Invasion Canada 2012: My Plan To Increase Canadian Readership is Succeeding!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.com Readers!


If you're a frequent reader of Lily On The Lam, you may recall my blog post: "Canada, You're On Notice!"   In this blog post, I mentioned that as part of Blogger.com, I receive statistics on my LilyOnTheLam.com readership.  One of the stat reports are readers by country.  


In "Canada, You're On Notice," I complained that I was shocked that my neighbor to the North was only 7th in top country readership of Lily On The Lam (1- US, 2- UK, 3- Germany, 4 - Ukraine, 5 - Russia, 6 - China, 7 - Canada.)  I informed Canada that sometime this summer I would be popping up in an undisclosed location to make sure the cold-hearted Canucks start loving some Lily On The Lam.  I will be invading Canada!!  I warned Canada that they needed to increase their readership ASAP or suffer my LilyOnTheLam.com wrath!  


Since my June 2nd announcement, China has taken the #5 top readers by country spot from Russia and the Netherlands are coming very close to taking the #7 spot from Canada.  I have been to the Netherlands four times, so it is no wonder their great people are reading Lily On The Lam.  I am practically a Netherlands icon.  Tulips, windmills, wooden shoes, Anne Frank and ... Lily On The Lam!  Amsterdam is the Venice of the North and one of my favorite cities.  Love you, Netherlands!  


But Canada - tsk tsk, you are my neighbor - shouldn't you be #2 in overall top readership of LilyOnTheLam.com next to America?  (And don't even get me started on you, MEXICO!)  Canada, you are about to lose your 7th place ranking to the Netherlands!  Was my cautionary blog post not enough for you?  I am very disappointed!


A ray of Canadian hope arrived this week via my Twitter feed (@SouthTampaLily).  The guitar player (a Godin Archtop guitar, to be exact) for the Toronto, Canada three piece band Ginger Grey, Philip Porado, tweeted me - and I quote - "Your blog is a riot!"  A riot.  Yes, yes indeed ... LilyOnTheLam.com is a riot.  No truer words have ever been Tweeted.


Hmmm ... so I tell Canada it better step up its readership and then a talented Canadian guitar player joins the ranks of my readership.  Coincidence?  I THINK NOT!  Obviously Canada has started listening ... 


This is a good start Canada, but the Netherlands is hot on your trail.  I expect you to be in the top FOUR countries by readership by the end of 2012.  That is your challenge!  And in exchange, I will post a minimum of six Canadian blog posts based on my upcoming spy mission/invasion/vacation to an undisclosed city in Canada at an unannounced time this summer.  (Stalkers are everywhere, so I cannot give out too many details!)  YOU ARE ON NOTICE ONCE AGAIN, CANADA!


Canada, thank you for offering up one of your talented musicians to read my blog - but I am greedy.  I want ALL of your citizens reading LilyOnTheLam.com.  I also want your inexpensive prescription drugs, your universal healthcare system, your native son Ryan Reynolds and I want to know why I should like poutine.  But first, I'll start with having all Canadian citizens reading LilyOnTheLam.com and then Ryan Reynolds ... just wanted to make sure you knew my priorities, Canada. 


While you are mulling over my proposition (a.k.a. DEMANDS), Canada - you can download Ginger Grey's song "Slip Away" and "Now It's Time" for FREE by clicking the song title links.  Singer Martha Porado's voice reminds me of a jazzier, kickier version of Maude Maggart (who may be better known for her more famous sister, Fiona Apple.)


Side Note:  I am crazy excited that after 7 years, Fiona Apple has a new album and a tour.  I already have my ticket!


Canada, don't settle for your current ranking of 7th place in readership by country.  The Ukraine is beating you, Canada!  And you're about to get pushed to 8th place by the Netherlands!  The Netherlands!  You have Maple Syrup and Hot Hockey Players - don't let the Netherlands beat you!  


It is time to summon your national pride and read some LilyOnTheLam.com blog posts.  Be a Canuck patriot!


