Happy Monday LilyOntheLam.Com Readers:
I hope you're feeling energized and spunky today! If not, a few more cups of coffee please ...
Today's LilyOnTheLam.Com blog post is a gift to my friend JS' husband ... let's call him ... The Dog Whisperer.
I refer to him by that name because JS & TS have recently adopted a stray dog into their household. The new dog and TS have forged a very fast, very strong bond. So for the remainder of this blog post, I shall refer to TS as "The Dog Whisperer" or "The DW" for short. Oh the lengths I go to preserve anonymity ... (and then post my blog on a person's Facebook for all to read-- HAHAHAHHAHA!)
I met The DW's wife over 8 years ago, but I don't recall the exact moment or occasion when I met The DW. I just one day knew The DW - it was no gradual building up of friendship. It was just BOOM - there's The DW! Perhaps I have such good humor toward The DW because he makes the most mack daddy awesome flourless chocolate cake with Earl Grey ice cream I have ever had ... or maybe it was lavender ice cream - my memory is a bit jagged due to watching too many Honey Boo Boo clips on YouTube.
Anyway, it was on one of my visits to The DW's home that I noticed this big green oval thing near the pool-patio area. It was bumpy on the outside, kind of like a golf ball but huge. It looked like a compact carrying case for dead bodies ... or for alien life forms.
I made a mental note that The DW was either a mafia hit man or the Human Servant to a superior alien race that was planning to take over the Earth. I asked The DW's wife what the big green egg-shaped looking thing was and she replied "Oh, that's The DW's Big Green Egg."
Well duh, I kinda already got that - but WHAT IS IT?
"It's a Big Green Egg. It's The DW's Big Green Egg." The DW's wife repeated.
I shook my head and made a mental note that the alien overlords needn't bother to interrogate The DW's wife because her evasive answers would yield no useful information.
Then one day I was driving down Kennedy Boulevard in South Tampa, Florida and I saw an outdoor barbecue store. They had a sign advertising "The Big Green Egg." I wondered when The DW's wife started manufacturing cryptic and NOT helpful advertising signs. I kept driving.
Eventually the knowledge that "The Big Green Egg" is a ceramic cooker (or as their website calls it "The Ultimate Cooking Experience") somehow settled into the nether regions of my brain. It's supposed to be a combination grill/smoker/oven and possibly alien incubator.
I still don't quite trust it and am pretty sure "The Big Green Egg" may grill me a steak but it may also hatch a 10 foot tall alien master race as well. You can't fool me, alien pod people!
I was in Minneapolis three weeks ago, visiting my sister Squidge - who may also be part of an alien master race. We went shopping in Uptown Minneapolis/Lake Calhoun area. We had to stop at one of our favorite stores - Kitchen Window at Calhoun Square.
If you like kitchen gadgets or entertaining supplies, you have to check this store out. It has one of the biggest paella pans I have ever seen in my life. If I ever need to make paella for 200 people, I know where to get the pan!
Squidge and I walked in to the Kitchen Window and lo and behold, there was The DW's Big Green Egg ... but smaller ... a table-top size version. I literally screamed like a kid seeing Santa Claus and ran to it. My little sister, with blood streaming from her now punctured ear drums, looked at me in bewilderment. (Officially the item below is called the Big Green Egg - Mini Size aka Mini Egg.)
I suddenly had this vision of me carrying in my table-top Not-so Big Green Egg into The DW's house. I'd somehow smuggle it in and then when The DW looked the other way, I'd pull out the black metal stand and the Not-so Big Green Egg and plop it on the table in front of me. Of course I'd have put a straw hat and a bow tie on said Not-so Big Green Egg and maybe a blond ringlet wig ... corn cob pipe ... overalls ... some sort of Southern outfit. And then when The DW turned around, he'd see the face of "Not-so Big Green Egg" staring at him - and he'd know that his days of being the only Big Green Egg owner I know were LONG OVER. A tear may actually roll down his cheek too.
I would stand up and laugh maniacally at his pain. The music track from Dynasty or Dallas would cue up and I'd sneer "For too long, you thought you were the King of the Big Green Egg, DW! But you were WRONG! Look who has a Big Green Egg now TOO! Oh sure, it's not as big as yours - but can yours sit on the dining table and wear a straw hat and suspenders? Oh noooo .... I think NOT!"
I would then start absent-mindedly stroking my Not-so Big Green Egg while I laughed and laughed and laughed.
My sister ended my day-dreaming by saying "I still don't understand what the big deal is with this little green egg." Sigh ... kids just don't understand.
But then I turned around and SCREAMED AGAIN! My sister was now sick of losing her hearing to my insanity and walked away. But I would not walk away ... NO... what did I spy at the Kitchen Window store?
Patio string lights - like Christmas tree lights but for your patio and for more than one holiday (heh heh) - patio string lights in the shape of ... THE BIG GREEN EGG.
