Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!
Since March, I have been dating a 6'4" former football player who can best be described as "The Alpha Bear." This is probably the closest I have come to dating a caveman or a gigantic, hungry tiger from a Siegfried and Roy show. I felt like a little docile pork chop compared to this massive tower of testosterone. It has been a unique experience because I myself, am just a wee bit alpha in nature.
OK maybe more than a wee bit.
OK maybe a lot.
OK maybe I have balls the size of Texas.
Let's just say I may be named Lily, but I am hardly a gentle flower.
As one of my former boyfriends described me - "You can be really mean." This may have been after I verbally bitch-slapped him for hours. Who remembers?
While it was interesting to be with someone who was so alpha that I felt almost submissive in comparison, the novelty wore off after about four months. I decided to keep The Alpha Bear as a friend, but as for boyfriends I needed to find someone a lot less "frat guy on steroids."
From now on the only bears on my radar will be the Ninja bears with Chinese Throwing Stars from the fabulous artist Sebastien Millon.
One of my single girlfriends texted me right away - I think exactly 12.7 seconds had passed since I let the Caveman down gently. She asked: "Now that you're single, can we go bar hopping and look for guys?"
Evidently it was time to get back on the horse. Or the dinosaur.
Since my friend does not live in South Tampa, I decided to put together a list of bars for her consideration. It's a pretty good list, if I do say so myself, so I thought I would share it with the world.
Side Note: It seems like most "how to meet a man" articles say do not hit the bars, instead join a running club. I think this is pretty good advice. But if you're like me and you'd rather sit on a bar stool with a Bloody Mary versus run and sweat, check these bars out first. And then if all else fails, get yourself some cute workout gear and run baby, run!
The Ladies' Bar Guide To Finding Men in South Tampa:
Forty-two South Tampa bars for your consideration ladies ...
THE MEAT SECTION:
There are several bars that are considered "meat markets" - oops I mean "meet markets" (no, I really mean MEAT markets). If you are looking for some hardcore cruising action, these are the places you should check out. They are not my style and I feel sleazy and cheesy going there, but if bagging a big game man is your thing - then here is where you should start.
Blue Martini at International Plaza - if you're young and hot with large breasts and looking for a guy who will value you for these traits, you will find him here. On the positive side, they usually have great bands and delicious food.
The bars at Ocean Prime - International Plaza - I like going early and getting a big wraparound booth in the piano bar area. But if you're looking to chat up a man, go to the bar in the dining room or out on the patio. The first time I went to Ocean Prime with a female friend, we met a man who was probably 70 years old and he was with four scantily clad women who all looked under 21. At first we thought Grandpa was taking his four slutty-looking grand-daughters out for a kiddy cocktail. And then we realized all four of the young women were "with" Grandpa. My friend and I gave a collective "EWWWWWW." I felt like I was in Vegas or Los Angeles. There are some good-looking businessmen who hang out here and if you strike out at meeting men, they have an amazing chocolate peanut butter dessert you can eat to drive away your feelings.
The bar at Mangroves Restaurant - The bar is very dark. The bar top looks almost like stained glass. People here pretend they are in Miami and order bottles of vodka that are ridiculously expensive. Although it's definitely a meat market, for some reason I feel at home amidst the drunken testosterone crowd here. And the food is awesome.
Other places that qualify for The Meat Section - the bar at Bungalow Restaurant, The Kennedy, Hyde Park Cafe and Splitsville.
I WANT A TATTOOED BOHO HIPSTER/SKATER PUNK:
I recently met a darling, charming, Southern tattoo artist. I am a sucker for an intelligent man with a smooth and slow as molasses drawl, beautiful tattoos and great taste in music. Unfortunately, this sweetie also had a criminal record 27 miles long. That's where I go from hipster to prude. In 4.5 seconds flat. If you're looking for the indie music loving, microbrew worshipping, tattoo covered men - check out Lily's favorite spots:
The Independent - this gorgeous beer lovers mecca is done in beautiful light wood and roll up doors like a mechanic's garage. They have a wide selection of beer, great live music, cute male bartenders and great people watching.
Ella's Americana Folk Art Cafe - I love sitting at the bar or at the Elvis booth (gotta see it!) and listening to bands and enjoying a well made cocktail. Or hanging out on the patio with the Seminole Heights crowd. The people watching is fabulous. The food is delicious. The atmosphere is laid back and carefree.
The Mermaid Tavern - Retro furnishings, gourmet food, wide beer selection, sassy bartenders and a picture of a woman with a lion's head over her private parts. This is the Mermaid Tavern and I love, love, love it. The big barrel chairs remind me of a 1970's bar. I keep expecting Shaft to walk through the door. There is a small dance floor and if you've ever wanted to see a bunch of dancing women mixing Amish, boho hillbilly, steampunk, goth and "this is the only outfit I have left because tomorrow is Laundry Day" styles - this is the place to people watch and hit on laid back guys in t-shirts.
