Friday, July 18, 2014

Ohhhhhh America: Put That Pig In A Tutu and Let's Read British Tabloids!

Hi LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I wrote today's post on Wednesday night, but Thursday night I wanted to add an additional paragraph which turned into many paragraphs.  So consider this blog post - two posts for the price of one.  One sad and one wacky, which is a good metaphor for events in my life.

On Thursday, I started my work day at 5:45 a.m.  It was a hellish day and my first break was not until 8:30 p.m.!  (Talk about exhaustion.)  I am giving reviews to my employees and my first one at 6 a.m. did not go well.  I spent the rest of the day trying to recover emotionally.    

So finally at 8:30 p.m., it was the first chance I had to look at the news BEFORE my 9 p.m. conference call.  Talk about working around the clock!

I went to CNN.com and I saw a headline about a missile and a Malaysia Airlines flight.  I first thought they were talking about Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 and I said a prayer of relief that finally they had found the plane.  But then I realized no, this was another Malaysia Airlines flight - reportedly shot down by a missile.  I couldn't believe I had gone the whole day without hearing any news.  Work has been so insanely busy it is easy to forget there is a world outside my window.

If you're a regular reader of LilyOnTheLam.Com (or if you know me personally), you may recall that I spent almost five weeks living in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia on an assignment.  I had never been to Malaysia and to tell you the truth when I heard I was going there I had to look it up on a map to see where it was.  (Public school education!)  I also somehow didn't know Kuala Lumpur was in Malaysia and I didn't know Borneo was Malaysia.  (Frankly, I'm lucky if I know where New Hampshire is ... ummm somewhere on the East Coast!  But hey, I am super good at pop culture trivia!)

I took Malaysia Airlines from Kuala Lumpur to Kota Kinabalu.  The flight attendants were some of the nicest I have met in a very long time (and I travel A LOT.)  Malaysia quickly became one of my favorite places in the world, which is a true compliment because I have been to many foreign cities (even if my map skills/geographic knowledge are questionable!)  Kota Kinabalu to me is like Florida, Hawaii and Taiwan all rolled up into one.  It is one of the most gorgeous places on this Earth.  The people are so friendly and open-hearted.  And THE FOOD!  So delicious - consistently terrific.  When I returned home, I made a Malaysian feast for my friends.    (Read about my adventures in Sandakan, Malaysia here.)

When Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappeared, I felt sorrow on many levels-- the overall tragedy and ongoing grief because no wreckage has been found and no answers have been given.  The sadness for the flight crew who most likely died in service to their passengers.  I work with people who travel all over the world - in fact two people who worked for my company were on Flt. 370.  The thought of traveling for business and losing one's life ... I can't even express the gut-punch I feel.  

I grieved for all the passengers and their families.  How torturous it must be to not have a final answer on what happened.  Most of the people on Flight 370 were Malaysian or Chinese.  I have traveled in both countries and have been treated so well by both nationalities.

Just the other day, I had been discussing with co-workers an upcoming workshop in Kuala Lumpur and who from my team would get to fly in for the event.  I knew it would not be me and I was jealous of whomever on our team would get to go to Malaysia.    

But now to hear that yet another full Malaysia Airlines flight has suffered an inexplicable tragedy ... I have no words to adequately express the sadness and sorrow for the lives lost from so many different countries and their family members who are left behind.

It is shocking and I am sure more answers will come - although probably more speculation and misdirection too as news tends to spiral out on every detail, whether true fact or rumor.  Knowing the full details will not change what has already happened.  How can you make sense of a senseless tragedy?

I had such a wonderful experience living in Malaysia.  I have so many wonderful memories that I cherish to this day.  It breaks my heart that yet another horrific tragedy has befallen a Malaysia Airlines flight.  It also makes me sad that for people who have never been to Malaysia, they may solely associate the country with these two tragedies.  This would be a shame because there is so much beauty in the country and in its proud, generous, kind people.  

I don't know why two tragedies like this have befallen Malaysia Airlines in a relatively short period of time.  What are the odds?  I pray for the families of passengers on Flight 370 and Flight 17.

P.S. Paul Brandeis Raushenbush says it much better than I ever could in his Huffington Post blog: "How Do We Respond To This Really Horrible Day?"

*****************************
Now on to my previously written Friday blog post ... a much less sad post about pigs, vegans and secret shameful love.  Sometimes the only thing we can do during times of sorrow is be grateful for what we have and try to laugh instead of cry.  I hope the following post makes you laugh and forget the world's problems, even if for a minute.