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The Lily On The Lam Non-alcoholic Beverage of Summer 2012

Hello LilyOnTheLam.com Readers:


I have been a True Lime fan for a couple years.  What's True Lime, you ask?  It is a packet of zero calorie, cold pressed and crystallized lime.  It is equivalent to one wedge of fresh lime.  I use it in cooking and in beverages.  But I recently discovered that True Citrus had branched out further from their True Lemon, True Lime and True Orange products and had added True Grapefruit!  I don't know when they released True Grapefruit but they should have sent me a personal email because I LOVE grapefruit.

True Grapefruit, where have you been all my life?

My new personal "Lily On The Lam Non-alcoholic Beverage of Summer 2012" is a large glass of water mixed with two packets of True Grapefruit and one packet of Stevia in the Raw with lots of ice.  It is light, zero calorie, citrus-y and refreshing.  It definitely helps keep me hydrated!

My sister just graduated from Carleton College - Go Knights!

I was also excited to see that you can purchase True Lemon or True Lime in shaker bottles.  I prefer this because it cuts down on waste when I am using True Lime at home.  I can just measure out True Lime from a shaker bottle versus opening a packet.  I like to save the packets to keep in my purse to jazz up water or iced tea when I am at restaurants.

I like True Lemon and True Lime so much that I ordered it in bulk from the True Lemon website.  My friends are very happy that I have the 500 packet boxes because they've been having fun trying out some of my packets.  After I tried True Grapefruit, I immediately went to the True Lemon website and ordered a 500 packet bulk box of True Grapefruit packets as well!

This is an unsolicited and uncompensated product review, but if the good people at True Lemon want to send me any free True Grapefruit packets - I WILL GLADLY TAKE THEM!  My blog ethics bend when it comes to True Grapefruit packet freebies!  


Thank you True Grapefruit for being part of my official summer drink!

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New Product Wednesdays: Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:


The last time I reviewed Trader Joe's products ("This Week's Trader Joe's Winners and Losers - Appetizers Edition"), I didn't have any clear winners.  I love Trader Joe's, so it makes me sad when I don't have a product to shout from the rooftops about - so sad!  Mrs. KRG and I headed down to Naples, Florida to the only Trader Joe's currently in Florida on a mission to find a product that we could be extremely excited about ... and our mission was a SUCCESS!  (Side Note:  Sarasota news is reporting that the 2nd Trader Joe's store in Florida - in Sarasota - will open September 7, 2012.  Hooray!)


In the Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer, there was an ad for Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese.  Now sometimes unexpected can be a good thing (winning the lottery!) and sometimes it can be a bad thing (your in-laws are moving in for six months!)  However "unexpected" in a cheese context ... is that a good thing or a bad thing?


Trader Joe's calls its cheddar cheese "Unexpected" because at first it tastes like aged cheddar but then it also reportedly tastes like parmesan.  Hmmm, as someone who grew up in Minnesota, had a sophomore college roommate who grew up on a dairy farm and went to school at University of Wisconsin-Madison (Go Badgers!), I am spiritually obligated to have an allegiance to dairy products. Needless to say, I had to try this cheese - expected or unexpected.


While Trader Joe's bills their cheese as cheddar with hints of parmesan, I would actually say that the Unexpected Cheddar Cheese at first tastes like a smooth aged white cheddar and then ends on your taste buds like a cross between an aged parmesan mixed with a five year aged gouda.  It is both sharp and smooth ... and wow it tastes great paired with everything - a quality cracker, fruit or just on its own.  Unexpectedly awesome.  

If you're a quality cheese lover, you need to check out this week's New Product Wednesday item:  Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese.


I was watching Oprah Winfrey's interview with Mr. Curtis Jackson (a.k.a. 50 Cent) on her show "Oprah's Next Chapter" on OWN - the Oprah Winfrey Network.  Curtis Jackson's Grandmother said some of his favorites are cheese and crackers and cranberry juice.  I would love to sit down with Curtis Jackson and discuss his marketing strategies and business acumen - talk about the best MBA style education outside of a classroom!  Real success not hypothetical macro and micro economics here!  So 50 Cent, Mr. Curtis Jackson, I will happily provide the cheese and crackers if you ever want to take me up on my invitation to talk about business and philanthropy (Street King mission to feed one billion children.)  And I'll let you bring the Glaceau Vitamin Water.  ;-)  


If you do try Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese, I welcome your review of it in the comments section below.  This blog post is an uncompensated, unsolicited review of this product.  I receive no money or products in exchange for this blog post from Trader Joe's, but hey if Trader Joe's wants to send me some free Unexpected Cheddar Cheese I would not say "no"- guess my blog ethics get blurry when it comes to dairy products!


