Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:
I feel like this past year or so the Universe has been trying to get me to "Embrace and extend compassion even when people are being total dumbasses."
Which by the way, will be the title of one of my hundreds of self-help books when I become the next Deepak Chopra.
Since Chopra rhymes with Oprah, I think the key to my becoming a very wealthy self-help guru is changing my name to "Loprah." No need for hard work, insight or connections; just a simple name change!
So welcome to Loprah On The Lam!
I find the older I get, the more I am turning into that frizzy haired old woman from Hallmark. (Check her out at Maxine.com!)
I honestly do not attribute this as much to human aging (I am, after all, 9000 years old), but to the fact that I work for a company where you can never deliver fast enough. I literally could have a time machine, go back in time and respond to someone weeks before a deadline and I would still hear that my division is not fast enough.
It's human nature. Many people need to complain about something, anything. Complaining just to show their existence on Earth. And with some people, you would think that complaining burns calories the way they do it with such vigor!
Because I do have to work fast and furiously (as in speedy and efficient, not as in wearing a Vin Diesel mask), my brain tends to steamroller over the attempts of others who slow me down from my goal. I really do feel like a Terminator Robot/Cyborg thing in my single-minded focus to achieve my deliverables for work. I don't have time for stupidity and I am not going to let stupid people derail me with issues that don't matter.
Although, frankly I remember being three years old, meeting Chicken Little ("the sky is falling!") neurotic adults and thinking "Ugh, I don't have time for your insanity!"
My toddler schedule was naps, pre-school, singing to my stuffed animals, learning elementary French and watching TV. But still, this kid had NO TIME for the dumbasses of this world!
It's like if your objective is to build a box with wood, hammer and nails within 5 minutes and someone keeps screaming in your ear that the cafeteria only serves eggs six ways.
I get very perturbed with the distraction. It has nothing to do with the project at hand. It is not helpful in any light and frankly there's not a lot of "problem" in that "problem." Boo freaking hoo!
Now sure, maybe this person has some sort of egg phobia or mental condition that if they don't have access to eggs served twelve ways at all times, they flip out.
But I feel like "Hey, I am not your therapist. We're here to get a job done. You are not helping. Either get on board or get out of my way!" The typical Western corporate steamroller. I don't have time to be the warm, fuzzy, HR coach when my deliverables are large with fast turnaround times. Perhaps this has made me more hard, cold and cynical to those around me who need added attention to be able to fully function.
Not to get all "deep childhood analysis" on y'all, but I do think that because I basically had to raise myself from age five that I am less sympathetic to those who are ultra needy. I think my inner monologue is running on a "Yeah, life is hard. Buck up little camper! No one helped me. I had to help myself! So toughen up!" mentality.
(Which by the way, the "no one helped me" part is not accurate, Many people have helped me over the course of my lifetime but I do think I have lower tolerance for sucking voids of humanity who refuse to do anything on their own.)
So who's to say - maybe I have always had a lower tolerance for dumbasses … and maybe my advanced years or corporate drone mentality has kicked that low tolerance down to almost nothingness.
Regardless of the reason, I know that I have less patience, understanding, caring and compassion for people who create worry/concern/drama over nothing and expect everyone else to drop everything to save them.
To quote many a Twitter meme: "I have no f*cks to give for that."
Now instead of trying to work on myself to become some sort of universally acceptable, spiritually loving Gandhi figure. I prefer to just stay away from people like this … especially if they are at an advanced age. If you're 0 - 25 years old, I am going to cut you some slack if you're a Chicken Little screaming about nothing. You're young and most likely have had limited experiences. That's all part of growing up.
But if you are in your 60's - 90's (like most of my Floridian condo neighbors), I think your window for self-change is either minutely miniature or boarded up forever. A simple "Hey, stop being a Chicken Little worrying and creating drama over nothing" is not going to generate a journey of self-exploration.
The problem for me is that I am not self-sufficient enough to move on to an uninhabited island. I would be asking "Um, where's the wifi?" within about three minutes. Electricity, food, shelter … I kind of like them … a lot.