Other notable places to find your boho hipster/skater man: The Bricks of Ybor (one of my all time favorite places), Cigar City Brewing (also check out their Brew Pub in Carrollwood), The Crowbar (excellent live music) and The Boneyard.
THE CLOSEST LILY WILL EVER GET TO A HOOTERS:
I have the most adorable elderly neighbors. They go out to dinner almost every night. Early bird special. By the time they come home, with leftovers in styrofoam - I am just getting ready to go out for dinner. It is our nightly routine of giving hugs while they're returning home and I am leaving. I love it and them. They are wonderful people. About once a week, they have dinner at Hooters. I just shake my head trying to picture them having dinner while talking to some young girl, 1/4 their age, in plastic orange shorts.
I am not a fan of Hooters (even though the very first Hooters is about 20 minutes from my home - historical monument?) But there is one place in South Tampa like Hooters that I will go if I absolutely have to - or if I want to see a ton of tramp stamp tattoos - and that is Brick House Tavern and Tap.
There are a lot of men at Brick House, but I suspect most are married and coming to the Brick House's "Man Cave" section to watch sports and run from their wives. But Brick House makes an amazing Bloody Mary and has really good pub food, so if you want to go where the men are - they're here. And so are the nubile, young, gorgeous waitresses.
MILITARY EYE CANDY, EYE CANDY, EYE CANDY:
If I want to stare at some delicious looking men straight from the Air Force Base, I like to go to the dive bar that sells itself as a sports cafe- Elmer's on MacDill. Or if you're looking for a meal that is 100% deep fried, this is a good place to go as well.
But take caution ladies, the drinks here are strong. Last weekend I made the mistake of making this the first bar of the night. One Bloody Mary and I was seeing purple hippos dancing next to me.
I also find that I often run into men in flight suits (soooo cute) at World of Beer on Howard Avenue. So if you want to feel like you're on the set of Top Gun, get into the danger zone here.
As long as you can put up with inevitable cigar smoke, check out more military hotties at military-themed The Bad Monkey in Ybor.
THE PUB LIFE:
I am a sucker for a good Irish or British-style pub. On a weeknight, I like going to MacDinton's or The Dubliner. But on weekends, if you're over 25 years of age chances are you're going to feel like a cougar chasing the cubs. But if you like fresh young meat, then by all means ravish away!
My favorite pubs to hang out at are Four Green Fields, Yeoman's Road Pub and The James Joyce Irish Pub. Mellow atmosphere, usually great live music and laid back people. Four Green Fields also has a running club. If you can't find a good man in the bar try joining the club and see if you can find one there!
Also of note - Taps Bar and Lounge, The Pub at International Plaza and New World Brewery.
I WANT TO GET LIQUORED UP:
If it's booze first, chatting with men second - check out my favorite "I don't give a damn, I'm gonna drink!" haunts. First is the legendary The Hub Bar - where the drinks are strong, the bar is dark and the music loud. Bring cab fare because you're going to be feeling the drinks!
If you want to chat with some Floridian fishermen and eat some gator, you must go to Rick's On The River. Yes, I know this is West Tampa and not South Tampa - but let's make an exception, OK?
If you want a well made proper cocktail in a bar small enough that you could get to know everyone in the bar in a short period of time, try Fume Bella in Ybor. But bring cash - they don't take credit cards.
I WANT TO FEEL FANCY:
If your main priority is to get dressed up, look good and have a tasty cocktail and then look for a man. Try these Lily favorites: the bar at Mise en Place, Restaurant BT, Anise Global Gastrobar, Ciro's Speakeasy and Restaurant, the bar at Bern's Steakhouse, the bar at Flemings Steakhouse, Sideberns and the bar at Capital Grille. They are all top notch with delicious cocktail menus, pretty people watching and upscale enough to make you feel like Julia Roberts after the Rodeo Drive transformation.
Still not enough places?
For laid back sophistication and great music, try The Fox Jazz Cafe.
For hard drinking in a tiny space, try The Tiny Tap Tavern.
To shoot pool with a fun crowd, try one of my favorites - The Rack Sushi Bar and Billiards Lounge.
For a friendly social atmosphere where the men always seem to outnumber the women 2 or even 4 to 1, try my local hang out The Anchor Bar.
Overall, I find that when you're looking for something with desperation, you will never find it. So if you're on a wide-eyed, crazed, frenzied hunt for a man - you may not be successful in your hunt. But if you're looking to have a good time and see what the universe throws your way, you may just stumble upon someone great.
To all my single ladies out there - I wish you luck in your search whether you're looking for a caveman, a skater punk or any other type of man of your dreams.
Life is short - enjoy your weekends at some of the great bars and restaurants listed above!