Google Affiliate Ad:
The following is an ad, but it is for one of my favorite cheeses- Kerrygold Dubliner.  I just bought two small bricks to use in a savory bubble bread (a.k.a. Monkey Bread) recipe.  I'd also recommend trying this cheese as well and this price for a larger brick is very economical.  Check it out!  

Thank you, Nora Ephron!

I was very sad to hear that Nora Ephron passed away at the age of 71, Tuesday night in Manhattan.

I feel like the chronology of my adulthood went from John Hughes movies to Nora Ephron movies.  "When Harry Met Sally" still rains universal truth upon me every time I watch it.  There are no words to encapsulate the loss of Ms. Ephron, so instead of my words I will give her own words ... some of my favorite Nora Ephron quotes ...

Nora Ephron, you will absolutely be missed.

Nora Ephron in her own words:

The Nora Ephron quote that could best describe my approach to all of the tragedies in my life ...

"My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next."    

The Nora Ephron quote that best describes my feelings about love and relationships ...

"The desire to get married, which - I regret to say, I believe is basic and primal in women - is followed almost immediately by an equally basic and primal urge - which is to be single again."

The Nora Ephron "When Harry Met Sally" quote that still makes me swoon ...

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

The Nora Ephron quote that describes my foodie philosophy:

“I don't think any day is worth living without thinking about what you're going to eat next at all times.” 

The following Nora Ephron quote definitely rings true to how I am feeling at this point in my life:

“Here are some questions I am constantly noodling over: Do you splurge or do you hoard? Do you live every day as if it's your last, or do you save your money on the chance you'll live twenty more years? Is life too short, or is it going to be too long? Do you work as hard as you can, or do you slow down to smell the roses? And where do carbohydrates fit into all this? Are we really all going to spend our last years avoiding bread, especially now that bread in American is so unbelievable delicious? And what about chocolate?” 

And above all, my absolute most favorite Nora Ephron quote of all time:

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” 

Thank You, Tropical Storm Debby!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.com Readers:


I am happy to report that at the time I am writing this that the sun is shining in Tampa Bay, Florida.  After many days of heavy rain, I am savoring this short moment of sun as the Weather Reports say we will have more rain for at least the past two days.  I am grateful that the Tropical Storm has not drastically effected my friends or myself - other than keeping me inside and off the roads and overwater highways.  But many of my fellow Floridians have not been as lucky - flooding, sinkholes, high wind and tornado property damage.  Florida has declared a state of emergency.  We are grateful to have shelters available for residents who have had to leave their homes due to the tropical storm.  If you'd like to help, donate or volunteer to the Red Cross is one way to help support the nation for emergencies.


But if you're a frequent Lily On The Lam reader, you will know that I tend to look at things in a unique way.  (This is my delicate way of saying I tend to be a snarky smartass - did you read my post on how Uber-nerd television character Steve Urkel from "Family Matters" broke my heart?)  In keeping with this snarkiness, while Tropical Storm Debby has devastated many people in Florida; I have to take a moment to thank Tropical Storm Debby.  You see, my blog is nowhere near the most popular and widely read blog in the world.  I average 75-125 visitors a day to my website.  Correction - I average 75-125 sexy, intelligent trendsetters a day to my website.  I like to think of LilyOnTheLam.com as a "boutique blog" where only the elite and refined are reading my blog.  I'm not "for the masses," I am "for the elite."  (If you are outraged by these statements, please have all your family, friends, work colleagues and every stranger you know read LilyOnTheLam.com - that will teach me a lesson!)  While I am not the most widely read blog in the world, I had set an unannounced personal goal to reach 25,000 blog hits for my little old website by the end of July.    


Sunday night, when I decided to walk from my home to a nearby flood area and then posted some flood pictures on my blog, I had no idea that my pictures would bring so many people to LilyOnTheLam.com.  I reached 25,000 hits five weeks early and in a mere 18 hours, my Tropical Storm Debby post ("#TropicalStormDebbyCanSuckIt") had received more views than the most widely read blog post (a review of Sarasota's Duval's Cafe) on LilyOnTheLam.com.  