Plus for some unknown reason, I have my own moral code where I do try to help people when and where I can. (Which, by the way, is a pretty sucky moral code, since it usually bites me in the ass, slaps me in the face and really makes me regret helping people … but I digress ...)
I do a great deal of volunteer work. Even though I have not had anywhere close to what I would describe as a "perfect life," I have been extremely fortunate. I grew up with nothing so I have a level of appreciation that those who grew up with everything handed to them, may not have.
As I was a young adult and to this day, I started to have opportunities many others have not. Sure many of those opportunities came from extremely hard work, but other times it was just from being at the right place, at the right time, talking to the right person. Sometimes you are just insanely, incredibly lucky.
Even though a lot of times my efforts cause more aggravation or frustration, I am just wired to "give back" in appreciation for what I have received. I do feel that most of my opportunities have been gifts (either from people, companies, the Universe, God, Oprah … whatever, whomever, wherever). To take without giving back in some way or manner, to me, is criminal. It's like slapping the universe in the face and saying "Gimme More!"
Call it karma, paying it forward or what have you … but I do believe we all owe a social debt for all we have. If there is something you can do to make someone else's life better without completely unraveling your life, shouldn't you do it?
For example, I volunteer with a 25 year old woman who is working in a high school advisory program very much like the one in which my own sister is currently working. This woman is a good person, but a little lost at how to get from Point A to Point Q, career-wise and future-wise. She is at a natural point in human development. She has finished her schooling and now isn't sure how to best build a solid career.
She asked me if I would share my story about my own education and career. I could have brushed her off and said I was busy, but I wasn't busy and I knew it'd be only a 20 minute conversation or so. So why not help?
I took her through my education, my career history. I talked about career missteps and career triumphs. She soaked in the entire conversation like I was doling out great wisdom. My colleague gets some career advice/lessons learned/words of wisdom for just a few minutes of my time. To me, that is a completely acceptable exchange. To be able to help someone - why wouldn't you do it?
In one of my other volunteering assignments, I have to deal with an older woman (late 60's/early 70's I believe? People age pretty well in Florida. My neighbor is 75 and I thought he was 48!).
This older woman is "Chicken Little on Steroids." I understand being worried about things. Sometimes we just cannot help it and someone saying "Let it go" or "Get over it" is not some magic wand that suddenly fixes the attitude. However I think a person's worry should be contained to a specific sphere of probable scenarios. This particular Chicken Little is the worst case I have ever seen.
I think we have all known Chicken Littles who worry about things that will most likely never happen. It's like living in Oklahoma and worrying about a tidal wave. There is no possible way this will ever happen unless North America splits in half and Oklahoma is now a coastal state. So why worry about it? If the continent breaks in half, I think tidal waves will be just one of 9 million problems we will all suddenly have. No need or reason to waste time worrying about something that will most likely never occur.
But this particular Chicken Little goes even further than that … it's like "What if North America splits in half, Oklahoma becomes a coastal state and is ravaged by a tidal wave which somehow signals an alien invasion and the assistant to the head alien was supposed to eat chicken noodle soup for lunch but there was a mix-up and instead he ate tomato soup and spilled a little bit on his tie, staining it temporarily. WHAT WILL WE DO? WHAT WILL WE DO? WE NEED IMMEDIATE PROTOCOLS TO DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION! NOW!"
And to add insult to injury, she is very patronizing and downright mean and disrespectful. She acts as if we are lazy dumbf*cks who are not doing our job because we don't already have a 700 page plan on what to do about the Head Alien's Assistant's Soup-Stained Tie.
If you come at me with anger and disrespect; it is extremely difficult for me to return your energy with love, compassion and respect.
I must state for the record that this particular aged Chicken Little (to my knowledge) is not senile or in other ways, mentally infirmed. My non-medical opinion is that she is a biatch who likes to worry and likes people to jump at her beck and call. But seriously, I cannot "jump" when the worry is SO STUPID with NO CHANCE of EVER happening.
Plus when my team is already drowning with real, current problems that are actually happening, to be constantly derailed by a neurotic Chicken Little worrying about issues that will NEVER occur infuriates me (to say the least!)
In trying to be a more aware, productive, compassionate person; I stopped to think today: "Is there a better way I can handle this situation?"