Since March, I have been dating a 6'4" former football player who can best be described as "The Alpha Bear." This is probably the closest I have come to dating a caveman or a gigantic, hungry tiger from a Siegfried and Roy show. I felt like a little docile pork chop compared to this massive tower of testosterone. It has been a unique experience because I myself, am just a wee bit alpha in nature.
OK maybe more than a wee bit.
OK maybe a lot.
OK maybe I have balls the size of Texas.
Let's just say I may be named Lily, but I am hardly a gentle flower.
As one of my former boyfriends described me - "You can be really mean." This may have been after I verbally bitch-slapped him for hours. Who remembers?
While it was interesting to be with someone who was so alpha that I felt almost submissive in comparison, the novelty wore off after about four months. I decided to keep The Alpha Bear as a friend, but as for boyfriends I needed to find someone a lot less "frat guy on steroids."
From now on the only bears on my radar will be the Ninja bears with Chinese Throwing Stars from the fabulous artist Sebastien Millon.
 |
| Bears who are trained to kill are the best bears of them all. |
One of my single girlfriends texted me right away - I think exactly 12.7 seconds had passed since I let the Caveman down gently. She asked: "Now that you're single, can we go bar hopping and look for guys?"
Evidently it was time to get back on the horse. Or the dinosaur.
Since my friend does not live in South Tampa, I decided to put together a list of bars for her consideration. It's a pretty good list, if I do say so myself, so I thought I would share it with the world.
Side Note: It seems like most "how to meet a man" articles say do not hit the bars, instead join a running club. I think this is pretty good advice. But if you're like me and you'd rather sit on a bar stool with a Bloody Mary versus run and sweat, check these bars out first. And then if all else fails, get yourself some cute workout gear and run baby, run!
The Ladies' Bar Guide To Finding Men in South Tampa:
Forty-two South Tampa bars for your consideration ladies ...
THE MEAT SECTION:
There are several bars that are considered "meat markets" - oops I mean "meet markets" (no, I really mean MEAT markets). If you are looking for some hardcore cruising action, these are the places you should check out. They are not my style and I feel sleazy and cheesy going there, but if bagging a big game man is your thing - then here is where you should start.
Blue Martini at International Plaza - if you're young and hot with large breasts and looking for a guy who will value you for these traits, you will find him here. On the positive side, they usually have great bands and delicious food.
The bars at Ocean Prime - International Plaza - I like going early and getting a big wraparound booth in the piano bar area. But if you're looking to chat up a man, go to the bar in the dining room or out on the patio. The first time I went to Ocean Prime with a female friend, we met a man who was probably 70 years old and he was with four scantily clad women who all looked under 21. At first we thought Grandpa was taking his four slutty-looking grand-daughters out for a kiddy cocktail. And then we realized all four of the young women were "with" Grandpa. My friend and I gave a collective "EWWWWWW." I felt like I was in Vegas or Los Angeles. There are some good-looking businessmen who hang out here and if you strike out at meeting men, they have an amazing chocolate peanut butter dessert you can eat to drive away your feelings.
The bar at Mangroves Restaurant - The bar is very dark. The bar top looks almost like stained glass. People here pretend they are in Miami and order bottles of vodka that are ridiculously expensive. Although it's definitely a meat market, for some reason I feel at home amidst the drunken testosterone crowd here. And the food is awesome.
Other places that qualify for The Meat Section - the bar at Bungalow Restaurant, The Kennedy, Hyde Park Cafe and Splitsville.
I WANT A TATTOOED BOHO HIPSTER/SKATER PUNK:
I recently met a darling, charming, Southern tattoo artist. I am a sucker for an intelligent man with a smooth and slow as molasses drawl, beautiful tattoos and great taste in music. Unfortunately, this sweetie also had a criminal record 27 miles long. That's where I go from hipster to prude. In 4.5 seconds flat. If you're looking for the indie music loving, microbrew worshipping, tattoo covered men - check out Lily's favorite spots:
The Independent - this gorgeous beer lovers mecca is done in beautiful light wood and roll up doors like a mechanic's garage. They have a wide selection of beer, great live music, cute male bartenders and great people watching.
Ella's Americana Folk Art Cafe - I love sitting at the bar or at the Elvis booth (gotta see it!) and listening to bands and enjoying a well made cocktail. Or hanging out on the patio with the Seminole Heights crowd. The people watching is fabulous. The food is delicious. The atmosphere is laid back and carefree.
The Mermaid Tavern - Retro furnishings, gourmet food, wide beer selection, sassy bartenders and a picture of a woman with a lion's head over her private parts. This is the Mermaid Tavern and I love, love, love it. The big barrel chairs remind me of a 1970's bar. I keep expecting Shaft to walk through the door. There is a small dance floor and if you've ever wanted to see a bunch of dancing women mixing Amish, boho hillbilly, steampunk, goth and "this is the only outfit I have left because tomorrow is Laundry Day" styles - this is the place to people watch and hit on laid back guys in t-shirts.
