Dear LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:
I know that you all think that I lead an ultra-glamourous life (yes, I used the UK spelling - because I am Cosmopolitan!) I also know that each and every one of you have a shrine to me in your homes (you crazy stalkers, you!)
It is really difficult being so fabulous and so internationally loved, but it's worth it to do the "heavy lifting" to satisfy the little people - and yes, I mean you.
Unfortunately, every now and again, I am confronted by circumstances that prove that not everyone thinks I am the Supreme Center of the Universe (GASP! NO!) It is really heart-breaking to know that there is a small rogue faction of non-Lily-believers out there.
Today, this small, pissy army of hatefulness struck a blow against the almighty wonderfulness that is ME. Since returning from vacation in the British Virgin Islands, I have been having headaches. I realized that my vacation routine of easily accessible diet Cokes on the Yacht Promenade as well as the heavenly espressos and frozen coffee drinks that the adorable, fluffy-haired Captain Chad would make for me had re-triggered my caffeine addiction. Now back on land and with no soda, coffee, tea or other caffeine-laden drinks in my system, my brain was on REVOLT!
I decided to first try to wean myself from caffeine and just ride out the headaches, but by Day Four (today); I cracked. I went to my beautiful Keurig system (see my lovely, personal coffee/tea bar here) and made an iced coffee using Green Mountain's Espresso Blend K-cups. I noticed that I only had 4 of these wonderful, rich and bold K-cups left, so after sucking down an iced coffee (and feeling instantly better) I went online to order more. Only to discover the shocking truth ...
MY GREEN MOUNTAIN ESPRESSO BLEND K-CUPS HAVE BEEN DISCONTINUED!
Gasp! Wail! Gasp!
NO, NO, NO, NO!
Why? Why, oh Coffee Gods, why? Is it because so many brainless people thought the "espresso blend" would make actual espresso with a lovely crema? It's a Keurig brewer for God's sake, not an espresso machine! Why, why, why did you discontinue this flavor, Green Mountain? Do you hate me that much? Is there a picture of me in your office being used as a dart board?
I went on eBay - perhaps I could become a Green Mountain Espresso Blend hoarder - purchasing every last K-cup on Earth! One seller was auctioning off these K-cups but their "suggested use by date" was mid-2012. Argh!
The Green Mountain website recommended that as an alternative to the discontinued Espresso Blend, I try their "Dark Magic Extra Bold Coffee." Dark Magic? Am I a sexy witch? (Or sexy vampire, zombie, werewolf or voodoo doll? Was I a member of Slytherin House at Hogwarts?)
Is this what it has come down to -- I need to sell my soul to the Dark Arts to enjoy full-bodied coffee from my Keurig brewer? Green Mountain - not only did you take away one of my favorite flavors, but now you have put my soul in a moral dilemma!
Just because I watched every season of "Charmed," does not mean that I want to be a witch!
I have four beautiful Green Mountain Espresso Blend K-cups left. I may have to set up my home as an Apocalypse-proof bunker and guard these four precious beauties with my life.
I know that you all think that I lead an ultra-glamourous life (yes, I used the UK spelling - because I am Cosmopolitan!) I also know that each and every one of you have a shrine to me in your homes (you crazy stalkers, you!)
It is really difficult being so fabulous and so internationally loved, but it's worth it to do the "heavy lifting" to satisfy the little people - and yes, I mean you.
Unfortunately, every now and again, I am confronted by circumstances that prove that not everyone thinks I am the Supreme Center of the Universe (GASP! NO!) It is really heart-breaking to know that there is a small rogue faction of non-Lily-believers out there.
Today, this small, pissy army of hatefulness struck a blow against the almighty wonderfulness that is ME. Since returning from vacation in the British Virgin Islands, I have been having headaches. I realized that my vacation routine of easily accessible diet Cokes on the Yacht Promenade as well as the heavenly espressos and frozen coffee drinks that the adorable, fluffy-haired Captain Chad would make for me had re-triggered my caffeine addiction. Now back on land and with no soda, coffee, tea or other caffeine-laden drinks in my system, my brain was on REVOLT!
I decided to first try to wean myself from caffeine and just ride out the headaches, but by Day Four (today); I cracked. I went to my beautiful Keurig system (see my lovely, personal coffee/tea bar here) and made an iced coffee using Green Mountain's Espresso Blend K-cups. I noticed that I only had 4 of these wonderful, rich and bold K-cups left, so after sucking down an iced coffee (and feeling instantly better) I went online to order more. Only to discover the shocking truth ...
MY GREEN MOUNTAIN ESPRESSO BLEND K-CUPS HAVE BEEN DISCONTINUED!
Gasp! Wail! Gasp!
NO, NO, NO, NO!
Why? Why, oh Coffee Gods, why? Is it because so many brainless people thought the "espresso blend" would make actual espresso with a lovely crema? It's a Keurig brewer for God's sake, not an espresso machine! Why, why, why did you discontinue this flavor, Green Mountain? Do you hate me that much? Is there a picture of me in your office being used as a dart board?
I went on eBay - perhaps I could become a Green Mountain Espresso Blend hoarder - purchasing every last K-cup on Earth! One seller was auctioning off these K-cups but their "suggested use by date" was mid-2012. Argh!
The Green Mountain website recommended that as an alternative to the discontinued Espresso Blend, I try their "Dark Magic Extra Bold Coffee." Dark Magic? Am I a sexy witch? (Or sexy vampire, zombie, werewolf or voodoo doll? Was I a member of Slytherin House at Hogwarts?)
Is this what it has come down to -- I need to sell my soul to the Dark Arts to enjoy full-bodied coffee from my Keurig brewer? Green Mountain - not only did you take away one of my favorite flavors, but now you have put my soul in a moral dilemma!
Just because I watched every season of "Charmed," does not mean that I want to be a witch!
I have four beautiful Green Mountain Espresso Blend K-cups left. I may have to set up my home as an Apocalypse-proof bunker and guard these four precious beauties with my life.
P.S. Since I am the world's worst photo stylist, I decided to jazz up this picture by placing the remaining four K-cups on a lovely Coach travel jewelry box that the wonderful Miss LM gave me for my birthday. I then placed this in front of "Captain Francois Paddebear" that my sister Squidge purchased for me from the Pusser's Outpost on Tortola, BVI. And for that added zing, I positioned these items in front of a bunch of grapefruit because nothing says "Green Mountain has disappointed me spiritually" like a pile of citrus.
As I sip my 2nd iced coffee of the day (this time using Green Mountain's French Vanilla Brew Over Ice K-Cup), I can only ponder what else the Universe has in store for me. It would be so much easier if everyone just got with the program and supported that I am Queen of the Universe.
Is that so difficult?
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