It took 18 months for my review of Duval's Cafe to amass the largest number of page views of all the posts on LilyOnTheLam.com.  My Tropical Storm Debby post not only met that top number but has way surpassed it, in only 18 hours.  So while Tropical Storm Debby has caused a lot of devastation to Floridians, it has helped bring readers to my little boutique blog.  I call this "focusing on the silver lining versus the storm cloud."  Welcome new readers to Lily On The Lam, when you're done looking at the flood pictures - check out some more of my posts.  Ukrainians love me, find out why!


I hope you all are staying dry and warm and that your property is doing the same.  Be well, LilyOnTheLam.com readers and thank you for all the page views!      


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#TropicalStormDebbyCanSuckIt - Pictures of Flooded Bayshore Boulevard - South Tampa, Florida

Note:  If you wish to reproduce any pictures in this June 24, 2012 blog post - please credit the pictures as coming from LilyOnTheLam.com.  For any other pictures on this blog, other than the June 24, 2012 blog post, please only reproduce a link to this website.  No other use of pictures is allowed, unless otherwise stipulated.  Thank you for your cooperation and consideration.  I also accept donations for any pictures used.  Paypal donations to LilyOnTheLam.com.  Thank you!

Happy Sunday Evening LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I am writing to you during the middle of Tropical Storm Debby's meteorological onslaught upon the Tampa Bay area.  I live on an island (actually a group of islands) called "Davis Islands" near downtown Tampa Bay, Florida.  Living on an island you fear things like werewolves, sasquatches (Sasquatchi?), zombie apocalypse and heavy rains which could create flood conditions.  So Tropical Storm Debby's dumping torrential rains upon the Tampa Bay area was not greeted with love from Miss Lily On The Lam.  And I am sharpening my knives for any zombies that may come my way.

I saw a picture on Twitter.com that showed Bayshore Boulevard flooded.  Instead of staying dry and enjoying the electricity that is remarkably still on (while many of my Pinellas County friends are without electricity), I threw on my deep sea fisherman style raincoat and walked over to Bayshore Boulevard to see if the flood picture was real.  (My own version of Snopes.com.)

As I suspected, the picture that was posted on Twitter was actually from 2004 (Hurricane Charlie), but a significant portion of Bayshore Boulevard was flooded.  Not as extensive as in the picture posted on Twitter, but still the water was pretty deep.  The news is claiming the tides are 2-4 feet above normal.

The Bay was gray, churning and angry.  Made me think of the line from the TV show "Seinfeld" - "The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!"  I walked into the flooded area.  Probably not the smartest thing to do, but the last time I walked through a flooded section of Bayshore Boulevard was 2004 with Hurricane Charlie.  The waters on the flooded bay front boulevard grew progressively deeper until I was standing in water mid-thigh by the Lifelink building on the 400 block of Bayshore Boulevard.  I am 5'9" so waters up to my mid-thigh are not particularly shallow!

I took some pictures of my soggy adventures.  These were taken between 7:20 - 8:20 p.m. Eastern time June 24, 2012 on Bayshore Boulevard in South Tampa, Florida.  Please note: if you wish to reproduce any pictures on this June 24, 2012 blog post - please credit the pictures as coming from LilyOnTheLam.com.  (For any other pictures on this blog, other than the June 24, 2012 blog post please only reproduce a link to this website.  No other use of pictures is allowed, unless otherwise stipulated.  Thank you for your cooperation and consideration.  I also accept donations for any pictures used.  Paypal donations to LilyOnTheLam.com.  Thank you!)

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd near the Davis Islands Bridge

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Gusts of water from the Bay soaring out of the sewer by the Davis Islands Bridge

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com  Bayshore Blvd under the Davis Islands Bridge flooded across 4 lanes

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Near the Davis Islands bridge, the flooded Bayshore Boulevard was knee deep - at 400 block of Bayshore Blvd the waters hit me mid-thigh and I'm 5 foot 9 inches tall!

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Raging Bay spilling over onto flooded Bayshore Blvd

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded near the Davis Islands Bridge

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded - knee to mid-thigh depths!

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded - knee to mid-thigh depths!

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded - knee to mid-thigh depths!

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com Bayshore Blvd flooded - knee to mid-thigh depths!

