Squeaky Swings: Jalapeno Ranch Summer Corn Salad for Two Recipe

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I am obsessed with sweet corn.  Actually, I am obsessed with all things starchy carbs - but that's a story for my Carbaholics Anonymous group.  When I was recently in Rio De Janeiro, I was IN LOVE that there was a boiled corn cart on every corner.  I sat in the hot sun, eating a heavily buttered, heavily salted corn on the cob and watched very muscular, almost naked men play volleyball.  Heaven.  

Recently, my fabulous friends have been taking me out for all sorts of lovely dinners in honor of my 997th birthday.  Ms. Corporate Sassy took me out to our favorite lunchtime spot - J. Alexander's in Tampa, Florida - which apparently now is being called Redlands Grill.  I am not a big corporate chain restaurant girl, but I make exceptions for J.Alexander's (and Capitol Grille ... and Bonefish ... and Houston's ... and Cheesecake Factory if I am craving 90,000 calorie cheesecake slices ... OK maybe I do like chain restaurants!)

Poor Ms. Corporate Sassy, she picked a day to take me out when I was craving FILET MIGNON.  I am going to have to take her to Bern's Steakhouse or another of our favorites Cafe Ponte, when it is her birthday because let me tell you my birthday lunch was EXPENSIVE.  

Side note: Because Tampa lost against Chicago in the Stanley Cup, I now have to take my little sister to Bern's Steakhouse for a free steak dinner on me.  My wallet is already shaking because that tiny little girl has been known to put away the most expensive steaks on any menu.  But I am happy for ANY EXCUSE to go to Bern's Steakhouse.  It may look like a cross between Disney's Haunted Mansion and a bordello on the inside and look like a warehouse from the outside, but it is one of my favorite restaurants in the entire world - and that is saying something because I eat out A LOT!    

Anyway, back to my lunch with Ms. Corporate Sassy - J. Alexander's side of the day was a sautéed corn.  Given my love for all starchy carbs, I had to order it - in addition to my excellent filet mignon and loaded baked potato bigger than my head.  It arrived with julienned slices of zucchini in it.  Which I totally DID NOT UNDERSTAND.  Overcooked zucchini has a slimy texture which did not pair well with the crisp, sweet, bursting with goodness summer corn.  Pairing fail.  But I still ate it up heartily!  Yum!

When I was driving back from my birthday weekend in Boca Raton, one thought kept flashing through my tiny brain: "when I get back to Tampa, I want corn on the cob with herb butter."  Yes, some people spend their time thinking about world peace.  I spend my time thinking about corn.

I whipped up a giant pot of boiled corn - more corn than a single lady with 900 cats should ever cook.  I decided that with some of the leftover ears of corn, I would make a summer corn salad.  Even though I am 1,029 years old, I have never made a corn salad before.  Or at least I don't think I have ... when you're this old, memories start to fade.  I have to be careful what declarations I make, because you never know when someone from my past is going to jump out of the woodwork and scream "J'accuse!  You made a corn salad in 1997!"  It could happen.  You never know.

So with that, I made my "Jalapeño Ranch Summer Corn Salad For Two" recipe.

It tastes better than it looks

Which by the way, "Summer Corn" makes me think of the Death Cab For Cutie song "Summer Skin."  Death Cab for Cutie chose their band name from the headlines of a tabloid. Apparently an attractive woman in a taxi died or almost died - so it was "death cab for cutie."  Probably not a good incident for the woman, but a catchy tabloid headline and a better band name.

The song starts out with the lyrics "Squeaky swings and tall grass ..." and it reminds me of summer and love and heartache.

Let me tell you - I may be a corn purist - just some sweet corn, a little butter, a little salt ... but this "Jalapeño Ranch Summer Corn Salad" recipe is DELICIOUS!  Try it out!

Feel free to share this recipe, but please include the link and a created by "LilyOnTheLam.com" when you share PLEASE.

Jalapeño Ranch Summer Corn Salad for Two by LilyOnTheLam.com

Ingredients:
2 ears of summer sweet corn that have been fully cooked either by boiling or steaming and then chilled to room temperature (or refrigerated overnight)
6 mini assorted red, yellow and orange peppers (or 1 medium green bell pepper), diced fine
2 Tbsp. finely diced red onion (or more- depending on your tastes)
1/2 a large lime
3 heaping tablespoons pico de gallo or a chunky medium salsa, drained
2 tablespoons Jalapeno ranch salad dressing (or use regular ranch and put in some finely diced jalapeños).  I use "Naturally Fresh Jalapeño Ranch Dressing" (from the refrigerated section) because I think it is tasty!
1 heaping tablespoon Duke's Mayonnaise (or other fine quality Southern mayo)
salt and pepper, to taste
1/3 - 1/4 c. shredded aged cheddar (OPTIONAL)

How To:
1) Cut the kernels from the ears of sweet corn.  Use your fingers to break up the corn into individual kernels, if necessary.
2) Add diced bell peppers, red onion, the juice of 1/2 a large lime, the pico de gallo, Jalapeño ranch salad dressing and mayonnaise.  If you don't mind the extra calories, add some shredded cheddar cheese.  Add salt and pepper, to taste.
3)  You may wish to add more Jalapeño ranch dressing and mayo if you like a "saucier" salad.  Also feel free to use less.
4) Mix well.
5)  Serve immediately or keep in the fridge for a couple hours.

If you wish, you can add more shredded aged cheddar cheese and serve this on fried corn tortilla chips as a "summer corn dip."
  

In a Tostitos Scoop shell - perfect appetizer!

This salad would also be great with some fresh lobster, crab or shrimp folded in.

Otherwise it is delicious as a side salad or accompaniment to grilled meat.

I loooooove this summer corn salad.  I hope you like it too!  Thanks for reading!

