I was just in awe of just how well he did. He brushed away every legal team concern with a gentle hand and at the end of the call our legal counsel was praising us for our thorough work.
When we did the debrief after the call, just him and I - I said "I just have to tell you that you handled that call so well. Every concern legal had, you were able to respond to the worry and erase it." My co-worker was taken aback at the praise, became very humble and thanked me. I then sent a message to our management project lead to update him on the call & told him how our co-worker had hit it out of the park. Our project lead then contacted him and thanked him for doing so well on a meeting that could have totally derailed 2 years of work! My co-worker called me and thanked me as he guessed I was the "little birdie" who had told our project lead that he had done well.
It really takes so little effort to tell someone that they did a good job or that they mean something to you. And yet the reward is usually so great!
I sadly learned early on that I could draw anger, hatred, envy or jealousy just for living my life. Whether it is for being 1/2 Asian, Catholic, not a size 0, being an educated woman, confident, world-traveled, having a supportive family, not letting fear stop me from achieving what I want, not allowing myself to stay in situations that hurt me/disrespect me/endanger me … And I have a pretty kickass condo and sexy convertible! ;-) So many facets of who I am can stir up such negativity from others. But what's that one saying -- something about how when someone hates you, it's not about you it's more about them. Eh, I don't remember!
But I do remember this one: "The more you give to some people, the more they hate you for not giving more." Yikes, sad but true in some circumstances.
I'm not the bravest person, nor the happiest, (nor) saddest, strongest, most beautiful, most accomplished, smartest … I have definitely made mistakes in my life, as we all have. But I know that wallowing in hate or pain is never the answer. Life is short. If you don't like it, change it! Raise yourself up, don't try to bring others down. YOU are the master of your universe.
This past week has been golden - one person chooses to take their pain out on me because God forbid I am not on Facebook (seriously?? really??) but at least a dozen have reached out independently to share their love with me. If THAT isn't a message from the Universe, I don't know what is!
As Karen Salmansohn said: "You gotta look for the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain and what makes you grateful and not hateful."
On this gorgeous Saturday in Florida, I wish you all love and peace. I am reaching out for what makes me grateful, not hateful and I hope you are too!
I am grateful that you chose to spend part of your life reading this long post - and I hope it inspires you to seize your happiness, share your love and gratitude and have the best life ever. Because we all deserve happiness, love and peace. No matter who we are.
Thoughts have power. Make your thoughts positive, happy and grateful - and hopefully there will be a lot less earthquakes and nasty emails!
Thank you for reading!
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