Other notable places to find your boho hipster/skater man: The Bricks of Ybor (one of my all time favorite places), Cigar City Brewing (also check out their Brew Pub in Carrollwood), The Crowbar (excellent live music) and The Boneyard.
THE CLOSEST LILY WILL EVER GET TO A HOOTERS:
I have the most adorable elderly neighbors. They go out to dinner almost every night. Early bird special. By the time they come home, with leftovers in styrofoam - I am just getting ready to go out for dinner. It is our nightly routine of giving hugs while they're returning home and I am leaving. I love it and them. They are wonderful people. About once a week, they have dinner at Hooters. I just shake my head trying to picture them having dinner while talking to some young girl, 1/4 their age, in plastic orange shorts.
I am not a fan of Hooters (even though the very first Hooters is about 20 minutes from my home - historical monument?) But there is one place in South Tampa like Hooters that I will go if I absolutely have to - or if I want to see a ton of tramp stamp tattoos - and that is Brick House Tavern and Tap.
There are a lot of men at Brick House, but I suspect most are married and coming to the Brick House's "Man Cave" section to watch sports and run from their wives. But Brick House makes an amazing Bloody Mary and has really good pub food, so if you want to go where the men are - they're here. And so are the nubile, young, gorgeous waitresses.
MILITARY EYE CANDY, EYE CANDY, EYE CANDY:
If I want to stare at some delicious looking men straight from the Air Force Base, I like to go to the dive bar that sells itself as a sports cafe- Elmer's on MacDill. Or if you're looking for a meal that is 100% deep fried, this is a good place to go as well.
But take caution ladies, the drinks here are strong. Last weekend I made the mistake of making this the first bar of the night. One Bloody Mary and I was seeing purple hippos dancing next to me.
I also find that I often run into men in flight suits (soooo cute) at World of Beer on Howard Avenue. So if you want to feel like you're on the set of Top Gun, get into the danger zone here.
As long as you can put up with inevitable cigar smoke, check out more military hotties at military-themed The Bad Monkey in Ybor.
THE PUB LIFE:
I am a sucker for a good Irish or British-style pub. On a weeknight, I like going to MacDinton's or The Dubliner. But on weekends, if you're over 25 years of age chances are you're going to feel like a cougar chasing the cubs. But if you like fresh young meat, then by all means ravish away!
My favorite pubs to hang out at are Four Green Fields, Yeoman's Road Pub and The James Joyce Irish Pub. Mellow atmosphere, usually great live music and laid back people. Four Green Fields also has a running club. If you can't find a good man in the bar try joining the club and see if you can find one there!
Also of note - Taps Bar and Lounge, The Pub at International Plaza and New World Brewery.
I WANT TO GET LIQUORED UP:
If it's booze first, chatting with men second - check out my favorite "I don't give a damn, I'm gonna drink!" haunts. First is the legendary The Hub Bar - where the drinks are strong, the bar is dark and the music loud. Bring cab fare because you're going to be feeling the drinks!
If you want to chat with some Floridian fishermen and eat some gator, you must go to Rick's On The River. Yes, I know this is West Tampa and not South Tampa - but let's make an exception, OK?
If you want a well made proper cocktail in a bar small enough that you could get to know everyone in the bar in a short period of time, try Fume Bella in Ybor. But bring cash - they don't take credit cards.
I WANT TO FEEL FANCY:
If your main priority is to get dressed up, look good and have a tasty cocktail and then look for a man. Try these Lily favorites: the bar at Mise en Place, Restaurant BT, Anise Global Gastrobar, Ciro's Speakeasy and Restaurant, the bar at Bern's Steakhouse, the bar at Flemings Steakhouse, Sideberns and the bar at Capital Grille. They are all top notch with delicious cocktail menus, pretty people watching and upscale enough to make you feel like Julia Roberts after the Rodeo Drive transformation.
Still not enough places?
For laid back sophistication and great music, try The Fox Jazz Cafe.
For hard drinking in a tiny space, try The Tiny Tap Tavern.
To shoot pool with a fun crowd, try one of my favorites - The Rack Sushi Bar and Billiards Lounge.
For a friendly social atmosphere where the men always seem to outnumber the women 2 or even 4 to 1, try my local hang out The Anchor Bar.
Overall, I find that when you're looking for something with desperation, you will never find it. So if you're on a wide-eyed, crazed, frenzied hunt for a man - you may not be successful in your hunt. But if you're looking to have a good time and see what the universe throws your way, you may just stumble upon someone great.
To all my single ladies out there - I wish you luck in your search whether you're looking for a caveman, a skater punk or any other type of man of your dreams.
Life is short - enjoy your weekends at some of the great bars and restaurants listed above!
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