Hello LilyOnTheLam.com Readers:
I gave up diet soda and artificial sweeteners ...
So I'm sitting here drinking a Coke Zero (for those unfamiliar with this gift from God, it's a diet soda ... with artificial sweetener.) Hypocrisy, thy name is Lily.
A friend told me that she received a Trader Joe's email about a month ago that had a shout out to my blog post on Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar. She hadn't mentioned it to me before because she assumed I knew. UM NO! So thank you, Trader Joe's (opening in Sarasota, Florida - the 2nd Trader Joe's Florida store - Friday, September 7, 2012) for the shout out! No wonder I had so many blog hits on that post!
Speaking of blog hits (a.k.a. blog page views), I was checking my LilyOnTheLam.Com viewer stats. I noticed some of my older dating disaster blog posts have been receiving new viewer traffic lately ...
Shockingly for such a super hot supermodel, super genius, super lady like me; my dating life has been mostly a fiery train wreck. I say this tongue in cheek ... OK I say the "supermodel" part tongue in cheek ... the fireball of destruction train wreck reference is pretty accurate.
Life is short and sometimes all you can do is laugh and move on; no matter how painful or humiliating the experience. It is in this spirit that I write blog posts about my wacky dating life.
If you are married and wish you were still single, read some of my blog posts on my dating life ... it may save your marriage!
If you are single and had a bad date, read some of my blog posts and trust me, you'll instantly feel better!
Here are some of my ... well I don't want to say "favorite" blog posts on trainwreck dates ... Infamous blog posts? Top blog posts that will make you laugh but once made me cry? Hmmm ... my kingdom for a good label ...
How about ... Lily's Random Ten Dating Disaster Blog Posts? "Random Ten" because how would I judge the "Top Ten" when I probably have lived at least ten thousand dating disasters... Wow, that's depressing to think about! I'm going to need some macaroni and cheese, some chocolate and a BRAVO TV "Real Housewives" marathon - STAT!
While I lay on my couch in a food coma, wondering what I did in a past life to deserve such a suck-ass dating life in this life; please check out the following "Random Ten Dating Disaster Blog Posts."
Feel free to leave me a comment (or a commiseration or words of sympathy or even comments on whether you like Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese ... any feedback will do!)
And now ...
Lily's Random Ten Dating Disaster Blog Posts
(Random Ten for now, I expect many more in the future!)
Click the links to instantly feel better about yourself. My dating disasters in no particular order ...
1. 20,003 Reasons To Be Happy On A Saturday ... And How I Inadvertently Slept with a Neo Nazi.
I dare you to find one other blog post that combines a review of comedienne Rachel Dratch's book along with a poignant (yeah, I said POIGNANT) admission of a fling with a guy who later became a Neo Nazi Meth Dealer.
2. Millet, Quinoa, Latin American Men And A Lot of Self Doubt
Because forced public sterilization is never a good topic for a first date.
3. An Awkward A Capella For The New Year Or When I First Discovered I Could Never Be A Cougar
If your date is trying to convince you why you should love the Backstreet Boys, maybe you should call it a night.
4. Why I Am A Sucker For Reverse Psychology (a.k.a. Don't Piss Off A British Chick or A Voodoo Princess)
If you tell me NOT to sleep with a guy, chances are I will probably sleep with the guy.
5. BLUNDERBUSSED: Jar Jar Binks, Jack White and the Interruption of Modern Love
Thinking you are dating Han Solo and then finding out he's really Jar Jar Binks = Angst wrapped in Regret smothered in Nausea.
6. The Lengths One Will Go ...
The original title of this blog post was "The Lengths One Will Go To Get A Blow Job." If that title doesn't intrigue you, then maybe "read this blog post to understand why I had straw up my arse" will do it for you.
7. Bad Dates and Other Things That Make Me Nauseous
Somebody gets a non-sexual body part forcibly humped in this blog post ... care to guess who and what body part?
8. Klassy Pick-Up Lines and Other Things That Make My Heart Swoon ...
This guy didn't even get a first date ... find out what "compliment" will NOT get you laid by me.
9. The Holiest of Messages Are Always Delivered Via Diet Coke
This blog post is not about a specific bad date, but the general depression and lethargy I feel when I have had too many bad dates. Read this blog if you want to hear how Jesus told me to "Man Up, Little Camper" via one of my favorite caffeinated diet soft drinks.
And last but not least ... a classic tale of heartbreak and yearning ...
10. Wild About The Wayans Brothers and How Urkel Broke My Heart
If you know the TV show ("Family Matters") character "Steve Urkel," you'll know why my heart is aching and breaking ... This is the story of the date that never was ... so close, but yet so far. You had me at "Urkel" and you broke my heart, just as quickly.
I hope my stories of life, love, lust, sex, Urkel, Diet Coke and a quest for blow jobs bring a smile to your face and laughter to your heart.
As always, thank you for reading LilyOnTheLam.com!
(And leave me some comments, people!)
Google Affiliate Ad:
If you can't find love, find some chocolate instead. My family used to live in Zurich, a couple kilometers away from the Lindt Factory Store. For five years, I received the most amazing Lindt chocolates ... my waistline may be happy that my family is back in the States, but my tastebuds are NOT!