"Is there a discussion I can have with this person who for months has been a neurotic pain in the sides of the entire volunteer team?" (A non-appreciative, always bitching and disrespectful pain as well.)
"Is there something I can do to change this situation for the positive versus throwing back an equal amount of negativity at her insanity?"
"Is there a way I can channel and extend compassion even to those who are complete dumbasses?"
"What would Oprah do? What would Chopra do? What can Loprah on the Lam do?"
Unfortunately this particular volunteering involves my neighbors, so I can't just be an arsehole and diss one neighbor in favor of working with others to get our projects completed. Societally, I have to actually be nice. (Yuck!)
I am trying to embrace and extend compassion. Trying to see the world through this biatchy, stupid Chicken Little on Steroids' eyes so that her insane, unproductive, derailing behavior doesn't piss me off - and in turn, maybe I can help her and help myself.
Perhaps the first step to creating, embracing and extending compassion is not to refer to someone as biatchy, stupid, insane, unproductive with derailing behaviors. Just a thought …
For some reason the mere act of changing my name to Loprah hasn't instilled me with great universal wisdom and answers to all my questions! I'm shocked!
Maybe there are no answers to this particular situation.
Maybe this Chicken Little on Steroids is so hard-wired to be a complete neurotic, attention-sucking biatch that there is nothing I could ever do or say to change the situation other than how I personally react to it. (Can't change you, can only change me and how I react to you?)
Or maybe this is the Universe telling me to be more compassionate with other people who are dealing with "more legitimate" worries, problems and issues. To try to see things from their eyes and cut them some more slack. I probably cannot satisfy the Chicken Little on Steroids, but maybe I could help other people who are less crazy?
Or maybe there's no "universal compassion to others" guru message here. Maybe people are just people - some good, some shitty … and all we can control is ourselves and how we let it affect us?
Who knows? I think my inner Loprah has left me to run her own cable network! She took all the answers with her!
Right now I feel like the only thing I am embracing is my own inner lack of knowledge … but that's OK.
Sometimes the first step is just asking the right questions.
I feel like this past year or so the Universe has been trying to get me to "Embrace and extend compassion even when people are being total dumbasses."
Which by the way, will be the title of one of my hundreds of self-help books when I become the next Deepak Chopra.
Since Chopra rhymes with Oprah, I think the key to my becoming a very wealthy self-help guru is changing my name to "Loprah." No need for hard work, insight or connections; just a simple name change!
So welcome to Loprah On The Lam!
I find the older I get, the more I am turning into that frizzy haired old woman from Hallmark. (Check her out at Maxine.com!)
I honestly do not attribute this as much to human aging (I am, after all, 9000 years old), but to the fact that I work for a company where you can never deliver fast enough. I literally could have a time machine, go back in time and respond to someone weeks before a deadline and I would still hear that my division is not fast enough.
It's human nature. Many people need to complain about something, anything. Complaining just to show their existence on Earth. And with some people, you would think that complaining burns calories the way they do it with such vigor!
Because I do have to work fast and furiously (as in speedy and efficient, not as in wearing a Vin Diesel mask), my brain tends to steamroller over the attempts of others who slow me down from my goal. I really do feel like a Terminator Robot/Cyborg thing in my single-minded focus to achieve my deliverables for work. I don't have time for stupidity and I am not going to let stupid people derail me with issues that don't matter.
Although, frankly I remember being three years old, meeting Chicken Little ("the sky is falling!") neurotic adults and thinking "Ugh, I don't have time for your insanity!"
My toddler schedule was naps, pre-school, singing to my stuffed animals, learning elementary French and watching TV. But still, this kid had NO TIME for the dumbasses of this world!
It's like if your objective is to build a box with wood, hammer and nails within 5 minutes and someone keeps screaming in your ear that the cafeteria only serves eggs six ways.
I get very perturbed with the distraction. It has nothing to do with the project at hand. It is not helpful in any light and frankly there's not a lot of "problem" in that "problem." Boo freaking hoo!
Now sure, maybe this person has some sort of egg phobia or mental condition that if they don't have access to eggs served twelve ways at all times, they flip out.