P.S. I have not been compensated by Naturally Fresh or Duke's for naming their products in my recipe - just sharing information on what brands I used.

The Things We Take For Granted: Happy Parents' Day!

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

This morning when I logged on to my Instagram account, I saw that one of the MANY Hello Kitty accounts that I follow was celebrating "Parents' Day."  My first thought was "Um hello, we already had Mother's Day in May and Father's Day in June - now it's Parents' Day in July?  Those greedy bastards!  What will August bring?  Parents' Day - Part 2?"

Little did I realize when I woke this morning that I would be thinking a lot about my parents today.  And not just because the fine folks at Sanrio implanted it in my brain.

It is my birthday weekend (I am now 987 years old!) and I have been celebrating in "Golden Girls" style with a weekend in Boca Raton, Florida.  It is my first visit to Boca Raton and as I had guessed - it's much nicer than Tampa with better Jewish deli options.  I love a good Jewish deli.  When I visit New York, I always make sure there is time for some matzo ball soup.  

Amidst the "celebration of me," I have also taken some time to catch up on my own personal journal writing.  For about 3 months straight I wrote in my journal every day.  Then in May, I fell off the wagon and have been very bad about writing.  I am trying to get back in the habit.  

My brain functions so much better when I give it the chance to "offload" all the junk in my head via journal writing.  In keeping with this "deep thoughts" mood, a couple things happened this weekend that have me thinking about life and the things we take for granted.

Today I read a sad story about a 29 year old woman, Faigy Mayer, in the tech field who committed suicide.  According to the story, five years prior she had left her ultra-Orthodox Hasidic community.  In doing so, her family severed all ties with her.  Although in leaving the community, she - as a woman - was now free to pursue a career in technology without religious oppression (some ultra-Orthodox communities do not allow women to have access to smartphones), the price of losing most of her family seemed to weigh heavily on her.  

In Boca Raton, I visited the Morikami Museum and Japanese Gardens and the so delicious, it hurts Kapow Noodle Bar.  It was a very "Asian" birthday celebration for me.  I thought a lot about my parents during my birthday celebration - how they would both very much enjoy the lovely Japanese gardens and the amazingly delicious noodle bar.  

I read about the first Japanese farming settlement in Florida - "Yamato."  According to the Morikami Museum, almost all of the Japanese settlers returned to Japan after frustrated farming in Florida.  (And no, I didn't mean for that to have an alliterative air - it just happened.)  My mother was an immigrant to America and I wonder how many times in her first early years here did she perhaps wish she was back in her homeland.  

When I spent a month in Malaysia, after two weeks I went to a Western grocery store and purchased diet Coke, a baguette and some Brie.  I was so tired of fish and noodles for most of my meals.  I wanted to embrace my Western heritage - and evidently my Western heritage is chemical-laden soft drinks and French food.  ;-)

With these thoughts of family and cultural struggles, I read the sad story about Faigy Mayer.  It really hit home for me just how much I take my parents' support and encouragement for granted.  They fully support the career choices my sister and I make and have never put restrictions on what we can or cannot do as women.  (And yes, we both have smartphones.)  

To think that there are people who are ending their lives because they do not have the support that I, myself, take for granted - there are no words for that depth of sadness.  I will say that the human race may not always get the family we need and so for those who do not have support and acceptance, they should build their own family of friends who love and nurture them.  Faigy Mayer reportedly echoed this in her Facebook post.  

There's a saying that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I finally saw the documentary "Amy" about singer Amy Winehouse - who died of acute alcohol poisoning (and it has been speculated that her death may also have occurred due to weakened condition from the effects of alleged long term bulimia) four years ago this past weekend.  She had so much talent, I wanted to reach through the screen and somehow bring her back to life.  With people who commit suicide, I have the same hopeless feeling - like I want to turn back the clock and save them from themselves.

But I can't.  

No one can.  

Instead on this "Parents' Day" (who decides these holidays??), I am thinking about all the consistent love, support and encouragement I take for granted from my parents - and wish to thank them for always being there.  My sister and I are truly lucky - and so many others do not have what we have.

Deep thoughts for a Sunday!  I hope you are having a great weekend, LilyOnTheLam readers!  And as always, thank you for reading!        

P.S.  Hours after posting this, I watched the season premiere "I Am Cait" about Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce Jenner.  She also talked about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I realized that the post I had written earlier today could also ring true for issues in the transgender community.  I read this opinion article on CNN.com about an internet meme Director Peter Berg posted.  I like Peter Berg's work very much, so the opinion article made me sad but I absolutely agree with the author's statements.

More Lily in More Locations

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I have been out and about having world adventures again, so if you're missing my LilyOnTheLam.Com posts - you only need to hop on over to AllAboutTheTea.Com to catch up on your weekly dose of Lily Snark.

Read about my Bravo TV "Million Dollar Listing: San Francisco" recaps at AllAboutTheTea.Com by pressing here.

I love me some Bravo TV "Million Dollar Listing" reality television shows.  I prefer MDL- New York to MDL-Miami or MDL-Los Angeles but I think MDL-San Francisco has forged a new way into my heart.  And not just because every time real estate agent Roh Habibi comes on screen, I yell out "Ruh-Roh" like a drunken Scooby Doo with Tourette's.  

If you love reality TV, check out AllAboutTheTea.Com.  It's a great site for all things reality TV and reality TV news.  And now it's even better because I'm back doing episode recaps!  

One More Reason To Feel Like An Under-Achiever

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I am back in the United States after my business trip/vacation to Campinas, Hortolandia and Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.  I ate so much meat and deep fried foods that I decided upon touching ground in the United States that a strict diet would go into effect.  And then I ate a box of Trader Joe's "Gone Bananas" frozen dark chocolate covered bananas (see my review here).  So much for that strict diet.