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 20somethings enjoying the flooded Bayshore area.
Photo taken from under the Davis Islands Bridge

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 20somethings enjoying the flooded Bayshore area.
Photo taken from under the Davis Islands Bridge

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 20somethings enjoying the flooded Bayshore area.
Photo taken from under the Davis Islands Bridge

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 3 young men jumped into the bay to help retrieve
a long wooden cart with wheels that was in the bay

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 3 young men jumped into the bay to help retrieve
a long wooden cart with wheels that was in the bay

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 3 young men jumped into the bay to help retrieve
a long wooden cart with wheels that was in the bay

Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com 3 young men jumped into the bay to help retrieve
a long wooden cart with wheels that was in the bay

Two young women donned their swimsuits and brought floaty toys to "enjoy" flooded
Bayshore Boulevard.  Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

Two young women donned their swimsuits and brought floaty toys to "enjoy" flooded
Bayshore Boulevard.  Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

Two young women donned their swimsuits and brought floaty toys to "enjoy" flooded
Bayshore Boulevard.  Photo credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

Three TECO electric company trucks leaving Davis Islands, Florida - thank you for your service during the storm.  Happy to have electricity, unlike many friends in Pinellas County.  Photo Credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

Three TECO electric company trucks leaving Davis Islands, Florida - thank you for your service during the storm.  Happy to have electricity, unlike many friends in Pinellas County.  Photo Credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

Three TECO electric company trucks leaving Davis Islands, Florida - thank you for your service during the storm.  Happy to have electricity, unlike many friends in Pinellas County.  Photo Credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

What to do on Davis Islands during a Tropical Storm?  Head to 7-11, of course!  Photo Credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

Strawberry Shortcake Ben & Jerry's Greek Frozen Yogurt - my Tropical Storm
Debby antidote Photo Credit:  LilyOnTheLam.com

After 1 hour and 45 minutes walking around in Tropical Storm Debby and
mid-thigh level flooded Bayshore Boulevard, I took a hot shower
and wrapped myself in towels.  Stay dry, Tampa Bay!
Photo Credit: LilyOnTheLam.com

I am very happy that the roads on Davis Islands are not flooded.  However, I was surprised to see how many people were driving above the posted speed limits.  We're in a tropical storm, people!  Why are you driving in the first place?  And second, why are you speeding?  Many of the vehicles didn't even have their lights on!  Let's be a little smarter, Davis Islands residents!  Please slow down or don't even go on the roads!  I saw many pizza delivery cars driving to Davis Islands, so evidently Tropical Storm = munchies.  

Stay Dry, Tampa Bay!  And Tropical Storm Debby, you can suck it!

Note:  If you wish to reproduce any pictures in this June 24, 2012 blog post - please credit the pictures as coming from LilyOnTheLam.com.  For any other pictures on this blog, other than the June 24, 2012 blog post, please only reproduce a link to this website.  No other use of pictures is allowed, unless otherwise stipulated.  Thank you for your cooperation and consideration.  I also accept donations for any pictures used.  Paypal donations to LilyOnTheLam.com.  Thank you!

Wild About the Wayans Brothers and How Urkel Broke My Heart - Tampa Improv

A truly, hysterical and amazing show with Chaunte Wayans, Marlon Wayans and Shawn Wayans at the Tampa Improv tonight! The Wayans Brothers are playing several shows at the Tampa Improv so if you're near Tampa Bay, snatch up tickets while you can!  We went for the VIP tickets (only $10 extra) which gives you priority seating in the first two rows of tables.  (We had a front row table, which was perfect!)


Unbeknownst to us, our VIP tickets also gave us a photo op with the handsome Wayans Brothers and front of the line access.  Because there were two shows per night, the photo ops had to go very quickly - so unless you had VIP tickets you were not going to be able to get your picture taken with the Wayans Brothers and yes, the Improv staff was checking.


