Thursday, September 29, 2011

Gluttony Ahoy! The French Fry Sandwich. Happy Birthday, RJ!

In my quest for non-stop branding, I have been trying out some new potentially reoccuring "mini columns" on my blog, such as: New Product Wednesdays.  In the same vein, I am launching "Gluttony Ahoy!" - mini columns on insane portion sizes or insane foodstuffs ... or insanely large insane foodstuffs.  You get the concept ...


Today, September 29th, is my pal, RJ's birthday.  RJ leads a life focused on non-stop hedonism.  Work is a 4 letter word to RJ.  I can think of no better date to launch "Gluttony Ahoy!" than on RJ's birthday and the first mini-column should be focused on an insane foodstuff that I shared with the aforementioned RJ. 


What gluttonous pleasure could be worthy of the King of Hedonism?  Seminole Heights, Florida's The Refinery Restaurant's very own carniverous treat, the Myakka Gold ($8).  Now The Refinery has a new menu every week, so I suggest you get yourself over to The Refinery ASAP or begin a letter-writing campaign to get the Myakka Gold on the regular menu.  What is the Myakka Gold, you ask?  Other than the subject of your new letter-writing campaign?  Other than your serious new addiction?  Other than the reason your arteries may harden? 


The Myakka Gold is two pieces of white bread (no multi-grain insanity here!), Duke's Mayonnaise, house made garlic-tarragon sausage gravy, herbed mushroom salt and Yukon Gold French Fries.  Yes, French Fries in the sandwich.  With sausage gravy.  This is some serious stuff here. 


I will admit I was seriously curious and equally seriously scared when I read the description of the Myakka Gold.  In addition to being the King of Hedonism, RJ can also read minds.  He ordered the Myakka Gold - taking an artery-clogging hit for the team, just so I could try the French Fry and Sausage Gravy sandwich!  That King of Hedonism is a good man!  


 
I would like to say that the Myakka Gold was disgusting and that I quickly ran out for some vegan parfaits.  I would like to say that ... But let me tell you the sound that both the King of Hedonism and I made upon first bite: "ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy Goddddddddddd .... my heart is about to explode and I don't care ... ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyy Godddddddd.... nummmm, nummmmm, nummmmmm."  It was that good.  Myakka Gold - Myakka Good!


The Refinery is a lovely restaurant in Seminole Heights with a rockin' rooftop patio.  It's a great spot to have a beer and watch the sun set - which was RJ's and my goal for that evening.  Little did we know that we were about to enter the pathway to Gluttonous heaven.  I actually think the password to get into Gluttonous heaven is "sausage gravy."  Ohhh what an amazing, intense, glutton-worthy treat.


But I'm an American girl, so with compliments come criticisms as well.  My criticisms for the Myakka Gold - seriously, only one half of the sandwich is needed.  Portion control, baby!  I ate three bites and seriously wanted to take a fatty carb-induced nap.  RJ was begging me to eat more.  He started bargaining like one of the 5 stages of dealing with death-- I've never heard him say "please" so much in my life!  I think I could have won his potential first-born had I eaten two more bites.  The Myakka Gold may be the stakes for an intense dare ... consider it, kids!


The Myakka Gold is one serious sandwich and I want to meet the person who created this recipe.  I want to bitch-slap him or her and then give them a huge hug!  It is crazy rich-tasting and you feel a bit Henry VIII just for having it on a plate in front of you.  The Yukon Gold French Fries are butter-tastic.  The sausage gravy is intense without being greasy.  The sausage is hard-core, great.  You can tell it is a quality meat product and not some sad odds and ends.  It's just plain old major flavorful. 


Believe it or not, I could taste the mayonnaise despite the fries and the gravy.  Which did make me wonder how much Duke's Mayonnaise was slathered on this sandwich that I could clearly and discernibly taste it amidst the other strong flavors.  The white bread was solid, dense and tasty good-- no Wonder Bread here.  Duke's Mayonnaise is hailed as an intense Southern mayo.  I thought all mayo was the same until I tasted this delightful spread on this incredible sandwich.


RJ and I determined that the Myakka Gold was the ultimate stoner food.  This sandwich would be the most amazing at 3 a.m. after many rounds of cocktails.  RJ and I quickly mapped out a food truck empire based solely around the Myakka Gold before we realized that we lack the operating capital, 24 hours per day drive and work ethic to launch such an empire.  Hopefully The Refinery will team with an awesome food truck like Tampa's Own Wicked 'Wiches so that drunks around the land can have the Myakka Gold fantabulousness to top off a crazed night out.  I'd like 10% as a finder's fee/royalty/"You're super awesome and an inspiration" fee.  Or just change the name to "Lily on the Lam's Fantabulously Awesomely Approved Myakka Gold."  I'm really open to several options here, people. 


RJ and I also decided between gulps of Cigar City Brewing beers that we are 99.2% sure that The Refinery created the Myakka Gold on either a dare or after an ultra-fantastic hedonistic evening full of drinks or illegal plants.  Either way, this is a sandwich that must be honored, revered and be tasted to be believed.  You've never had a French Fry sandwich you say?  Well what are you waiting for, Wuss?  Gluttony Ahoy!  Let the letter-writing campaign start now!         
The Refinery on Urbanspoon

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