While waiting in the Viracopos airport (the new International terminal still under construction), I watched the documentary "Paladar" about two University of Southern California students who opened an illegal, underground restaurant in their apartment. 

The documentary was good, but it made me miss my wayward youth AND it made me feel like a complete underachiever.  My senior year of college, I worked as a House Fellow (a.k.a. Resident Assistant) in the dorms while working as a receptionist in a real estate office on the weekends (usually hungover) and going to class full-time.  My worldview was too small to even imagine doing something as revolutionary as running an illegal restaurant out of my home.  I was lucky if I could manage to cook a packet of Lipton Noodles and Sauce in my hot pot!

If you're looking for an interesting documentary or a reason to make yourself feel like an uninspired, under-achiever - check out the movie "Paladar."  I rented it on iTunes.  It's an interesting flick.        

My Cats Are Going To Freak

Hello LilyOnTheLam.com Readers!

My latest adventures took me to Brazil - where I was in Hortolandia, Campinas and Rio De Janeiro.  When I was a young child, my biggest wish was that one day I would be able to see the world.  This trip was my first venture into South America and it has been a fabulous experience.  My inner child is very happy!

When I arrived in Rio, the stereo in my head started alternating between Barry Manilow's "Copacabana" and the song "The Girl from Ipanema."  Staying right on Avenida Atlantica across from Copacabana Beach was a true delight.

I spent Sunday afternoon walking along Ipanema Beach.  It was around 85 degrees and this is WINTER in Rio!  Yikes, I'd hate to be here during the 100+ degree summer!  

Rio De Janeiro - July 2015

After several miles, I decided hydration was much needed and I stopped at one of the beachfront mini bars.  Along most of Ipanema beach, you can get an entire coconut for 5 Brazilian Reais.  (Less than $2 USD)  I was quite happy slurping up coconut water from my freshly macheted coconut, when a young couple and their dog sat down at the table across from me.  

I noticed they bought 3 coconuts - one for him, one for her and one for ... yes, the dog!  A cutie named Gira.  

Count them - one, two, THREE coconuts

All I could think was if my cats were here they would NOT be amused that this little dog gets its own coconut and gets to sit on a chair at the table.  I thought I had some spoiled animals, but Gira the dog is pretty darn lucky!  

Gira the Dog 

They say the Carioca (Rio citizens) lifestyle is pretty sweet, but evidently the Carioca Dog Lifestyle is even better!

The Laid Back Breakfast Sandwich - Haight Street, San Francisco, CA

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I am obsessed with good breakfast sandwiches.  I remember a million years ago, a woman who will forever be known as "Little Jen" and I worked for a financial institution in St. Paul, Minnesota.  Neither of us were enamored with the job, but their cafeteria made amazing breakfast sandwiches on Texas Toasts.  Thank goodness no Executive ever asked me what I enjoyed about working for the company, because I would have said "The breakfast sandwiches - and nothing else."

I was walking along Haight Street in San Francisco.  The Haight street area has so much history and ghosts that it reminds me a lot of Bourbon Street in New Orleans.  You can literally feel the ghosts of generations as you walk down the street.  (Check out my run in with a ghost in New Orleans in this blog post linked here.) 

For another great restaurant review in the Haight-Ashbury area, check out my blog post on The Sparrow.  As I walked along Haight Street, a small restaurant called "Kate's Kitchen" caught my eye.  It looked laid back with a large menu.  I was sold.

Unfortunately I didn't realize until after I sat down that it was "cash only."  The menu looked so good, I wanted to order EVERYTHING.  But I'm never one to carry much cash on me, so my breakfast options would be dictated by the price.  I ordered a breakfast sandwich with Kate's Kitchen's homemade sausage and hash browns with a cup of mint tea.

The service was friendly.  The atmosphere was very chill.  The decor laid back - a little grungy, but overall homey.  And the FOOD -- ohhhh the toasted bun on the breakfast sandwich was both sweet and savory.  The homemade sausage had a nice spice to it, but not overwhelming.  The fresh hash browns were crispy with a nice fresh potato flavor.  Win, win, win.

I didn't have any specific encounters with ghosts as I had breakfast at Kate's Kitchen but I had a very good breakfast sandwich, which is tops in my book!

If you're in San Francisco, check out this quaint little joint.

French Exclamations! Brunch in Berkeley, California

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I am the Queen of Procrastination - and one of the fall out effects of this is that sometimes I find a great restaurant and by the time I get around to writing about it - the restaurant has closed.  Because I practice egomania on a somewhat regular basis, I then feel great dismay that my procrastination has somehow contributed to the downfall of the restaurant.

In late February/early March 2015, I had the great pleasure of spending a couple weeks in Berkeley, California.  Once upon a time in my misspent youth, I had lived very briefly in San Francisco, California.  I worked at a software company in Alameda where I did the most boring administrative work and the only true bright spot of my day was discovering California gourmet burritos.  Growing up in Minnesota, I had never had a truly amazing burritos.  California burritos were life-changing to me.

Although I lived in San Francisco and worked in Alameda, I didn't spend much time exploring beyond the two cities.  Several weeks in collegiate, chill Berkeley sounded amazing - and like I was finally catching up on my Northern California sightseeing.

I stayed at the Doubletree Hotel by Hilton Berkeley Marina location.  If you're looking for a fabulous, scenic place to stay in Berkeley; I highly recommend it.  Nestled by a state park, overlooking a marina stocked with yachts, sailboats and sophisticated houseboats and on a bus line - it was convenient, beautiful and in a nice location.  Plus the hotel staff was SUPER courteous.  I stay in a lot of Doubletree hotels and the Berkeley Marina's staff was in the top five percent of quality customer service, in my experience.

Since I had spent the winter stuffing myself with goulash, Viennese pastries and Polish pierogis as I worked in Eastern Europe; I was in need of a diet and copious amounts of exercise.  My hotel was a 3 mile walk into the center of town and I took advantage of the gorgeous Bay Trail to walk as much as I could.