Obviously I have died and gone to heaven ... have you ever seen anything so fabulously beautiful? I quickly calculated how much it would cost to buy enough Big Green Egg Patio String Lights to completely wrap The DW's entire house ... unfortunately for me, The DW is a successful attorney and his house is quite large. Until my line of Moroccan-themed cat costumes brings me my first billion dollars, I probably didn't have enough money to completely cover The DW's house in Big Green Egg Patio String Lights. I decided dedicating a blog post to The DW and his Big Green Egg would have to suffice.
I then turned around one more time and SCREAMED AGAIN. I think at this point, my sister had had it with me and left the store. But who could blame me ... there sitting on a display grill were these ...
BARBECUE NINJA! Where was THAT option on career day?? Why am I a corporate drone when I could be a BARBECUE NINJA??? Can I change my CV on LinkedIn.com to say Current Role: BARBECUE NINJA?
Let's take stock of my life ... I don't own a Big Green Egg. I don't even own a Not So Big Green Egg. And I am not a Barbecue Ninja. Truth be told, I live in a condo so I couldn't have a grill even if I were the world's foremost barbecue ninja. No, I just have a Cuisinart Griddler. I'm a Griddler Ninja. I know, you don't have to say it - "Griddler Ninja" does not sound cool.
Sigh.
Someone needs to buy me a large house, buy me all sorts of sizes of Green Eggs and become my patron ... like in the old days where rich families would sponsor artists. I need a billionaire to sponsor my Barbecue Ninja artistry.
Do you really want to live in a world where there is one less Barbecue Ninja?
Gasp! No!
Until that glorious day, I'll be saving my pennies so I can make my dream of showing up at The DW's house with a Not So Big Green Egg in a blond wig with a corn cob pipe a sparkling reality.
A girl can dream, can't she?
P.S. In researching this blog post (yes, I actually do some research at times), I found out that there is a whole line of Big Green Egg -themed accessories! Candles, picnic table weights, salt and pepper shakers, stuffed toys, baby onesies and my absolute favorite - BIG GREEN EGG CORN COB HOLDERS.
I have heard rumors that Big Green Egg owners/lovers are beyond dedicated and have their own version of fan cultdom (EggHeads) over this ultimate cooking experience tool. Kind of like Furries, but obsessed with grills ... please don't try to have sex with your Big Green Egg, I beg of you!
They also have an annual Eggtoberfest - which by the time this blog post is published will be 2 days after 2012's Eggtoberfest.
P.P.S. If your Big Green Egg has ever given birth to a master race of alien pod people, please leave me your story in the Comments section below. Thanks!
Google Affiliate Ads:
I hope you're feeling energized and spunky today! If not, a few more cups of coffee please ...
Today's LilyOnTheLam.Com blog post is a gift to my friend JS' husband ... let's call him ... The Dog Whisperer.
I refer to him by that name because JS & TS have recently adopted a stray dog into their household. The new dog and TS have forged a very fast, very strong bond. So for the remainder of this blog post, I shall refer to TS as "The Dog Whisperer" or "The DW" for short. Oh the lengths I go to preserve anonymity ... (and then post my blog on a person's Facebook for all to read-- HAHAHAHHAHA!)
I met The DW's wife over 8 years ago, but I don't recall the exact moment or occasion when I met The DW. I just one day knew The DW - it was no gradual building up of friendship. It was just BOOM - there's The DW! Perhaps I have such good humor toward The DW because he makes the most mack daddy awesome flourless chocolate cake with Earl Grey ice cream I have ever had ... or maybe it was lavender ice cream - my memory is a bit jagged due to watching too many Honey Boo Boo clips on YouTube.
Anyway, it was on one of my visits to The DW's home that I noticed this big green oval thing near the pool-patio area. It was bumpy on the outside, kind of like a golf ball but huge. It looked like a compact carrying case for dead bodies ... or for alien life forms.
I made a mental note that The DW was either a mafia hit man or the Human Servant to a superior alien race that was planning to take over the Earth. I asked The DW's wife what the big green egg-shaped looking thing was and she replied "Oh, that's The DW's Big Green Egg."
Well duh, I kinda already got that - but WHAT IS IT?
"It's a Big Green Egg. It's The DW's Big Green Egg." The DW's wife repeated.
I shook my head and made a mental note that the alien overlords needn't bother to interrogate The DW's wife because her evasive answers would yield no useful information.
Then one day I was driving down Kennedy Boulevard in South Tampa, Florida and I saw an outdoor barbecue store. They had a sign advertising "The Big Green Egg." I wondered when The DW's wife started manufacturing cryptic and NOT helpful advertising signs. I kept driving.
Eventually the knowledge that "The Big Green Egg" is a ceramic cooker (or as their website calls it "The Ultimate Cooking Experience") somehow settled into the nether regions of my brain. It's supposed to be a combination grill/smoker/oven and possibly alien incubator.
I still don't quite trust it and am pretty sure "The Big Green Egg" may grill me a steak but it may also hatch a 10 foot tall alien master race as well. You can't fool me, alien pod people!
