As a general rule, I prefer to frequent non-chain restaurants when dining out. That's not to say that I don't enjoy some chain restaurants ... Roy's, Ocean Prime, Capital Grille, Aquaknox, J. Alexanders ... and that's just off the top of my head! Plus they don't have to be high end chains, no one can beat a good omelet and hash browns from Village Inn (and the PIE!)
But as a general rule, I like non-corporate restaurants. Last week, I think I was feeling particularly self-destructive. I was under the weather, having some annoying spat with an even more annoying person (you know who you are, Snippy McAlcoholic!) and I just was not having a good day. I decided I needed to go out for lunch and just get a mental break from the swirling chaos. For some crazy unknown reason (although I suspect it was just part of my self-destructive downward spiral), I went to Ruby Tuesday's. I think it's been at least three years since I have been to Ruby Tuesday's. They have a great salad bar. I like their burgers. And they usually have cheeky bartenders. These are all good things. However, as you may have caught on - I was on a self-destructive streak, so I decided to do something particularly heinous.
I firmly believe that if you follow some golden rules in life, you will not go wrong. Some of these golden rules include: "Don't eat take-out sushi from a gas station." "If you don't like bathroom humor, don't watch a marathon of `South Park.'" ("No Kitty, this is my pot pie!") "If a guy only wants to meet you at 1 a.m., he's most likely not looking for a healthy monogamous relationship." Simple pearls of wisdom here, people. I have another golden rule that I evidently had forgotten on this particular day. "Don't eat outside a restaurant's known sphere of cuisine." If you're at a German restaurant, don't order the Jamaican beef patties. Stay with the restaurant's core menu. It's a really easy rule, so I don't know how the heck I could have forgotten it.
When the Ruby Tuesday's server came up to me, I said words that I would soon ridiculously regret ...
"I'll have the lobster mac and cheese."
SERIOUSLY?
Lobster mac and cheese at Ruby Tuesday's?
Obviously someone needed to check me for head trauma or a stroke. What the frick was I thinking? I paid $12 for this ...
I think this is a quite clear and obvious cry for help. Why would I forego the tasty burgers, the nice salad bar, the array of deep-fried goodness that is the Ruby Tuesday's menu? Why? Why? Why? Why did I think that lobster mac and cheese at Ruby Tuesday's would be a gourmet delight? WHY????
As you might have guessed - I was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG to order the lobster mac and cheese. Oh, it was beyond nasty. Another classic golden rule is that if a fish smells fishy, then it's not fresh. The lobster mac and cheese let off this "week old fishboat stank" that caused my nose hair to disintegrate. Stanky, briny, putrid rotten smell. And yet, even after taking a deep noseful of this crappy mess; I then needed to take a bite of it. What's the word of the day, class? Oh yes, self-destruction.
It was not good.
Spoiled, briny rubber in over-cooked, bland noodles. It tasted like grade school cafeteria mac and cheese with little bits of salty poison in it. This was self-flagellation on a whole new level. Two bites and I was done and feeling queasy. It was disgusting. The server asked me if I wanted a box and I recoiled in horror.
I paid $12 plus tax and tip. I was afraid my gastro-intestinal system would pay a much larger price.
Fortunately for me, Ruby Tuesday's lobster mac and cheese did not leave me with any long-term effects other than the bad memories. Take some words of advice from me, skip the lobster mac and cheese and get a burger with onion rings if you're at Ruby Tuesday's. Your stomach will thank you!
The silver lining in this stormy gray culinary cloud is that I think the lobster mac and cheese put an end to my self-destructive streak. I think my brain and body said "OK, I get it - you hate yourself right now -- but do you hate yourself this much? Get over it girl!"
Give yourself a hug instead of subjecting yourself to bad food. You won't regret it!
But as a general rule, I like non-corporate restaurants. Last week, I think I was feeling particularly self-destructive. I was under the weather, having some annoying spat with an even more annoying person (you know who you are, Snippy McAlcoholic!) and I just was not having a good day. I decided I needed to go out for lunch and just get a mental break from the swirling chaos. For some crazy unknown reason (although I suspect it was just part of my self-destructive downward spiral), I went to Ruby Tuesday's. I think it's been at least three years since I have been to Ruby Tuesday's. They have a great salad bar. I like their burgers. And they usually have cheeky bartenders. These are all good things. However, as you may have caught on - I was on a self-destructive streak, so I decided to do something particularly heinous.
I firmly believe that if you follow some golden rules in life, you will not go wrong. Some of these golden rules include: "Don't eat take-out sushi from a gas station." "If you don't like bathroom humor, don't watch a marathon of `South Park.'" ("No Kitty, this is my pot pie!") "If a guy only wants to meet you at 1 a.m., he's most likely not looking for a healthy monogamous relationship." Simple pearls of wisdom here, people. I have another golden rule that I evidently had forgotten on this particular day. "Don't eat outside a restaurant's known sphere of cuisine." If you're at a German restaurant, don't order the Jamaican beef patties. Stay with the restaurant's core menu. It's a really easy rule, so I don't know how the heck I could have forgotten it.
When the Ruby Tuesday's server came up to me, I said words that I would soon ridiculously regret ...
"I'll have the lobster mac and cheese."
SERIOUSLY?
Lobster mac and cheese at Ruby Tuesday's?
Obviously someone needed to check me for head trauma or a stroke. What the frick was I thinking? I paid $12 for this ...
I think this is a quite clear and obvious cry for help. Why would I forego the tasty burgers, the nice salad bar, the array of deep-fried goodness that is the Ruby Tuesday's menu? Why? Why? Why? Why did I think that lobster mac and cheese at Ruby Tuesday's would be a gourmet delight? WHY????
As you might have guessed - I was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG to order the lobster mac and cheese. Oh, it was beyond nasty. Another classic golden rule is that if a fish smells fishy, then it's not fresh. The lobster mac and cheese let off this "week old fishboat stank" that caused my nose hair to disintegrate. Stanky, briny, putrid rotten smell. And yet, even after taking a deep noseful of this crappy mess; I then needed to take a bite of it. What's the word of the day, class? Oh yes, self-destruction.
It was not good.
Spoiled, briny rubber in over-cooked, bland noodles. It tasted like grade school cafeteria mac and cheese with little bits of salty poison in it. This was self-flagellation on a whole new level. Two bites and I was done and feeling queasy. It was disgusting. The server asked me if I wanted a box and I recoiled in horror.
I paid $12 plus tax and tip. I was afraid my gastro-intestinal system would pay a much larger price.
Fortunately for me, Ruby Tuesday's lobster mac and cheese did not leave me with any long-term effects other than the bad memories. Take some words of advice from me, skip the lobster mac and cheese and get a burger with onion rings if you're at Ruby Tuesday's. Your stomach will thank you!
The silver lining in this stormy gray culinary cloud is that I think the lobster mac and cheese put an end to my self-destructive streak. I think my brain and body said "OK, I get it - you hate yourself right now -- but do you hate yourself this much? Get over it girl!"
Give yourself a hug instead of subjecting yourself to bad food. You won't regret it!
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