The couple ahead of us either didn't have VIP tickets or were trying to find their yellow vouchers so my pal, Miss LBB and I were the first two in the line for photos.  I had had several cocktails at the show so I tipsily screamed out: "Wait, wait, I need to get in the middle - I need to be in the Wayans Brothers Sandwich for this picture!"  (And in this case "tipsily" means downright intoxicated - I was not the designated driver and oooh those Sweet Tea Vodka Lemonades went down waaaay too smoothly.)  Ummm, NOT my finest hour but I did get a big, happy "Hey There!!" full body contact hug from super sexy Shawn Wayans.  And I am pretty sure that was a "Hey there, Foxy Mama" versus a "Hey there, oh crap this is going to be a long night talking to drunk a$$ fans!"  In my boozy recollection, I am going to classify this night as an amazing success.  I also think that hug entitles me to be Shawn Wayans' new girlfriend.  That's how it works, right?  Right? 

For the early show, ONLY VIP ticket holders were allowed a photo op - sooo glad we got the VIP seats!  They give you these yellow slips and you have to take them with you and surrender them at the photo op - so don't lose them! 

Now, I always hate the way I look in my "brushes with celebrities" photo ops, so I've cut out myself and Miss LBB and here you just have the absolutely delightful Shawn Wayans and Marlon Wayans.  Which if you have found my blog while Googling for Wayans info, you're not here to see a picture of me anyway.  (Check out my Twitter @SouthTampaLily, if you're that curious to see a pic of me.)  By the way "Googling for Wayans" sounds like an amateur sport that should be considered for the next Summer Olympics.  

I spent years "Googling for Wayans" and then a freak ferry boat versus jet ski accident dashed my chances of winning Gold at the Summer Olympics in Des Moines, Iowa.  Oh the tragedy!  

In the cropped pictures below are the very sexy Shawn Wayans and the very foxy Marlon Wayans (who in his act said he was not fine, he was f*ckable - to which all the ladies in the crowd vehemently disagreed - they shouted that he was both FINE AND F*CKABLE.)  I think their 2nd niece Chaunte Wayans should introduce Marlon Wayans with that line for all future shows: "You know him from the movie `White Chicks' - he's fine, he's f*ckable, he's MARLON WAYANS!"  

Side note:  Marlon Wayans' birthday is the day before mine.  I think this also makes me an honorary Wayans.  I am 97% sure that is how it works.  Can a sister get some love, Keenan Ivory Wayans?     

Sexy, sexy, sexy Shawn Wayans!

Yep, that's my breast pressed against super sassy Marlon Wayans and
Shawn Wayans' hand on my shoulder - all in all, a good night!

Miss LBB and I were surprised to see actor Jaleel White (a.k.a. Urkel from Family Matters) at the Tampa show as well.  What the heck is Urkel doing in Tampa Bay?  Is he a Wayans entourage member?  And if so, how do I sign up for that gig?


Side Note:  After I published this blog post, I was reminded by one of my UK readers that not everyone may know who the Wayans Brothers are and definitely not everyone across the globe knows who "Urkel" is ... so here's some clips to get you up to speed ...    


Marlon and Shawn Wayans in their movie "White Chicks" -

Jaleel White as "Urkel" on "Family Matters" ...

Back to Urkel:  Unfortunately, Jaleel White would not do a photo op with Miss LBB and myself.  Um hello, I just got a full body contact hug from Mr. Sexy Shawn Wayans and I totally mashed my body against Mr. Marlon Wayans and Shawn Wayans for a photo op - and now Jaleel White is saying "no" to a picture with me?  


Sweetheart, do you know who I am?  I am freaking Lily On The Lam - an international sensation in my OWN mind.  I have over 23,500 blog hits ... I think that makes me basically better than Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt combined, right?  Now get your Urkel ass over here, wrap yourself around my tipsy body and say "CHEESE!"  Um, why are you calling Security?


I told Jaleel White that he broke my heart with his refusal to do a picture with Miss LBB and I.  Yes, you heard it here first - Urkel broke my heart.  I am pretty sure that is the 10th level of hell - like in Greek Mythology where every day Urkel breaks my heart and then overnight my heart repairs itself, only to have Urkel break my heart again the next day.  It's like Prometheus a la Urkel.  (And I'm talking about the mythological character not the recent Ridley Scott movie.)  By the way, I'll be pitching "Prometheus a la Urkel" as the next sequel to the Liam Neeson Titans movies.  Clash of the Titans.  Wrath of the Titans.  And now ... "Heartbreak of the Urkels, oh and some Titans too."  I predict it will be the Feel Good Hit of 2013.      