I was in Minneapolis three weeks ago, visiting my sister Squidge - who may also be part of an alien master race. We went shopping in Uptown Minneapolis/Lake Calhoun area. We had to stop at one of our favorite stores - Kitchen Window at Calhoun Square.
If you like kitchen gadgets or entertaining supplies, you have to check this store out. It has one of the biggest paella pans I have ever seen in my life. If I ever need to make paella for 200 people, I know where to get the pan!
Squidge and I walked in to the Kitchen Window and lo and behold, there was The DW's Big Green Egg ... but smaller ... a table-top size version. I literally screamed like a kid seeing Santa Claus and ran to it. My little sister, with blood streaming from her now punctured ear drums, looked at me in bewilderment. (Officially the item below is called the Big Green Egg - Mini Size aka Mini Egg.)
I suddenly had this vision of me carrying in my table-top Not-so Big Green Egg into The DW's house. I'd somehow smuggle it in and then when The DW looked the other way, I'd pull out the black metal stand and the Not-so Big Green Egg and plop it on the table in front of me. Of course I'd have put a straw hat and a bow tie on said Not-so Big Green Egg and maybe a blond ringlet wig ... corn cob pipe ... overalls ... some sort of Southern outfit. And then when The DW turned around, he'd see the face of "Not-so Big Green Egg" staring at him - and he'd know that his days of being the only Big Green Egg owner I know were LONG OVER. A tear may actually roll down his cheek too.
I would stand up and laugh maniacally at his pain. The music track from Dynasty or Dallas would cue up and I'd sneer "For too long, you thought you were the King of the Big Green Egg, DW! But you were WRONG! Look who has a Big Green Egg now TOO! Oh sure, it's not as big as yours - but can yours sit on the dining table and wear a straw hat and suspenders? Oh noooo .... I think NOT!"
I would then start absent-mindedly stroking my Not-so Big Green Egg while I laughed and laughed and laughed.
My sister ended my day-dreaming by saying "I still don't understand what the big deal is with this little green egg." Sigh ... kids just don't understand.
But then I turned around and SCREAMED AGAIN! My sister was now sick of losing her hearing to my insanity and walked away. But I would not walk away ... NO... what did I spy at the Kitchen Window store?
Patio string lights - like Christmas tree lights but for your patio and for more than one holiday (heh heh) - patio string lights in the shape of ... THE BIG GREEN EGG.
Obviously I have died and gone to heaven ... have you ever seen anything so fabulously beautiful? I quickly calculated how much it would cost to buy enough Big Green Egg Patio String Lights to completely wrap The DW's entire house ... unfortunately for me, The DW is a successful attorney and his house is quite large. Until my line of Moroccan-themed cat costumes brings me my first billion dollars, I probably didn't have enough money to completely cover The DW's house in Big Green Egg Patio String Lights. I decided dedicating a blog post to The DW and his Big Green Egg would have to suffice.
I then turned around one more time and SCREAMED AGAIN. I think at this point, my sister had had it with me and left the store. But who could blame me ... there sitting on a display grill were these ...
BARBECUE NINJA! Where was THAT option on career day?? Why am I a corporate drone when I could be a BARBECUE NINJA??? Can I change my CV on LinkedIn.com to say Current Role: BARBECUE NINJA?
Let's take stock of my life ... I don't own a Big Green Egg. I don't even own a Not So Big Green Egg. And I am not a Barbecue Ninja. Truth be told, I live in a condo so I couldn't have a grill even if I were the world's foremost barbecue ninja. No, I just have a Cuisinart Griddler. I'm a Griddler Ninja. I know, you don't have to say it - "Griddler Ninja" does not sound cool.
Sigh.
Someone needs to buy me a large house, buy me all sorts of sizes of Green Eggs and become my patron ... like in the old days where rich families would sponsor artists. I need a billionaire to sponsor my Barbecue Ninja artistry.
Do you really want to live in a world where there is one less Barbecue Ninja?
Gasp! No!
Until that glorious day, I'll be saving my pennies so I can make my dream of showing up at The DW's house with a Not So Big Green Egg in a blond wig with a corn cob pipe a sparkling reality.
A girl can dream, can't she?
P.S. In researching this blog post (yes, I actually do some research at times), I found out that there is a whole line of Big Green Egg -themed accessories! Candles, picnic table weights, salt and pepper shakers, stuffed toys, baby onesies and my absolute favorite - BIG GREEN EGG CORN COB HOLDERS.
I have heard rumors that Big Green Egg owners/lovers are beyond dedicated and have their own version of fan cultdom (EggHeads) over this ultimate cooking experience tool. Kind of like Furries, but obsessed with grills ... please don't try to have sex with your Big Green Egg, I beg of you!
They also have an annual Eggtoberfest - which by the time this blog post is published will be 2 days after 2012's Eggtoberfest.
P.P.S. If your Big Green Egg has ever given birth to a master race of alien pod people, please leave me your story in the Comments section below. Thanks!
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