One area that I very much enjoyed walking to was the Berkeley Fourth Street Shopping Area.  About 2/3 of the way to the shops, I would pass by a man who was standing on the street twisting spare wires into some sort of statue.  He looked homeless and wore heavy clothing although it was unseasonably warm in Northern California.  I didn't know if he was a homeless artist or a bored street person.  But he didn't bother me, so I wasn't going to bother him.  I'd walk by him twice a day, several times a week.

On a glorious Sunday, I enjoyed walking along the Fourth Street shops.  The air was filled with my favorite fragrance ... Sunday Brunch!  I was torn ... I was trying to eat healthy BUT I have never met a Sunday brunch food that I didn't like.  I was trying to stay strong, but then the menu at Zut! Tavern on 4th Street caught my eye.  I love all things New Orleans and Zut! was advertising fresh BEIGNETS on their menu.  (Beignets are little French donuts, typically served in New Orleans.  Read about my adventures with beignets at Cafe Du Monde here.)

When I was in high school French class, we learned the French exclamation "Zut alors!"  It can mean something akin to Damn!  Shoot!  Or even "shucks" depending on how foul the dictionary you are consulting is.  I loved the exclamation "Zut alors!" so much that I said it constantly as I had a French version of Tourette's.  

Beignets at a place called Zut!?  I had to stop and have brunch there! 

Now it is currently July 2015 and I dined at Zut! in February 2015.  When I decided to finally get around to writing about my great Sunday Brunch, I looked online and saw that Zut! is listed as being temporarily closed.  Perhaps new management or summer vacation?  Either way I am hoping Zut! reopens soon because the restaurant is awesome and the food is tasty.  Darn me and my procrastination in writing!  Keep your eye on their website for more details. 

In my drive to be more health conscious, I decided in February to give up caffeine and alcohol.  I am not a big time drinker, but I also hate feeling deprived ... so I am pissy not to be able to enjoy a cocktail from time to time.  However I have been drinking decaf coffee (which yes I know has a little caffeine, shoot me - I'm not a saint) and "mock tails" instead of cocktails.  So at Zut! I ordered a cup of decaf and a virgin Bloody Mary.

I have to say that this virgin Bloody Mary was one of the tastiest Bloody Mary cocktails I have ever had ... and I have had a lot of them! 

I ordered the beignet starter.  It said the hot fresh French donuts would be accompanied with a side of jelly.  I had never had beignets with anything other than excessive mounds of powdered sugar, so I wasn't sure what to expect.  Nor did I know how many beignets were in an order.  So I was a little surprised when the waitress set down this platter.

Five, fresh fried, huge fluffy beignets with a side of raspberry jelly.  Ohhhh how I wish you could smell the gloriousness of these beauties.  The beignets were so huge!  This picture doesn't adequately convey how humongous each beignet was.  And oh how tasty.  I tried a little of the jelly on a piece of beignet and I was hooked.  As if the fried donuts needed more sugar ... but the combination of hot donut with sweet jelly was oh so good.

I was sitting outdoors on Zut's sidewalk patio and the Sunday shoppers who walked past me all stared at me with stomach envy as they watched me nibble on these glorious beignets.  A couple people actually stopped, asked me what I was eating and then came into the restaurant to order them too.  Zut! should have given me a finder's fee!  The combination of hot strong coffee, spicy virgin Bloody Mary and these fatty, sweet beignets were like a breakfast explosion of flavor.

I could have shoved every one of these hot beignets in my stomach, but I had ordered an entree as well.  I begged the waitress to box up the rest of the beignets for me, so I would not eat them.

Next came my entree ... I love a good breakfast pizza so I could not resist when I saw that Zut! had a sausage pizza topped with eggs and arugula.

The crust on this pizza was to die for.  They say that Florida (where I live) does not have good pizza crust because the water quality mixed with the flour just doesn't work.  I don't know if that is true, but I do know that Zut's pizza crust was perfection.

The sausage had a nice zip and fat content, which went well with the peppery arugula and the medium-cooked eggs.  Again, I could have eaten this entire pizza - but I had to stop myself.  I asked the waitress to box up the rest of my pizza as well.  I had had a very good Sunday brunch, but I didn't want to overdo it.  I've been trying to become "all things in moderation" gal.  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail.

When I had first seen that my beignet order had five fat beignets, I had decided that I would box up some of my meal and give it to the gentleman in the heavy wool coat who was six blocks away using pliers to fasten scrap pieces of metal to a bigger piece of metal.  I patted myself on the back thinking I was doing a good deed PLUS not stuffing myself with too much food.

I walked the six blocks to where the gentleman was, thinking of myself as quite the good-doer.  But as I stepped closer to the gentleman, I thought "Um, what if this guy is not homeless?  What if he's some random Berkeley hippie just making art on the street corner?  What if I offered him food and offended the heck out of him?"  I was feeling less of a good-doer and more of a dumbass.  I basically just stopped about four feet from the gentleman with my fancy handled bag of leftovers from Zut!, looking befuddled.

I took a deep breath and thought "just go for it, dumbass!"  I thought that saying "I have leftover beignets and arugula breakfast pizza" would sound ridiculously pretentious, so I just managed to squeak out: "Um, I have some leftover donuts and pizza - do you want it?"  The gentleman looked up from his wire twisting and shook his head.

"Oh ... ok."  I said.  Now truly feeling like a dumbass.  I started walking away and the man called out after me.  

"What kind of pizza is it?"

I turned around and started walking back toward him.  "Sausage and arugula" I said.  He shrugged and held out his hand.  I handed him the bag of leftovers, then quickly walked away as if I felt like he might change his mind.  The food was incredibly good, so I do hope he was able to enjoy it.  Maybe one day I'll find out that he was an eccentric millionaire who spent his day twisting scrap wire and looking for good people.  But I highly doubt it.  