Happy Friday, LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Another hellacious work week has come to an end - and the merriment of the weekend has begun!  After driving back and forth to Orlando twice last weekend, I am looking forward to staying closer to home and just relaxing.  How about you?

It is Day Five of "Ohhhhhh America!" week, where I shake my head at things shameful, disappointing or really awesome but I am ashamed to admit I think it is really awesome!

Today's post is all about Secret Shameful Love.  

It all happened when three straight girls went to St. Pete Pride Festival - basically a block party of food stands and information booths in honor of the wonderful gays and lesbians in Florida and beyond.  

One of my fellow attendees will forever be known as "Miss Freebie" because she was grabbing everything and anything that was given for free at the event.  Pens, canvas/mesh bags, paper fans, hand sanitizer, lollipops ... It was swag-a-rrific.  Watching Miss Freebie grab fistfuls of freebies made me miss my Mother - the original "Mrs. Freebie."

I had had a delectably spicy Bloody Mary at The Queens Head Restaurant and Euro Bar in St. Pete.  I'm not really sure what a Euro Bar is.  It sounds like a candy bar.  Or a bar of soap made out of colorful European money.  Or a euphemism for what a European tourist is smuggling in his scarily too tight Speedos.   

There were no Europeans sitting at The Queens Head's bar.  This "Euro Bar" sounds like false advertising to me!  But it is very worth it to go to The Queens Head to visit "the loo."  

(Look, I can speak British.  Or even Swiss British!)  

The Queens Head's Loo is wallpapered with British tabloids.  I seriously wanted to stay in there and read awhile ... but there was a long line of people waiting.  Perhaps next time!

The incredible heat, the rockin' DJ, an Atlantan soul singer who looked like a drag queen but was anatomically female, the Euro Bar Bloody Mary and a cup of super crazy good Tropiccool pineapple sorbet were all adding up to a relaxed, mellow, incredibly sweaty LilyOnTheLam.  I was slowly moving like I was crawling through pudding.  

And I didn't care.

But then I saw the most glorious sight.

It was like a syringe of adrenaline to my heart.

It was ...


     
A pig.

In a tutu.

Named Penelope.

At Pride.

The children's book practically writes itself here, people!

A young woman took a piglet, put it into a tutu and on a leash and took her to St. Pete Pride.  Probably the most amazing thing in the world.

In comparison, I realized that I lead the most boring life ever.  

How come I am not dressing up pigs and bringing them to social events?  I don't even own a tutu - adult-size or pig-size!  Suddenly my cats seemed very boring and oh so not colorful.  

"Hello LilyOnTheLam, this is your midlife crisis knocking on your door."

Ohhhhhh America, where we dress up bacon in ballet tutus.

Speaking of bacon, I saw this at Fresh Market ... 

WHAT THE WHAT ...



Vegan coconut bacon.  Bacon substitute made out of coconut.

Seriously - what the what?  AND WHY? 

I know readers, you want me to actually try coconut bacon and let you know how it is in one of my nifty product reviews. 

BUT I JUST CAN'T.  

I can't be the girl who eats coconut bacon. 

Seriously, I can't. 

If I can't be the girl with a pig in a tutu on a leash, I certainly CANNOT be the girl who eats coconut bacon either!  

Will someone please try this product and let me know how it is?  In the meantime, I'll be eating real bacon.  But not Penelope.

And in another porcine-related note, when I was real estate shopping with Mr. Cardamom Monroe I saw this beauty in a staged condo.



Whomever decorated this condo for open house viewing is a mighty super genius.  How can it get better than a graffitied paint splattered piggy on a table?

I nudged Mr. Cardamom Monroe and said "In the offer, make sure they throw in the pig.  I want that pig."

Mr. Cardamom Monroe pretended not to hear me.

"THE PIG!  THE PIG!" I hissed intently.  "MAKE SURE THEY THROW IN THE PIG IF YOU BUY THIS PLACE!"  I was NOT going to be ignored.

Mr. Cardamom Monroe pretended not to know me as he walked to the other end of the unit and discussed ways to spruce up the ugly track lighting with his realtor.

I looked at the paint splattered pig with my eyebrows arched.  "You will be mine, little piggy.  Oh yes, you will be mine."  I whispered.  

I don't care if Mr. Cardamom Monroe has to pay twice the asking price for this condo, I AM GETTING THAT PIG.  

It's important for a girl to have dreams.  

Ohhhhhh America!

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