Not only is it fantastic to spend time around beautiful men, but it also makes for good stories. One of my adorable friends, JT, told me a story that has emotionally scarred me in a gastronomical sense. Boys being boys ... one of JT's friend bragged that he routinely eats forty to fifty McDonald's Chicken McNuggets at a time.
Yes, you read that correctly - forty to fifty Chicken McNuggets. Well as men tend to do, when an eating boast presents itself; the best way to deal with it is to up the ante. JT dared the Chicken McNugget Lover to eat TWO HUNDRED Chicken McNuggets.
A challenge was offered. And perhaps routinely eating 40-50 Chicken McNuggets, scarred the Food Boasting Braggart's mind because he did not hesitate for even one second. He ACCEPTED the 200 McNugget Challenge!
A gaggle of eager men headed to the nearest McDonald's and ordered two hundred Chicken McNuggets. Now I don't know how often the crew at McDonald's receives an order like this, but JT said that the staff cooked and delivered two hundred Chicken McNuggets in ... get this ... NINE MINUTES. That's some seriously fast food, people. I wonder if my local McDonald's would be as efficient.
With two hundred Chicken McNuggets before him, "Food Boasting Braggart" began eating. He ate and he ate and he ate. I didn't ask JT what flavor sauce, if any, FBB used with his Chicken McNuggets. Maybe he didn't want to load up on sauce. I wonder what adorable cutie Man Vs. Food's Adam Richman would recommend on how best to devour two hundred Chicken McNuggets!
FBB continued to eat - plowing through the first 30 without stopping at all. The eager fans watched as Chicken McNugget after Chicken McNugget disappeared. The stakes for the bet was a mere $50, but it was $50 the zealous crowd of young men didn't want to lose. It looked like nothing could stop FBB. He was a McNugget-inhaling machine!
FBB kept eating but perhaps his colon was starting to cause angst, because he began to slow down. Each McNugget was taking a little longer to make it completely into his gullet. Finally FBB tapped out. He was unsuccessful. As much as he bragged, he could NOT eat an entire two hundred Chicken McNuggets.
I grabbed JT and shook him when he got to this part of the story. HOW MANY DID HE EAT? HOW MANY DID HE EAT? I think I may have given JT shaken baby syndrome. After I stopped shaking him, JT told me how many Chicken McNuggets FBB actually ate on that fateful day.
FBB made it through ... wait for it ... ninety-six Chicken McNuggets before he tapped out.
Ninety-six Chicken McNuggets.
Ninety-six Chicken McNuggets!!
Just for perspective - that's 4,560 calories of Chicken McNuggets and 288 grams of fat. Mmmmm delicious. Someone get Morgan Spurlock on the phone. I smell a sequel to "Supersize Me"!
FBB consumed ninety-six Chicken McNuggets in one sitting. The next day he said he felt fine and would definitely continue to eat 40-50 Chicken McNuggets at a time as his routine snack. Someone please check FBB's mental status!
This story should inspire vomiting, stomach clenching, veganism ... I mean seriously, ninety-six Chicken McNuggets? Who does that? But here's where the shameful part comes in. Ever since JT told me this ridiculous eating challenge story, I have been craving Chicken McNuggets.
Yes, a story of chowing down on ninety-six Chicken McNuggets in one sitting made me want to actually eat those formed, pressed, potentially maybe some chicken lips patty things ... THE SHAME OF IT ALL! Yet despite my shame, I wanted some McNuggets!
Picture it - there I was - hiding behind Jackie O large sunglasses, hoping no one recognizes me in the McDonald's drive thru, slowly inching down the drive thru lane. I look around me in complete paranoia before I whisper into the drive thru speaker .... "ummm a ... ummmm ... aaaa..... four pack of Chicken McNuggets please." Yes, a four pack. I'm not a nut job! I don't need ninety-six Chicken McNuggets! I just need a taste of the sweet, sweet McNugget!
My local McDonald's drive thru staff is incredibly polite - better customer service than most joints in Tampa Bay. I got a steaming hot bag of pressed chicken in no time! As I drove away, I realized no one had bothered to ask me what kind of dipping sauce I wanted! Maybe dipping sauce was only for lame people and obviously I, incognito in the McDonald's drive thru, am anything but lame.
I opened up the McDonald's bag and this is what I saw ...
Three ... THREE tubs of tangy barbecue sauce to accompany my FOUR PACK of Chicken McNuggets. Is this the recommended serving size? Really? Is it a 3 sauce to 4 McNuggets ratio? Have I been shorted sauce? Should it be one tub per McNugget? Or did the vision of me, scrunched down in my car seat, hiding behind big sunglasses, whispering my pressed chicken order cause the McDonald's server to take pity on me? "She looks like a girl who could use some extra tubs of tangy barbecue."
Maybe I shouldn't question why I got the three tubs of sauce for my four little Chix McN's ... maybe I should just be grateful. Is this like the lottery? Instead of $300 million, my gift from the universe is three tubs of barbecue sauce?
Why ask why? I have a four pack of Chicken McNuggets here, people.
Life is short ... I need to shut up and eat my barbecue sauce. :-)
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