Regardless, I had an amazing Sunday brunch at Zut! Tavern on Fourth and I hope it reopens soon.         

Disconnect From The Digital

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I was recently in New York seeing "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" for the sixth time on Broadway.  Since I have seen it so often, I instantly noticed that 2 of the band members were different.  One of the band members I had seen in the prior five productions had "Smurf Blue" hair, so it was easy to spot that he was missing.  Lena Hall was also no longer in the show - so the two main leads - Darren Criss and Rebecca Naomi Jones were also new to me.

The great thing about Hedwig is that they tend to throw in new jokes, so even though I have seen the show six times (by far the most I have EVER seen of one Broadway musical) I feel like each show was new and fresh.

Take for instance the opening speech by Yitzhak - where Rebecca Naomi Jones, in character tells the audience to turn off any cell phones, pagers or surveillance devices (pronounced duh-vee-suhs).  To this speech, they had added a new part that especially spoke to me.  

To paraphrase it was something like: 

"Don't try to curate the present or fetishize the past because you're afraid there is no future.  BE HERE NOW." 

In other words, stop trying to document everything - pictures, video - just enjoy the moment you are in.

I was recently at a concert and I swear I spent 92% of the time videoing and photographing the band.  I had to force myself to put my phone away and actually "be there now" in the moment - enjoying the show.

Then earlier in the week, The Tampa Bay Times published an article on disconnecting from social media and enjoying the outdoors.  I felt like once again the universe was trying to send me a message.

The whole "don't try to curate the present" definitely got me because I do feel like I am "capturing" the moment constantly - where I go, what I do, who I am with ... a lot is potential material for this blog.  But really, I should be focusing on just enjoying the moment for what it is.

Deep thoughts to ponder!  Thanks a lot Hedwig and the Angry Inch for making me think!  (And yes, I am saying that sarcastically!) 

The Law of Attraction and Savory Turkish Pastry

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

Happy Independence Day - July 4th!  I was recently in New York City which is like Heaven for a foodie like me.  Ever since I spent an amazing week and a half in Turkey several years ago, I have been a devoted fan to all foods Turkish.  Living in Tampa Bay, I don't have a wide choice of Turkish restaurants.  Gengiz Khan Turkish Grill and Restaurant works in a pinch, but if I am really jonesing for Turkish food I have to drive to Orlando to go to my favorite "local" Turkish restaurant, Bosphorous Turkish Cuisine (my favorite is the one in Orlando but the Winter Park location is nice too).

While in New York, one of my favorite Turkish restaurants is ABA Restaurant.  It is unassuming, chill and relaxed with tasty food.  But one of my favorite things to do would be to get a cheese gozleme from "Mmmm... Enfes" Turkish bakery.

Gozleme is like a very thin Turkish flatbread or doughy crepe that is rolled up on itself with toppings and grilled.  I love a simple cheese and herb filled gozleme.  It is filling and satisfying.

A couple months ago I was on my way to Budapest for work with a layover at JFK airport.  Since I now associate NYC with Turkish food, when I heard I was stopping at JFK I instantly said to myself "I wish I had time to go into the city to buy a gozleme."  

As it turned out, my flight into JFK was delayed and I had to run to my gate to make sure I didn't miss my connecting flight.  But guess what was across from my gate?  A Turkish bakery in JFK selling GOZLEME!  Seriously?  Is this a dream?  Is this a mirage?  Did my stomach magically conjure up a Turkish bakery stand?  When did my belly learn how to do something else other than retain large amounts of abdominal fat?

I realized that it did not make sense to question the miracle.  I needed to ENJOY the miracle.  I ordered two gozleme to go and then jumped back in the line to board the plane.  As my plane headed to Paris (and then a connecting flight to Budapest), I was connecting my mouth to a hot, savory and rich gozleme.  My magical belly was very happy.

So last week I was back in New York City and my stomach was craving Turkish food again.  I decided to run out to Mmmm... Enfes bakery for ... you guessed it ... gozleme.  I went online to Google the address when I saw a note that the Turkish bakery was "permanently closed." 

I let out a wail so loud - a repeat of the tragic sorrow I felt when I learned that the Australian chain of savory and sweet mini pies called "Pie Face" had closed all of their NYC stores.  WHY? WHY? WHY?  Oh the tremendous sadness of it all!

I was disgruntled, but I was also hungry.  I decided to walk down to Herald Square and look for lunch alternatives.  I also needed to do some clothes shopping as my haphazard packing for the NYC trip led me to pack all the wrong clothes for the unseasonable cool late June 2015 weather. 

I went to Macy's Herald Square and grumpily dove through floor after floor of clothing.  I actually found some great deals, but I'm like an angry toddler when I am hungry.  I was pissy and unruly.

After having an internal hissy fit, I gathered my bags from three different stores and set out to finally find some lunch.  My frown turned upside down when I realized that Urban Space NYC was holding their annual "Broadway Bites" event - where local restaurants have booths to sell their amazing food.  (I am a sucker for Red Hook Lobster Pound's booth!) 

My stomach grew sad as I realized that last June 2014 I had been at this very spot, enjoying a cheese gozleme and tart cherry juice from the Mmmm... Enfes Turkish Bakery booth at "Broadway Bites."  Then I looked up ... and guess what I saw?

THE MMMM.... ENFES TURKISH BAKERY BOOTH!  I guess their storefront is closed but the booth for this one month foodie event still lives on!

I ran over and ordered a cheese gozleme with conviction and vigor!

 I was so excited to get my cheese gozleme that I did not take a fancy, pretty picture of it - and as such my poor gozleme looks like the creature from Alien - but let me assure you, it tasted WONDERFUL.

