I received a phone call tonight from someone for whom I was once briefly enamored. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes and then I cut the call short. After hanging up, I thought for a few minutes and then texted said gentleman the following message:
"Thanks for the call but I think it's better if we don't keep in touch."
I said a secret prayer that he wouldn't text back asking for an explanation because I wasn't sure how to nicely say "Because with each word out of your mouth, I have to fight back the urge to stab you in the eye and to stab myself for listening to you."
For better or worse, I tend to be like a light switch - I'm either "on" or "off." There is no in-between when it comes to romantic relationships. I know that I was once enchanted by this person, but it seems like a distant dream or something that happened to someone else. For the life of me, I don't see why I would have been interested at all. Which makes me a little sad. I feel like I am in a room filled with ghosts of emotions that I am not sure belonged to me.
But on the other hand, the call distracted me from my fuming. Once again proving that there is always a silver lining in everything. I had a crap day at work - a new person is getting incredibly spazzy because she doesn't fully understand her role and so she's churning the corporate air into an escalation froth of ginormous proportions. I just want to smack her and say "Stop creating chaos and for the love of God, stop throwing us all into the pit with you!" I was supposed to go to a meditation class tonight, but I was too busy fixing all the damage the new person caused that I could not go.
When I recently went to see the play Orphans on Broadway, I sat next to a little older woman who decided to treat herself to the play while her nieces were at the next door theater watching "Matilda - the Musical." I'm not sure how the topic arose but this woman said to me "Have you heard the saying -- Everyone should meditate 30 minutes a day - and if you don't have time to meditate 30 minutes a day, you should meditate for an hour a day!"
I laughed because that saying could perfectly describe me and what I have been feeling lately. I haven't been making meditation a priority and I so sorely need it. I feel emotionally weary. Like rats of confusion and doubt have been chewing on my soul. It's definitely some mid-life crisis questions. (I am 947 years old for heavens' sake. Even the undead are entitled to a mid-life crisis every now and again.) I have been telling myself for months (hell, years) now that I need to meditate. I'll do it once or twice and then another two years will go by.
I received a request to participate in a pilot for the upcoming website Happify.com - utilizing science to increase happiness. I have always had shades of crusty, bitter curmudgeon on me, but recently I feel like I have been wearing it from head to toe. Mega-curmudgeon. Not exactly who or what I want to be or project. So I found the invite to be of particularly coincidental timing - just when I decide I need to infuse a bit more happiness in my life I get an invitation to be a pilot member of a website that is suppose to help you find your happy? Evidently someone or something is watching out for me. (A reassuring thought if there ever was one!)
So I agreed to take part in Happify.com's pioneer program and try it for myself. This is day 2, so we shall see if a website can bring me closer to happiness.
The title of this blog post is "What to Keep, What to Throw Away." I chose this because I feel like often times we (or maybe just me?) hold on to things - people, emotions, bad memories, pain, material objects for all the wrong reasons. While I'm not currently in a relationship, to spend any time reconnecting with a failed relationship in the form of the once enamorable man mentioned above would be a waste of time. It was a poisonous relationship from the start. A second chance may briefly assuage any loneliness I may feel, but it would ultimately bring more unhappiness than happiness. And it certainly would not help me evolve from bitter curmudgeon to happier individual.
For me, I am deciding what nurtures my soul (throw that in the "keep" pile) and what and whom suck the life out of me (the "throw away" pile or dumpster as it may be.) It's not always an easy process, but it is worthwhile.
One aspect of Happify.com is to focus yourself on things you should be grateful for -- what inspires gratitude in you? The following picture is a painting I did at Painting with a Twist in Tampa. I am no great artist and my scene of Venice looks more like a 5 year old's interpretation, but it still makes me smile because I took time out for myself and created it.
With an attitude of gratitude, I will keep my painting and throw away those who - whether consciously or unconsciously - bring negativity instead of positivity into my life.
Happiness for all, dear readers!
"Thanks for the call but I think it's better if we don't keep in touch."
I said a secret prayer that he wouldn't text back asking for an explanation because I wasn't sure how to nicely say "Because with each word out of your mouth, I have to fight back the urge to stab you in the eye and to stab myself for listening to you."
For better or worse, I tend to be like a light switch - I'm either "on" or "off." There is no in-between when it comes to romantic relationships. I know that I was once enchanted by this person, but it seems like a distant dream or something that happened to someone else. For the life of me, I don't see why I would have been interested at all. Which makes me a little sad. I feel like I am in a room filled with ghosts of emotions that I am not sure belonged to me.
But on the other hand, the call distracted me from my fuming. Once again proving that there is always a silver lining in everything. I had a crap day at work - a new person is getting incredibly spazzy because she doesn't fully understand her role and so she's churning the corporate air into an escalation froth of ginormous proportions. I just want to smack her and say "Stop creating chaos and for the love of God, stop throwing us all into the pit with you!" I was supposed to go to a meditation class tonight, but I was too busy fixing all the damage the new person caused that I could not go.
When I recently went to see the play Orphans on Broadway, I sat next to a little older woman who decided to treat herself to the play while her nieces were at the next door theater watching "Matilda - the Musical." I'm not sure how the topic arose but this woman said to me "Have you heard the saying -- Everyone should meditate 30 minutes a day - and if you don't have time to meditate 30 minutes a day, you should meditate for an hour a day!"
I laughed because that saying could perfectly describe me and what I have been feeling lately. I haven't been making meditation a priority and I so sorely need it. I feel emotionally weary. Like rats of confusion and doubt have been chewing on my soul. It's definitely some mid-life crisis questions. (I am 947 years old for heavens' sake. Even the undead are entitled to a mid-life crisis every now and again.) I have been telling myself for months (hell, years) now that I need to meditate. I'll do it once or twice and then another two years will go by.
I received a request to participate in a pilot for the upcoming website Happify.com - utilizing science to increase happiness. I have always had shades of crusty, bitter curmudgeon on me, but recently I feel like I have been wearing it from head to toe. Mega-curmudgeon. Not exactly who or what I want to be or project. So I found the invite to be of particularly coincidental timing - just when I decide I need to infuse a bit more happiness in my life I get an invitation to be a pilot member of a website that is suppose to help you find your happy? Evidently someone or something is watching out for me. (A reassuring thought if there ever was one!)
So I agreed to take part in Happify.com's pioneer program and try it for myself. This is day 2, so we shall see if a website can bring me closer to happiness.
The title of this blog post is "What to Keep, What to Throw Away." I chose this because I feel like often times we (or maybe just me?) hold on to things - people, emotions, bad memories, pain, material objects for all the wrong reasons. While I'm not currently in a relationship, to spend any time reconnecting with a failed relationship in the form of the once enamorable man mentioned above would be a waste of time. It was a poisonous relationship from the start. A second chance may briefly assuage any loneliness I may feel, but it would ultimately bring more unhappiness than happiness. And it certainly would not help me evolve from bitter curmudgeon to happier individual.
For me, I am deciding what nurtures my soul (throw that in the "keep" pile) and what and whom suck the life out of me (the "throw away" pile or dumpster as it may be.) It's not always an easy process, but it is worthwhile.
One aspect of Happify.com is to focus yourself on things you should be grateful for -- what inspires gratitude in you? The following picture is a painting I did at Painting with a Twist in Tampa. I am no great artist and my scene of Venice looks more like a 5 year old's interpretation, but it still makes me smile because I took time out for myself and created it.
With an attitude of gratitude, I will keep my painting and throw away those who - whether consciously or unconsciously - bring negativity instead of positivity into my life.
Happiness for all, dear readers!
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