But I feel like "Hey, I am not your therapist. We're here to get a job done. You are not helping. Either get on board or get out of my way!" The typical Western corporate steamroller. I don't have time to be the warm, fuzzy, HR coach when my deliverables are large with fast turnaround times. Perhaps this has made me more hard, cold and cynical to those around me who need added attention to be able to fully function.
Not to get all "deep childhood analysis" on y'all, but I do think that because I basically had to raise myself from age five that I am less sympathetic to those who are ultra needy. I think my inner monologue is running on a "Yeah, life is hard. Buck up little camper! No one helped me. I had to help myself! So toughen up!" mentality.
(Which by the way, the "no one helped me" part is not accurate, Many people have helped me over the course of my lifetime but I do think I have lower tolerance for sucking voids of humanity who refuse to do anything on their own.)
So who's to say - maybe I have always had a lower tolerance for dumbasses … and maybe my advanced years or corporate drone mentality has kicked that low tolerance down to almost nothingness.
Regardless of the reason, I know that I have less patience, understanding, caring and compassion for people who create worry/concern/drama over nothing and expect everyone else to drop everything to save them.
To quote many a Twitter meme: "I have no f*cks to give for that."
Now instead of trying to work on myself to become some sort of universally acceptable, spiritually loving Gandhi figure. I prefer to just stay away from people like this … especially if they are at an advanced age. If you're 0 - 25 years old, I am going to cut you some slack if you're a Chicken Little screaming about nothing. You're young and most likely have had limited experiences. That's all part of growing up.
But if you are in your 60's - 90's (like most of my Floridian condo neighbors), I think your window for self-change is either minutely miniature or boarded up forever. A simple "Hey, stop being a Chicken Little worrying and creating drama over nothing" is not going to generate a journey of self-exploration.
The problem for me is that I am not self-sufficient enough to move on to an uninhabited island. I would be asking "Um, where's the wifi?" within about three minutes. Electricity, food, shelter … I kind of like them … a lot.
Plus for some unknown reason, I have my own moral code where I do try to help people when and where I can. (Which, by the way, is a pretty sucky moral code, since it usually bites me in the ass, slaps me in the face and really makes me regret helping people … but I digress ...)
I do a great deal of volunteer work. Even though I have not had anywhere close to what I would describe as a "perfect life," I have been extremely fortunate. I grew up with nothing so I have a level of appreciation that those who grew up with everything handed to them, may not have.
As I was a young adult and to this day, I started to have opportunities many others have not. Sure many of those opportunities came from extremely hard work, but other times it was just from being at the right place, at the right time, talking to the right person. Sometimes you are just insanely, incredibly lucky.
Even though a lot of times my efforts cause more aggravation or frustration, I am just wired to "give back" in appreciation for what I have received. I do feel that most of my opportunities have been gifts (either from people, companies, the Universe, God, Oprah … whatever, whomever, wherever). To take without giving back in some way or manner, to me, is criminal. It's like slapping the universe in the face and saying "Gimme More!"
Call it karma, paying it forward or what have you … but I do believe we all owe a social debt for all we have. If there is something you can do to make someone else's life better without completely unraveling your life, shouldn't you do it?
For example, I volunteer with a 25 year old woman who is working in a high school advisory program very much like the one in which my own sister is currently working. This woman is a good person, but a little lost at how to get from Point A to Point Q, career-wise and future-wise. She is at a natural point in human development. She has finished her schooling and now isn't sure how to best build a solid career.
She asked me if I would share my story about my own education and career. I could have brushed her off and said I was busy, but I wasn't busy and I knew it'd be only a 20 minute conversation or so. So why not help?
I took her through my education, my career history. I talked about career missteps and career triumphs. She soaked in the entire conversation like I was doling out great wisdom. My colleague gets some career advice/lessons learned/words of wisdom for just a few minutes of my time. To me, that is a completely acceptable exchange. To be able to help someone - why wouldn't you do it?
In one of my other volunteering assignments, I have to deal with an older woman (late 60's/early 70's I believe? People age pretty well in Florida. My neighbor is 75 and I thought he was 48!).