I will be honest, I would rather my magical belly be able to pick billion dollar lottery winning numbers than make Turkish bakery stands appear out of thin air.  But since I can't choose my magic, I am just going to be grateful that at least twice in my life I have really wanted gozleme and then they magically appeared.  I'll take whatever "Law of Attraction" benefits I can conjure up.  

So on this Independence Day, I am repurposing it as Gratitude Day.  I am grateful for my health, happiness, family, friends and my magic belly!  I wish you all the best of everything in your lives!  Thank you for reading!

Not Your Every Day Room Service

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I know it's been a "cruel summer" in terms of limited number of new LilyOnTheLam blog posts.  I have been traveling a lot and having a LOT of fun.  My iPhone camera (Facebook and Instagram accounts too) have been capturing lots of pictures, but I have not made blog writing a priority.  However this week I uploaded several new LilyOnTheLam posts to ring in the July 4th holiday in style!  I hope you have been enjoying reading them as much as I have enjoyed living the adventures behind the stories!

In May, I drove to Miami and then flew to the Turks and Caicos Islands for an amazing vacation.  I was a huge British Virgin Islands fan, but now I think the "TCI" has replaced the "BVI" in my heart!  I had the best time.  My hotel (Ports of Call Resort) was awesome.  The locals were fabulous.  It was just an excellent time all around.

I stayed one night in Miami at the Doubletree by Hilton Hotel Miami Airport and Convention Center.  Nice property with a small but nice pool, a great breakfast buffet and large, clean rooms.  Plus very convenient to the airport with a small shopping mall attached to the hotel.  All good things!

I was so exhausted when I arrived at the Doubletree, I just wanted to order room service for dinner and watch TV.  Now usually hotel room service menus seem to have the same old, same old - soup, sandwiches, pizza, an overpriced steak, etc.  But on this particular evening, I ordered a caprese salad with shrimp and this arrived ...

So simple - perfectly ripe thick tomato slices, two thick firm slices of fresh mozzarella, on a bed of greens with 3 buttery shrimp, 2 slices of sourdough bread and a generous slosh of balsamic vinegar and herbs.  Simple, easy and yet oh so tasty.  I made a mental note to make this salad the next time I had friends over for dinner.  Easy but awesomely delicious are the types of summer recipes I like to prepare.  

I feel like this room service salad set the tone for my entire vacation - simple yet elegant, natural and good.  This was an A+ meal in my book and not what I am used to getting from room service!  Thank you, Doubletree!

New Product Wednesday on a Thursday: Tajin Clasico Seasoning

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

As it is a shortened holiday week in the United States, I am all screwed up on my days and as such I am doing my "New Product Review Wednesday" (products that are new or new to me) on a Thursday!  It's just CRAZY land, here at LilyOnTheLam!

Growing up glued to the television set, I am particularly susceptible to advertising of any kind.  On my Instagram account, one of the people I follow I swear is some sort of paid or unpaid brand ambassador for Tajin Clasico Seasoning.  Every day she would post a picture of whatever fruit she was eating that day, sprinkled lovingly with Tajin.  And each day, I would drool a little more.

I had no idea what Tajin Clasico Seasoning was, but I HAD TO HAVE IT.

A quick search on the internet explained that Tajin is a mix of dried chili peppers, sea salt and dehydrated lime juice.  It's supposed to add a spicy, citrus salt kick to fruit and other food stuffs.

In case Tajin needs a "Spokescat,"
Mr. Rufus T. "Chibby" Chibs
is on standby 

Now I am not actively seeking new ways to introduce salt into my diet ...

Hypocrisy check side note:  OK OK I will admit that at my last dinner party, I served vodka marinated grape tomatoes with four dipping salts - truffle, alderwood smoked, chipotle and black Hawaiian lava salt.  And these 24 hour vodka soaked drunken tomatoes with festive salt pairings were the HIT of the party.  Especially since I served them with 
Fred and Friends LIP SERVICE Mustache Toothpicks (which can be found at my Amazon Affiliate link).  

But in general, I am not trying to add more salt into my diet.  But the Instagram Tajin Lover's daily pictures were more than I could stand!  I went on to Amazon.com and found a ten pack of mini "purse-size" bottles of Tajin Clasico Seasoning.     

This Amazon affiliate link is actually for a 2 pack of 10 minis to go, so I assume that is 20 little bottles!  Tajin Seasoning with Lime 10 Minis to Go, 10/.35 Oz. Bottles (2 pack)

Did I need TEN mini bottles?  No, but they didn't sell them in packs of one.   

So yes, I had become THAT woman who carries condiments in her purse.  As if being an elderly, spinster cat lady wasn't appealing enough!  And if the product didn't taste good, well I knew what I would be handing out to the neighborhood kids at Halloween.  (Ohhh my reputation gets worse and worse!)

My tiny little bottles of pepper-lime-salt seasoning arrived from Amazon and after taking a few minutes to pretend I was a giant, I tried the Tajin on fresh cut watermelon.

Oooof I am in trouble because this stuff is TASTY on fruit!  Citrusy, spicy with a punch of salt - on fresh, cold, perfectly ripe and sweet watermelon ... it is my new snack obsession.  I try not to overdo it with the Tajin - as I said, I am not trying to invent new ways to add salt into my diet - but wow, is it good!  

If you're looking for some zip to your fresh fruit or other food items, check out Tajin Clasico Seasoning.  It's delicious!

P.S.  I have added Amazon Affiliate links to some of my blog posts.  If you like LilyOnTheLam and want to try some of the products I mention, please try them through my Amazon Affiliate links program to help me continue running LilyOnTheLam.  Thank you!

Selective Memory ... The Search For Mega-Size Desserts Continues

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Way back in October 2012, I wrote a post about my friend's husband who I refer to as "The DW" (short for "The Dog Whisperer" - I won't explain why he has this nickname, because I want to force you to read the old post and increase my click count!  I'm evil, I tell ya!)  