Miss LBB told Jaleel White that she watched every episode of his season of "Dancing with the Stars."  I stood there mute because I had no clue that Jaleel White had been on "Dancing with the Stars."  I had a moral dilemma - do I try to kiss up to Jaleel and LIE and say I too had watched "Dancing with the Stars"?  Would this help butter him up and perhaps coax a photo op out of him?  Could I really lie to Urkel?  


The answer, my friends, is "no."  I am simply not one who could lie to Jaleel White and I absolutely could not, would not, must not lie to Urkel!  So instead I told him I had never seen a single episode but hopefully he respects my honesty in saying that.  Jaleel White looked at me with honesty and trustworthy eyes and he said he did (respect me for my honesty).  And I am going to take Mr. Jaleel White (a.k.a. Urkel) at his word - and I am not going to assume that he was saying whatever he could to shut up the inebriated chick in front of him.  (That chick?  Me, of course.)  


I am also going to give Mr. Jaleel White the benefit of the doubt by assuming he didn't want to do a picture with us because then the large crowd around us would also want to do pictures.  Or maybe he did not want to hog the Wayans Brothers' spotlight.  Or perhaps I was just too sexy for Urkel ... perhaps Jaleel knew that if he took a picture with Miss LBB and I that he would fall hopelessly under the spell that is Lily On The Lam - international megastar and then it would be his heart - and Urkel's heart - that would get broken.  Wise move, Mr. White.  As the absolutely amazing band Augustana sings: "Either way, I'll break your heart some day."  And if you don't believe me, I have the Augustana tour t-shirt that says those exact words.  I'll wear it for you.  Consider yourself warned of future heart break, Mr. White.  I bet you're regretting missing that photo op now, aren't you?


I must give major thanks to Miss Chaunte Wayans who had Marlon and Shawn Wayans individually personalize an autograph for me.  It was very sweet of her to do and much, much, much appreciated.  Although I feel slightly guilty that whenever I heard Chaunte's name, the little insane voice in my head started singing "Sashay, Shaunte  ... Shaunte, Shaunte, Shaunte ..." from RuPaul's song "Supermodel - You Better Work."  I was wearing 6 inch cheetah print wedge heels to the Wayans Brothers show, so I was feeling a bit RuPaul Amazonian-esque anyway.  Supermodel of the world!    


The Wayans Brothers' Autographs:  Hopefully these are their actual autographs ... or who knows, maybe Jaleel White is in their entourage to give counterfeit Wayans' Brothers autographs?  Ohhhh I'm on to you now, Urkel!

Who knew the Wayans Brothers had a comic book? $20 at the Merch Table

My name plus a heart and a smiley face?  I think that makes me an honorary Wayans!

OK one of the Wayans Brothers misspelled my name, but I still adore you!  ;-)

So here are the lessons learned from this evening at the Wayans Brothers' Show at the fantastic Tampa Improv:


1)  Get your a$$ to a Wayans Brothers show.  They were 10,000%, freaking absolutely fantastic.  I know the entire Wayans Family are comedic geniuses, but holy cow man - this show just grabbed me and said "You thought you knew how freaking funny we were, well you didn't know jack!  Soak up that Wayans' Wonderfulness and laugh your freaking arse off!!"  While I think Shawn is incredibly sexy, I think Marlon's comedy set was the best of the three tonight.  He just brings it, brings it hard, brings it even harder and leaves you wondering what comedy freight train just ran over you 12,000 times.  I was gasping for air for most of the night.  There is nothing like an evening of tremendous belly-aching, face-hurting laughter.  The Wayans Brothers brought the house down!


2)  Don't lie to Jaleel White.  You'll only hate yourself and you still probably won't get a photo op.


3)  Keep your eye on Chaunte Wayans.  She is tremendously funny and you'll get to say "I saw her in a small club before she was wildly famous."  (Just try to resist from singing RuPaul at her.)


4)  Last but most important - Urkel - Either way, I'll break your heart someday.  And until then, I am going to Photoshop you in every picture I am in.    


To my Lily On the Lam readers, while you're chewing on the above amazing life lessons, here's some RuPaul and Augustana for you.  Consider it my gift to you in lieu of money or sexual favors.   And to quote Miss Ru herself: "You better work!"