This older woman is "Chicken Little on Steroids." I understand being worried about things. Sometimes we just cannot help it and someone saying "Let it go" or "Get over it" is not some magic wand that suddenly fixes the attitude. However I think a person's worry should be contained to a specific sphere of probable scenarios. This particular Chicken Little is the worst case I have ever seen.
I think we have all known Chicken Littles who worry about things that will most likely never happen. It's like living in Oklahoma and worrying about a tidal wave. There is no possible way this will ever happen unless North America splits in half and Oklahoma is now a coastal state. So why worry about it? If the continent breaks in half, I think tidal waves will be just one of 9 million problems we will all suddenly have. No need or reason to waste time worrying about something that will most likely never occur.
But this particular Chicken Little goes even further than that … it's like "What if North America splits in half, Oklahoma becomes a coastal state and is ravaged by a tidal wave which somehow signals an alien invasion and the assistant to the head alien was supposed to eat chicken noodle soup for lunch but there was a mix-up and instead he ate tomato soup and spilled a little bit on his tie, staining it temporarily. WHAT WILL WE DO? WHAT WILL WE DO? WE NEED IMMEDIATE PROTOCOLS TO DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION! NOW!"
And to add insult to injury, she is very patronizing and downright mean and disrespectful. She acts as if we are lazy dumbf*cks who are not doing our job because we don't already have a 700 page plan on what to do about the Head Alien's Assistant's Soup-Stained Tie.
If you come at me with anger and disrespect; it is extremely difficult for me to return your energy with love, compassion and respect.
I must state for the record that this particular aged Chicken Little (to my knowledge) is not senile or in other ways, mentally infirmed. My non-medical opinion is that she is a biatch who likes to worry and likes people to jump at her beck and call. But seriously, I cannot "jump" when the worry is SO STUPID with NO CHANCE of EVER happening.
Plus when my team is already drowning with real, current problems that are actually happening, to be constantly derailed by a neurotic Chicken Little worrying about issues that will NEVER occur infuriates me (to say the least!)
In trying to be a more aware, productive, compassionate person; I stopped to think today: "Is there a better way I can handle this situation?"
"Is there a discussion I can have with this person who for months has been a neurotic pain in the sides of the entire volunteer team?" (A non-appreciative, always bitching and disrespectful pain as well.)
"Is there something I can do to change this situation for the positive versus throwing back an equal amount of negativity at her insanity?"
"Is there a way I can channel and extend compassion even to those who are complete dumbasses?"
"What would Oprah do? What would Chopra do? What can Loprah on the Lam do?"
Unfortunately this particular volunteering involves my neighbors, so I can't just be an arsehole and diss one neighbor in favor of working with others to get our projects completed. Societally, I have to actually be nice. (Yuck!)
I am trying to embrace and extend compassion. Trying to see the world through this biatchy, stupid Chicken Little on Steroids' eyes so that her insane, unproductive, derailing behavior doesn't piss me off - and in turn, maybe I can help her and help myself.
Perhaps the first step to creating, embracing and extending compassion is not to refer to someone as biatchy, stupid, insane, unproductive with derailing behaviors. Just a thought …
For some reason the mere act of changing my name to Loprah hasn't instilled me with great universal wisdom and answers to all my questions! I'm shocked!
Maybe there are no answers to this particular situation.
Maybe this Chicken Little on Steroids is so hard-wired to be a complete neurotic, attention-sucking biatch that there is nothing I could ever do or say to change the situation other than how I personally react to it. (Can't change you, can only change me and how I react to you?)
Or maybe this is the Universe telling me to be more compassionate with other people who are dealing with "more legitimate" worries, problems and issues. To try to see things from their eyes and cut them some more slack. I probably cannot satisfy the Chicken Little on Steroids, but maybe I could help other people who are less crazy?
Or maybe there's no "universal compassion to others" guru message here. Maybe people are just people - some good, some shitty … and all we can control is ourselves and how we let it affect us?
Who knows? I think my inner Loprah has left me to run her own cable network! She took all the answers with her!
Right now I feel like the only thing I am embracing is my own inner lack of knowledge … but that's OK.
Sometimes the first step is just asking the right questions.
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