The 2012 post was about The DW and his "Big Green Egg" grilling system contraption/space machine.  I enjoy this old post because it combines my two favorite things - grilling and admissions of my own personal insanity.

It seems that every three years, I am legally required to write about "The DW" (although let's be honest, the post is ALL ABOUT ME, loosely disguised as being about someone else ... so here goes ... catch ya next time in 2018, DW!)

When I was young (about 974 years ago), I had a photographic memory.  However each year I aged (sadly and unattractively!), I seemed to lose a little more of this amazing memory.  I recall in high school French class I could visualize what page number certain vocabulary words were listed on in my textbook but I might not be able to remember the actual English translation.  

(Which by the way was not a great hinderance because I learned that if I spoke English but with an abrupt nasally accent and a look of haughty disdain, usually the French would understand me.  This also may be why they hate Americans ... just a thought.)

As I continue to age I find that my brain only holds on to the most trivial of memories.  In fact, I have several friends who tend to interrogate me for details - none of which my brain feels important enough to remember.  

At some point during the interrogation I usually let out a shriek and scream "NO, NO, I DON'T KNOW!  I HAVE A "ONE IN, ONE OUT" POLICY FOR MY BRAIN!  IF I REMEMBER WHAT COLOR SO AND SO'S COUSIN'S HUSBAND'S DENTIST'S SWEATER WAS; I WON'T REMEMBER HOW TO DRIVE TO VILLAGE INN!"  

And if you know anything about LilyOnTheLam, forgetting how to get to the 24 hour pancake restaurant would be a fate worse than death!

It has actually become quite amusing what I choose to remember and what my brain just doesn't have the bandwidth to retain.  A perfect example is a little tidbit that I am pretty sure I have held onto for several years now.

"The DW" attended graduate school on the East Coast of Florida.  One very innocent day, he posted a picture or a link or made reference to an ice cream parlor he liked on the eastern coast of Florida on his Facebook page.  

That ice cream parlor?  Jaxson's Ice Cream Parlour and Restaurant of Dania Beach, Florida.  The mention of this ice cream parlor (or "parlour" if you enjoy an extra "u" - and really, who doesn't enjoy a superfluous "u" on occasion?) embedded in my brain like a diseased tick.  No sharp tweezers were going to pull the thought of an ice cream parlour from my brain.

Jaxson's makes homemade ice cream and serves it in ridiculously large serving sizes.  I may not be able to name all the Amendments to the US Constitution, but my brain thought it was absolutely imperative to remember the name of this ice cream parlour/parlor in case I was ever near Dania Beach, Florida.

Several years went by and then suddenly one day I found myself in Miami.  Which with my lifestyle, this is not an odd occurrence to find myself in other cities.  Like the old movie "Sybil," I find myself just waking up in other cities.  

Two weeks ago I was in Raleigh-Durham.  I woke up in a hotel and had absolutely no idea where I was, who I was or what this whole world was all about.  

It took about five minutes for me to figure out that I am LilyOnTheLam (which is pretty awesome).  

I was in a Doubletree Hotel (yay free cookies!).  

I was in North Carolina.  (Um, ok.)

I was on a business trip for work.  (Pfft - annoying.)

And most importantly, I had packed everything I needed.
WHEW!  (Oh and I still remembered how to drive to the nearest pancake house!  Double whew!)

But for this particular trip to Miami, I was on a mission to go to the Brazilian consulate.  I was desperately trying to get the officials to change their currently 5 week visa processing time to 2 weeks as I have to go to Brazil for work.  (Where are my free cookies?)

My face was a combination of sadness, devastation and yet hopeful optimism regarding the potential levels of kindness and compassion of Brazilian consulate workers.  

For the record, this was exhausting.  

Ninety percent of the time, my face is in permanent "bitchy resting face" - so trying to mold my hardened features to approximate some level of hopefulness, caring and kindness is quite a feat.  I'm worn out just thinking about it!  

Even though I arrived 15 minutes before the Visa office opened, I was like 40th in line for the two hour window that the Brazilian visa team was entertaining in person visits.  

I will say that the guard at the door was extremely nice, but that's really all I will say about my experience at the Consulate until I get my Visa!  Kidding!  JUST KIDDING!  

Lucky for me, I brought a big book.  Unlucky for me, the book was a lame rip off of "Fight Club" and annoyed me more than the "2 open windows for 100 people" Brazil visa line.

Side note:  As of the writing of this post, I have still not received my Brazilian visa - BUT I AM OPTIMISTIC!  That's all I can be right now.

After the ordeal at the Brazilian consulate, my selective memory whispered out to me: "Hey, you're on the East Coast of Florida - how about you check out that place The DW mentioned on Facebook 97 years ago?  The one with the ginormous bowls of ice cream?"  

When I am sad, frustrated, blue, angry or whatever - five words always make me smile.

Ginormous

Bowls 

Of 

Ice

Cream

I grabbed my GPS and set out to chart my course to this mythical sounding "Dania Beach, Florida."  Thanks to DW, this day in Miami did not have to be a total disaster.  There were calories that needed to be ingested and new pockets of fat that needed to blossom on my body!  To Jaxson's Ice Cream Parlour - STAT!

As I drove, I wondered what kind of homemade ice cream I would like to try.  (Pre-planning a BINGE is sooooo important!)  I knew that Jaxson's had a "kitchen sink" dessert - a gigantic vat of ice cream for four people that cost around $50.  Since I wasn't wearing my "stretchy pants" or a disguise, I thought that getting the "gigantic dessert for four people for one" was probably not the best idea.  