I gave up diet soda and artificial sweeteners ...
So I'm sitting here drinking a Coke Zero (for those unfamiliar with this gift from God, it's a diet soda ... with artificial sweetener.) Hypocrisy, thy name is Lily.
A friend told me that she received a Trader Joe's email about a month ago that had a shout out to my blog post on Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar. She hadn't mentioned it to me before because she assumed I knew. UM NO! So thank you, Trader Joe's (opening in Sarasota, Florida - the 2nd Trader Joe's Florida store - Friday, September 7, 2012) for the shout out! No wonder I had so many blog hits on that post!
Speaking of blog hits (a.k.a. blog page views), I was checking my LilyOnTheLam.Com viewer stats. I noticed some of my older dating disaster blog posts have been receiving new viewer traffic lately ...
Shockingly for such a super hot supermodel, super genius, super lady like me; my dating life has been mostly a fiery train wreck. I say this tongue in cheek ... OK I say the "supermodel" part tongue in cheek ... the fireball of destruction train wreck reference is pretty accurate.
Life is short and sometimes all you can do is laugh and move on; no matter how painful or humiliating the experience. It is in this spirit that I write blog posts about my wacky dating life.
If you are married and wish you were still single, read some of my blog posts on my dating life ... it may save your marriage!
If you are single and had a bad date, read some of my blog posts and trust me, you'll instantly feel better!
Here are some of my ... well I don't want to say "favorite" blog posts on trainwreck dates ... Infamous blog posts? Top blog posts that will make you laugh but once made me cry? Hmmm ... my kingdom for a good label ...
How about ... Lily's Random Ten Dating Disaster Blog Posts? "Random Ten" because how would I judge the "Top Ten" when I probably have lived at least ten thousand dating disasters... Wow, that's depressing to think about! I'm going to need some macaroni and cheese, some chocolate and a BRAVO TV "Real Housewives" marathon - STAT!
While I lay on my couch in a food coma, wondering what I did in a past life to deserve such a suck-ass dating life in this life; please check out the following "Random Ten Dating Disaster Blog Posts."
Feel free to leave me a comment (or a commiseration or words of sympathy or even comments on whether you like Trader Joe's Unexpected Cheddar Cheese ... any feedback will do!)
And now ...
Lily's Random Ten Dating Disaster Blog Posts
(Random Ten for now, I expect many more in the future!)
Click the links to instantly feel better about yourself. My dating disasters in no particular order ...
1. 20,003 Reasons To Be Happy On A Saturday ... And How I Inadvertently Slept with a Neo Nazi.
I dare you to find one other blog post that combines a review of comedienne Rachel Dratch's book along with a poignant (yeah, I said POIGNANT) admission of a fling with a guy who later became a Neo Nazi Meth Dealer.
2. Millet, Quinoa, Latin American Men And A Lot of Self Doubt
Because forced public sterilization is never a good topic for a first date.
3. An Awkward A Capella For The New Year Or When I First Discovered I Could Never Be A Cougar
If your date is trying to convince you why you should love the Backstreet Boys, maybe you should call it a night.
4. Why I Am A Sucker For Reverse Psychology (a.k.a. Don't Piss Off A British Chick or A Voodoo Princess)
If you tell me NOT to sleep with a guy, chances are I will probably sleep with the guy.
5. BLUNDERBUSSED: Jar Jar Binks, Jack White and the Interruption of Modern Love
Thinking you are dating Han Solo and then finding out he's really Jar Jar Binks = Angst wrapped in Regret smothered in Nausea.
6. The Lengths One Will Go ...
The original title of this blog post was "The Lengths One Will Go To Get A Blow Job." If that title doesn't intrigue you, then maybe "read this blog post to understand why I had straw up my arse" will do it for you.
7. Bad Dates and Other Things That Make Me Nauseous
Somebody gets a non-sexual body part forcibly humped in this blog post ... care to guess who and what body part?
8. Klassy Pick-Up Lines and Other Things That Make My Heart Swoon ...
This guy didn't even get a first date ... find out what "compliment" will NOT get you laid by me.
9. The Holiest of Messages Are Always Delivered Via Diet Coke
This blog post is not about a specific bad date, but the general depression and lethargy I feel when I have had too many bad dates. Read this blog if you want to hear how Jesus told me to "Man Up, Little Camper" via one of my favorite caffeinated diet soft drinks.
And last but not least ... a classic tale of heartbreak and yearning ...
10. Wild About The Wayans Brothers and How Urkel Broke My Heart
If you know the TV show ("Family Matters") character "Steve Urkel," you'll know why my heart is aching and breaking ... This is the story of the date that never was ... so close, but yet so far. You had me at "Urkel" and you broke my heart, just as quickly.
I hope my stories of life, love, lust, sex, Urkel, Diet Coke and a quest for blow jobs bring a smile to your face and laughter to your heart.
As always, thank you for reading LilyOnTheLam.com!
(And leave me some comments, people!)
Google Affiliate Ad:
If you can't find love, find some chocolate instead. My family used to live in Zurich, a couple kilometers away from the Lindt Factory Store. For five years, I received the most amazing Lindt chocolates ... my waistline may be happy that my family is back in the States, but my tastebuds are NOT!
Love you Lily. You are a hoot!!
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