I love living in Florida. I have a water view from my living room where I watch cruise ships, sailboats, crew teams and kayakers go by. However, the price of living with such beauty is that there also tends to be a large amount of rednecks in my city as well. (Yeah yeah yeah, send your hate mail to LilyOnTheLam@gmail.com. I know I'm being offensive.)
A couple months ago, I was out with my adorably hunky British male cousins when a 6'5" lanky backwoods Virginia guy spotted me and bee-lined straight for me. Spending time with the Brits, causes my accent to go a bit wonky. My normal tone is Midwestern American by way of Switzerland, Hong Kong and Melbourne, Australia. In other words- deliciously snooty with a smidge of sailor thrown in. But on this night, I was intoxicated and English -- slurry Queenspeak, I reckon. The 6'5" guy was also quite inebriated and as it was 1 a.m., I figure he was looking for a last call hook-up. Although I was wearing a shirt with a boatneck neckline (i.e. didn't drop below my collarbone), 6'5" guy directed his entire conversation to my breasts in a slurry, drooly manner.
My breasts are adorable, sassy, saucy and fun. However they don't make conversation and are horrible listeners. Directing an entire conversation to them is futile.
The 6'5" guy evidently focused on me as the target for his last call booty call and decided to compliment the pants off me ... he did so by continuing to slur "You're hot as sh*t ... you're hot as sh*t" at my breasts. Fellas, here's a tip -- "hot as sh*t" really is not a good compliment. I get that I am in the South, but say something like I'm as cute as a bug's ear if you want to get all Southern Hee Haw on me. Comparing my sexiness level to excrement just does not get me all giddy on the inside.
I told the guy he needed a new line -- and asked in mock philosophical stance: "and how hot is sh*t, really?" But this guy was obviously drunk as a skunk in a funk and all he could do was continue to drool-slur "You're hot as sh*t" at me. Annoying!
Eventually, I shot a look to my 24 year old, muscular, soccer-playing British cousin JT - who quickly dispatched Mr. 6'5" away from me. I may be hot as sh*t, but this guy was annoying as f*ck! Gotta love my cousin for saving the day!
Halloween weekend, my friends and I decided to see "The Shining" at the Capitol Theatre in Clearwater, Florida. I've never seen "The Shining" in a movie theater - only in heavily edited versions on TV. As we stood outside the theater, a very tall man who looked like a bouncer for a strip club told my friend to tell me that I was "hot as hell."
I laughed that I was moving up from "hot as sh*t" to "hot as hell." The bouncer guy seemed nice, but was not my cup of tea. However, it was nice to get a random compliment; especially at a time when I was not feeling attractive at all.
This past weekend, I went out with a very masculine, finance guy. After about four beers, I got a breathy "you're sexy as hell" aimed at my ear. I wondered if the next compliment would be that I'm sexy as sh*t? I realize this was supposed to make me all swoon and go ga-ga, but I was craving more romancing and less cliche.
I love a good compliment - whether from a date or a stranger ... but whatever happened to a nice "wow, you're beautiful"? Hot as sh*t, hot as hell, sexy as hell ... ehhhh... come on. It's nice to get attention, but how about something simpler, nicer and more appropos to me?
Or should I just shut up and say "Thank you"? I don't know ... maybe I'm just confused as sh*t.
A couple months ago, I was out with my adorably hunky British male cousins when a 6'5" lanky backwoods Virginia guy spotted me and bee-lined straight for me. Spending time with the Brits, causes my accent to go a bit wonky. My normal tone is Midwestern American by way of Switzerland, Hong Kong and Melbourne, Australia. In other words- deliciously snooty with a smidge of sailor thrown in. But on this night, I was intoxicated and English -- slurry Queenspeak, I reckon. The 6'5" guy was also quite inebriated and as it was 1 a.m., I figure he was looking for a last call hook-up. Although I was wearing a shirt with a boatneck neckline (i.e. didn't drop below my collarbone), 6'5" guy directed his entire conversation to my breasts in a slurry, drooly manner.
My breasts are adorable, sassy, saucy and fun. However they don't make conversation and are horrible listeners. Directing an entire conversation to them is futile.
The 6'5" guy evidently focused on me as the target for his last call booty call and decided to compliment the pants off me ... he did so by continuing to slur "You're hot as sh*t ... you're hot as sh*t" at my breasts. Fellas, here's a tip -- "hot as sh*t" really is not a good compliment. I get that I am in the South, but say something like I'm as cute as a bug's ear if you want to get all Southern Hee Haw on me. Comparing my sexiness level to excrement just does not get me all giddy on the inside.
I told the guy he needed a new line -- and asked in mock philosophical stance: "and how hot is sh*t, really?" But this guy was obviously drunk as a skunk in a funk and all he could do was continue to drool-slur "You're hot as sh*t" at me. Annoying!
Eventually, I shot a look to my 24 year old, muscular, soccer-playing British cousin JT - who quickly dispatched Mr. 6'5" away from me. I may be hot as sh*t, but this guy was annoying as f*ck! Gotta love my cousin for saving the day!
Halloween weekend, my friends and I decided to see "The Shining" at the Capitol Theatre in Clearwater, Florida. I've never seen "The Shining" in a movie theater - only in heavily edited versions on TV. As we stood outside the theater, a very tall man who looked like a bouncer for a strip club told my friend to tell me that I was "hot as hell."
I laughed that I was moving up from "hot as sh*t" to "hot as hell." The bouncer guy seemed nice, but was not my cup of tea. However, it was nice to get a random compliment; especially at a time when I was not feeling attractive at all.
This past weekend, I went out with a very masculine, finance guy. After about four beers, I got a breathy "you're sexy as hell" aimed at my ear. I wondered if the next compliment would be that I'm sexy as sh*t? I realize this was supposed to make me all swoon and go ga-ga, but I was craving more romancing and less cliche.
I love a good compliment - whether from a date or a stranger ... but whatever happened to a nice "wow, you're beautiful"? Hot as sh*t, hot as hell, sexy as hell ... ehhhh... come on. It's nice to get attention, but how about something simpler, nicer and more appropos to me?
Or should I just shut up and say "Thank you"? I don't know ... maybe I'm just confused as sh*t.
"Comparing my sexiness level to excrement just does not get me all giddy on the inside", really??
ReplyDeleteThat was funny as #$%!* :)
-Jamie.
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ReplyDelete@ "Cute Pickup Lines"- thank you very much! - Lily
ReplyDelete