I mean, it's actually kind of a great idea but also it just begs for someone to take a picture and suddenly I am "Stressed Bitchy Resting Face Elderly Woman Devours Mega Sundae for Four After Annoying Brazilian Consulate Workers.  Video of the Horrific Gluttony at 11 p.m."  It's like my own personal immersion into Honey Boo Boo land.  

So maybe a dessert known to be a heroic feat for four people was not the sensible caloric choice for this lone gal from Tampa.  (Just maybe.)  But I did know that whatever I ordered at Jaxson's, I wanted marshmallow topping on it.  I am not a giant marshmallow topping fan, so I can only assume I was having some sort of marshmallow deficiency that day.  It's like anemia, but marshmallow related.  I'm pretty sure I read something like that on WebMD.  

I arrived at Jaxson's and was mesmerized by the circus like decor (which by the way, was my SECOND circus like restaurant I had visited in 2 days in the greater Miami area - everything is better under a "big top tent."  I'll write about my experience at Donut Divas - yes it's called "Donut Divas" in a later blog post!)  

I soon noticed that "The DW" had failed to mention Jaxson's sells Hello Kitty merchandise.  Evidently "The DW" doesn't share my ravenous love of all things comically cat-ish.

I sat down with the HUGE Jaxson's menu.  All the food seemed to be super-sized.  It was like The Cheesecake Factory menu on steroids.  At heart, I didn't want a one pound hot dog or a hamburger bigger than my head ... I just wanted a sundae.  

So I decided to throw out modern convention and just ordered a sundae as my entire lunch.  

The waitress asked "Do you want a free bowl of fresh popcorn with that?"  

"Well yes, sure."  I wasn't a savage after all.  Now my lunch had both food groups represented - popcorn and ice cream.  My diet is so healthy!

Now Jaxson's has a huge list of homemade ice cream flavors, but I have to admit that when the waitress came over I totally panicked.

There were just TOO MANY CHOICES!  There was a section titled "HUMONGOUS OFFERINGS."  Seriously?  "Spectacular Goblets ... Colossal Parfaits ..." and a giant section devoted just to HOT FUDGE SUNDAES.  

How could I be expected to choose something on my own?  Do the good people at Jaxson's not understand how feeble-minded I am?  I need to have the court appoint a guardian just to help me make ice cream choices in my best interest!  A "Guardian Ad Whipped Cream," I believe is the correct legal term.  

I could NOT decide.  My head was spinning.  Why, why, why was life so difficult?

My eyes scanned the list of sundaes and I chose one of the top ones on the list - because it had marshmallow topping and pound cake.  Who can say "no" to pound cake???

The sundae I ordered was called "Two On A Blanket" which sounded a little too sexual for me but also reminded me of sausage rolled up in a pancake (Pig In A Blanket).  I wondered if my sundae would be topped with a sausage instead of a cherry?

For the record, the Jaxson's menu describes the "Two On A Blanket" sundae as two cuts of pound cake with scoops of chocolate and vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, marshmallow, toasted almonds, whipped cream and cherries.  It's like a description of heaven.

What seemed like two seconds later, the waitress brought out THIS ...

Now I could lie to you and say that this sundae looks large because of the cropping of the photo or the moon's gravitational pull on the Earth, but I respect you and this sundae too much to turn to lying now.

THIS SUNDAE WAS FREAKING HUGE!   

If anything the picture above doesn't do justice to how freaking mammoth this sundae was ...  I seriously shrieked "OH MY LORD JESUS" when I saw it.  Other patrons oohed and ahhhed ... all eyes were on me and this monster sundae.

When the waitress set the "Two On A Blanket" down on the table, the sound of the THUD from the heft and weight of this sundae could be heard in neighboring counties!  Gee, I am glad I also have a giant bowl of popcorn just in case I get hungry!

The American flag toothpicks inserted into the top of the sundae served two purposes for me.  One, proof that I may be a glutton but I am a patriotic glutton. 

And two, I felt like I was doing my own exploration to the summit of Mount Ice Cream.  Instead of writing a book like Krakauer's "Into Thin Air," the depiction of my ice cream mountain odyssey was more "Into Fat Belly."  

But a noble and worthwhile trek, nonetheless ... or at least that's my opinion!

The vanilla ice cream was your normal standard vanilla ice cream.  But Jaxson's homemade chocolate ice cream was the stuff of a chocoholic's fevered dream.  

It was SO RICH, SO CHOCOLATEY, SO GOOD.  

I just kept shoveling the whipped cream, nuts and marshmallow topped chocolate ice cream into my mouth and making noises that I am ashamed to admit to here.  

Let's just say my fellow patrons at Jaxson's were significantly scandalized by the noises emerging from my ice cream coated mouth.  I also think they did an "I'll have what she's having" order as well!

This sundae was amazing.  The marshmallow topping was thick and marshmallow-y.  The pound cake was soft, fresh and buttery.  The ocean of whipped cream was lush and delicious -- and the toasted almonds were toasted, crunchy perfection.  This sundae was a WINNER.

The year 2016 will be Jaxson's SIXTIETH anniversary.  In a time where restaurants seem to come and go in a blink of an eye, it is good to know that a place that serves gigantic sundaes is still giving Florida it's all!  

I would like to return to Jaxson's next year and try another one of their ginormous sundaes in honor of their 60th anniversary.  I think if I start working out today and don't stop until 2016, I may just burn off the calories I ingested from just a mere portion of my giant Two On A Blanket sundae.  (A girl can dream!)

The moral of this story is that as one gets older and more things fight for space in our consciousness, do yourself a tremendous favor and only hold on to the information that serves you well.  

And in this case, the information that serves me the best is the location of a homemade ice cream parlor that serves portions as big as my body!  Thank you DW for turning me on to this Ice Cream Wonderland!

If you're on the east coast of Florida, make it a priority to check out Jaxson's Ice Cream Parlour ... but don't forget to bring your stretchy pants and extra stomach!